GENERAL COSMIC
General Cosmic came to our planet in the 1950s as a teenager from the Andromeda galaxy. These days he head the Cosmic Intelligence Agency from his apartment in Central Austin. In his spare time, the General broadcasts his message to Earth people via Austin Access Television and numerous interviews on radio stations around the United Station. Lost Armadillos in Heat sent ace reporter Bob McBob on a mission to find out about the dreaded Grays, discover the magical secret of living in Austin, and end the speculation about UFO experiments once and for all. He reports: "Gen. Cosmic's apartment was sparsely furnished with photos of airplanes and some strangely glowing objects. Midway through the interview his cat, who has traveled to Andromeda as well, joined us. I kept my fazer on stun and cautiously proceeded to interview my first alien."
LAIH: What's your story?
COSMIC: When I came down here, I came down here as a walk in. In your time that would be in about the '50s, I would be a teenager. I joined the Air Force as basic personnel at Lackland Air Force Base. Then I moved into the area of intelligence. Some years later, I guess in the time of Kennedy, I began to realize I had the power of the CIA behind me. In the time of President Johnson I went to Franklin, Missouri, to meet with him. President Johnson assigned me ownership of all military forces in all government agencies down to the local police. He gave me control of the CIA--I decentralized it, kept it from being centrally located in Washington. I spread the intelligence out over the world. My unit is called the Cosmic Intelligence Agency, which is similar to the Central Intelligence Agency. Its initials are the CIA HQ. I am the owner and have been the owner since President Johnson gave me rights to it. In the meantime, President Johnson has died and Kennedy has died. I was also in the Bay of Pigs, by the way. That's when I came to realize I had some control in the government. There were two things President Johnson did. Number one, I received a blank check for doing star defense. It was not known by any source but the government. That's why the government agencies, the FBI, are now opening the door to this information, which was hidden for years. That comes down from me. Number one was X Files (a television show), the other is (Close) Encounters (of the Third Kind) . There are other movies that I'm promoting and bringing out into the open.
LAIH: Why are you in Austin?
COSMIC: Because it's centrally located in the United States and the world. It's closer to Andromeda from here than it would be from any other location. Also Bergstrom (Air Force Base) is given to us through the government, secretly, as a take-off and landing point for UFOs.
LAIH: Do you have your own spaceship?
COSMIC: We have our own platform. I can put it this way: we could fill up the sky with them.
LAIH: What kind of language do they speak in Andromeda?
COSMIC: The language back there is. . .Why don't you turn off the recorder and I'll get a tape. (gets tape) Our language is faster and more like a computer. (plays tape. The slurred word "righteous" can be made out). This is (the sound of) my children's classroom. I have 118. I have 59 boys and girls on Andromeda. I have a partial list. The first boy is Cosmic Wayne, the second one is Irwin Wayne, the third one is Jimmy Wayne (continues reading names of sons including Ricky Bob and Blue Sky).
LAIH: That's probably fine. Why were you sent here?
COSMIC: To get peace terms to set up the action of God coming.
LAIH: Who is God?
COSMIC: The one that created us. The one who created the world in the beginning of the whole situation. I'm a guardian angel, my wife is a guardian angel and we're down here to be a safety valve and stop people from losing their lives and not getting to go to Heaven. There is a Hell and a Heaven. Hell is kind of like a volcanic eruption and it burns all the time.
LAIH: How old are you?
COSMIC: I'm 58, your time. I'm older than that according to the Bible. Things we're talking about right now I can show you in the Bible where they're located. I just think about it and it gives me the answer.
LAIH: Tell me about Andromeda.
COSMIC: Andromeda is beautiful land. It's mountainous, it's got rolling hills, some water, some sea locations, what's called sea shores. The water is kind of like Lake Travis. Blue sky, blue water, blue grass. We're designing locations for people to be moved there from here. This world is definitely supposed to turn over and when it does, we're going to have to evacuate.
LAIH: What is this about a Stonehenge near here?
COSMIC: Stonehenge No. 2 and Stonehenge No. 1 are operating. I operate No. 2 near Kerrville. The purpose behind it is communications with UFOs and the universe.
LAIH: What do these UFOs look like?
COSMIC: They're saucer shaped and also elongated. It depends on what purpose we have for them.
LAIH: Do they have music in Andromeda?
COSMIC: We have music that we communicate with. If you see us flying overhead and we blink our lights red, blue and green, we're emotionally in a good mood. If it's red, we're angry. If it's green or blue, our mood's a little different.