DOGS IN CLOVER
"The More Things Change"
Show #9
TEASER
INT. COUNCIL HALL -- DAY
GABRIELLE and RHYSIS are sitting at the long table at the
end of the hall. The table is covered with half-unrolled
scrolls, and perhaps a couple of sandwiches. Gabrielle squints
at the scroll she is reading, and SIGHS.
GABRIELLE
You know...I'm beginning to think
they might be right about the
tradition.
RHYSIS
How so?
GABRIELLE
Because if I was a traditional Queen,
instead of asking everyone what they
thought about the issues, I could
just tell them what to think.
RHYSIS
Funny. I was just thinking the
opposite; how much more interesting
it is this way.
Gabrielle tries to roll up the scroll but the end of it gets
away from her and falls off the table, unrolling across the
floor.
GABRIELLE
That's one word for it.
RHYSIS
Cyane can't get over it. She loves
the way everyone's always debating
things now. They're getting as bad
as a bunch of Athenians.
GABRIELLE
They don't even have a King in Athens.
That's the way they run everything,
by people discussing and coming to
an agreement.
RHYSIS
It's rather inefficient.
GABRIELLE
It seems to work for them.
RHYSIS
Yes, but Athenians are weird. That's
a professional shaman opinion, of
course.
GABRIELLE
Joxer's from Athens.
(a beat)
Okay, I see your point.
Rhysis rolls up her own scroll.
RHYSIS
Well, there is no precedent, as far
as I can tell. I have no idea what
the Hippolyta might decree. Damn
Lysandra, anyway.
GABRIELLE
All this darn fuss, just because I
don't match her idea of what a Queen
should be. There's no law that says
we all have to be the same, or even
agree on everything.
She sits back in her chair and toys absentmindedly with her
ring.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
I've found that there's almost nothing
I can't learn to tolerate.
LYSANDRA enters.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Eventually.
LYSANDRA
Good morning! What a fine, fine day.
She is in an almost gleeful mood.
LYSANDRA (CONT'D)
(to Gabrielle)
A wonderful day for traveling. Are
you packed yet?
RHYSIS
Don't jump the bow, Lysandra.
LYSANDRA
You know, you could just leave now
before Hippolyta gets here, and save
everyone a lot of trouble.
GABRIELLE
Don't be so sure of yourself. I'm
sure the Hippolyta is a reasonable
woman. She'll see my side of it.
She stands up. A very short, wizened LITTLE OLD LADY, who is
for some reason wearing Amazon dress, shuffles unnoticed
into the room.
LYSANDRA
The Hippolyta is the spiritual leader
of the entire Amazon Nation. You'll
be lucky if she doesn't have you
burned at the stake.
LITTLE OLD LADY
Excuse me.
RHYSIS
Lysandra, in this village we've
learned to disagree with each other
without having to resort to being
petty and vindictive about it.
LYSANDRA
Petty and--
RHYSIS
Professional shaman opinion.
LITTLE OLD LADY
I was looking for the Queen, and
also I think I would like to have
some tea.
LYSANDRA
Go away.
GABRIELLE
I'm the Queen, ma'am. May I help
you?
The little old lady walks up to Gabrielle and peers at her
closely.
LITTLE OLD LADY
Funny. You don't look like a pervert.
GABRIELLE
(taken aback; trying
to remain polite)
I'm not.
LITTLE OLD LADY
That's what Lysandra said.
RHYSIS
Lysandra!
LYSANDRA
I only call them like I see them.
(to the little old
lady)
Run along now, Grandma, we have more
important things to deal with. The
Hippolyta will be here any minute.
LITTLE OLD LADY
I am here.
Gabrielle, Rhysis, and Lysandra stare.
HIPPOLYTA
At least, I think I am.
LYSANDRA
Ah. Ah, your Holiness, I, uh...
Hippolyta gazes around at the blank faces.
HIPPOLYTA
I like tea. Do you have any tea?
FADE OUT:
ACT ONE
INT. AMAZON CANTEEN -- DAY
This is the Amazon equivalent of a tavern, although it is
free from the usual dirt and smoke of a tavern. Unfortunately
it is also free of the usual noise and liveliness. There are
Amazons in small sedate groups around the room, sitting at
tables with drinks or plates of salad in front of them. There
are a great many potted ferns hanging from the ceiling, and
in one corner is a small fountain. XENA and JOXER enter the
canteen, her leading, him following at a reluctant distance;
he turns and makes a break for it, but she snags him by his
collar and tosses him against the bar.
BARTENDER
What'll you have?
XENA
Two ales.
BARTENDER
We don't serve ale in here.
XENA
You don't.
BARTENDER
We have carrot juice, sawgrass shakes,
herbal tea, goat's milk...
XENA
Yeah, yeah, yeah...whatever. Some
juice thing will be fine.
The bartender produces two tankards of some juice thing.
Joxer is still looking around for an escape. Xena waits until
the bartender turns away.
XENA (CONT'D)
Amazons make me sick sometimes.
She produces a flask from under her coat and adds whatever
is in it (maybe it is Egyptian Sling mix) to the juice thing.
While her attention is occupied Joxer starts edging away.
XENA (CONT'D)
So.
Without looking she reaches over and pulls him back onto his
stool with a thump.
XENA (CONT'D)
You and I need to have a little
...talk.
JOXER
I think I left the well running, I'd
better go back and...
XENA
Don't.
He doesn't.
XENA (CONT'D)
So.
Trapped and desperate, with nothing to lose, Joxer charges.
JOXER
Well, we are married. It's not like...
(fishes for comparison)
we're not.
Xena is drinking.
JOXER (CONT'D)
And I didn't do anything. She was
the one that went and got the spell
put on her, and anyway it was all
her idea. I mean, okay, it was like
an idea I've been having, but I knew
better than to do anything about it,
I mean...
Xena is still drinking. She isn't looking at him.
JOXER (CONT'D)
And, and, gosh darn it, you know how
I feel about Gabrielle, you've known
all along, so don't sit there and
act like it's some big surprise or
something.
XENA
(looks in mug; to
bartender)
Give me another one of these.
INT. COUNCIL HALL -- DAY
Hippolyta is seated at the long table, peering unsteadily at
a scroll. She has a cup of tea and some cookies on a small
plate in front of her. Lysandra and Rhysis are hovering over
her, and Gabrielle and CYANE are standing a little off to
one side.
LYSANDRA
...and she keeps asking people for
their opinions, and she doesn't make
decisions on her own.
RHYSIS
Which is fully in accordance with
Amazon tradition of the tribe acting
as one.
LYSANDRA
And she has a rude housemate, and
let me not forget the M-word...
HIPPOLYTA
I like honey in my tea. A lot of
people don't like honey, but I've
always liked honey. In my tea.
LYSANDRA
As in, a man. She has a man in her
house.
RHYSIS
Which nobody in this tribe has a
problem with any more.
HIPPOLYTA
These are good cookies. Do they have
honey in them?
GABRIELLE
Your, um--
She looks to Rhysis for help.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
--Hippolytaness...
Rhysis winces.
LYSANDRA
And I haven't even started in about
the state of her yard. She has this
hedge...
HIPPOLYTA
Lysandra?
LYSANDRA
Yes, your Holiness?
HIPPOLYTA
Shut up, dearie.
LYSANDRA
Yes, your Holiness.
GABRIELLE
See...I can explain. There's this
spell, okay, and then there's Xena
and this god, and...
HIPPOLYTA
You know, when I was a girl, Amazons
used to wear purple a lot. You don't
see a lot of purple any more. Did
she say you had a man in your house?
GABRIELLE
Ah...yeah. But, um, there's a story.
You see...
HIPPOLYTA
Oh dear.
LYSANDRA
She's a pervert. That's why I asked
for you to come here, she's a pervert.
RHYSIS
She's not a pervert. She's just
differently gendered.
HIPPOLYTA
Do you do nasty things with him?
GABRIELLE
What!?
HIPPOLYTA
Nasty men things. You know. I used
to know but I think I've forgotten.
GABRIELLE
Ah. I can't really go into that, you
know...
(waves hand, taking
in everyone in the
room)
...ah, now, in front of everybody,
and...
HIPPOLYTA
Some of them involved honey, I think.
She looks into her teacup. Gabrielle looks ready to drop
through the floor.
HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)
And war. Yes, that was one of the
nasty men things, they were always
starting wars.
GABRIELLE
Starting w--oh. OH.
She regroups.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Oh. No. No, we haven't started any
wars. In fact, it was actually Xena
who almost--
(catches herself)
Joxer is a very, uh, non-war-starting
kind of person. He's totally harmless.
RHYSIS
He hasn't violated any of the laws
of the community, and he was
instrumental in the peace accord--
that same peace accord that's the
reason you live here, Lysandra.
There's precedent for allowing anyone
who's of service to the tribe to
live with it, even if they are male.
LYSANDRA
"Live with the tribe", yes. "Marry
the Queen and make a laughingstock
of the entire Amazon Nation", no.
And not only does she have a man in
her house, but that demon-child of
Xena's--its father was male.
HIPPOLYTA
(blinking)
Wouldn't it have to be?
LYSANDRA
It could easily bring the wrath of
the other gods down on the village
any moment now.
RHYSIS
On the contrary, your Holiness, the
spirits have been shielding the child.
You know that Amazon spirits do not
appreciate interference
(aimed at Lysandra)
from outsiders.
GABRIELLE
Yes. See, that's why we need to stay
here, because we have to keep Xena
and Eve safe.
HIPPOLYTA
Well, that makes sense.
GABRIELLE
Yes. Yes, you see my point then. How
we really need to stay.
HIPPOLYTA
You know what? Someone should make
purple cookies with honey icing on
them. I just thought of that. That
way we could have purple, and honey,
and good cookies, and it would be
all together. Do you bake, dear?
GABRIELLE
Joxer does.
HIPPOLYTA
Oh dear.
LYSANDRA
Men can't cook. Everybody knows that.
HIPPOLYTA
Cyane.
Cyane, who has been quiet throughout, looks slightly startled.
HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)
Cyane, this is your village. What do
you think?
CYANE
I think... I think Lysandra is right.
Gabrielle's rule runs entirely counter
to tradition.
Rhysis glares at her. Lysandra looks smug.
CYANE (CONT'D)
But I also think it's been beneficial
to the village.
This surprises Gabrielle.
CYANE (CONT'D)
She's gotten everyone interested and
involved in what happens, which I
always wanted to do but never could
achieve on my own. I think...all
talk of Joxer and Xena aside,
Gabrielle herself has been good for
the tribe.
HIPPOLYTA
There we go. And from what I see, I
agree, dearie. You've been a good
Queen.
GABRIELLE
Well. Well, I, uh... Thank you.
HIPPOLYTA
Yes, and peace treaties, and yummy
cookies. You've been a good girl.
She stands up.
HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)
But you can't be Queen any more.
GABRIELLE
What?
HIPPOLYTA
Nasty men things, no, no. Against
the rules. It won't do at all. I
have to take away your anointing and
everything.
GABRIELLE
But...
Hippolyta waves her hand in Gab's direction.
HIPPOLYTA
There. Poof. All done. You're not a
Queen any more.
Gabrielle looks down at herself for some visible change but
sees none. Everyone else starts to talk at once. Hippolyta
waves them off and heads for the door.
GABRIELLE
But, but we really need...
HIPPOLYTA
I suppose this means that Cyane will
be in charge again. I'll make the
formal announcement after lunch. Are
there any more cookies?
LYSANDRA
I'll be glad to get you some cookies,
Your Holiness.
RHYSIS
Your Holiness, we really need to
discuss this...
She and Lysandra follow the Hippolyta out the door, arguing
over her head at each other, leaving Gabrielle and Cyane
alone.
GABRIELLE
(to the empty room)
But we really need to stay.
CYANE
I'm sorry.
GABRIELLE
Yeah.
CYANE
I mean it.
She does. Gabrielle looks at her.
CYANE (CONT'D)
(gruffly)
And I meant what I said to Hippolyta.
You're a good ruler.
GABRIELLE
You helped a lot.
CYANE
I always wanted everyone to be as
passionate and involved in things as
they are now. I think, between your
new ideas and my knowledge of
tradition, we did a good job. It's a
shame we couldn't have... I don't
know, ruled together, or something.
GABRIELLE
Thank you.
She SIGHS.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
I can't... I don't want to leave the
village. It's too important to me.
And I know Xena doesn't want to leave
either. But...
CYANE
You're going to have to make a
decision.
GABRIELLE
I know. I...
She starts the habitual fidgeting with her hands, then lifts
them and looks closer. After a moment it becomes apparent--
the ring is gone.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(resigned)
Yeah.
FADE OUT:
ACT TWO
INT. AMAZON CANTEEN -- LATER
Xena has apparently been working her way through both the
canteen's stock of various juices and the contents of the
flask. She is in an extremely good mood. Joxer, for his part,
has not yet been killed and is starting to relax slightly.
XENA
You wanna know something?
JOXER
What?
XENA
(throws an arm around
his shoulders)
I'm glad it's you. I really am. Cause
you're my bestest friend in the whole
world, did you know that?
JOXER
Awww.
She hugs him. There is a sound reminiscent of ribs cracking.
XENA
My very very bestest friend that I
don't wanna fuck of everybody.
JOXER
(noncommittal: self-
preservation instincts
kicking in)
That's nice.
XENA
No, really. Cause everyone else I
fuck sooner or later. But not you,
'cause you're such a...
(pause)
...a Joxer.
JOXER
Gee. Thanks.
XENA
Cause see, anyone else, Gabrielle
goes off with 'em, and I'm stuck all
alone again. But you--you I can push
around.
JOXER
Yeah.
XENA
You I can say "Don't take off with
her" and you won't do it, you'll
stay right here on account of you're
such a wimp. You're a good boy.
She pats him on the head.
XENA (CONT'D)
I don't want for her to go away,
y'know.
JOXER
I know.
XENA
I don't want for anyone to go away.
People are always going away. I hate
it. Bartender! Another one of these,
whatever the hell it is. I don't
even want for you to go away.
(thinks about it)
No, I don't. I wouldn't like that at
all.
JOXER
(perking slightly)
Really? You really mean it?
XENA
(thinks about it some
more)
Ah, probably not. But it's a nice
thing to say.
Joxer looks willing to settle for this. Hippolyta comes up
and leans on the bar next to him.
HIPPOLYTA
May I have some tea?
The bartender ignores her. Hippolyta starts trying to climb
onto a stool.
JOXER
At this meeting they're having this
afternoon they might decide I have
to leave, you know. I know you and
Gabby were like trying to hide it,
but Amarice told me.
XENA
Amarice talks too much.
HIPPOLYTA
A nice pot of tea, with some honey
in it.
XENA
So what are you going to do?
JOXER
I don't have any choice. I won't get
you guys in trouble over me. Spell
or no spell--I'll have to leave.
BARTENDER
Run along, lady.
HIPPOLYTA
I like honey.
BARTENDER
That's nice, Grandma. You just go on
home.
JOXER
(to Hippolyta)
Here--let me.
He helps her onto the stool.
XENA
You still have that Furies problem.
And the gods aren't going to be very
happy with any friends of Eve's right
now.
JOXER
Yeah.
XENA
Gabrielle wouldn't want you to face
that alone.
She studies her drink.
XENA (CONT'D)
You know she'd go with you if you
asked.
JOXER
That's why I won't. I mean, the two
of you, you can't be apart. It
wouldn't be...right.
HIPPOLYTA
Just a little pot of tea.
BARTENDER
I'm busy.
JOXER
And the tribe means so much to her.
And to you, too.
XENA
Bull.
JOXER
Come on.
XENA
(shrugs)
Okay. Maybe a little.
HIPPOLYTA
And maybe some of those nice cookies.
BARTENDER
Beat it, Granny.
JOXER
And I don't want to get in the way,
I--Aw, c'mon, give her some tea.
It's not gonna kill you.
BARTENDER
I've got paying customers to take
care of.
XENA
All right, then--can we have some
tea?
The bartender places a teapot and two cups down in front of
them. Xena passes the tea and one of the cups down to
Hippolyta.
HIPPOLYTA
Thank you, dearie.
She looks at them and squints.
HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)
You're not Amazons.
XENA
Gee. What gave us away?
JOXER
Are you all set? Would you like
anything else?
HIPPOLYTA
Some honey for the tea would be nice.
I like honey.
XENA
(to bartender)
Some honey over here, please.
She receives the honey and passes it down to Hippolyta, who
adds some to her tea.
XENA (CONT'D)
We're staying here with a ...friend
of ours who is an Amazon.
HIPPOLYTA
That's nice. Everyone should have
friends.
She looks Joxer up and down more carefully.
HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)
(to Xena)
Is he a man?
XENA
(amused)
Rumor has it.
Joxer gives her a look.
HIPPOLYTA
Is he a good man?
Joxer prepares to give Xena another look.
XENA
Yes.
This takes him by surprise.
XENA (CONT'D)
(seriously)
Yes, he is. He's a good man.
Joxer stares at her as if he's never seen her before.
HIPPOLYTA
Not a nasty man that starts horrible
wars and things. That's good. You're
nice young people.
She climbs down from her chair, holding her mug of tea.
XENA
(smirking)
Don't spread it around. You'll ruin
my reputation.
HIPPOLYTA
Oh, no. That wouldn't do at all--for
anyone to hear about the fearsome
Warrior Princess being nice to a
little old lady.
The smirk vanishes.
HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)
Don't worry, dearie. Your secret's
safe with me.
She walks off, cradling the tea cup and chuckling to herself.
Both Joxer and Xena watch her go, flabbergasted.
EXT. COUNCIL HALL -- AFTERNOON
Gabrielle is sitting on the steps in front of the Hall, gazing
at nothing. She starts to fidget with her hands out of habit
before she looks down and remembers the ring is gone. She
SIGHS, and slumps. Hippolyta walks up, still holding the
mug.
HIPPOLYTA
May I sit down, dearie?
GABRIELLE
Oh...of course.
She moves over to make room for Hippolyta, who sits down
next to her.
HIPPOLYTA
You seem sad.
GABRIELLE
Yeah...I guess I am.
HIPPOLYTA
I'm sorry I had to take your Queenhood
away. But the rules are very
clear...no marriages.
GABRIELLE
It's not your fault.
(sighs)
It's not your fault, it's not Cyane's
fault, it's not even really Lysandra's
fault. Heck, it's not even the fault
of that stupid spell of Aphrodite's.
Things just...happen sometimes.
HIPPOLYTA
Spells are nasty. What kind of spell
was it?
GABRIELLE
A marriage spell. See, there was
this accident and I had a dream and
because of it I wound up married to
Joxer. Well... I was married.
She holds up her now ring-free hand.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
And I was all mad at everybody,
Aphrodite for tricking me into it,
and Xena for thinking it was funny,
and the village for giving me a hard
time, and Joxer for...for being Joxer.
But that was the thing. I had like
this image of Joxer that wasn't him.
I was married to a dream, and when I
started seeing him as he really was,
the spell was broken. And now... and
now I'm not married any more.
(half a laugh)
And I'm not a Queen any more, either.
Too late, I guess.
HIPPOLYTA
Would you have rather stayed a Queen?
GABRIELLE
Not if it meant losing Joxer. Or
having to be apart from Xena, or
putting Eve at risk. I really care
about the tribe...but I decided the
people I love come first.
(sighs)
I suppose that makes me a bad Amazon.
Hippolyta looks into her teacup.
HIPPOLYTA
Do you know what an Amazon is, dear?
GABRIELLE
Uh...yeah. Everybody does. It's,
um... it's a woman who lives in a
tribe with other women, and stays
away from men, and...
HIPPOLYTA
No, no, dear. That's what everyone
thinks an Amazon is.
She puts the cup down.
HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)
See, most women, most men even--they
try to be who people tell them they
are. But an Amazon is somebody who
knows who she is. That's all. It has
nothing to do with tribes, or men,
or feathers, or any of that. There
are many women living in Amazon tribes
who still don't understand that...and
some women who will never be part of
a tribe that do. Like your friend
Xena.
Gabrielle looks thoughtful.
HIPPOLYTA (CONT'D)
Or even maybe that young man of yours
there. They're only themselves, not
what anyone wants them to be. They
may not fit the image of Amazons,
but at heart they are. And you, now,
from what you tell me...you may not
be a Queen any more but you certainly
are, and will always be, an Amazon.
GABRIELLE
(after a beat;
sincerely)
Thank you, your Holiness.
HIPPOLYTA
Well, you're welcome, dear.
(sips)
You have good tea in this village.
GABRIELLE
It's from Athens.
HIPPOLYTA
Athenians are silly people. That's
what comes of not having a King.
GABRIELLE
Yes, they...
She pauses.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Um...does being an Amazon have
anything to do with having a Queen?
HIPPOLYTA
(slightly reproachful)
Haven't you been listening, dear?
GABRIELLE
I...
(stands up)
Your Holiness, could you wait a little
while before you announce your
official ruling? Just for a few
minutes...I'll be right back.
HIPPOLYTA
Where are you going, dear?
GABRIELLE
To talk to Cyane.
She backs away.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
I need to talk to Cyane, I...Just
hold that thought.
She turns and literally runs off. Hippolyta shakes her head
gravely.
HIPPOLYTA
Definitely Athenian influence.
INT. COUNCIL HALL -- LATER
The Hall is packed wall-to-wall with Amazons. The Hippolyta
sits at the front table. Lysandra stands behind her at one
side, unable to keep a triumphant smirk off her face, and on
the other side stand Cyane and Gabrielle. Xena and Joxer
slip into the back of the hall just before Lysandra starts
to speak.
LYSANDRA
Well. This is a great day for the
Amazon Nation.
She rubs her hands together happily.
LYSANDRA (CONT'D)
I am pleased beyond measure to
announce there has been a change of
leadership in this village. Starting
today--
HIPPOLYTA
Lysandra?
LYSANDRA
Yes, your Holiness?
HIPPOLYTA
Shut up, dearie.
LYSANDRA
Yes, your Holiness.
HIPPOLYTA
Now, Cyane, I believe you have
something to say.
CYANE
Yes.
(glances at Gab)
We do.
Hippolyta looks up.
HIPPOLYTA
"We"?
CYANE
With your permission, your Holiness,
we, uh...
She looks, surprisingly enough, at Gab, who steps forward.
GABRIELLE
What Cyane is trying to say is...I'm
no longer Queen.
A murmur rises from the crowd. Xena and Joxer look alarmed.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
I'm not any kind of Queen any more,
I'm just an ordinary Amazon. But, as
you all know, when I was Queen I
wanted the ordinary Amazons to have
more of a say in the way the tribe
was run. And there were some of you
that used to agree with me, and wanted
change, and there were some of you
that used to agree with Cyane, and
wanted tradition. And we always used
to argue it out until we came to a
consensus.
She looks over the room and takes a nervous breath.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
And Cyane and I have been talking.
And, what we want to do--if we can
get the Hippolyta's approval--
(deep breath)
is to make that our official way of
doing things. I'll still have a seat
on the Council, representing the
people who agree with me, and Cyane
will be representing the people who
agree with her. And everyone will
vote on things.
The room is somewhat quiet.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(more nervous)
It's like they do it in Athens.
ANGLE ON XENA AND JOXER
JOXER
(sotto voce)
They're going to buy their government?
XENA
Shh!
GABRIELLE
That is, if everyone agrees. I mean,
it would be silly to have a government
that ran on people agreeing if they
didn't agree on it in the first place,
and...
She realizes she is babbling and stops. The room is quiet
for a long moment before someone speaks.
AMAZON
If it's going to be like Athens,
will we have to wear togas?
GABRIELLE
No.
AMAZON
Oh, okay then.
The room erupts in a babble of voices all talking at once.
LYSANDRA
(appalled)
Hey. Hey!
(to Hippolyta)
They can't do this!
HIPPOLYTA
I don't see why not. I only told her
she couldn't be Queen any more. I
didn't say she couldn't be a
politician.
(thinks)
Though I don't see why she would
want to...
CYANE
Sounds to me like the motion is
carried.
LYSANDRA
But she, he, they, perverts...
HIPPOLYTA
Lysandra?
LYSANDRA
Yes, your Holiness?
HIPPOLYTA
Shut up, dearie.
LYSANDRA
Yes, your Holiness.
HIPPOLYTA
I think this is a nice idea you came
up with, Gabrielle.
(waves hand at crowd)
There. Poof. All done. You're a
democracy now.
CYANE
That was easy.
HIPPOLYTA
It's the last thing that ever will
be.
GABRIELLE
(looking out over
room)
Uh...if you will excuse me a minute,
your Holiness, I need to...
Hippolyta follows her gaze, and sees Xena and Joxer at the
end of the room.
HIPPOLYTA
Go ahead, dear.
Gabrielle pushes her way through the crowd to the back of
the room. She meets up with Xena and Jox and the three of
them slip outside, away from the crowd.
EXT. COUNCIL HALL -- CONTINUOUS
It is late afternoon now, the sun low and the shadows getting
long.
XENA
So let me get this straight...you're
not Queen, but you're still in charge?
GABRIELLE
Kind of.
She slips between them and hugs them both, one arm around
each neck, and stands on her toes to kiss Joxer on the cheek.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(to Xena)
Eve can be safe, we don't have to
leave the village, we even get to
keep the hut. And...
Her face falls, and she untangles herself carefully.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
...and the spell is broken.
She turns to Joxer.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Which means you can go any time you
want.
There is an awkward pause during which all three of them
more or less look at the ground.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(smaller voice)
If you want.
JOXER
I...
XENA
Oh, for gods' sakes.
She puts a hand on Gabrielle's back and shoves her forward
so that she stumbles and falls against Joxer, who catches
her instinctively.
XENA (CONT'D)
If anyone tries to go anywhere I'll
chop their legs off.
Neither Gab nor Jox seem to be listening to her.
GABRIELLE
We can't be married, you know. Not
right now. We're just getting started.
JOXER
I know.
GABRIELLE
It might never work out. It might
all go wrong.
JOXER
I... I'll take my chances.
GABRIELLE
Then so will I.
She takes his face in her hands and kisses him. This goes on
until Xena very loudly clears her throat, and Gabrielle backs
off.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(to Jox)
Can you do me a favor?
JOXER
(expectantly)
Anything.
GABRIELLE
Remember that afghan, the one you
made for Eve's room? Can you go home
and dye it purple?
JOXER
(thinks for a moment,
then shrugs)
Okay.
He backs away, not wanting to take his eyes off her, until
he stumbles and thinks better of it; then he leaves. Both
women watch him go with varying intensity of affection.
XENA
Now that was the wild-goose chase to
end all wild-goose chases.
GABRIELLE
Actually, I'm totally serious. I
know someone who could use a purple
afghan.
She and Xena start walking together up the main road of the
village.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Are you, um, all right with this? I
mean, staying in the village instead
of being out on the road?
XENA
I have Eve to think about now. The
road's not such a great place for a
baby.
(pause)
And, I have to admit...it's not as
attractive as it used to be.
GABRIELLE
We could do worse.
XENA
Much, much worse. I've had some
nightmares that... Well, I wouldn't
even want to tell you.
She shakes her head.
XENA (CONT'D)
It'll be weird. Living in a house
permanently, raising a family... but
it's something I can live with. The
alternatives, I wouldn't want to.
GABRIELLE
So. We have a happy ending, then?
XENA
Happy, yeah.
She throws an arm around Gabrielle's shoulders, and Gabrielle
responds in kind.
XENA (CONT'D)
Like goddamn dogs in clover.
They proceed down the street arm in arm, the camera slowly
panning up and away.
GABRIELLE
Did he ever try to explain that to
you?
XENA
Yeah.
GABRIELLE
Did you understand any of it?
XENA
Not one word.
They walk into the setting sun as we
FADE OUT:
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