DOGS IN CLOVER
"House Party"
Show #8
TEASER
EXT. QUEEN'S HUT -- MORNING
INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- CONTINUOUS
ANGLE ON KITCHEN TABLE
XENA and GABRIELLE are sitting at the table. Xena is reading
the morning scroll. There is a cloth bag at her feet.
Gabrielle has a bowl of PORRIDGE in front of her, of which
she gulps down a couple of spoonfuls before pushing it away
and standing up.
XENA
You didn't eat your breakfast.
GABRIELLE
In a hurry.
She pushes the chair back under the table.
XENA
You should slow down in the mornings.
GABRIELLE
Gotta get to work.
JOXER walks in through the back door, carrying a bucket.
JOXER
I got the spring water for you to do
your hair, Gabrielle. I can put some
lavender in it if you like, and then--
XENA
(to Gabrielle)
Aren't you forgetting something?
GABRIELLE
(thinks for a minute,
snaps fingers)
Oh! I forgot to say goodbye to Eve!
Joxer puts the bucket down.
JOXER
I can go get her.
XENA
I'll get her.
She gets up from the table and goes into the nursery.
Gabrielle calls after her.
GABRIELLE
Hurry up, I'm running late!
JOXER
I am in the room, you know.
GABRIELLE
Oh, not now, Joxer. This is important.
Xena returns to the room with EVE, who is yawning.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Aw, there's Aunt Gabby's little girl.
She and Xena cluck and coo over the baby.
JOXER
I'm important too, y'know.
XENA
Yes, but your family's not quite as
important as hers is.
JOXER
(missing the joke
entirely)
My family is very big in Athens.
Xena and Gab both groan in the manner of women who have heard
this same story too many times before.
JOXER (CONT'D)
My uncle Vitus is very highly placed
in the entertainment industry there--
XENA
(covers Eve's ears;
to Gab)
He owns a chain of bordellos.
JOXER
--and my father--
GABRIELLE
(rolls eyes)
We know, Joxer. Your father is a
garbage warlord.
JOXER
(outraged)
He controls the garbage collection
in over half the city-state.
GABRIELLE
(to Xena)
I'll see you later.
She leaves.
JOXER
(shouting after her,
frustrated)
I'll have you know there's a lot of
money in garbage!
XENA
It's okay, Joxer. We don't think
you're garbage.
JOXER
I come from a decent family. Well, a
respected one. Well, feared. Anyway.
And everybody in this village treats
me like I'm some kind of, of--
XENA
Man?
JOXER
No, that's not it.
XENA
Joxer, no one in an Amazon village
is going to respect you because they
don't respect men in the first place.
JOXER
You guys respect me, though, right?
XENA
Of course we do.
She picks up the bag and tosses it at him.
XENA (CONT'D)
Those are Eve's diapers to be washed.
Don't forget to put lavender in the
rinse water.
She and Eve exit, leaving him holding the bag.
FADE OUT:
ACT ONE
INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- MORNING
Joxer is sitting at the kitchen table, an unrolled leather
GO BOARD with a game in progress on it in front of him. Eve
is sitting on the table across the board from him. Joxer
looks fairly worried. Xena enters from the nursery. She walks
past the table, turns around, walks back, and looks at it.
XENA
Joxer, are you letting her play with
those stones?
JOXER
(distracted)
Uh-huh.
XENA
You're letting her play a game.
(watches)
You're letting her win, too.
JOXER
Who's letting her?
Xena walks to the front door, where her sword and scabbard are
hanging on the wall along with her cloak. She takes the sword
down and puts it on.
XENA
I'm going out for a while. Can you
take care of Eve?
JOXER
(still distracted)
Sure.
XENA
Don't let her swallow those things.
She puts on her cloak.
XENA (CONT'D)
Make sure she goes for her nap in a
couple of hours.
She starts for the door but stops in mid-stride, and turns
back.
XENA (CONT'D)
And break up that group in the corner,
because she's about to cut you off
there.
JOXER
Yeah.
Xena leaves. Joxer continues to stare at the board. He puts
a stone down. Eve LAUGHS, and takes two fistfuls of Joxer's
stones off the board. He SIGHS. There is a KNOCKING at the
back door, and AMARICE peers through the lattice.
JOXER (CONT'D)
(not looking up)
Come in.
She enters.
AMARICE
Xena, come quickly, I...
(sees Joxer, face
falls)
Oh. It's you.
JOXER
Xena went out. You just missed her.
AMARICE
Did she tell you where she was going?
I need to talk to her. It's really
important...Are you playing stones
with the baby?
JOXER
(looks up)
What's wrong?
AMARICE
Are you losing?
JOXER
I can help. Whatever it is.
AMARICE
Boy, you'd better do something about
that group in the corner.
JOXER
What is going on?
AMARICE
(gazing at the board,
distracted)
Oh -- the Huns are coming.
JOXER
What?!
AMARICE
It's okay. They pass through every
now and then and do some trading.
They're usually no trouble, but Cyane
likes everyone to be on their toes,
just in case. Listen, I'm gonna go
find Xena and let her know. You stay
inside, okay?
Joxer moves a stone, slamming it down on the board for
emphasis as he turns to Amarice and speaks.
JOXER
I know about Huns.
Eve makes her move, then starts scooping all of Joxer's stones
off the board.
JOXER (CONT'D)
I'm not totally incompetent, you
know.
AMARICE
Yeah...whatever.
JOXER
I know what's going on.
He turns back to find that Eve has all of his stones in a
pile on the table in front of her.
AMARICE
(pats him on the
shoulder)
That's nice. You just stay here and
watch him.
JOXER
Her.
AMARICE
I wasn't talking to you.
She leaves through the back door.
JOXER
(yelling after her)
I AM in the room, you know!
He sulks. Eve plays with the pile of stones and LAUGHS.
JOXER (CONT'D)
Don't rub it in.
Eve is unintimidated. She continues playing with the pile of
stones while he glares at her, and after a moment he relents.
JOXER (CONT'D)
Oh, come here.
He picks Eve up and she COOS happily.
JOXER (CONT'D)
You know, Evie, when I was your age
I used to think I was going to grow
up to be somebody. Not just a, a
cook and a dishwasher and a
babysitter...
Eve makes a face.
JOXER (CONT'D)
No offense. It's just that...I wanted
to be somebody important. Somebody
people would look up to.
EVE
(gurgles)
JOXER
Okay. Somebody Gabrielle would look
up to. But that part came later.
He jiggles her thoughtfully.
JOXER (CONT'D)
You're part-a-god. You don't get it.
(thinks)
Although I guess you probably get
the part about not living up to your
father's reputation.
There is a loud noise or collection of noises from outside,
galloping hoofbeats which resolve themselves into a series
of horses snorting and whinnying, while loud rough voices
shout unintelligibly and random thumps issue every now and
then. The effect is as if a motorcycle gang has just pulled
up outside, sans motorcycles. Someone KNOCKS at the front
door.
JOXER (CONT'D)
I'll get it.
He puts Eve back on the table, walks across the room, and
opens the door. GENGHIS KHAN, a mild-looking barbarian about
Joxer's own height and build, is standing there. He has a
large group of HUNS standing behind him.
GENGHIS KHAN
Hi. I'm Genghis Khan.
(indicates Huns)
And this is my horde. Say hello,
guys.
HUNS
(various)
Hello.
JOXER
Uh...hi.
GENGHIS KHAN
We heard the Avatar was in this
village and we wanted to take a look.
JOXER
Avatar?
GENGHIS KHAN
You know...the Savior, the Harbinger
of the Twilight, the Death of the
Gods.
JOXER
(comprehending)
Oh. You mean Eve.
GENGHIS KHAN
You know her? Cool.
Joxer blinks.
JOXER
(slowly)
Yeah. In fact...in fact, she's right
over here. Let me go get her.
He goes over to the table and picks up Eve, while the Huns
filter into the hut and stand around, shuffling their feet
and looking ill-at-ease. Joxer carries her back to the group.
GENGHIS KHAN
Huh. So that's the Avatar.
He peers carefully at her.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
Awwwww! Isn't she cuuuuuute!
He makes faces at Eve, who LAUGHS. The Huns gather around
and make cooing noises at the baby.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
(to Joxer)
Who are you? Are you like her prophet
or something?
JOXER
(missing the
opportunity)
No...I'm her babysitter.
GENGHIS KHAN
(impressed)
The Savior's babysitter. Wow.
Joxer is starting to get a little puffed up.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
So what's she like?
JOXER
Oh...she's a good girl, Eve. Sometimes
she floats stuff around and things.
(pause)
Want me to get her to do it?
HUNS
(various)
Yeah. Can you? That'd be cool.
JOXER
(to Eve)
Eve, do you want to play another
game of stones?
Nothing happens. Joxer lowers his head a little closer to
hers.
JOXER (CONT'D)
(sotto voce)
C'mon, Evie. Do me a favor and Uncle
Joxer will buy you a racing chariot
when you're old enough to drive.
A FRYING PAN comes floating out of the kitchen.
JOXER (CONT'D)
(to Eve)
Close enough.
He reaches up and takes the frying pan in one hand, trying
to juggle both it and Eve without dropping one or the other.
JOXER (CONT'D)
(to Genghis)
There.
GENGHIS KHAN
(very impressed)
You can get her to do stuff like
that? Cool.
The Huns all nod agreement, and murmur among themselves.
UNFORTUNATE HUN
Unless it's done with wires.
GENGHIS KHAN
It's not wires.
UNFORTUNATE HUN
It could be. You could take wires
and like--
GENGHIS KHAN
(to Joxer)
Excuse me.
He walks over and breaks Unfortunate Hun's neck.
Unfortunate Hun drops to the floor, where the other Huns
shuffle aside so as not to step on him.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
Someone take him away so he doesn't
mess up this guy's house.
He walks back to Joxer, who is of course very alarmed by all
this and twists away slightly, shielding Eve.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
Sorry about that. We don't want to
be disrespectful to the Avatar.
HUNS
(various)
No. No way, man.
GENGHIS KHAN
We Huns do not like it when people
are disrespectful. Don't allow it.
Anybody else around here acting
disrespectful to her we can take
care of for you?
JOXER
(hackles falling
slightly)
No...
GENGHIS KHAN
'Cause you're the man in charge. You
name it.
Joxer puffs up again, larger than before.
JOXER
Well, she doesn't need to go for her
nap for another couple of hours. If
you wanted to stay and see if she'll
Avatar some more...
EXT. QUEEN'S HUT -- AFTERNOON
INT. QUEEN'S HUT - CONTINUOUS
ANGLE ON FRONT DOOR
Gabrielle wearily pushes her way into the hut.
GABRIELLE
Hi honey, I'm h--
She stops in her tracks.
ANGLE ON ROOM
which is full of Huns. Huns on the floor, Huns in the chairs,
Huns playing dice on the floor, Huns playing go at the kitchen
table, Huns examining doilies, Huns drinking, Huns eating,
Huns talking. Joxer and Genghis are sitting on the couch
with Eve.
JOXER
Hi, Gabrielle. I'd like you to meet
Genghis Khan.
GENGHIS KHAN
Hi. I'm Genghis Khan.
JOXER
(indicated room)
And this is his horde.
GENGHIS KHAN
Pleased to meet you.
JOXER
This is Queen Gabrielle. She's...
(thinks about it,
decides to go ahead)
my woman.
GABRIELLE
(very very pleasant)
Your what?
GENGHIS KHAN
An Amazon Queen?
(punches Joxer on the
shoulder)
Way to go.
Gabrielle walks a little further into the room.
GABRIELLE
(still very very
pleasant)
What are these...people doing here?
JOXER
Oh, they came to worship Eve.
Eve waves her hands at Gabrielle and gurgles in agreement.
GENGHIS KHAN
Yeah, he invited us in. He's a pretty
cool guy.
GABRIELLE
OUT! Everybody -- OUT!
The Huns look at her with mild interest.
GENGHIS KHAN
Pissy little bugger, isn't she?
JOXER
You don't know the half of it.
Gabrielle stamps her foot, and points at the door.
GABRIELLE
I MEAN it!
GENGHIS KHAN
(shrugs)
We were gonna set up a barbecue
anyway. Come on, guys.
The Huns troop towards the exit. Joxer puts Eve down on the
couch and walks Genghis to the door.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
(to Joxer)
We'll come back and do some more
worshipping after dinner.
JOXER
Okay. See ya.
GENGHIS KHAN
Later. Try to calm her down, okay?
He leaves. Joxer starts looking for a place to hide, but it
is too late.
GABRIELLE
Huns?! How could you?
JOXER
Xena's told me about Huns. She says
if they're going start smashing things
they usually do it right away. I
figure as long as we treat them with
a little respect we'll be fine.
GABRIELLE
Fine?! You're insane. No. You're
stupid. You're stupid AND insane.
That's a very bad combination, Joxer.
JOXER
Look. They don't mean any harm. I
wouldn't have ever let them in if I
thought they were gonna hurt Eve,
you know that.
GABRIELLE
I don't know what I know any more. I
thought you were over this.
JOXER
This what?
GABRIELLE
This...this "insane stupidity" thing
of yours. You just do these weird
things, and you don't think, and...and
I thought you had changed.
JOXER
I have changed.
GABRIELLE
No, you haven't. You...
JOXER
I have! I'm not just, y'know, "Joxer,
do this" and "Joxer, do that" and
"Joxer, go over there and do men
stuff and don't bother us". I'm
important! People respect me now.
Like Amarice. Well, kinda. And those
Huns. Genghis Khan thinks I'm a great
guy! And just because somebody around
here wants to talk to me for a change
instead of to you or Xena, you get
all, all...
GABRIELLE
(very angry; stands
on toes and gets
right up in his face)
Joxer, don't you even think about
saying it...
LYSANDRA (O.S.)
(outraged)
Gabrielle! Gabrielle, there are Huns
in my yard!
Jox and Gab glare at each other. The door slams open, and
LYSANDRA enters.
LYSANDRA (CONT'D)
Your Huns are barbecuing my horse,
and they trampled my petunia bed all
to hell, and I want to know what
you're going to do about this, and I
want it fixed now.
GABRIELLE
(still glaring at
Joxer)
I'm on it, Lysandra.
She backs away, not breaking eye contact.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Excuse me, Joxer. I have to go deal
with something IMPORTANT right now.
She and Lysandra leave. Joxer is fuming.
JOXER
Did you see that?
He looks around the room and realizes there is no one there
to talk to except Eve. He goes back to the couch and picks
her up.
JOXER (CONT'D)
Did you? She thinks she can talk
about my friends like that...The
Huns aren't such bad guys, are they,
Eve?
Eve looks solemn and doesn't answer. Genghis and some of the
horde reenter.
GENGHIS KHAN
You ought to come outside. We're
having an Avatar party. We got steaks
and everything. Not from your stable,
of course.
JOXER
Uh...I'm not all that hungry.
GENGHIS KHAN
You sent your woman packing? Good
for you.
JOXER
Uh, well, she's not really...
GENGHIS KHAN
Can't let a woman talk back to you,
that's what I always say.
Genghis leans over and makes silly faces at Eve.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
Coochie-coochie-coo. Yeah, we'll
have a nice dinner and then we'll
leave. We're going to need some like
diapers and stuff. Does she like
beets?
JOXER
Diapers?
GENGHIS KHAN
You're such a great guy and
everything, you can keep the mother.
We'll kidnap a wet-nurse from
somewhere.
JOXER
For what?
GENGHIS KHAN
For the temple.
He sees Joxer is staring at him without comprehension.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
(helpfully)
We're gonna take her back with us
and put her in a temple where we can
worship her properly.
JOXER
(tries to smile)
Oh, really.
GENGHIS KHAN
Yeah. Right after dinner.
He chucks Eve under her chin.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
Coochie coo. So how long does it
take the local horses to cook, anyway?
Joxer is still trying to smile, but is looking more than
faintly ill as we
FADE OUT:
ACT TWO
INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- LATER
Gabrielle and Xena enter through the front door, Xena looking
back over her shoulder out at the yard.
XENA
...don't worry.
GABRIELLE
How can you say not to worry?
XENA
Joxer's right, incredibly enough. If
they were going to rampage they would
have done it earlier.
Joxer is waiting for them. He has his hands on his hips and
he looks uncharacteristically solemn.
XENA (CONT'D)
There you go, Joxer. You were right
for a change. Don't say I never did
anything for you.
JOXER
Xena, we got trouble.
Their steps slow as they realize he's serious.
JOXER (CONT'D)
The Khan told me they were going to
take Eve with them when they leave,
so they can keep her in one of their
temples.
Gabrielle looks aghast and starts to say something, but Xena
holds up her hand for silence. When the silence unexpectedly
stretches out, Xena prompts.
XENA
And?
JOXER
And that's it. I don't know any more,
except they're going to finish up
with their party before they go.
Xena and Gab exchange glances.
XENA
No... I mean the part where you tell
me how it's not your fault.
JOXER
It is my fault. I let them in here,
I screwed up.
Xena approaches him, looking genuinely concerned, and lays a
hand on his forehead.
XENA
Are you feeling all right?
JOXER
I mean it, Xena. You can do whatever
you want to me later, but right
now...right now you got to think of
something to save Eve.
GABRIELLE
We could fight. We'd have the whole
village behind us, we probably could
win, but...
JOXER
(finishing her thought)
...But too many people could get
hurt. Maybe if you guys took her and
got a head start, before the Huns
realize she's gone...
GABRIELLE
(finishing his thought)
...but they've surrounded the house,
and we have no way of getting her
past them without them knowing...
Xena, who has remained calm and composed, holds up a hand
for silence.
XENA
No. We don't have to do any of that.
She takes off her cloak and hangs it up.
XENA (CONT'D)
(unruffled)
They don't want Eve. They want the
Avatar.
GABRIELLE
But she is the Avatar, she...
XENA
But what if she wasn't?
Enjoying their discomfiture, she nods a very self-
satisfied Xena nod.
EXT. QUEEN'S HUT -- NIGHT
The remains of the Huns' bonfire (and several smaller ones,
including one in the thatched roof of Lysandra's hut) are
still flickering.
INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- CONTINUOUS
Genghis and all the surviving Huns troop into the house.
Joxer and Gab are in the main room.
GENGHIS KHAN
Good party. Shame you guys missed
it.
JOXER
We were...busy.
GENGHIS KHAN
(approvingly)
Ah!
He punches Joxer on the shoulder again.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
You dog, you. Well, it's been great,
but we don't want to outstay our
welcome, so if it's all the same to
you we'll just take the Avatar and
go.
GABRIELLE
Of course. Just a minute.
She turns toward the nursery and bumps into an invisible
object, makes a face and ducks underneath it. Genghis watches
her. Xena comes out of the nursery with Eve.
JOXER
Ah, here she is.
He turns around and bumps into whatever it was Gab hit. It
takes him a minute or two to figure out how to duck under it
as well. Genghis Khan frowns and reaches out in front of
him, groping for whatever it is.
JOXER (CONT'D)
All set to go.
Genghis finds the object, pulls his sword, and cuts it.
GENGHIS KHAN
Hey, man. What's this wire doing
here?
JOXER
Wire? What wire?
GENGHIS KHAN
(holding up its end)
This wire.
GABRIELLE
Oh...that wire.
(pause)
Nothing.
Genghis frowns at her as she backs away toward the coat-hook
by the door, behind the group of Huns. Xena steps forward
with Eve.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Well, here she is.
JOXER
The Avatar.
GABRIELLE
Yes, here she is, the Avatar. And
here's her stuff. Give the bag to
the nice man, Evie.
Eve waves at the diaper-bag, which is sitting on the kitchen
table. It lifts off and slowly heads toward Genghis. There
is an audible creaking.
GENGHIS KHAN
(to Gab)
What are you doing?
Gabrielle, who has been fussing with the coat-hook or
something near it, looks up guiltily.
GABRIELLE
Nothing.
She turns around.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(big smile)
Nothing up my sleeves. See?
Even though she is not wearing sleeves, she produces both
hands for inspection. As soon as she takes them from the
wall, the bag drops to the floor with a thump. One of the
Huns picks it up.
OBVIOUS HUN
Man! It is wires.
Xena gives Joxer a look.
XENA
Joxer! What did you do?
JOXER
Nothing.
XENA
Joxer, were you telling people Eve
was the Avatar again?
JOXER
No!
She shifts Eve to one arm and grabs him by the ear with the
other hand.
JOXER (CONT'D)
Ow! I mean, yes.
XENA
Joxer, we've been over this.
(to Genghis)
Delusions of grandeur.
GENGHIS KHAN
(frowning)
But...
XENA
(rolls eyes)
I suppose he told you he's married
to the Queen, too?
GENGHIS KHAN
(hard look at Joxer)
As a matter of fact, yes.
GABRIELLE
Eeww--gross!
Xena gives Joxer a shake and lets him go.
XENA
I'm terribly sorry this happened.
Joxer, go apologize to the nice man.
She takes Eve in both arms and glares at him, until he wilts
and walks up to Genghis.
JOXER
(mumbling)
I'm sorry I told you Eve was the
Avatar.
GENGHIS KHAN
So she's not after all?
JOXER
Yeah. She's just a regular baby.
He rubs his ear and glares over his shoulder at Xena.
JOXER (CONT'D)
When the Avatar was here, I was
thinking it would be cool if Eve was
one too, is all.
OBVIOUS HUN
The Avatar's gone?
JOXER
(looking at floor)
Yeah, her mother took her and rode
off with this big army a couple months
back. They were going to Egypt, I
think. Kept saying something about
Cleopatra.
The Huns look at each other and murmur. Xena holds Eve
closely.
GENGHIS KHAN
Just a normal baby?
(sighs)
Well...guess we'd better move on,
then.
The horde starts shuffling and muttering to itself. Gabrielle,
safely out of sight of the Huns, smiles in relief, and Xena
walks to the kitchen table with Eve and sits down.
JOXER
I'm really sorry about the
misunderstanding and all.
GENGHIS KHAN
Yeah.
JOXER
I guess I just got carried away.
GENGHIS KHAN
Don't sweat it. I know how it is.
JOXER
I hope you find the Avatar soon.
GENGHIS KHAN
Yeah, so do I. We wasted a lot of
time here, y'know, worshipping the
wrong baby and all.
He doesn't change his tone or miss a beat. As quickly as he
broke the Unfortunate Hun's neck earlier, he draws his sword
and lays it against Joxer's throat.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
I mean, assuming she was the wrong
baby.
The room falls silent.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
Assuming you weren't just trying to
talk us out of taking her. But if
you really were lying to me that was
disrespectful, and I gotta cut your
head off.
From where Xena is sitting at the table she would have trouble
bringing the chakram into play even if she was not holding
Eve, and Gabrielle has an entire horde of Huns between her
and Joxer. Both of them look stricken.
JOXER
Are you still going to take Eve?
GENGHIS KHAN
We don't need any normal babies.
Just
(sword blade presses
into Joxer's neck)
the Avatar.
Joxer swallows (very carefully, considering) and speaks.
JOXER
Eve's a normal baby. She's not the
Avatar, and if I told you she was I
was lying. So...do what you have to
do.
There is a beat.
GENGHIS KHAN
Aeh.
As quickly as he drew the sword, he puts it away.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
Usually we show up some place, people
freak, there's a big hassle and we
have to rampage all over the damn
place before we can get a little
respect. You were nice to us right
off, invited us into your house,
showed us the baby, gave us some
drinks, we had a good time--I'll cut
you some slack on this one.
Gabrielle slumps against the wall.
GENGHIS KHAN (CONT'D)
Come on, guys. Let's go see Cleopatra.
The Huns file out of the house. From outside come a lot of
loud whinnying and stamping and shouting noises, then the
sound of horses galloping off into the distance. Nobody moves
until the hoofbeats fade.
XENA
Well.
She gets up from the table.
XENA (CONT'D)
This has been an interesting night.
Just like the old days.
She studies Eve and frowns.
XENA (CONT'D)
And you know--I haven't missed them
at all.
EVE
(coos)
XENA
(shakes head)
I'm going to turn in, I think. It's
been a long day, and I wasn't even
here for most of it.
Joxer is still standing in the middle of the room, rubbing
his throat. Gabrielle remains slumped against the wall.
Neither of them move when they speak.
JOXER
G'night, Xena.
GABRIELLE
Night.
Xena takes Eve into the nursery. No one says anything for a
minute.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Well, there you go again, doing insane
stupid things.
JOXER
Yeah.
GABRIELLE
Insane, stupid
(pause)
...and incredibly brave.
JOXER
I don't feel brave.
GABRIELLE
How do you feel?
JOXER
Like I'm going to faint.
GABRIELLE
Maybe you'd better sit down.
(thinks about it)
Maybe I'd better sit down, too.
They both stagger to the couch and sit down heavily. Joxer
studies the floor. Gabrielle sits back and stares into space
while she starts fussing with her RING.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
How did you know the Khan wasn't
going to kill you?
JOXER
Actually, I figured he was.
Gabrielle looks at him.
JOXER (CONT'D)
I couldn't let him take Evie. I mean,
even if it hadn't been my fault, I
couldn't have let him.
GABRIELLE
It wasn't your fault.
JOXER
Yes, it was. I...
GABRIELLE
Joxer, you can't second-guess yourself
all the time, because that just makes
you crazy. I ought to know.
He makes a vague I'm-listening noise. Gabrielle looks into
her lap.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
And when you saw you had done
something wrong, you admitted it and
you went back and you fixed it. You're
right, you know--I guess you really
have changed.
(toys with ring)
I don't know what I would have done
if he'd gone ahead with it.
JOXER
You would have thought of something.
You and Xena, you guys always think
of something.
GABRIELLE
That's not what I meant, I...
Joxer doesn't hear her. He stands up.
JOXER
I'm gonna go... I don't know, out, I
guess.
He starts for the door.
JOXER (CONT'D)
You know, with the trouble with the
Council, and Lysandra, and now this
with Eve, I'm thinking maybe Cyane
and everybody are right, and I'm
causing too much trouble being here.
Maybe I should just...go away for a
while.
Gabrielle stands up.
GABRIELLE
Joxer, don't even think about it.
He stops in his tracks. After a beat he half-turns and looks
at her. She walks up to him, her movements assured until she
reaches him. Then she slows and becomes more hesitant. They
study each other for a moment, then kiss.
AUDIENCE
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- MORNING
ANGLE ON KITCHEN TABLE
Xena and Gabrielle are sitting at the table. Xena is reading
the morning scroll. Gabrielle has a bowl of PORRIDGE in front
of her, which she is not eating. She is, in fact, not really
doing much of anything. Xena glances sideways at her, frowns,
and glances again.
XENA
You look awfully happy this morning.
GABRIELLE
Mnmh.
She is more or less staring into the middle distance, a dreamy
expression on her face.
XENA
Why?
GABRIELLE
(a few seconds before
she answers)
Hmn? Oh...oh. No reason.
She stares dreamily at the porridge, and bestows a beneficent
smile upon it.
XENA
Don't you have to go to work?
GABRIELLE
Uh...yeah. Work.
She stands up and wanders out of frame, same dreamy smile on
face. Xena watches her go dubiously. There is a clattering,
and Joxer wanders into view. He has an expression remarkably
similar to Gab's. He trips over a chair and goes straight to
the floor. Xena's gaze follows him as he falls down, gets
up, and wanders aimlessly out of frame as well. Her own
expression becomes slightly sour, and she shudders slightly.
XENA
(to herself, almost
under her breath)
Eewwwwwwww.
She pulls the bowl of porridge towards her, looks in it,
shudders again, and pushes it away.
FADE OUT:
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