DOGS IN CLOVER
"Ordinary Amazons"
Show #6
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- MORNING
A bucolic morning, save for the sounds of construction very
audible O.S. -- HAMMERING, SAWING, and Amazon construction
workers TALKING unintelligibly among themselves. Suddenly
the talk resolves itself into a series of HOOTS and CATCALLS.
AMAZON CONSTRUCTION WORKERS (O.S.)
Hey baby! Shake it again for us!
Woohoo!
The front door opens, and JOXER backs hurriedly into the
room, holding a SCROLL which he has apparently just picked
up from outside; he glares out the door before firmly and
rather quickly shutting it, and pauses a second to collect
himself before walking into the room. A visibly grumpy XENA
enters from the nursery on the other side of the hut.
XENA
What in Tartarus are they doing out
there this early in the morning?
JOXER
They have to get the hut done before
the ambassador gets here, I guess.
He hands her the scroll.
JOXER (CONT'D)
Here, I got you the morning scroll.
There's a story about it in there, I
think.
Xena takes the scroll and unrolls it. She scans it quickly,
then shrugs and hands it back.
XENA
I still don't understand what
Gabrielle thinks this is going to
accomplish. Why would anybody want
to wake up every morning and read
all this nonsense before breakfast?
(shrugs)
Still, I suppose it's giving Amarice
something to do.
JOXER
Yeah. Something actually suited to
her talents.
Xena looks sharply at him as he walks into the kitchen. She
pauses a moment before she speaks.
XENA
Not one of her best ideas--but I
suppose her finally getting the tribe
from the western side of the valley
reunited with this one more than
makes up for it.
JOXER
Twice as many Amazons in one place.
Just what the world needs.
He bangs pots around irritably.
XENA
We're a little tense this morning.
JOXER
Tense, why should anybody be tense?
The ambassador from the western tribe
is coming
(bangs pots)
this morning scroll thing's a big
success, or would be if Tonya could
learn to throw it on the step instead
of in the flowerbed
(bangs pots)
and Rhysis is back. What's there to
be TENSE about?
XENA
Ah.
Joxer continues to fuss with the pots. He is not cooking
anything.
XENA (CONT'D)
Well, you knew Rhysis was going to
come back sooner or later.
JOXER
(surly)
Yeah.
XENA
You knew why we came here in the
first place.
JOXER
I don't wanna talk about it.
XENA
You should do something to take your
mind off it.
JOXER
There's nothing to do.
XENA
Why don't you go clean the stable?
JOXER
I don't wanna clean the stable.
XENA
Go out and get some fresh air and
get your mind off things.
Joxer gives up on the pots.
XENA (CONT'D)
You stay cooped up in the house all
day. Go for a walk.
Joxer heads for the back door.
JOXER
You sound like my mother.
He leaves. Xena calls after him.
XENA
And put on a sweater. It's cold
out.
She remains still for a moment, considering.
XENA (CONT'D)
I sound like my mother.
FADE OUT:
ACT ONE
INT. RHYSIS' HUT -- DAY
This is the main room of the village shaman's hut. It is a
round room, with an outer door and two curtained doorways
spaced roughly equidistant around the circle. A large
fireplace, maybe larger than necessary, is located between
the two curtained doorways, and the rest of the wall space
is taken up with shelving on which are neatly filed dozens
of scrolls, interspersed here and there with various shamanic
tchotchkes. On one side of the room is a large wooden desk;
on the other a couple of comfortable-looking chairs and a
Roman-style backless couch, raised at one end, with tufted-
leather upholstery. The front door eases open slowly, and
GABRIELLE peers inside.
GABRIELLE
Hello?
There is no answer, and she enters the hut, closing the door
carefully behind her. After an indecisive pause, she makes
her way to one of the chairs and sits down, where she fidgets
nervously and fingers the RING on her hand.
RHYSIS (O.S.)
Hello?
Gabrielle looks up as RHYSIS enters through one of the
curtained doorways. She is a tall woman of indeterminate
age, with an open, friendly expression. She is wearing what
is by Amazon standards a very plain outfit, and there is not
a single feather visible on her.
GABRIELLE
Oh...hello. I'm waiting for the
shaman.
RHYSIS
You found her.
She offers Gabrielle her hand.
RHYSIS (CONT'D)
I'm Rhysis...and you must be the new
Queen?
GABRIELLE
Ah...Gabrielle.
They shake hands. Rhysis turns Gabrielle's hand over for a
moment to get a good look at the ring, then releases it.
She sits down and they face each other.
RHYSIS
So.
GABRIELLE
So.
There is a moment's silence.
RHYSIS
Well...I've heard a lot about you.
GABRIELLE
Oh.
(rolls eyes)
from Amarice?
RHYSIS
No...Cyane.
GABRIELLE
Oh...Cyane.
They both GROAN to themselves at the same time, then look at
each other in surprise and laugh.
RHYSIS
So. How can I help you? I already
heard one story from Cyane...now I'd
like to hear it without the added
hysteria.
GABRIELLE
Oh...it's very simple, really.
Aphrodite hit me with a marriage
spell, and I was hoping you could
lift it.
Rhysis nods.
RHYSIS
All right. Let's see--
Gabrielle fidgets.
RHYSIS (CONT'D)
Why don't you lie down on the couch?
ANGLE ON COUCH
as Gabrielle nervously does so. She fidgets apprehensively
as o.s. we can hear Rhysis get up and rummage through some
drawers. As Rhysis reapproaches the couch, Gabrielle visibly
takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, staunchly preparing
herself for whatever is going to happen.
RHYSIS (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Okay. Let's get started then.
Despite herself, Gabrielle opens her eyes--and blinks.
ANGLE ON RHYSIS
She is sitting in the chair again, and is holding a WAX TABLET
and a STYLUS.
RHYSIS (CONT'D)
Tell me everything you remember about
the spell being cast.
Gabrielle lifts her head.
GABRIELLE
Uh, where--
RHYSIS
What?
GABRIELLE
Where's your stuff? You know, the...
(waves hand)
stuff.
RHYSIS
You mean, the skins, the herbs, the
rattles, the
(very good Alti
imitation)
dire pronouncements?
GABRIELLE
And the antlers. Don't forget the
antlers.
RHYSIS
Window dressing.
GABRIELLE
I was expecting more like the, well,
you know--
(realizes she's about
to say it but can't
help herself)
traditional...
RHYSIS
I'll tell you a secret. Even with
traditional shamans, ninety percent
of that's just done for effect.
GABRIELLE
Really?
(thinks for a moment)
Then if you didn't do any of that,
what did you do at the conference?
RHYSIS
Mostly we drank a lot...and told
penis jokes.
(picks up stylus)
So...let's begin.
EXT. SIDE YARD -- LATER
Outside the Queen's hut, near the overgrown HEDGE that marks
the boundary of the property. Joxer is leaning on a rake,
looking over the hedge at the activity going on o.s.
AMAZON CONSTRUCTION WORKERS (O.S.)
Yo, sweetheart! Blow us a kiss!
He rolls his eyes as Xena comes walking up.
XENA
Just ignore them.
She hears what she has just said and frowns to herself.
XENA (CONT'D)
Uh, so has the ambassador arrived
yet?
JOXER
I don't think so. Lots of wagons
going in and out, but so far doesn't
look like anyone moving in...just
setting up.
(pause)
She has a hot tub.
XENA
Joxer, don't even--
JOXER
--don't even think about it, yeah,
yeah, I know. I thought maybe I
should fix up the yard a little on
this side so they get a nicer view.
Maybe a trellis.
XENA
(shakes head)
If they don't like you for who you
are, they're not really your friends.
She looks startled again at hearing herself say this. Joxer
doesn't notice and goes on.
JOXER
Wouldn't hurt, though. I'll go down
to the supply hut after lunch and
see if they have any decent wood.
XENA
Wipe your feet before you go into
the house, they're all muddy.
She looks astonished, but keeps talking.
XENA (CONT'D)
And wash your hands before you eat.
Horrified, she clamps her own hands over her mouth to stop
herself saying anything further.
JOXER
(grumbling)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't nag.
He leaves. Xena gives herself a few seconds, then with a
sigh of relief takes her hands away from her mouth.
XENA
(realizes she's about
to say it but can't
help herself)
If you keep making a face like that
it'll stick that way!
INT. RHYSIS' HUT -- LATER
Gabrielle is still lying on the couch and Rhysis is taking
notes on the tablet.
GABRIELLE
...and so Xena said she thought you
might be able to undo the spell,
because your methods were unique.
RHYSIS
Mnh-hmh.
GABRIELLE
But Xena didn't mean anything by it,
because that's just the way Xena is.
She's kind of blunt, Xena.
RHYSIS
Mnh-hmh.
GABRIELLE
And then...and then Xena brought us
here, and now we're here. And,
um...that's it.
RHYSIS
Mnh-hmh. Interesting.
GABRIELLE
Yeah?
RHYSIS
Mnh-hmh.
There is a pause.
GABRIELLE
So. Can you break it, d'you think?
RHYSIS
Tell me something.
GABRIELLE
Sure.
RHYSIS
You're married to Xena?
GABRIELLE
(laughs)
No! Don't be silly. I'm married to
Joxer.
RHYSIS
Do you realize this is the first
time you've told me his name?
GABRIELLE
Really?
(considers)
Oh...I'm sorry. I forgot about him,
I guess.
RHYSIS
Do you do that a lot?
GABRIELLE
Look. You don't know about Joxer.
He's always...there. He's kind of
like
(thinks)
fungus.
RHYSIS
I see.
(makes notes)
Would you consider that a flattering
comparison?
GABRIELLE
Okay, okay, it's not the best
metaphor. But, uh...Joxer's kind of
hard to come up with metaphors for.
He's
(thinks again)
unique.
RHYSIS
He must be, or else you wouldn't
have used him in the spell. No, the
reason I asked was that you kept
telling me Xena said this, and Xena
did that, and I was wondering...what
did Gabrielle do?
Gabrielle partly sits up.
GABRIELLE
Gabrielle got the spell put on her,
if you remember.
RHYSIS
Gabrielle, repeat to me again what
Aphrodite told you.
GABRIELLE
She told me that I didn't know what
I really felt, and until I made up
my mind, she wouldn't be able to
break the spell.
RHYSIS
When she asked you to make up your
mind about what you really felt--
what exactly do you think she was
referring to?
GABRIELLE
(not quite looking at
Rhysis)
Uh, I don't know.
RHYSIS
Can you guess?
GABRIELLE
Uh
(fingers the ring)
I'm not really sure.
(brightly)
What do you think?
RHYSIS
Come now, Gabrielle. You're an
intelligent woman. You're a bard.
You're a Queen. If somebody told
you this story, what would you say?
GABRIELLE
(without thinking)
Well, I'd say they were trying to
avoid the subject.
(looks at Rhysis)
That wasn't nice.
RHYSIS
Sorry. It's a shaman trick.
GABRIELLE
And I see what you're trying to do.
You're trying to get me to agree
with what Aphrodite thinks.
RHYSIS
What does Aphrodite think?
GABRIELLE
What
(emphasis on the name)
Aphrodite thinks, apparently, is
that I used Joxer in the spell because
I lo-- because I wanted him or
something, instead of because of him
always being there, like the fungus.
RHYSIS
So you think that it might have been
any man you knew? That it could
have been any of your male friends,
or even a passing acquaintance who
just happened to be on the dock at
that time?
GABRIELLE
No. Yes. I mean, no. I mean...
(stares at Rhysis)
So, can you break the spell or not?
RHYSIS
Ultimately, I think so. We're going
to need to work together on this,
and it's going to be hard. You're
going to have to face a lot of things
about yourself, which I'm sure you
can do--you're a very strong,
intelligent woman, and...
GABRIELLE
Wait a minute here. Wait a minute.
She sits up.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
You know, that sounds almost exactly
like what Aphrodite said.
RHYSIS
It is, basically. The only difference
is you can break this spell yourself
if you try, and not have to be
dependent on the whim of a god to do
it.
GABRIELLE
No, see. I don't want to do that.
RHYSIS
I know. You'd rather have the rattles
and the antlers and the dire
pronouncements...but, Gabrielle,
those kind of things never work
permanently. They only solve the
symptoms, never the problems.
GABRIELLE
I don't have any problems.
(stands up)
Joxer, he has nothing but problems.
Aphrodite? All you have to do is
look at the way she dresses. Even
Xena. Even Xena has problems. Me,
I don't have any problems.
Rhysis starts to say something, but Gab keeps going.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(loudly, in order to
drown out whatever
it is Rhysis is about
to say)
The only problem I have is getting
this stupid spell undone, and if you
can't do it then I'm going to find
somebody who can.
She turns and stalks out of the hut, slamming the front door
behind her. Rhysis watches her go, and shakes her head.
FADE OUT:
ACT TWO
INT. SUPPLY HUT -- AFTERNOON
A large hut, crowded with shelves and stacks of things Amazons
might need for the Amazon good life -- jars, urns, boxes,
bundles of dried herbs, swords, spears, very small brown
leather bras, etc. Several Amazons are browsing among the
shelves. Joxer is rummaging through some wooden slats and
premade pieces of lattice-work amidst the gardening supplies
against one wall. He leans over to pick up something that
has caught his eye and studies it dubiously. It is a flat
cut-out piece of wood shaped and painted to look like a
barbarian bending over from the back side. He frowns and
puts it down again. In the background Xena appears in the
doorway of the hut, looking stressed; she sees Joxer and
heads straight for him.
XENA
Joxer!
JOXER
Hi, Xena.
He picks up a piece of wood and examines it critically.
XENA
Joxer, I need your help.
Joxer does a small double-take, blinking.
JOXER
You need my...?
XENA
Over here.
She grabs him by one arm and drags him into the middle of
the room, away from anyone who might hear.
JOXER
(preening)
What can I do for you? What?
XENA
Joxer. Joxer, you've got to help
me. I'm turning into my mother.
She stares deeply into his eyes for a few seconds before she
realizes his return stare is utterly uncomprehending.
XENA (CONT'D)
I've started talking like my mother
and I can't stop.
JOXER
Well. Well...
(has to think about
it)
Is that a bad thing?
Xena glares. He looks aside nervously.
XENA
Look at me when I'm talking to you.
(catches herself)
See? Like that.
JOXER
Oh
(relieved)
That's not so bad. Cyane tells me
to do worse stuff all the time.
XENA
Cyane. If Cyane jumped off the
Acropolis, would you jump off too?
(aggravated noise)
See! See? There! I did it again!
JOXER
Well...stop.
XENA
I CAN'T stop. I've been trying and
I CAN'T STOP.
She starts to pace in a small, frenzied circle.
XENA (CONT'D)
You know what it is? It's this
keeping house and this feeding babies
and this noisy next-door neighbors.
It's all this
(gestures)
this domesticity, and this bland
suburban...it's like it's choking
me, y'know, it's like it's oppressing
my soul so much I can't breathe...
She is hyperventilating a little and appears to be on the
edge of an anxiety attack. Joxer freaks.
JOXER
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh...here.
He fetches a chair.
JOXER (CONT'D)
Here. Sit down.
(pushes Xena into the
chair)
Breathe. Put your head down and
breathe. You should breathe into a
bag. Where's a bag? Would you like
some water? I'll get some water.
Is there any water around here?
Where's the water?
XENA
(roaring suddenly)
JOXER!
He freezes.
XENA (CONT'D)
Sit!
Obediently he drops in his tracks, sitting on the floor in
front of her. Xena takes a deep breath.
XENA (CONT'D)
There. There...that's better. It's
gone, I think.
She takes another couple of breaths before she gets out of
the chair.
XENA (CONT'D)
Yeah, it's gone. Focus. That's all
that was missing. I just needed
something to focus on.
She offers him her hand and pulls him to his feet.
XENA (CONT'D)
All this "mellow"...this is not me.
JOXER
No, it's not.
(sees the look she
gives him at this)
I mean...
XENA
I think I'll go home and shut up
those noisy cretins next door. Give
us some peace and quiet, and give me
something to...focus on.
JOXER
Okay.
XENA
Come on. You won't have to fix up
the side yard after all.
She puts a hand on his shoulder to steer him out the door,
then stops and examines him critically.
XENA (CONT'D)
Don't slouch.
JOXER
Kay.
They head for the door.
XENA
And don't mumble.
JOXER
No ma'am.
XENA
(as they exit through
the door)
And when was the last time you changed
that shirt?...
INT. RHYSIS' HUT -- LATER
Rhysis is sitting at her desk with a scroll and a quill,
carefully transcribing the notes from her wax tablet. There
is a KNOCK at the door.
RHYSIS
Come in.
The door cracks open, and Gabrielle peers inside.
GABRIELLE
Uh...may I come in?
RHYSIS
Of course.
Gabrielle comes in. She is obviously nervous and
embarrassed,and stands just inside the entranceway after
closing the door, fussing with her ring.
GABRIELLE
Rhysis, I, um...I just wanted to
apologize for the way I acted earlier.
RHYSIS
Ah, forget about it.
GABRIELLE
No. No, I shouldn't have lost my
temper. It's not your fault about
the stupid spell and...everything,
and...and I'm sorry.
RHYSIS
Apology accepted.
(gestures to a chair)
Would you like to sit down?
Gabrielle looks reluctant.
RHYSIS (CONT'D)
No shaman tricks or anything. Just
girl talk.
GABRIELLE
That would be lovely.
She pulls up one of the chairs and sits down.
RHYSIS
Fine. Give me a second to finish
this up, and I'll go make a pot of
herb tea.
GABRIELLE
What are you doing?
RHYSIS
Transcribing my notes. See, I keep
records of all the consultations I
do. I've found people often have
the same problems as many other people
had before them, but they just don't
realize it.
(a beat)
Those people who have problems, of
course.
GABRIELLE
(embarrassed smile)
Of course.
RHYSIS
Who are not you.
GABRIELLE
Right.
She waits a moment until Rhysis' attention is turned back to
the scroll, then leans forward a little, trying to read it.
RHYSIS
(without looking up)
It's not yours.
Gabrielle sits back up straight, embarrassed at being caught
out.
RHYSIS (CONT'D)
I've erased my notes on that. If
you don't want to proceed any further,
I don't have any right to keep what
you've said.
GABRIELLE
Well...it's really not that big a
deal.
RHYSIS
And, of course, even if you did want
to work more on it, I would never
let anyone else read the scrolls, or
know what you said.
GABRIELLE
Not anyone?
(pause)
Not even...
RHYSIS
(finishing sentence)
...Xena?
GABRIELLE
No...Cyane.
RHYSIS
Oh...Cyane.
They both GROAN.
RHYSIS (CONT'D)
Especially not Cyane.
GABRIELLE
She's been all bent out of shape
since I got here about me being
married and everything, y'know. I
mean, I understand her point of view,
but she just refuses to be flexible
about it at all.
RHYSIS
Well...it's not your fault you're
married.
GABRIELLE
It's not even that. She'd be
perfectly fine with me being married
if I was willing to send Joxer away
and let the bears or the Furies or
something get him.
RHYSIS
And you're not willing to do that.
GABRIELLE
No.
RHYSIS
Why not?
GABRIELLE
What?
RHYSIS
Why not?
She puts down the quill and folds her hands on the table,
looking at Gab.
RHYSIS (CONT'D)
After all, you're the only one that
can break the spell. You don't need
him to do so...and it sounds like
having him around is making it harder
on you, not easier.
GABRIELLE
Well, there's that Furies thing.
RHYSIS
But wouldn't that be entirely
dependent on his actions? He knows
there are boundaries he can't cross
as long as he's married to you, and
he knows what the consequences are.
So wouldn't that really be his
responsibility to keep the Furies
away, not yours? All he'd need would
be a little common sense.
GABRIELLE
(after a beat)
You really, really don't know Joxer,
do you?
RHYSIS
You don't trust him.
GABRIELLE
Oh, I trust him perfectly well...to
get himself in trouble.
She shifts uneasily in the chair.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
It's not like Joxer can't get himself
into enough trouble as is, but the
longer we've known him the worse it
seems to get...and a lot of it is
just because he knows us.
I mean, we put him through so much
grief, we really kind of owe it to
him to look out for him, y'know?
She absently fingers the ring.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
And, um, like, he's always been there
for me, and I haven't... I haven't
always been able to return the favor.
Sometimes I've been too wrapped up
in myself, and sometimes I just didn't
realize, because that was before he
told me
(looks at the ring,
voice drops almost
to a whisper)
that he loved me.
RHYSIS
He's in love with you?
GABRIELLE
Yeah.
RHYSIS
I didn't know that.
GABRIELLE
Well, a lot of people don't,
especially Amazons.
(pause)
On the other hand, to hear Xena talk
about it, everyone knew all along
except me.
RHYSIS
Tough situation.
GABRIELLE
Yeah. Tell me about it.
She sits back in the chair and SIGHS.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
You know, everyone's always telling
me I should figure out what I feel,
but they don't understand. I'm afraid
that whatever it is...I'm afraid I'm
going to hurt him. I don't want to
do that. He doesn't deserve it.
(pause)
And neither do I.
She looks at her hand one more time.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Um...I'd really like to talk about
this some more if you'd let me. I
can't talk about it with anybody.
Not even with...well, actually,
especially not with Xena.
RHYSIS
We could arrange that, I think.
GABRIELLE
I mean, I just want to talk about
Joxer a bit. I don't need to do all
that work you were talking about.
RHYSIS
That would be fine.
GABRIELLE
I just need to get some things off
my chest, is all.
RHYSIS
Of course.
She wipes off the wax tablet and picks up the stylus.
RHYSIS (CONT'D)
So. Where do you want to start?
GABRIELLE
(considers)
I don't know. Do you think I should
start when he told me? That was
about a year and a half ago, right
after Xena and I came back from the
dead but before she found out Eli's
god had made her pregnant.
Rhysis doesn't answer.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Or, y'know, I could probably go back
to the time I got resurrected before
that. I think maybe Joxer was going
to try to tell me then, but my
grandchild was going around trying
to kill everyone and we all got
distracted. Of course, his mother
was a half-demon, so I suppose I
couldn't really blame him.
Rhysis doesn't answer.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
Or maybe I should just start when
Joxer and I first met, that time
that Eve tried to get him to kill
me, except she was Callisto then.
Rhysis doesn't answer. Gabrielle notices this for the first
time.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(helpfully)
Her previous incarnation, y'know.
Rhysis doesn't answer for a long moment. At last she speaks.
RHYSIS
Uh...excuse me a second. I think I
need to get a larger tablet.
INT. QUEEN'S HUT -- EVENING
The room is still. Suddenly there is the sound of a SCUFFLE
outside, and the door flies open. Xena enters, dragging a
strange Amazon, LYSANDRA, by her throat. Joxer follows close
behind them.
XENA
Who are you, and what are you doing
skulking around on my property?
LYSANDRA
I--
Xena throws her up against the wall and puts the pinch on
her.
XENA
(to Joxer,
conversationally)
You know, I think this is working. I
feel much better now.
(to Lysandra,
threatening)
I've cut off the blood flow to your
brain. You have thirty seconds to
tell me what you're doing outside
when it's this cold without a sweater
on DAMN IT!
She whirls and stomps away, furious with herself. Joxer
leans over the gasping Amazon.
JOXER
You'd better tell her. She's not in
a real good mood right now.
(notices Lysandra is
turning an interesting
shade of blue)
Uh, Xena?
XENA
(rounding on him)
What?!
She looks at Lysandra.
XENA (CONT'D)
Oh.
She walks back over and takes the pinch off. Lysandra slumps
against the wall, wheezing.
XENA (CONT'D)
I asked you a question. What are
you doing skulking...
LYSANDRA
(gasping)
I wasn't "skulking". I was walking
up to the front door.
Joxer looks slightly guilty at this, which makes us think
Lysandra is telling the truth. Xena is still in too bad a
mood to care, though.
XENA
Why?
LYSANDRA
To introduce myself to the Queen.
She stands up, glaring.
LYSANDRA (CONT'D)
My name is Lysandra. I'm the
ambassador from the Western tribe.
Xena looks just a little taken aback.
LYSANDRA (CONT'D)
I just came over to pay my respects.
No one says anything for an awkward moment, then Joxer (with
an obvious effort) puts a big smile on his face and offers
his hand to her.
JOXER
Well...hello!
She ignores him.
LYSANDRA
What is going on in this village
anyway? There's already been two
earthquakes directly under my living
room today, my horse spontaneously
combusted...
XENA
That was probably my daughter that
did that. She's feeling a little
colicky.
LYSANDRA
...I get attacked for not wearing a
sweater...
(stops, gapes for a
moment, and points
at Joxer)
WHAT is THAT?!!
XENA
That?
She looks around to make sure she and Lysandra are on the
same page.
XENA (CONT'D)
That's Joxer.
JOXER
(still holding out
hand)
We've heard so much about you.
LYSANDRA
A man. The Queen has a man in her
house.
XENA
Well, kind of a man.
JOXER
Hey.
LYSANDRA
And we're supposed to make peace
with this tribe?
She backs away, glaring.
LYSANDRA (CONT'D)
I am not impressed, let me tell you.
Gabrielle enters.
LYSANDRA (CONT'D)
I am going to put all of this in my
report to my Cyane, you can believe
me. Exploding horses, sweater-wearing
warriors, man-loving perverts...
GABRIELLE
Hi, guys. Xena...
(not quite looking at
him)
...Joxer.
JOXER
(surprised at being
spoken to)
Hello.
LYSANDRA
(to Gab)
And you too, whoever you are.
She exits. Gabrielle looks after her, bemused.
GABRIELLE
Who was that?
XENA
Our new neighbor.
JOXER
(standing on his toes;
calling after Lysandra)
It was nice meeting you!
GABRIELLE
The ambassador? Well, I hope we made
a good impression.
XENA
(not quite looking at
her)
She seemed to think we were a little
unconventional.
GABRIELLE
Funny...that's exactly what Rhysis
said.
(shrugs)
Anyway. She says we can probably
lift the spell...but it'll take a
little time.
Joxer, who had tensed at the mention of Rhysis' name, looks
obviously relieved at this.
XENA
She say anything else?
GABRIELLE
Sorry, can't tell you. It's a shaman
confidentiality thing.
Xena looks at her critically.
XENA
You look a little peaked.
GABRIELLE
I've been busy.
XENA
You don't eat enough vegetables.
GABRIELLE
I don't like vegetables.
XENA
I'm going to cook dinner tonight,
and everyone is going to eat their
vegetables whether they like it or
not.
She stalks off towards the kitchen. Gabrielle starts after
her, then stops.
GABRIELLE
(to Joxer)
You coming?
Joxer, who has been trying to remain invisible so he can
eavesdrop on the Rhysis conversation, is taken aback for a
minute or two.
JOXER
What, with you guys, and, and... I
don't want to, y'know, impose.
GABRIELLE
Come on. It'll be fun.
She hesitates for a moment before she takes his hand in a
carefully neutral gesture and tugs slightly.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
We'll talk, okay? Rhysis says people
don't talk enough, and I think I
agree with her.
JOXER
(suspicious)
Really?
GABRIELLE
Really.
They walk out of frame toward the kitchen after Xena.
GABRIELLE (CONT'D)
(as they leave)
Could you do me a favor and get me
my sweater? It's kind of chilly
lately.
FADE OUT:
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