Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 62

Standing stunned, I stared vacantly at the screen of the sticky picture machine, while AnChilHyun knelt down before the picture dispenser. My head fell towards the floor and I stared down at the top of AnChilHyun’s head.

Wait…did he just…kiss…me…

I stared into AnChilHyun’s open palm, and looked at him questionably. I was still too dazed to really consider saying anything, or even reacting.

“Give me your phone.”

I placed my phone into his hand while he carefully placed a square picture on the battery of my cell. After he placed the phone back into my still opened palm, I looked down to see AnChilHyun staring mysteriously up while I smiled awkwardly. The picture of the two of us seemed so surreal. As I stared mindlessly at the picture, AnChliHyun suddenly started to pull me out of the sticky picture booth.

“Where are we going?”

“School.”

“Already?”

My watch read 12:20 in the afternoon. AnChilHyun gave me a pathetic look and began to head back towards school.

“That is why you’re not as smart as me SuhBoHyung.”

I ran after him, and punched him on the side of his arm. Looking at me stunned, AnChilHyun massaged his arm while giving me an accusing glare.

”That hurt.”

“No really?”

The rest of the way back to school was constant bickering between the two of us. I never thought there was much to talk about with AnChilHyun, but I was soon proven wrong as I babbled on and on about everything from politics to the latest GiShinBangDong single. By the time we reached the entrance of JoongAng, I was running out of things to talk about, but thankfully AnChilHyun stepped in.

“You go in first.”

“Why?”

AnChilHyun sighed tiredly, and took a deep breath before beginning his explanation.

“If we both go in at the same time it’s going to look suspicious. I already took the intiative to have one of the guys tell the class president that you had a doctor’s appointment.”

Wow…no wonder he’s first place.

“What about you?”

“Mr. Jung thinks I’m in the nurses office lying down because of a headache.”

“Oh…”

“Go in. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”

Biting down on my lower lip I headed into the school grounds, but hesitated for a second. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to or not, but I twirled around and waved at AnChilHyun who turned around to see who I was waving at. When he noticed it was him that I was waving at, a light blush of red filled his cheeks and he looked away with a sheepish grin. I couldn’t help but to chuckle to myself while running towards the school.

“BoHyung!”

For the second time I stopped and turned around. AnChilHyun was a few feet away, but came running towards me. Holding onto my shoulders he looked firmly into my eyes.

“Whatever happens…I’m right here. So…”

What was he trying to say?

“I know you’re strong, but don’t forget even the strongest pillar needs some kind of support.”

I wasn’t sure what he was trying to say, but while comforting me in a distinctive way, at the same time there was a slab of pressure that rested upon my shoulder. What was he getting at?

“Are you trying to get all philosophical with me AnChilHyun?”

AnChilHyun’s large hand patted my head.

“I’m just saying, that you shouldn’t try to deal with things—“

“Ew you’re starting to weird me out. I’ll see you in class okay?”

I laughed off the strange feeling, and ran towards the school. As I neared my classroom I slowed my pace, and tried to catch my breathe. Taking in a deep breath before the closed classroom door, I closed my eyes and quietly slid open the door. Although the door opened without a squeak, the entire class turned around to greet me with a silent stare. From the front of the classroom Mr. Jung waved his wooden stick in my direction.

“Take your seat SuhBoHyung. I was informed about your doctors appointment.”

I bowed and walked over to my seat next to HeeJoo. While settling into my seat I pulled some books out of my book bag and opened up my desk. To my surprise I was greeted with an unpleasant smell of glue. Looking into my desk all my books and some class room material was covered in dried clumps of glue. Written in a sharpie the inside of my desk screamed, “wh.ore,” “slut,” “bi.tch,” and a few other obscene words.

My eyes couldn’t help but to wander towards the girl sitting next to me. HeeJoo’s eyes were puffy and red…from crying. I wanted to accuse her for the ruined state my desk was in, but Mr. Jung’s powerful voice brought my attention to the blackboard.

“Is something wrong SuhBoHyung?”

Quickly letting my desk face slam shut, I shook my head, and placed my books on my desk. As Mr. Jung returned to some math problems, some girls sitting a few rows away from me began to snicker, but then again everyone else’s misery was their pleasure.

As I opened up my math book I felt a light tap on my head, and I watched as a crumpled piece of paper fell lightly onto my lap. I dared not look around. Instead I opened the tossed note, and read the threatening words that stared up at me.

“Backstabbing wh.ore.”

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 63

NaRi and I patiently sat in front of the arcade watching out for signs of JaeJoong, YooChun, or JoonSoo. Fidgeting with her fingers, NaRi nervously searched the streets, and continued to keep her eyes glued to the busy sidewalk looking for a familiar face, until JoonSoo was finally spotted tiredly walking towards us. Relieved at the sight of JoonSoo’s comforting smile, NaRi ran quickly towards JoonSoo as she rushed into his open arms.

My sensitive cousin broke into another fit of tears as she angrily stared into his bright eyes that twinkled underneath the neon lights of the sidewalk. JoonSoo sheepishly stuck his tongue out halfway as he wiped away NaRi’s tears with the end of his untied uniform tie.

“Why did you yell at her? You didn’t have to. You know how much YooChun oppa—“

“If I don’t protect you who will? You’re my girlfriend. You weren’t getting angry so I had to get angry for you.”

I was surprised at how suave JoonSoo could be. Constantly he was just this cute kid that ultimately seemed a bit ditzy, yet cute. Not the type girls swooned over, but more the type that older girls liked to awe and coo at. It was a pleasant surprise to see his boyish side put aside, and a more mature and smooth character emerging.

“I was worried! Do you know how worried I was?”

JoonSoo blinked his left eye closed as he pulled his hands over his head in a heart shape. NaRi huffed, and turned around from JoonSoo, who quickly placed his open palm over her shoulder and in front of her nose. Snatching the object from his hand, NaRi turned around again and proudly held out the packet of purple gum. I couldn’t help but laugh as I realized what was written across the packet. “JoonSoo <3’s NaRi.” JoonSoo’s famous ShingShing gum no longer had the bold letters “KimJoonSoo” but now consisted of his bold statement of love for my cousin, SuhNaRi.

“I don’t think you guys can get any more disgustingly cute.”

The two turned towards me, and I could see JoonSoo’s slightly bruised face turning neon red as he blushed profusely. Avoiding running into the busily scattered people, JoonSoo and NaRi walked over towards me, and the entrance of the arcade.

“Noona, JaeJoongie hyung said he would be here in just a second. He’s just walking YooChun hyung to the bus stop.”

“Unnie it’s okay if we go first right? JoonSoo had a stressful day. He has to get home early. Remember how he was involved with that fight? Those stupid as.sholes hit his head and then this whole…well you understand right?”

Of course I understand darling. You’re ditching your cousin for some guy. Uh huh. Got it.

“No problem NaRi.”

I could see my sweet little JoonSoo protesting.

“Lets wait until JaeJoong hyung come back and—“

“I’ll see you later unnie!”

NaRi dragged JoonSoo away, as he looked at me apologetically and quickly disappeared into the busy street. I sighed and took a seat next to the machine that picked up dolls with a metal claw. To waste time I counted all the bad high school students that exited the popular arcade. Right when I reached bad student number seventeen, he actually squatted in front of me so we were eye level, and looked at me with an amused grin while he smoked a cigarette.

An ugly cut along his eyebrow caught my attention. Then my eyes slowly wandered toward an even uglier cut along the side of split lip. I would have winced in pain while looking at him, but I was too scared to react to the face staring at me. So I concentrated on the only part of seventeen that didn’t look damaged. His ear.

“You’re pretty cute. Why you sitting here alone?”

“I’m actually an old lady. Want to see my school ID?”

Amused at my reply, which I was not expecting, seventeen looked up at his two other surrounding friends, who both looked as beat up as him, and laughed uproariously. I fiddled for my wallet in my purse, when I felt a cold hand grasping onto my wrist.

Why is he holding onto my wrist?! Why do high school students have to be so da.mn scary these days?!

“You should probably go home and…and…study you know…and—“

“But you’re so cute noona. I just want to have a little—“

Then JaeJoong’s chilling voice interrupted seventeen’s almost threatening statemtn.

“Hey fu.cker will you please explain to me why you have dirty hands on my girlfriend?!”

But I’m not your…well I will be for now.

Seventeen, which JaeJoong referd to as “fu.cker,” annoyingly twisted his head in the direction of JaeJoong’s voice, then immediately gritted his teeth in frustration when he realized who it was.

“Today sure is a shi.tty day. I run into KimJaeJoong not once, but twice. Fu.cking bad omen.”

“Very bad. What? Was getting fu.cked up once not enough so you wanted to go through round two?”

So these were the guys the boys had gotten into a fight with earlier in the day.

“What the fu.ck are you going to do KimJaeJoong?! Without JungYunHo—“

They were testing JaeJoong…and that was such a bad idea.

“So fu.cking try me.”

Please don’t.

I quickly stepped in front of JaeJoong, and faced the three hoodlums. Looking around I noticed a good crowd of other arcade goers encircling the five of us.

“Fighting is bad. You guys should all study instead.”

The three boys laughed, but they obviously didn’t want to fight JaeJoong although their words said differently.

“Next time KimJaeJoong.”

“Next time I’ll make suer to end it correctly.”

Why did JaeJoong always need to have the last word?! As the three boys walked away into the street, the large crowd dispersed thanks to the squashed situation. Sighing thankfully I began to make my way along the busy sidewalk, not caring to invite JaeJoong, but he followed anyway. We walked in silence until the people around us filtered out, and we ended up standing in the spotlight of a yellowish street lamp near my apartment complex.

I stood staring down at the awkward ring placed on my finger. It wasn’t right to keep it, and just as I was about to take it off and return it, JaeJoong’s long fingers entwined into mine, and for the first time in two years, I locked fingers with someone of the opposite sex. Someone that wasn’t AnChilHyun.

Such a simple action, yet such a powerful memory retriever. My eyes shut naturally, and I remembered back to the first time I held onto ChilHyun’s hands like this. Just like ChilHyun, JaeJoong’s hands were comforting, and warm. I wanted so desparately to keep my eyes closing soaking in every second of the moment, yet it was so wrong.

Quickly pulling my hand away, I looked up at a slightly surprised JaeJoong. Very apologetically, I took off the ring and forced it into JaeJoong’s hand. I couldn’t do this to him.

“I’m sorry I—“

“You were thinking of him weren’t you…”

I couldn’t lie to him, but I didn’t want to admit to it either. Looking at my shoes, I let my head fall in shame. This wasn’t the first time, but I felt so much younger, so much smaller than him. His sturdy hand lifted my chin up, and I was forced to look into his eyes even though tears were welding in my eyes.

“Little by little…lets erase him little by little.”

With that JaeJoong placed the ring back onto my finger.

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 64

I knew school could be torturous, but not like this. It didn’t end with the glue and the petty notes.

Math. Every time Mr. Jung turned his head another note would hit me, each with an even nastier threat than the note before. This continued for a good thirty minutes until ChilHyun angrily stood up in the middle of the lecture. Of course Mr. Jung demanded what was wrong in which ChilHyun merely apologized, but not before giving a warning glare at the rest of the class.

Thank God the notes stopped, but that didn’t mean the torment stopped.

Art. It was just my luck that we had to draw a nature scene...with paint. I wasn’t at all surprised when a classmate walked in my direction and “accidentally” spilled some paint all over me. Somehow she “accidentally” missed the smock I was wearing, but instead spilled directly through the smock and perfectly over my uniform. To my luck I had an extra uniform set in my locker. I wasn’t going down so easily.

Of course neither were my classmates.

English. So very mysteriously, all my books somehow went missing. I couldn’t just sit in class without any books, so I informed my English teacher. Of course one of my classmates founds the books stashed in the trash can, and instead of handing them back to me, he had taken them to the teacher. Before I was even given the chance to explain, I was forced to raise my hand in punishment while kneeling outside in front of the class.

It was finally time to go home, and it would all be over, or so I thought.

Drying my hands I grabbed my book bag and started to exit the washroom. Just as I stepped forward to leave, five girls from my class stepped in and blocked the entrance, forcing me to take a step back in. I look at the girls and gave them an annoyed glare stating that I was patiently waiting for them to move.

“So SuhBoHyung I heard a quite a few interesting rumors about you.”

I smiled at the girls, but more to myself than anyone. It wasn’t going to be an easy task to get out of the washroom, and I started to ready myself as I tied my hair into a tight ponytail.

“Listen HongMinJi, I don’t have time for any of your stupid as.s telephone games, so if you would kindly get the he.ll out of my way so I can get out of this sh.it hole, no pun intended.”

The girls all gave me disbelieving looks, and huffed and puffed to themselves while they quietly cursed at me under their breath. I think they actually thought I was scared.

“Who the he.ll do you think you are?!”

I took a step forward, and this time the girls took a step back.

“Get out of my way. I don’t have time for this.”

“Why? Do you have to go snatch some other girl’s boyfriend?”

For a second I wondered if I heard her words correctly. Snatch some other girl’s boyfriend? What was this crazy bit.ch talking about? If my intuition was correct, she was referring to HeeJoo and ChilHyun.

“I don’t know what you heard, but—“

“What kind of a dirty wh.ore steals her best friend’s boyfriend! Especially from someone like BaekHeeJoo. No wonder HeeJoo changed. You’re a scary person SuhBoHyung.”

I was in shock. Looking to my side at the mirrors on the wall, I laughed in disbelief then looked back at the accusing girls. It was so pathetic how people jumped at the littlest bait of drama. Engulfing it and making it entirely theirs. I began to head for the door, being forced to push through the girls. It was a bit hard when it was five on one.

“Oh my fu.cking God. Look at her. She’s such a stubborn bit.ch.”

“Do you actually think we’re going to let you go so easily?”

“You’re a stingy wh.ore.”

Rolling my eyes, I threw my hands up in surrender and looked at the girls helplessly. This wasn’t some pathetic attempt at a sad drama, so there was no way these girls knew how or even had the guts to get physical. Never did students ever get into fist fights, unless they were a gang banger, but they usually turned to mental torture or even physical humiliation, but nothing really violent.

“SuhBoHyung you’re going to regret—“

The girls started to circle around me. As they got closer and closer, I saw myself being cornered into a dirty bathroom stall. All I could think of was the endless number of possible torture methods they had thought up consisting of a dirty toilet dug into the ground.

“Stop it!”

I blinked at the heroic figure running to my aid. This couldn’t be happening. I laughed as I saw HeeJoo rushing to stand in between the girls and me. I wish I could present her with some award for her unwavering acting abilities.

“Come on HeeJoo, she deserves to suffer a little.”

The familiar tears that I was so easily manipulated with. Tears that I used to think were sincere.

“No! BoHyung is my friend!”

“Are you fu.cking kidding me BaekHeeJoo?!”

HeeJoo turned around to look at me with tears streaming down her face. Of course her mascara running for extra effect. Clutching onto my hand HeeJoo looked into my eyes with her pathetic puppy dog stare.

“BoHyung, but we used to be friends. I swear I’m okay that you’re dating Hyunnie. I understand that—“

I snatched my hand away angrily, and tried to burst through the human barricade. It was stupid for me to go one against five, but I tried my chances anyway. Even dirtier than the grime along the tiled bathroom floor, was the feeling that seeped into my skin as I stood next to BaekHeeJoo.

“Get out of my fu.cking way before—“

One of the girls interrupted me with a sadistic grin along her lightly powdered face.

“Before you what? What are you going to do SuhBoHyung? Are in a position to be so demanding?”

I tried to reply, but of course Mother Theresa herself wanted to save the day.

“You guys stop it! BoHyung is my friend! I still—“

Someone else had walked into the crowded bathroom, and it was someone none of us had expected to see in there. I didn’t exactly hear it, but I was sure there was an almost silent gasp that escaped from HeeJoo’s wide opened mouth.

“Hyunnie yah…”

“You were taking too long. Hey HeeJoo you don’t mind if I borrow BoHyung right? She owes me banana milk still.”

Without waiting for an answer ChilHyun comfortingly grabbed my hand, and lead me out of the troublesome bathroom. As I stared at his sturdy back, for the first time I wanted to run into them, and so I did.

As I buried my face into his back, I felt my frustrated and hurtful tears falling out of my eyes. While sobbing angrily into his back, I felt ChilHyun’s fingers entwining into mine and pulling my hands towards his stomach where he rested my hands and enveloped his comfortingly over mine.

“When I turn around you better not be crying.”

I continued to cry, and he finished off his sentence.

“Because it hurts me more.”

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 65

It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t possibly be true, but it was! He’s…he’s…back…he’s back in Korea…

Happiness surged throughout my body in bursts of electricity, and I hopped onto my bed as I jumped up and down on the bed. After about the fifth jump, my bedroom door slammed open. Bewildered at the site of me jumping on the bed, my younger brother stood quietly in the doorway.

“Noona, I’ll put this in the nicest way possible. The whole house is shaking.”

Sheepishly I laughed, and hopped off the bed. I ran into HoHyung and hugged him tightly. Patting me on the back, HoHyung worriedly questioned my strange actions.

“What’s the great new? Did that fu.cker KimJaeJoong finally decide to leave you alone? Noona you’re sort of scaring me.”

I let go of my brother and began to twirl around in circles. I hadn’t felt this excited and happy in such a long time.

“Noona are you okay?”

As I pulled out my favorite pair of jeans from the closet, I went over to the door and gently pushed my brother out.

“He’s back.”

A bewildered look crossed HoHyung’s face.

“Who?”

“KiSup!”

Just as I shut the door I could hear HoHyung’s overwhelmed reaction to the good news. He was just as excited as me, maybe more. I couldn’t help but to smile to myself.

“KiSup hyung?! KiSup hyung is in town?! Noona! Take me! I want to go!”

I walked out of my room, and quickly headed towards the door. HoHyung’s pouty lips protruded forward as I exited the house.

“Not today HoHyung. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do with KiSup. You understand right?”

Leaving a left out HoHyung, I waved down a taxi, and instructed it towards the bus stop to In Cheon International Airport.

*RING RING*

It couldn’t be KiSup, it was too early for his flight to arrive. The name “KimJaeJoong” blinked on and off. For some reason I didn’t feel like answering it, but then again, he was a persistent guy, there was no avoiding him.

“Hello?”

Raucous noise of people filled the background of JaeJoong’s voice.

“Where are you?”

“No where.”

My inner self reminded me that it probably wasn’t a good idea to inform JaeJoong that I was headed to the airport to pick up another fellow. Not that we’re dating, but JaeJoong liked to lie to himself that we were.

“There’s no place called ‘no where.’ Where are you?”

Man he was so demanding.

“I’m going to the airport.”

Please God, let this be the end. Please let me not suffer the…

“Who, what, where, when, why, and how.”

Gee thanks God.

“Oh sorry you’re breaking out!”

I quickly pulled out an old receipt from my bag, and started to crumple it near the voice piece. Who did I learn this nifty trick from? HoHyung used to use this method all the time in order to hang up with girls that randomly called him.

“SuhBoHyung if you hang up I’ll—“

More fiercely I crumpled the receipt and held the phone away from my face.

“JaeJoong! I can’t hear you JaeJoong!”

*CLICK*

I shut the phone close and immediately turned off the power. I didn’t want to do, but JaeJoong left me no choice. Just in time, the bus arrived, and I hopped on excited that in just another hour I would see KiSup.


The bus came to a slow stop in front of the arriving terminals. I was late. Taking quick glances at my watch I ran into the terminal and saw packs of people exiting the automatic doors from the inspection counters. There were so many people at the airport, and for some reason everyone was a head taller than me.

Luckily a nice plump lady in front of me rushed over to her arriving husband, and I was left with a large opening. I bit down on my lower lip, and impatiently waited to see if I saw any familiar faces coming out from the opening and closing doors. The people were slowly disappearing, and there was still no sign of KiSup.

Finally when I decided to go to the information counter to see if I had the wrong flight, a tall figure straight out of a Gucci ad, walked out of the terminal, and although I could barely see his face, my head screamed out KiSup.

His eyes were covered by tan shades, and his light violate hair was covered up by a beige newsboy hat that was tilted at a perfect angle. He was still as fashionable as he was the first time I saw him two years back. He wore an airy white button up with a black blazer over it. Of course he didn’t leave anything neat. The blazer was unbuttoned and his white button up was messily left hanging out of his light blue jeans which had a few rips near the knee.

Trying to be as casual as I could be, I walked over to him, and stood conceitedly in front of him. With the flick of his wrist he pulled off his sunglasses off and let them rest in the crevice of his partly unbuttoned shirt.

“Hi my name is SuhBoHyung, I’m looking for this guy that likes to listen in on peoples’ personal conversations. He used to sit at his window and listen to the conversations I would have with my boyfriend.”

A boyish grin appeared on his face.

“I know him. His name is LimKiSup.”

Laughing together we hugged, and I realized he had disappeared at a time when I needed him the most, but now he was back…when I needed him again.

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 67

“Is this your new place?”

KiSup paid the taxi driver while I looked up at the luxury studios. Am aura of lavishness surrounded the newly built apartment complex.. I wheeled along one of KiSup’s suitcases while he grabbed the larger one. Walking up to the entrance, I stared at the sliding glass doors, which remained inconveniently shut.

“Do you have your keys?”

Grinning, KiSup placed his hand on a black rectangular pad which seemed to be scanning his hand. In amusement I watched as the glass doors slid open obediently.

“Wait go in first.”

KiSup went through the doors, and I waited until they closed. I placed my hand on the pad, and noticed an angered beep coming from the pad. My eyes watched in amusement as KiSup pressed a button from the inside.

“Wow! How much are you paying for this place?!”

“Probably too much.”

While we were waiting for the elevator I could hear some people coming down the stairs. I didn’t care to look over.

“Oh? BoHyung?”

I swiveled around at the familiar voice. Descending from the stairs was no other than YuRa and her newly found love, YunHo.

“YuRa yah! What are you guys doing here?!”

YuRa quickly waved over towards YunHo, and immediately came running at me. I guess YunHo lived in these apartments? Which meant he had to me decently well off, which also meant there was no way YuRa was ever going to let him go.

“I should be the one asking what you’re doing—who is that?!”

She was at it again. My head turned towards KiSup who was leaning against the opened elevator door. I pointed cluelessly at KiSup, and looked back at YuRa.

“Him?”

YuRa nodded eagerly. I would have to get things straight before she got any ideas.

“He’s our age.”

Immediately YuRa pulled YunHo over while wrapping her arm into his.

You pedophile!

“Noona, you better not get caught by JaeJoong. He called us thirty minutes ago, asking if we saw you. Something about you stupidly getting stuck in a tunnel or something.”

So he fell for it! It worked!

“Yea, I’ll give him a call later.”

KiSup stood amongst us quietly, and I forgot I needed to introduce them to him, even though I probably shouldn’t have. Sighing tiredly, I quickly pointed at everyone.

“KiSup that is YuHo. YuHo meet KiSup.”

Both YuRa and YunHo waved at KiSup who looked at me confused. Probably the whole YuHo thing. So much energy is wasted on introducing people.

“YuRa and YunHo. YuHo for short. YuRa goes to school with me, and YunHo is her boyfriend who is probably too young to be dating her, but YuRa likes it like that.”

I noticed KiSup looked over at YuRa for confirmation, in which she smiled brightly while nodding vigorously.

I could see the accusing glances YuRa was giving me. If she could openly say it I’m sure she would be going on and on about why it would be more efficient and less troublesome for me to just date JaeJoong. How we could go on wonderful little double dates, and dress them, and dye our hairs matching colors. Sometimes I think YuRa mistakes her boyfriends as her dog.

No longer could I handle YuRa’s piercing look. I quickly rolled KiSup’s suitcase into the elevator, and dragged KiSup in with me. Watching as I roughly pushed KiSup around, YuRa’s mouth dropped open, which YunHo politely closed for her.

“Gotta go YuRa! I’ll call you okay? KiSup has a bunch to unpack! Bye YunHo!”

“Wait! SuhBoHyung—“

I rapidly pressed the close button, but KiSup, the idiot, placed his foot in the elevator doorway, which caused the censor to reopen the doors. Blinking my eyes shut in frustration, I annoyingly stared at YuRa.

“Herm?”

“Just to make sure you guys unpack safely, can we come visit—“

“No.”

“But I just want to—“

YunHo began to drag YuRa away, and I mouthed the words ‘thank you’ while YuRa was chattering about the manipulation I had endured by guys our age. KiSup chuckled to himself, as I laid my head in my hands.

“Your friend is…interesting.”

My lips pouted outwards, and I looked away in shame. YuRa could be a…handful if that was the right way to describe her. I leaned against the wall of the elevator, and for some reason the thought of JaeJoong finding out about KiSup continued to replay in mind. The instant he found out, I would be so dead.

Suddenly, KiSup picked up my hand and placed an American lollipop in it. E4xamining the brightly wrapped candy, my mind remembered back to the first day I had met KiSup. It wasn’t particularly on good terms, but it was a friendship that budded quicker than normal.

“Remember what I told you about sweets?”

Unwrapping the lollipop I smiled, and popped the stick of sugar in my mouth.

“That it helps calm all negative and stressful emotions. Right?”

KiSup clucked his tongue in approval. Exiting the elevators, KiSup turned towards the left, and once again placed his hand on a black pad similar to the one out by the entrance to the apartment. We walked into the brand new apartment, and I noticed that it was fully furnished with new contemporary furniture.

“Your mom decorated didn’t she?”

“Is it that obvious?”

We excitedly examined the two rooms which consisted of a very subtle study, and a master bedroom very much designed for a foreigner. As I sat on the bed and hopped up and down, a soothing music clip rung throughout the house.

“Probably my mom. I told her you were picking me up at the airport.”

We both walked over to door, and checked the video intercom. To my horror standing on the other side of KiSup’s door were three JoongAng High students. One came on his own two feet, and the other two were obviously dragged.
 

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 68

I tried everything, but nothing was working. Throwing off the cucumbers from my eyes, I hurriedly pulled the ice pack over my eyes. When I thought I could no longer handle the freezing cold, I removed the ice pack, and looked at myself in the mirror. There was no change. My eyes were almost swollen shut.

“I can’t go to school like this!”

HoHyung’s head popped through my door.

”When do you ever look presentable. Do the world a favor and go donate your face for the study of plastic surgery.”

His head immediately disappeared, and the flying stuff doll crashed against the closing door, and fell onto the floor with a loud thud. My hands clutched the sides of the mirror. I closed my eyes and shook it violently. Taking one last glance at myself I let out a loud scream, and fell onto my bed.

I had no choice. I would have to go to school with half shut eyes. When I rose from my bed, in the doorway both my parents stood staring at me in bewilderment. I hated how they always caught me doing the weirdest things, and how they always just watched quietly enjoying the show.

“Princess did the mirror—oh my Lord. What’s wrong with your eyes?!”

My dad’s face distorted into millions of different angles as he stared at me in surprise.

”How many bags of ramyun did you have?!”

My mom wasn’t helping either.

Quickly grabbing my backpack I stormed past my parents, and headed towards the door.

Maybe umma and appa will excuse me just today.

I turned back around, and both my parents smiled at me lovingly, and answered in unison.

”No.”

So I turned back around, and left the house. Only to have more bad luck poured and doused upon me.

“WOW!”

That was exactly the good morning I was looking for. I stormed into the elevator and continuously pressed the close button, but the new neighbor got into the elevator anyway. In order to avoid all eye contact, not like I had much of an eye anyway, I looked straight ahead, and dared not blink.

“Gosh you’re sure a nice person! What would I have done if I hadn’t met you.”

It was like having a little leech attach itself at 7:30 in the morning.

“So stop talking to me then.”

Today was not the day to mess with me. Not only did I fall asleep crying, I was on my period, and I was forced to brush my teeth with my mom’s toothbrush because HoHyung can’t differentiate the toilet scrubber with my toothbrush.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a bit kinder to someone that is completely new to the town?”

“Listen, I’m in a really bad mood right now and—“

“No kidding.”

“If you’re going to whisper it then at least whisper it so I can’t hear it!”

A lollipop was shoved into my hand. This guy placed the lollipop in my hand, then pulled out another one from his pocket and inserted into his mouth.

“They say if you eat something sweet it helps calm all negative and stressful emotions.”

I laughed at him mockingly, but unwrapped the lollipop and put it in my mouth anyway. To my utter surprise, he was right. My grumpiness didn’t seem as bad. The sweetness surrounding my taste buds seemed to be dissolving the negative emotions within me.

“I’m right huh?”

Yea, but I’m not going to admit it.

The rest of our way to school consisted of us sucking on our lollipops and walking in complete silence. I thought we would go our separate ways once we got to school, but KiSup followed me all the way to class. Before he could follow me in I stopped him and pushed him away from the door so other kids could get in without having to walk through us.

“Why are you following me to my class?! Why don’t you go to your class?!”

A cheeky grinned covered his face.

“This is my class.”

I.am.such.an.idiot.

We both walked into our class together, and it was obvious the class was interested in KiSup. It made me quite uncomfortable that the class was staring silently at the two of us, especially ChilHyun and HeeJoo. Leaving KiSup to fend for himself, I walked over to my seat, and immediately took my books out of my back, and put my head down.

Without a second to spare, the girls of my classroom were crowding around KiSup, who in turn only encouraged the madness. He was openly enjoying the attention.

The door of the classroom slammed open, and I immediately got up, and brushed down any stray hairs. All the kids rushed to their seats as Mr. Jung settled himself at the front of the classroom. A confused look crossed his face as he examined the out of place KiSup.

“Your hair is gray.”

That was right. He had dyed hair.

KiSup touched his hair happily, and grinned brightly.

“Actually sir it’s starry silver.”

Mr. Jung’s large wooden stick slammed down against the podium, and the whole class jumped at the suddenness. KiSup’s large eyes seemed to get larger.

“Who are you?!”

“LimKiSup. I just moved here from England.”

Mr. Jung’s facial expression immediately softened, and he let his grip on the wooden stick loosen.

“Oh really?! My mother lives in England!”

“England is a really pretty city. So, where can I sit Mr. Jung?”

Mr. Jung pointed at the very last available seat.

“Right there next to AnChilHyun. Make sure that hair of yours is dyed black tomorrow.”

“Of course sir.”
 

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 69

“Oh my God don’t open the door!”

KiSup looked at the video intercom with curiosity, and then pressed the button, opening up the door. My jaw dropped open at his disobedient action.

“Why did you do that?!”

“I don’t know. You’re supposed to open the door when someone rings it.”

I was about to warn KiSup of the horrors that came along with KimJaeJoong. Only if he knew, but it was too late. JaeJoong stepped in, and visually sized up KiSup for the longest minute ever. His eyes switched over towards my direction, and I found myself shying behind KiSup.

“Why are you hiding behind him SuhBoHyung?! Why don’t you hide behind this shoe rack, or that plant?!”

I guess JaeJoong is the jealous type.

KiSup still looked curious, which often caused him to lose all sense of the atmosphere. There was a nostalgic look across his face as he examined the uniform of the student closest to him, ChangMin.

“Hey I used to go to JoongAng! You guys are my—“

Of course JaeJoong didn’t give a sh.it if you were older, younger, man, woman.

“What the fu.ck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend in an empty apartment?!”

This time it was KiSup’s turn for his jaw to drop. He took a quick glance at an obviously upset JaeJoong, then at me, trying to hide behind a large house plant by the doorway. KiSup once again looked over at JaeJoong, then back at me, and again.

“You’re dating him?”

While I shook my head no, JaeJoong made an audible statement that completely countered my answer.

“Yea she’s dating me, so why the fu.ck are you—“

Kind little, well big, ChangMin tugged at JaeJoong’s uniform shirt.

“Hyung…don’t you think we should—“

“Hey don’t you have an older brother?!”

KiSup, like I had, noticed the familiarity and laughed loudly as he examined ChangMin. Surprised by his sudden outburst, ChangMin blushed slightly, and quickly nodded.

“Wait, wait, so hyung, who are you?”

That’s right, JoonSoo was here too. I was wondering why he was so quiet, but telling by the vibrant smell of ShingShing gum, I took it that he had just popped in a fresh piece of gum, which JoonSoo tried to savor as long as possible.

“Me?”

Being the only child, KiSup always had to reconfirm when being addressed by the casual terms of “hyung” and “oppa.” Two years, and he was still the same.

“KimJoonSoo! Why the he.ll are you calling him hyung?! Huh?! Do you know him?!”

“No but…noona make JaeJoongie hyung stop being so vicious! He made us—“

“KimJoonSoo, shut up.”

JoonSoo quickly ran to my side, while accusingly pointing at JaeJoong, who merely turned his head to look over at the suddenly interesting shoe rack.

“Noona! We were coming to visit YunHo hyung, and then we met him on the sidewalk, and then YuRa noona told us they saw you with some old guy—“

YuRa that traitor! That fresh high school boy searching beast!

“And that JaeJoongie oppa should go save you! ChangMinnie and I didn’t want to come, but JaeJoong hyung said he would beat the sh.it out of us if we didn’t come!”

My hand comfortingly patted JoonSoo’s curled out hair, in which JaeJoong sharply turned towards.

“Stop touching him SuhBoHyung.”

“Hyung, I think BoHyung noona was just trying to reassure—“

“Shut up ChangMin.”

A small pouted lip protruded forward, and ChangMin sadly looked down at the ground, while JaeJoong conveniently hid behind KiSup.

“So I’m guessing you’re JaeJoong?”

KiSup looked over at JaeJoong who was actually the same height as him.

“Don’t say my name.”

Knowing KiSup…

“JaeJoong, JaeJoong, JaeJoong. Jae…Joong. JAE…joong. jae….JOONG!”

I could see the cartoon steam pouring out from JaeJoong’s eyes, nose, and ears. Something needed to be done before Mount JaeJoong erupted, and all of Korea went down in flames. I quickly pulled JaeJoong towards KiSup’s kitchen.

“Hey guy’s why don’t you guys watch some t.v. or something. JaeJoong and I will grab some fresh fruit.”

“No we’re going home!”

“Oh you love apples? So do I!”

Like some five year old child, JaeJoong angrily sulked in a seat, while I busied myself in the kitchen grabbing some oranges and grapes left in the fridge, most likely by KiSup’s mom. Taking a seat across from JaeJoong I started to peel the cold oranges.

“KimJaeJoong, do you know how completely embarrassing it is to—“

”Give me that.”

JaeJoong roughly grabbed the orange I was peeling. I looked at him bewildered by his childish act, when I realized he had taken it so I wouldn’t have to peel it. A smile overcame me as he thoughtfully peeled the orange, but none the less took out his bottled angered on the now unrecognizable fruit.

“So, JAE…joong. Want to know how I met BoHyung?”

“No.”

I twitched my head away from the kitchen, trying to signal KiSup to just go wait in the living room, but he blatantly ignored my pleas, and continued to chatter away next to JaeJoong.

“She was kissing this guy on the rooftop.”

OH MY GOD!

*PLOP*

The orange that was in JaeJoong’s hand dropped to the floor. I scrambled onto my knees picking up the tortured orange, while KiSup continued to fan the flames.

“Yea, da.mn ChilHyun was confessing to her, and they were kissing, so I opened the door on them, and they both went crashing to the wall.”

It scared me that I couldn’t read JaeJoong’s expression, and as JaeJoong looked accusingly at KiSup, I knew he was going to say something I wished he wouldn’t.

“You liked her didn’t you. You still like her don’t you.”

Make the nightmare stop.
 

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 70

Just as the lunch bell rang, ChilHyun rose from his seat, and motioned for me to follow along. I was reluctant on if I should follow him, especially because of the way things ended the night before. For a good minute I sat at my desk like I hadn’t noticed.

“Hey I think he wants you to follow him.”

Why thank you Sherlock Holmes.

“Thanks…a lot.”

LimKiSup smiled brightly like a child that gets a gold star for doing a good deed.

Dragging my feet on the floor, I walked over towards ChilHyun who was standing in the door way, but started to head out of the classroom once I got up. I didn’t like the fact that it seemed like I was being ordered around, so I quickened my pace, and took lead.

Sh.it. Where are we going anyway?

”Rooftop.”

I was walking down the stairs and ChilHyun was walking up the stairs. I turned around, and rushed to catch up with ChilHyun who’s long legs took one step for my every two.

Does that mean my legs are short or his legs are long? I don’t think I have short—

“Aren’t you coming up?”

My head lifted up, and I quickly walked through the open door ChilHyun held for me. It was a nice change in atmosphere on the rooftop. The spring sun was shining while a soft breeze floated in the air. I closed my eyes and stood soaking in the perfect weather.

“Last night…I was wrong.”

I opened one eye and looked over at ChilHyun who was leaning against the railing, looking down at the field where a large group of guys were playing a game of soccer. I took a step in his directions, but stopped myself. The thought of all my protective barriers coming down before ChilHyun still upset me. Crying in front of a guy, which hasn’t happened in a long while, didn’t settle too well with my pride.

“I’ve never really…well this is the first time…um…”

This was the first time ChilHyun stuttered in front of me. I walked over towards him, and imitated his posture from beside him. We both remained quiet for a long time before ChilHyun finally turned towards me. I turned so I was no longer leaning forward, but had my back to the railing.

“Lets…lets…date…officially.”

Officially? Like put a stamp on it and make it official? That kind of official?

I wasn’t sure how to react to ChilHyun’s statement, or was it a request? In any case, I still didn’t know how I felt about him. I mean, I never really evaluated how I felt about him. It was as if he was just there, but now…

Uncomfortably laughing, I walked away from ChilHyun towards the rooftop door. I didn’t want to have to think about something as complicated as one’s emotions. The best thing was to play it cool.

“Maybe some other time ChilHyun.”

Although my voice came out playful and airy, my insides burned from worrying about ChilHyun being able to tell that there were a million thoughts circling my mind at 100 miles per hour. Relaxing at the thought that the door was right in front of me, I quickly grabbed onto the door handle in order to stop myself from jumping at the sudden sound of his voice.

“BoHyung…I thought about it for a long time last night…and…”

No, no, no! Don’t say it! I’m going to cover my ears now and—

“I…I want to—I mean I already did…but it’s you.”

I remained dead still. ChilHyun was walking over towards me.

”It has to be you, and only you. They say there are certain things in your life that only comes once, and that most people don’t realize how rare and significant it is…until it’s too late. I don’t want to be one of those people…so…”

I can’t handle this side of ChilHyun! This isn’t like him…it’s great but…and I think my knees are getting weak but…

“It has to be you. I have to chose you over HeeJoo.”

With that I was forced to turn around, and before I even knew what was happening, I SuhBoHyung, was kissing AnChilHyun, on the rooftop of our school.

Completely lost in the bliss of being truly kissed for the first time, I wanted to stop myself, but my hands crept up to his waist, and lightly clung onto the bottom of his button up. As ChilHyun finished his kiss, and began to pull away, my eyes fluttered open, and I could already feel the awkwardness forming between us. I didn’t even have to look to see my cheeks burning, and my ears turning an even brighter red than my face. My lips pushed shut, and I immediately looked down at the ground in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry…so…”

My eyes lifted up at the word “so.” His earnest stare was focused on the ground, and I noticed that I wasn’t the only one blushing.

“Never tell me to leave your side again.”

*CRASH*

Our bodies were flung towards the walls, in which I was sandwiched by the cement wall and ChilHyun’s much larger than me, self. I howled in pain, but felt much worse when I noticed the door had swung open and smashed straight onto the back of ChilHyun’s head. Having the wind slightly knocked out of us, we both rubbed different body parts that got damaged from the sudden swinging open of the door.

“What the he.ll!!”

ChilHyun squatted down, and vigorously rubbed the back of his head. His gentle and tender aura immediately disappeared, and he glared at the opened doorway, waiting for the intruder to show their face.

I leaned back up from rubbing the pain away from my knee, and came face to face to no other than my troublesome new neighbor.

“LimKiSup! What the he.ll! Who in the world swings doors open like that?!”

ChilHyun glared at LimKiSup, but switched his focus onto me once he realized we knew each other.

“You know this—“

“Who said to have your little love talks right by the doorway?!”

ChilHyun and I both stared wide eyed at LimKiSup.

How the hell does he know?! Did he put a wire on me?!

I looked around my clothes to make sure there weren’t any inconspicuous wires or mics…

“Your voices echo down the stairway if you talk by the door.”

I stared unbelievably at LimKiSup who cheekily smiled at us with one hand outstretched in the victory sign.

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 72

“Hey, how long are you going to follow us?!”

The annoyance in ChilHyun’s voice was clearly audible, yet KiSup seemed not to notice, or maybe he just didn’t care. In any case, KiSup, who was standing in between ChilHyun and me, turned towards me while he handed me a piece of bubble gum.

“Do you need some sweets too?”

KiSup held out a piece of gum for ChilHyun, who merely huffed to himself and started to walk further ahead of us. As I was about to chase after ChilHyun, he stopped and turned around, waiting for me to catch up.

“LimKiSup I’m just letting you know now—“

“Don’t worry. I’m not a home wrecker. Have some candy.”

With that KiSup pulled out some candy from his pocket, and held it up to ChilHyun’s face. Ignoring KiSup again, ChilHyun turned around and stormed away. I took the chance to grab a few more pieces of candy from KiSup.

“So you guys are dating?”

Spitting out my already tasteless gum into the candy wrapper, I popped in a new piece of hard candy. Walking down the hallway I couldn’t help but to notice the dead glares I was getting from the students we passed by.

“Hey do you notice all the dirty stares we’re getting?”

KiSup’s opened palm held out another piece of candy.

“Nope. Have some candy, I think it helps with paranoia too.”

I looked sideways, and noticed some girls hissing in our direction, then turned back to KiSup’s opened palm. I took the candy, and quietly followed next to him.

Maybe I am paranoid…

As we decended down the stairs to get to the second floor, one of the girls rushed over towards and quickly started to pull KiSup away. KiSup seemed genuinely surprised, but none the less followed.

“Hurry LimKiSup! Mr. Jung said to bring you the office right away!”

I watched was dragged down the busy hallway of the second floor. Sighing to myself, I unwrapped another piece of candy, and continued to head back to class. Lost in thought, wondering if ChilHyun was in class, I didn’t notice the group of girl’s standing in my way. It was quite unfortunate that I had to run straight into their human barrier.

“What now?”

I really didn’t want to reenact the whole bathroom scene again, but telling by the glint in their eyes, I was sure these girls were probably thinking of something far worse. That didn’t mean I was going to back down in fear.

“You’ve gotten so brave SuhBoHyung. Not only did you manipulate ChilHyun, but now you want the new guy to yourself too?”

I laughed in disbelief. It was absolutely great entertainment to see what other nonsense these girls could come up with.

“I’ve gotten braver, and you’ve gotten stupider. Tell me something new.”

Telling by my luck, it probably wasn’t smart to offend the girls, but I had my limits too. I turned around, to leave head downstairs and take the other end staircase. This was obviously not an option. Within seconds of turning around an immense and hard impact was felt on the back of my body. The stench of the soiled water creep into my nose quicker than the realization that I was soaking wet. Not wanting to seem weak, I quickly swallowed the regurgitated liquids and food that came up.

Turning around I stared at one of the girls holding onto an empty bucket. They all gave me innocent smiles, which only furthered my realization of how ruthless people could be these days. Ever so slowly pulled the soaking wet vest off, I held the soaked clothing in front of me, and smiled gently towards the girls. Then with all the strength left within me, I flung the reeking vest at the girls.

Ear piercing screams echoed down the hallway, and I was quite pleased with the disgusted looks across their face. One of the girls, who remained in perfect condition, took an immense step backwards as she furthered her distance from the two girls that were obviously infected by the grimy vest. Another girl immediately clamped her hand around her mouth and ran towards the bathroom.

“Oh, you don’t like it as much when you’re the one being soaked? Gosh, I thought since you so kindly left me smelling like sh.it, that maybe you would enjoy it too. Who would have known you didn’t want to smell like a walking toilet.”

I turned around to leave. There was no way I was going to remain at school like this, but of course they wouldn’t let me leave without a fight.

“SUHBOHYUNG! YOU LITTLE FU.CKING hello kitty!”

JiHyun (classmate) didn’t seem to be taking things too well. My teeth clamped shut, and I slowly blinked my eye once, before turning around to see JiHyun’s bright red face distorted in a devilish glare.

“Listen JiHyun I don’t want to, nor do I have the energy, to—“

“Da.mn it smells like sh.it! No pun intended. It seriously smells like sh.it.”

Why does he always show up at the randomest times? Is he stalking me? Man I really smell bad and this water is starting to give me weird feelings in my stoma—

“Oh my God! BoHyung! Oh my goodness!”

My capricious thoughts immediately popped shut, as the fraudulent voice of HeeJoo came into contact with my sensitive ears. I really didn’t want her to see me like this, out of all people. Every time HeeJoo caught me being tormented by the kids, it was just another point for her. I couldn’t let her see me losing, but it was so hard to remain strong when everyone around you was rooting for your failure.

“Oh my goodness! Like, you just yelling ‘oh my goodness’ is going to rid her of the sunshine smell! Oh my God! Like what do we do?!”

I wanted to cry out in joy as KiSup imitated HeeJoo’s words, and just in case I actually did, I decided it was probably best to avoid all eye contact with him.

“KiSup, do you even know how much HeeJoo has suffered from—“

LimKiSup violently waved his hands in the air in a frustrated motion. He walked over to the remaining three girls, and placed a piece of gum in each of their hands. Everyone was completely lost on what in the world he was doing. Then as if he wanted to confuse us even more, he walked over to HeeJoo and placed her hands into a cupping shape. Pulling out all the candies and gum from both his pockets he poured his sacred anger chasers into her opened hands.

”You need all of those, I know it.”

With that, KiSup walked over me and removed his blazer, and gently placed it over my soaked shoulders.

“Come on neighbor. You smell like sh.it.”
 

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 73

“Oo mumma mumma mumma! You guys are going to go drinking?! That’s illegal!”

YooChun shook his index finger at us, while I packed my things, and KiSup sat at YooChun’s computer playing GoStop. I rolled my eyes at YooChun.

”We’re of legal age. It’s you that’s not.”

His reply was sweet and simple.

“Oh yea.”

How are you going to remain out of second to last place with a brain like that?!

“You’re not allowed to go.”

Who other than, JaeJoong would “allow” me to go somewhere.

I rose from the ground, and started to head out of the room, of course dragging KiSup away from the computer as he yelled,

“But I was winning that round!”

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow okay?”

KiSup and I quickly started to head out of the door, while YooChun and JaeJoong followed right behind our heals like little ducklings. They entered the elevator but I quickly pushed them out.

“Where do you guys think you’re going?”

“With you.”

YooChun grinned from ear to ear, and tried to push his way into the elevator again. I pushed him back, but JaeJoong pushed him forward, in which I pushed him back again. YooChun was the human soccer ball. Eventually JaeJoong won, and YooChun was shoved into me, cornering me into the elevator wall.

“You guy’s can’t go! You guys are under age, and you’re parents will probably worry, and—“

“We’re just going to go watch. Our parents think we’re going to the library.”

KiSup looked over at JaeJoong, and YooChun, and noticed something missing.

“But you guys have no books.”

“It’s okay hyung! There are millions of books at the library!”

I just didn’t understand. His grades were raising quite quickly, yet it seemed like as his book knowledge got better and better, his common sense seemed to be decreasing along with it.

“Fine you guys go to the library, and KiSup and I will—“

JaeJoong quickly cut in, while shoving his way in between KiSup and me.

“We’re going to. Don’t try to argue with me BoHyung.”

KiSup lifted a single eyebrow, and just as his hand started to rummage his pocket, as if he knew exactly what was to come, JaeJoong looked at him incredulously.

“No I don’t want a fu.cking piece of candy.”

Wide eyed, and his mouth in a large O shape, KiSup pulled out the candy, and placed it in his mouth. JaeJoong seemed genuinely annoyed by KiSup.

“Don’t worry, the candy was for me and not for—“

”Did I ask?!”

“No but I wanted to—“

“For goodness sakes, just stop.”

I couldn’t handle it anymore! It’s understandable that JaeJoong acts this way, I mean he is a 5 year old stuck in an 18 year olds body, but KiSup is having too much fun, and will never let it go. My hand swatted KiSup on the arm, and he whimpered quietly, and then turned towards JaeJoong shrugging his arm boastfully.

“Why are you touching him SuhBoHyung. You want to touch a guy so badly?! Touch me. Why the fu.ck are you—“

“Oo, can I touch you JaeJoong?”

Maybe KiSup gave YooChun too much candy. A little, way too much.

So in the end, KiSup and I were forced to let Dumb and Dumber tag along. Settled in a quiet little mom and pop restaurant, KiSup ordered a few bottles of drinks, but the lady reluctantly looked at YooChun and JaeJoong. I knew it was going to be a problem.

“No worries ahjuhma! We’re under age! We’re not legal to drink, and we promise we won’t! Ahjuhma jjang!”

At least YooChun was good for something, sucking up to old ladies that thought he was as cute as a button. The lady smiled, and started to scribble down KiSup’s order. I sat quiet, while YooChun and JaeJoong chattered away, and KiSup continuously tried to butt into their conversation, which JaeJoong would not allow.

“God it’s been ages since we had a drink together.”

Wait…no it hasn’t…

”We never drank together KiSup.”

KiSup nodded vigorously.

“That’s exactly what I meant. Ahjuhma can we get our drinks now?”

After several shots of soju, and many failed attempts of staying sober, I unsteadily leaned my head down onto the table. From a distance, I could hear JaeJoong saying something to KiSup. KiSup, who once left me, but was now back.

”His name? AnChilHyun why do you want to know his—“

KiSup’s soft voice caught my attention. I lifted my heavy head, and looked at him perplexed at the mentioning ChilHyun’s name.

“ChilHyun and I were supposed to get married…did you know that KiSup?”

“How come you never told me you guys broke up?”

Why didn’t I tell him? That was right, he moved away while I was dating ChilHyun, and after we broke it was too late to tell him.

“You disappeared…so I couldn’t tell you…did you know we were going to name our kids JiWon and JungWon and…”

Somenone placed their hand on my arm, and picked me up from my seat. I felt my body resting on the back of someone. KiSup?

“I’ll take her home.”

That was KiSup’s voice but…

“No actually it’s okay. You might disappear on her again.”

It was JaeJoong that was holding me. My head loosely leaning over his right shoulder, I found myself feeling the urge, the desperate need, to talk. To say the things on my mind.

“JaeJoong ah…there were kids you know that…three boys…their names were JiWon, SungWon, and YoungWon…and…we were supposed to…”

“I’ll do it all for you. Everything you want, I’ll do it for you.”
 

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 74

Although the air was slowly getting more and more humid with each passing day, my body felt weak, and I felt that a cold was just around the corner. While walking silently next to KiSup, I felt slightly embarrassed at the horrid stale stench pouring off my body. Cautiously, I looked over towards him, but the only look of dissatisfaction was…well there was none. A bright smile plastered on his face, KiSup walked with a bright blue popsicle dangling from his mouth.

“Stop staring at me, you smell.”

My eyes quickly looked away, and quietly continued to walk in shame. I took a quick sniff, and immediately found myself cringing in pain from the horrid smell. Fascinated at the fact that KiSup showed absolutely no reaction to my stench, I looked over again.

“How can you be eating that. Doesn’t the stink ruin the popsicle?”

KiSup shrugged, while talking through his clenched popsicle.

“I’m trying not to breath through my nose.”

“Oh.”

Smart. I should do that too.

We walked in silence, which seemed to be the usual routine. When we reached the apartments, very much unexpected, but much indeed appreciated, KiSup walked me to my door, and quietly waited as I walked into my house.

“LimKiSup thanks a lot…for everything.”

Unlike his usual goofy smile, KiSup grinned half way while holding open my door.

“Hey BoHyung.”

“Yea?”

He hesitated for a few seconds, but forced out whatever seemed to be bothering him.

“I know we barely know each other and all, but starting from today I’m going to protect you.”

Most people could mistake KiSup’s words as a come on, maybe even a confession, but there was sincerity in his eyes. He was one of those genuine people. Someone that had a super human like power of critiquing people, and someone that was ultimately selfless. It took me all of one day to figure this out, but I was sure anyone else would think the same thing.

“Then I guess starting today we’re friends?”

“I think I decided to be your friend the moment I saw you. You looked pretty pathetic.”

Giggling to himself KiSup let go of the door and waved while walking over to the elevator. It was nice having a friend again…I needed one so badly. Not a boyfriend, not a brother, not a neighbor, but a friend.

While coming out of the shower, I let out a few sneezes, and realized I was getting sick. Feeling slightly dizzy, and heated, I flopped into my comforting bed and closed my eyes, falling into a deep sleep.

While asleep, I knew I was dreaming. It was as if I was looking down on my future self, and although in the back of my mind I was telling myself it was all a dream, yet half of me still felt like it was a reality.

I looked older, and lot more mature. Almost pretty, but I guess that was my self esteem boosting my own ego. I took note of what I would look like in the future, and the only image I could possibly conjure, was a pissed off HoHyung.

The older version of me sat in an unfamiliar home, falling asleep on the kitchen table. It was fairly dark outside, and the cozy little home seemed empty, or so I thought. Out of nowhere three kids, the oldest no older than six, and the youngest barely three, came running into the kitchen.

“Umma!!! Umma, umma, umma, umma!!! Wake up umma!!! Umma!”

Oh what the he.ll?! Why are they calling me mommy?! What the—

“Umma! YoungWonnie is here! It’s me, it’s me! Wake up!”

YoungWon? From the bird’s eyes view that I held, I focused on the youngest child who climbed into my lap. As I realized who the child resembled, I wanted to scream, “Oh my God.” It was a miniature ChilHyun. Supposedly my child, a really cute child, that was actually mine!

“You guys are filthy! Look at all the dirt on you! Come on lets go wash up.”

The middle child ran around in crazy little circles. Did kids really have that much energy?

“But appa said men are supposed to be dirty, and I’m a man!”

Laughing, I picked up the child YoungWon into my arms, while I led the other two boys towards the bathroom. They were all mini ChilHyun’s. They resembled nothing of me.

“AnJiWon, your father lies to you.”

An…JiWon. An? Like AnChilHyun, that kind of An? Father…what father…

“That’s not nice! Lying is bad! You said lying is bad! I had to sit in the corner and read the Bible, because I lied! Appa should have to sit in the corner and read the Bible too!”

Very much in discontent at the new information, JiWon angrily marched around me. My older self seemed not to mind the dizzying circles, but watching from above, I felt my head starting to waver while watching the child marching around me like a soldier.

“Umma, do I have to brush my teeth—“

“I don’t mind if all your teeth fall out, so go ask your father.”

Right then, just as I had expected, an elder version of ChilHyun popped his head into the psychotic bathroom. He seemed so much different from the ChilHyun I knew. He was no longer the child, but the father of his own children.

“SungWon, JiWon, and YoungWon. Brush your teeth, get in your pajamas, and hop into bed!”

Like a drill sergeant, ChilHyun yelled out the commands in which all three boys replied with a quick salute. The youngest tugged at the end of ChilHyun’s shirt. Picking him up into his arms, ChilHyun nuzzled his face into the child’s small body.

“What can I do for you cadet YoungWon.”

“But appa, I don’t know how to put on my pajama’s.”

The rest of the scene played out like a fantasy. Each of the children were readied for bed, and each tucked in by both ChilHyun and me. In each bedroom, it ended with kisses on both cheeks of mommy and daddy, and the flicking off of the room lights, only to be left illuminated with their own personalized night lights.

Then both elder ChilHyun and I collapsed onto the bed, leaning against each other…leaning on each other for support, for warmth, for shared happiness…

Suddenly a soft whispering faded my dream to an end, and I could hear a slightly mumbled voice clearing up as I slowly started to wake up.

“From now on…from now on it’s going to be me that takes care of you. I want to be the first person to know everything, and I want it to be me that—“

My eyes lit open, and I couldn’t help but to smile at him. Bewildered at my suddenly conscious state, ChilHyun immediately scooted away from my bed, and embarrassingly brushed away some stray bangs.

“You were worried about me weren’t you.”

“Yea, worried that you would reek up the whole school for the next week.”

I was still in a state of fictional bliss, but none the less, happy. It didn’t matter that my head felt like a jackhammer was running through it, and it didn’t matter that my nose was completely plugged.

“ChilHyun, one day you’re going to make my dreams a reality right?”

Turning around to face me ChilHyun grinned half way, while confirming my question in his own little way.

“There’s too many girls asking me to make their dreams a reality, so I’ll add you to the waiting list.”
 

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 75

My mind continued to play little tricks on me. Every time I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath through my nose, I could smell ChilHyun. If I kept my eye closed, it even felt like it was ChilHyun that was carrying me on his back. But…but when I opened my eyes, and looked over, it was JaeJoong’s face I saw not ChilHyun’s.

“Why do you keep sniffing me.”

I opened my eyes, and rested my face sideways on JaeJoong’s shoulder. My index finger rubbed down his cheek.

So soft!

I did the same thing to my cheek.

So not soft!

“Your face is soft. I feel like I’m touching a squash.”

“Out of all the different surfaces you can compare my skin to, you compare it with squash?!”

My finger slowly fell off his face again. It was so soft, and my drunken state could not get over the simple fact that KimJaeJoong had excellent skin.

“I like squash. It tastes good! Did you know only Korean squash has a soft surface? In America the squash has pimples. Pimples that JaeJoongie doesn’t have. So JaeJoongie is like Korean squash! Soft, soft, soft!”

I’m so smart!

“Oh my God! You are never allowed to drink again! NEVER! What the he.ll is wrong with you!”

Oo, his hair sort of flips out. It’s a mini curly fry!

“WHY ARE YOU PULLING ON MY HAIR?!”

“It looks like a curly fry…but…it doesn’t spring back.”

“OW! STOP IT!”

“But…”

”SuhBoHyung, I swear to God I’m going to shove your fat as.s into a garbage can!”

“Listen KimJaeJoong! First off, my name isn’t SuhBoHyung, it’s noona!”

JaeJoong was laughing at me. Why?

“What, should I call you SuhNooNa then?”

“NO! Leave the Suh out! Call me noona! The second thing is, I’m not fat! Your face is rounder than mine, which means I’m not fat, at least not as fat as you are!”

“If you want to be called noona, then act like one.”

Act like one? But I do! I do, I do, I do! All the time! I’m BoHyung noona! No more of this BoHyung thing! I’m BoHyung NOONA!

“Call me noona, or I’m going to pull out all your hair and stick pig grease all over your face so you get pimples everywhere!”

JaeJoong was absolutely silent. I wondered if I won this round. Just as I was about to announce my reign over JaeJoong, he spoke up, and then I lost. Again.

“Alright NOONA. Tomorrow I want to eat dinner.”

”Okay! Where?”

“Sushi. Then buffet. I want my favorite NOONA to walk me to and from school. You have to help with my homework for the rest of your life. Not only that, I’m going to come over your house every single given day there is until you die of old age.”

“Okay, you can just call me BoHyung.”

“SuhBoHyung, just stop talking. Do me a favor and go to sleep or something.”

“Okay. Night JaeJoong ah.”

Closing my eyes, the neon signs of Seoul slowly disappeared, and I was falling into a light sleep. Although I could still feel JaeJoong heaving me up every now and then, overall I was in a dreamy state. After what seemed like ages, I was awoken by a familiar voice. I didn’t really want to wake up, but the quiet voice continued to interrupt my sleep.

“What are you doing here?”

JaeJoongie is talking to something…

”Who is that on your back?”

A girl?

“It’s my sister.”

“You don’t have any sisters.”

Am I drunk or is JaeJoong just an idiot? He can’t be that stupid. I must be really drunk.

Then I heard someone stuttering…angrily.

“Why…why…why is she on your back! WHY IS SUHBOHYUNG ON YOUR BACK!!!”

I opened my eyes. Still in a drunken state, there was a blurry figure a few feet in front of us. As my vision cleared, my heart stopped beating, and I stiffened, which JaeJoong seemed to sense.

“Noona, we’re done with. I just want a clean ending between us.”

“CLEAN?! CLEAN?! YOU CALL THIS A CLEAN ENDING KIMJAEJOONG!”

I struggled to get off JaeJoong’s back, and after a few seconds of lightly kicking, he finally let me down. For a long while, HeeJoo and I stared at each other. Staring at her hurt…it hurt so much…so I turned around and began to walk away.

“BoHyung, wait in front of your apartment, I’ll be there in a second.”

I ignored JaeJoong’s words and continued to walk away from the two. As I was staggering away, I could hear HeeJoo’s voice breaking down, and I didn’t even need to turn around to know that she had let loose the famous BaekHeeJoo tears. I stopped and turned around. Something told me to stop, and watch.

“How can you do this to me KimJaeJoong! Why her?! WHY HER! You’re doing this purposely aren’t you! You did this on—“

“Noona it’s over. I can’t date you.”

“WHY! WHY!”

“BECAUSE! I don’t want to talk about this anymore! It’s over! That’s all! It’s done! I like BoHyung! I like her so much it hurts! When I see her I want to punch everything in site, because she doesn’t deserver all this fu.cking sh.it! Especially from you! Every time I see you I—“

“JaeJoong ah…”

Frustrated, JaeJoong sighed loudly and pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket.

“Will you hold me…just one…just one last…”

“This is it noona. I can’t see you again…I won’t. I’ll go crazy if I see you again.”

Crying, HeeJoo stumbled into JaeJoong’s arms. He held her back…his arms wrapped around her…and I couldn’t help but to think back to when I saw Hyunnie doing the same thing before me. How much anger had surged through my body…because I had feelings for him. But as I stood watching JaeJoong I wasn’t sure if I was even slightly jealous…maybe a bit…or if I just felt bad for the kid for falling for someone so fake as BaekHeeJoo. In any case, I didn’t like that he was holding her.

I’m drunk…anything I do can be overlooked.

“KIMJAEJOONG! I NEED TO GO PEE!”

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 77

For over an hour we walked around the deserted sidewalks that circled my apartment complex. JaeJoong never once asked why, but merely followed next to me as I continued to circle my apartment complex for the fifth time that night.

After I had screamed out that I had to go the bathroom, JaeJoong immediately dropped his arms from HeeJoo’s side, and started to head in my direction. It was absolutely childish of me, but the over powering feeling of victory took over, and I smiled to myself as HeeJoo loudly called out for JaeJoong. Of course my night would have been absolutely successful if it wasn’t for what HeeJoo had yelled out.

“How could you do this to me KimJaeJoong! You knew of my relationship with BoHyung the day we started dating.”

I knew I was drunk, but something in my mind told me that things weren’t clicking. I never knew JaeJoong before... Obviously wanting to ignore HeeJoo’s screams, I continued to walk away, while JaeJoong followed. We walked in silence, but HeeJoo’s final outburst made me stop in my spot.

“It was her you were supposed to hurt! Not me!”

Suddenly all the alcohol in me seemed to be disappeared at a rapid rate. My eyes peered into JaeJoong’s as I looked at him for answers. He let out a loud sigh, and led me away hand in hand. He walked me all the way home, and was very much at a loss for words. I wanted to ask him so many questions, but for some reason my brain just wasn’t functioning correctly. Now that I think about it, it was probably the alcohol.

In any case, I couldn’t handle, I told JaeJoong I was going to take a walk around the block to sober up, and as I walked away, he silently followed. It’s been an hour, and he’s still silently walking by my side.

Not that I was hurt by him, because there was never any emotion from my end, but the feeling of disappointment filled my body. Then the thought of JaeJoong, trying so hard to rid the false images of ChilHyun from my mind…from my soul…it started to anger me.

“What was HeeJoo talking—“

“It’s a misunderstanding.”

So you know what’s coming don’t you.

“A misunderstanding? Oh really? Then do tell me what she’s talking about.”

“Promise me something.”

“I don’t think you’re in a state to ask for promises.”

“Just promise me this one thing.”

I looked down at JaeJoong’s outstretched pinky. Reluctantly, I curled mine around his, and we made the unknown pact.

“You have to believe me.”

Taking in a deep breath I sat down at a bench just a few feet away. JaeJoong followed in silence. As if he didn’t know where to start, JaeJoong pulled out a cigarette, and began to light, but I took it out and threw it over my shoulder. He then ran his fingers through his slightly flat, yet curled out hair.

Is it that bad…

“I knew you before I met you.”

Already I was trying to control my body from shaking. The miserable images of dealing with HeeJoo in high school haunted me, and I couldn’t help but feel that history was repeating itself…in a horrible horrible way.

“Actually, I knew OF you.”

Knew of me…

“I met HeeJoo noona at a club. She was really drunk, and sitting at a booth crying. I never saw someone so sad. I put her into a nearby hotel, and went home. We kept in contact, and the more I got to know HeeJoo noona, the more I wanted to protect her.”

What the he.ll is he talking about! What is this?! Am I drunk again?! Did I just pretend to sober up?

“She told me of this girl…named SuhBoHyung. That stole her only true love from her…I remember a time when she fell asleep in her room while we were watching a movie, and she woke up screaming out a name. Hyunnie. I later found out it was short for ChilHyun.”

My ChilHyun…my ChilHyun…

“She told me a girl name BoHyung separated the two…her best friend. When I first met you…the day we ran into each other in front of the school gates…I just thought you were a complete pcysho. The way you looked at me…like you knew me…honestly…it was scary. Later on when I found out who you were…that your name was SuhBoHyung, that you went to our high school, I mentioned it to HeeJoo noona.”

This can’t be true. No…

“She fainted that day. She begged me not to leave her like ChilHyun had…to leave her for you. I told her I wouldn’t…that I would…return the pain that she had endured. At first that was my plan. Seeing HeeJoo noona so emotionally messed up, I really thought you were a horrid person…but…”

I’m crying…why…why am I…

JaeJoong’s finger wiped away the tears rolling down my face. They say silent tears are sometimes the saddest…I think they’re right.

“I’m sorry BoHyung…I didn’t…”

“I want to go home. I want to go home.”

I stormed up and started to head in the direction of my house. The more I walked, the quicker my steps got. JaeJoong was running behind me, and so I started to run too. Except so unstable, emotionally, physically, I fell onto the side walk, landing in a small patch of grass. Rushing to my side, JaeJoong kneeled down next to me, and stared at me with miserable eyes.

“The more I bumped into you, the more I saw you, the more you were near me, I knew HeeJoo noona was lying. The way you mistook me for ChilHyun, the way you looked at me the very first day we saw each other in front of the school gates…I knew HeeJoo noona was lying. I said that I never saw someone so sad looking as HeeJoo noona right. I was wrong. I saw you. The first day you looked at me, you looked like your life was falling apart. At first I wanted to cause you pain, but more and more I just wanted to protect you. I never wanted you to look at me the way you did that first day...The more I realized I couldn’t rid this ChilHyun from you…the more it became a reality, the more I wanted to protect you. I’ll lie in my bed wondering if you’re okay…if you’re sitting in the dark alone thinking about him…”

Maybe it was the fact that I really didn’t feel anything towards JaeJoong, but there was no anger, no frustration, no sadness. All I felt was relieved. Relieved that this child in front of me…this child wasn’t as bad as he seemed…that there was someone here that cared for me…more than I cared for myself.

Every day I told myself it was wrong. I told myself that there was no way to replace ChilHyun, yet after I would tell myself so, he would appear on hands and knees. It was wrong. I needed to be able to see KimJaeJoong…not AnChilHyun…yet every time I reached my hand out it was ChilHyun picking me up, and not JaeJoong. I so badly wanted, needed…ChilHyun, and JaeJoong was offering.

Just tonight…just tonight.

“JaeJoong ah…”

JaeJoong’s face lifted up, and those eyes I had fallen into the first time we met, those eyes toyed with all the emotions within me for the millionth time.

“Just tonight, just tonight I’m going to imagine you’re ChilHyun. I know it’s wrong, I know it’s so cruel of me to do this to you, but just tonight I want to…”

“Anything. I’ll do anything for you…”

“Do you…do you know the song Geu Ah Peum Gga Ji Sa Rang Han Guh Yah…will you sing it for me…”

All I wanted was to hear the lyrics again…and while forced into JaeJoong’s embrace I sobbed listening to the familiar lyrics…the familiar tightened grip…and the forever tainted scent…of Issey Miyake.

“The first time I met you, the snow was silently falling…the only thing that is mine is the need I have for you, the way I yearn for you. Even though my heart breaks in loneliness…I’ll love you even while I’m in pain”


Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 78

“Where are we going?”

“Put on your jacket.”

“No it’s hot!”

“Put on your jacket.”

“I don’t want to.”

”Do you want to die?”

I put on my jacket. Why did he have to be so pri.ckish all the time!

Pulling my light cardigan on, I trailed behind ChilHyun as he walked away from me. His legs were so long, and so his steps were so much bigger than mine, which led to me falling behind. I was semi jogging, but ChilHyun was walking at a lazy pace.

“WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME?!”

ChilHyun stopped to turn around, but of course not without his cocky little grin.

“Why don’t you just grow longer legs instead.”

“Because my mom has short legs, so I have short legs, and my legs won’t grow any longer! Do you have a problem with that AnChilHyun?! Huh?! Huh?! Huh?!”

As I stood yelling at ChilHyun he looked over at an elementary student that was standing near me.

“Hey kid, do you know her?”

The kid looked up at me curiously, I smiled awkwardly at him. He looked sort of scared, da.mn kids these days. Turning to ChilHyun, the kid shook his head rapidly. ChilHyun crinkled his brow, and looked at me.

“Oh I thought she was talking to you. There’s lots of crazy people out these days, you better watch out.”

With that ChilHyun started to walk away. As ChilHyun disappeared the child looked at me as if I was some murderer, and quickly started to run away in the opposite direction. Sprinting towards a disappearing ChilHyun, I viciously grabbed his arm,

“Why are you so mean?”

I didn’t mean to sound so…upset, but I guess I sounded a lot more hurt than ChilHyun expected.

Flabbergasted at my question, ChilHyun’s eyes peered at me in surprised, quite obviously in a state of shock. His mouth moved up and down a few times, but no words came out. It all ended with him viciously scratching the back of his head.

“Da.mn it. You were supposed to get this later but…”

ChilHyun rummaged through the backpack he was wearing, and quickly shoved something into my hands. Recovering from his animal like way of handing something over, I looked at the hand knitted pink and yellow flowered casing I held. If my assumptions were right, it was a CD player I was holding. Just as I had expected a brand new CD player rested in my hand. I looked up at ChilHyun questionably. He just stood staring through the window of a optometry office we stood next to.

“What is this?”

“Press play.”

Opening up the CD case there was a burned CD resting inside. A smile overcame my face as I read the messily scribbled words on it.

A CD from ChilHyun to BoHyung.

I shut the lid and pressed play while inserting one of the earphones into my left ear. A familiar pop song played, and I realized it was a song that had been raising in the charts quite rapidly, Hold by the oh so popular boy band GiShinBangDong.

The only difference was that it was not the original band that sung, but if I wasn’t mistaken, it was ChilHyun’s voice that played into my ears. I quickly skipped to the next track, and just as before it was another popular song…sung by AnChilHyun himself. Amazingly well sung. Struck in awe by his ability, I peered at ChilHyun who was still ignoring me.

“Is this really you?!”

Instead of answering my question, ChilHyun walked away. I ran after him, and looked at the CD case that dangled in my hand. It was so cute.

“Where did you buy this?”

“I had my mom knit it.”

For some reason this seemed so cute to me. I raised the volume of the CD players and continued to listen to ChilHyun’s angelic voice. Such a different aura filled him when he sung. Even though I couldn’t see him singing, I could feel that his personality changed when he sang.

“Sing for me!”

“No!”

“Come on!”

“We’re walking down the middle of the street, there’s no way I’m going to sing to you.”

“Oh…sing to me later!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

I didn’t want to lose. Just not this time. I started to cough miserably, and very loudly, while holding onto my throat for gasps of air.

”Yes, yes, yes.”

“N—“

“YES!!!! I’M DYING! OH MY GOD MY BODY IS FALLING APART! I’M DYING—“

ChilHyun placed his large palm around my mouth, and continued to walk by my side. He harshly started to whisper some thing into my ear.

”Later!”

So the rest of the date consisted of being pampered by AnChilHyun. Not exactly pampered, but he did it in his own little way. Just like any other normal high school couple, we watched a movie, ate dinner, roamed around the mall arguing about who was fatter, and the best part of it all, he actually bought me something. It was a cute little pig plushy that hung off of a cell phone. Of course he didn’t exactly give it to me in the nicest of ways.

”Just to remind you that there’s a high possibility that you can look like that.”

Other than that, the day was great. I really needed to get out of the house, and I especially needed to get my mind off of certain events and people, and ChilHyun did exactly that for me. By the time we reached home it was already almost 10, and it was finally time to separate.

“You said you’d sing me a song.”

“But it’s late. I meant later like, later when we turn 80.”

I punched ChilHyun in the stomach, as he immediately crumpled over, and painfully held onto his stomach. Once he had composed himself, he looked at me in annoyance, but lead me away from my apartments and towards a the tiny park just across from the parking garage.

We both sat at the swings, and I was silent for awhile, so he wouldn’t feel awkward, but when he remained silent too, I looked over and was going to yell at him to sing, but he did it on his own.

“The first time I met you, the snow was silently falling…the only thing that is mine is the need I have for you, the way I yearn for you. Even though my heart breaks in loneliness…I’ll love you even while I’m in pain” (AN: translation of parts from the song Kangta sang and JaeJoong sang for his audition. Title: Geu Ah Peum Gga Ji Sa Rang Han Guh Yah)
 

Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 79

Wet drops of water streamed down my face while they landed onto the back of JaeJoong’s shirt. My sadness was being wrung out of my drunken body, and it was JaeJoong that was soaking it in. I was going to go to he.ll for doing this to him.

“Don’t cry.”

With the front of my hand I quickly tried to wipe my face dry, but the more I tried to hide the tears, the quicker they continued to fall. I could feel JaeJoong sighing. He walked into the apartment, and supported my body weight with one arm, while he pressed the up button of the elevator with his other hand.

“Let me down.”

“Be quiet and stay still.”

“Just let me—“

“It’s because I want to. You know I wouldn’t carry your fat as.s if I didn’t want to.”

For some reason the insult made me smile. I comfortably placed my head against his back, silently listening to the rhythmic sounds of his heartbeat. The constant beating of his heart placed a layer of calmness along my unstable emotions, and I knew then that JaeJoong was nothing more than an outlet of pain.

“JaeJoong ah…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you…Do you…”

An erupting song filled the elevator we had just entered, and I quickly pulled out my cell phone from my pocket, and stumbled to place it on my ear. Who would call me at such late hours?

Mom and Dad. I’m so dead.

“BoHyung.”

“Sup ah? What’s wrong?”

“Sh.it BoHyung! I called HoHyung to tell him to make sure you were okay, and he tells me you’re not home yet! It’s been at least 2 hours since—“

KiSup let out an obvious sigh of relief, and immediately his voice calmed down. This is how it always was. I was always worrying people and upsetting people. This was wrong of me, and yet I continued to hurt those around me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s okay. Are you home right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”

”Uh huh.”

I pulled the phone away, but KiSup’s trailing voice forced me to place the phone back to my ear. He must have been really worried.

“BoHyung ah…You’ll be okay without him righ—“

JaeJoong’s hand flew up towards the phone and quickly pulled it away from me. My chin rested on his shoulder, and I watched in shock as he started to annoyingly yell into the phone.

“She has me, so of course she’ll be okay! Why the fu.ck are you calling my wife at this hour anyway?! Shouldn’t you be asleep you old man?!”

I couldn’t hear what KiSup was saying, but I did hear a part of it.

“Doesn’t that make you the male concubine of an old hag?”

That’s so mean KiSup! We’re the same age!

“Shut up and don’t call BoHyung tomorrow! She doesn’t want to see you.”

Closing the phone with his mouth, JaeJoong quickly shoved the phone back into my hand, and immediately shifted me up on his back with both his hands. We were silent as the elevator took us up the rest of the way. Finally in front of my door, JaeJoong let me down, and I started to truly realize what a complete mess I must have looked, and how incredibly embarrassing it was to show this side of me to my own student.

“Where are your keys?”

I pulled out my keys from my back pocket, and fumbled to insert it into the doorknob. After a few seconds of unsuccessfully fighting with the door knob and my keys, JaeJoong gently took it away from me, and quietly opened the door. I was surprised that the living room lights were still on, along with the television.

I am so dead.

“KIMJAE—“

HoHyung covered his mouth with both his palms, and ran over towards us. Immediately lowering his voice he looked at JaeJoong with firey eyes, and started to whisper shout.

“KimJaeJoong! What the fu.ck are you doing with my sister at this hour! Do you want to—“

“Go put on some pants or something. I don’t want to accidentally see anything.”

HoHyung’s head dropped down, only to realize that he was merely in his boxers, and nothing else. His face turned a bright red, but he immediately recovered by looking proudly at JaeJoong.

“You would die if you saw it!”

Knowing them, they would probably both strip naked to compare. I quickly grabbed JaeJoong and dragged him towards my room. Astonished that JaeJoong was coming inside, HoHyung tried to block my way as I entered my room.

“Noona you can’t sleep with him! Not him! I have he.lla friends that are better looking than him. I’ll call them right now if you want me to! Not him!”

I rolled my eyes and shoved HoHyung out of my room, while JaeJoong smiled smugly and sat down at my swiveling chair. Laying on the floor, I reached under my bed, and pulled out a dusty shoebox.

Do I open it…Can I handle it…

Taking in a deep breath, I pulled open the lid, and looked into the contents of the shoe box of memories. Everything within the box was tattered and falling apart, but this was the treasure of my life. Trying to control my emotions, I held up the box for JaeJoong, but instead of taking it, he got up from his seat, and sat down next to me. His hands shuffled through the box touching the items that were on the top.

A phone that looked centuries old, with a sticky picture on the battery pate. I was glad that the picture had faded long ago. A dirty pig plushy that hung off the phone. Pictures of ChilHyun, and me from the last few weeks we were a couple. Items gathered from different places we used to eat at; chopstick covers, napkins, business cards, and other random stuff that fell out of my purse.

JaeJoong finally came to a crumpled piece of paper the size of a post it. His eyes settled on the note, and he looked at me curiously.

“You used to like LimKiSup?”

I smiled faintly, and shook my head.

“No…we were always just friends.”

“Why are you showing me this?”

There was a hint of animosity and aggravation in JaeJoong’s question. I bit down on my lip, and picked up an old picture of ChilHyun and me. I was leaning against him, and he had his hand resting on my head. It was a picture from Lotte World, the one time we had gone together.

“JaeJoong ah…you’re a great guy…I’m so thankful towards you...but…I think it’ll be best if we…”

“I’m going to go. I’ll call you—“

My hand reached for JaeJoong’s as he tried to get up from the ground. I really didn’t want to cry any more. I really didn’t want to show JaeJoong how truly weak I was.

“I see ChilHyun…I see ChilHyun and because he’s not here for me…I turn to you. It’s wrong of me. You and I both know it. So I think it’ll be best if we just…well…if we stop seeing each other.”


Tainted Memories of Issey Miyake // 80

It was truly almost unbearable. Every second of the day was like watching paint dry on a wall. With each passing minute, I knew I was sixty seconds closer to the end of the day, and every hour was 60 minutes of endured torture. More than twice I saw myself falling behind in notes due to mindless amounts of time I would waste sitting and staring at the clock.

As my eyes watched the second hand of the clock dragging itself around in circles, an almost inaudible thud brought my attention to a squished paper ball that seemed to have appeared from over my shoulder. I turned around, and saw ChilHyun scribbling down the lecture. I prayed the threatening notes from my classmates wasn’t starting back again.

Taking in a deep breath, I opened it up, but not before noticing HeeJoo couldn’t keep her eyes off the piece of paper. Shifting towards the left, I opened the crumpled paper, and saw the familiar writing encouragingly scribbled along the torn paper.

“You’re not sick again? If you aren’t, you should stop day dreaming about me and pay attention.”

Cautiously, I turned to looked back at ChilHyun who looked up from his notes, and gave me a “what the he.ll are you looking at” stare. Chuckling quiet to myself, I turned forward and began to jot down the formulas written along the chalkboard. As I was busily trying to catch up with the missed information, HeeJoo poked me on my arm causing me to stop what I was doing. Annoyed by her interruption I raised my eyebrows upward wondering what she wanted.

“Aren’t you curious what I need to tell you.”

She was whispering, but not quite enough.

”Shut the fu.ck up. I’m trying to study.”

HeeJoo merely smiled at my response, and leaned in, continuing to whisper.

“Don’t you want to know what I have to say?”

My eyes rested on the devious grin that was balancing off the tip of her lips. Biting down on my tongue, I turned back to my notes and continued to scribble down the foreign formulas I was supposed to understand.

“You think you can get away with it?”

It was hard sitting right next to HeeJoo, especially when I hated her guts.

“Don’t underestimate—“

“BaekHeeJoo!”

Mr. Jung’s piercing call caused both HeeJoo and me to jump in our seats. I couldn’t help but to smile at myself, as I looked at HeeJoo worriedly looking up at Mr.Jung, who was waking down the aisle towards us.

A plus for Mr. Jung! Good job!

I glanced over at HeeJoo, and now she seemed terrified. Ms. Perfect, was actually going to get in trouble. It was too good to be true. I waited in anticipation, and watched as Mr. Jung’s already squinty eyes, became even smaller, and almost completely disappeared into his aging face.

“BaekHeeJoo what is so important that you must talk during my lecture?!”

Fidgeting with her fingers, HeeJoo looked up at Mr. Jung with a terrified look, then looked at me. Confused at HeeJoo’s reaction, I turned towards the left to see if she was maybe looking at someone else. When I realized the whole class had their eyes on us, I quickly turned back towards HeeJoo, only to catch her looking up at Mr. Jung, and once more looking at me.

“Go on BaekHeeJoo. Just a second ago you were chattering away, and now you’re quiet? Do enlighten me. Tell me what you were talking about.”

The stuttering in HeeJoo’s voice sent chills down my back. She definitely should have become an actress. I cocked my head back in order to see Mr. Jung’s hovering face.

“Mr. Ju…Jung…You see…the thing…”

“BaekHeeJoo, just say it. What was so important that you felt the need to talk during my lecture.”

Oh my God! Please, everything but the tears!

For the third time HeeJoo looked at me with her watery eyes, which had absolutely no affect on me any longer. Confused, I looked back up at Mr. Jung.

“Why do you keep looking at SuhBoHyung huh?”

Acting like she was torn by Mr. Jung’s question, I knew she had something up her sleeve. Giving me the apologetic doe eyes, HeeJoo started to cry, while confessing to Mr. Jung.

“It was just that…I was just…I’m so sorry BoHyung.”

“Um…what are you talking about.”

I asked the question, yet I really didn’t want to know.

“BaekHeeJoo, I am this close to losing my patience!”

Mr. Jung’s large hands were shoved into HeeJoo’s face, while he emphasized the “this” with his index finger and thumb tightly clamped together. There was apology written all over HeeJoo’s burning face, yet although the whole class fell for her award winning act, I knew everything was a complete lie.

“I was just telling…Telling BoHyung that…that she shouldn’t…”

She’s got to be out of her mind.

“Tell SuhBoHyung what?”

Telling by the constantly changing tone of Mr. Jung voice, I knew he was already annoyed to his limit. I prayed to myself that HeeJoo wasn’t going to say what I thought she was going to say.

“I was just telling BoHyung that…that she…that she shouldn’t pass notes in class.”

“She’s lying Mr. Jung!”

I couldn’t handle it. There was no way I was going to go down with her. Angrily Mr. Jung looked at HeeJoo, who was crying a waterfall, and then at me. After my confession of innocence, Mr. Jung looked at HeeJoo for an explanation.

“I’m sorry BoHyung…I…I…”

“BaekHeeJoo, is this a game for you?! You’re going to lie to your teacher right in his face?! I didn’t take you for this kind of—“

Now she was crying even harder, and her short breathes caused Mr. Jung to nervously fiddle with the thick stick resting in his hand. I rolled my eyes, and was about to tell Mr. Jung that this was all an act, HeeJoo shaking voice cause me to freeze in my seat.

“I’m sorry Bo…”

Her unstable hand reached into my desk and pulled out the balled up note. Goose bumps flushed through my body, at how bloodcurdling this girl truly was. Mr. Jung placed the stick on my desk while he opened up the balled up note. Just as I saw Mr. Jung’s face reading disapprovingly at the note, I heard ChilHyun’s chair scooting back, and when I looked over my shoulder, he was seconds away from getting up. Then out of the blue, KiSup, sitting next to ChilHyun, jumped off his chair and shot his hand into the air.

“MR. JUNG!”

The whole class, Mr. Jung included, turned towards KiSup who quickly leaned over his desk and grabbed the piece of paper from Mr. Jung’s hand. The class gasped, and just about everyone’s mouth dropped open as KiSup shoved the piece of paper into his mouth and began to chew.

“LIMKISUP! Spit that out! Right this instance!”

KiSup continued to chew, and eventually swallowed, hacking a few coughs as he opened his mouth. Grabbing KiSup by the arm, Mr. Jung rushed him towards the door, and quickly pushed him out.

“You could get poisoning from the ink! Go to the nurses office and get some laxatives. I’ll deal with you afterwards.”

With that Mr. Jung continued his lecture, while another troublesome note fell upon my desk.

“Do you like LimKiSup?”