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| Jokes. Because Some People Like To Read. |
| The Great Wall Of, Um... Afghanistan. Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan. "Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable." Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water." ---------- As for what to do with Osama bin Laden: Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release. Therefore, I suggest we do neither. Let the Special Forces, Seals or whatever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation. Then we return her to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban. ---------- A Few Handy Arabic Phrases AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN.= Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun. FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT RAEH GUSH DIVAR.= I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart. SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE.= I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life. AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST.= It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car. FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVAREHMAN.= If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public. KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY.= I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters. BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!= Whatever you say! MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GORBAN.= The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency. TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE GOYAST INO BERGERAM.= The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe. BA BODENEH SHEERELL TEEGZ.= Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than to spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs. ---------- A Friendly Chat Mullah Mohammed Hasan Akhund, the deputy Taliban leader, and George W. Bush agree to meet in Kabul for the first round of talks in a new anti-terrorism process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the arm of Akhund's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough. "I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Afghan. "We'll finish these talks in Washington in two weeks!" A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush's chair arm and prepares himself for the Texan's retaliation. They begin talking and George presses the first button. Akhund ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers but they continue talking. A few minutes later he presses the second button. Akhund jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. They continue the talks but when the third button is pressed, Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. "Forget this," says Akhund. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!" George W. says, through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan?" ---------- A Moral Dillemma I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but I think it is fun to decide what one would do. The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and structures destroyed. Let's say that you're a photographer and getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. You come across Osama bin Laden who has been swept away by the floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb. So, here's the question and think carefully before you answer the question below: | | | (arrow down) | | | | | V Which lens would you use? ---------- Election Results after 9-11 To: Albert Gore Re: Election Results Dear Al: We found some more votes. You won. When do you want to take over? Sincerely, George W. Bush ---------- The Binch Every U down in Uville liked U.S. a lot, But the Binch, who lived Far East of Uville, did not. The Binch hated U.S! the whole U.S. way! Now don't ask me why, for nobody can say, It could be his turban was screwed on too tight. Or the sun from the desert had beaten too bright But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, Whatever the reason, his heart or his turban, He stood facing Uville, the part that was urban. "They're doing their business," he snarled from his perch. "They're raising their families! They're going to church! They're leading the world, and their empire is thriving, I MUST keep the S's and U's from surviving!" Tomorrow, he knew, all the U's and the S's, Would put on their pants and their shirts and their dresses, They'd go to their offices, playgrounds and schools, And abide by their U and S values and rules, And then they'd do something he liked least of all, Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small, Would stand all united, each U and each S, And they'd sing Uville's anthem, "God bless us! God bless!" All around their Twin Towers of Uville, they'd stand, and their voices would drown every sound in the land. "I must stop that singing," Binch said with a smirk, And he had an idea--an idea that might work! The Binch stole some U airplanes in U morning hours, And crashed them right into the Uville Twin Towers. "They'll wake to disaster!" he snickered, so sour, "And how can they sing when they can't find a tower?" The Binch cocked his ear as they woke from their sleeping, All set to enjoy their U-wailing and weeping, Instead he heard something that started quite low, And it built up quite slow, but it started to grow-- And the Binch heard the most unpredictable thing... And he couldn't believe it--they started to sing! He stared down at U-ville, not trusting his eyes, What he saw was a shocking, disgusting surprise! Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any towers at all! He HADN'T stopped U-Ville from singing! It sung! For down deep in the hearts of the old and the young, Those Twin Towers were standing, called Hope and called Pride, And you can't smash the towers we hold deep inside. So we circle the sites where our heroes did fall, With a hand in each hand of the tall and the small, And we mourn for our losses while knowing we'll cope, For we still have inside that U-Pride and U-Hope. For America means a bit more than tall towers, It means more than wealth or political powers, It's more than our enemies ever could guess, So may God bless America! Bless us! God bless! See a video version or listen to an audio version ---------- McGreggor A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man. Old Man: "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.." Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..." Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..." Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention. "But ya screw one goat . . . " ---------- A Corney Joke About Dogs A great dane, a scotty, and a chihuahua were sitting in a bar, knocking back a few, when a beautiful female walked in. "Okay, boys," she purred. "I'll make a very happy dog out of whoever can come up with the best proposition, using the words 'cheese' and 'liver'." The great dane thought a moment, then stated: "I don't like cheese, but I sure like liver, and I like you, too!" He panted and wagged his tail. The lady just looked away. The scotty immediately said, "I like cheese, and I like liver, AND I like you!" and wagged his tail expectantly. She ignored him. Then the chihuahua growled "Liver alone! Cheese with me." They left together. ---------- Jokes About The Detroit Lions... God Bless 'em. Q. What's the difference between the Detroit Lions & the Taliban? A. The Taliban have a running game Q. How do the Detroit Lions count to 10? A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10 Q. What do the Detroit Lions & Billy Graham have in common? A. They both can make 80,000 people stand up & yell "Jesus Christ" ! Q. How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard? A. Put up goal posts Q. Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado? A. To the Silverdone - they never get a touchdown there! Q. What do you call a Detroit Lion with a SuperBowl ring? A. A thief Q. Why doesn't Flint have a professional football team? A. Because then Detroit would want one Q. Why was Marty Mornhinweg upset when the Detroit Lions playbook was stolen? A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it. Q. What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill? A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar Q. How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Superbowl? A. Nobody knows and we may never find out! Q. What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the SuperBowl? A. The Detroit Lions Q. What do the Detroit Lions and opossums have in common? A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road Q. How can you tell when the Detroit Lions are going to run the football? A. The back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes. Q. Knock knock Who's there. Owen Owen Who? A. Oh an 10. ---------- Thanksgiving An elderly man in the Southern United States calls his son up in North Dakota and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; 45 years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man replies. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Boston and tell her," he says as he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Arizona immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME?" Then she hangs up. The old man puts down the phone, turns to his wife and says. "OK, they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own airfares." ---------- Modern Politics I'm told that on Feb. 2, Dick Cheney will emerge from his bunker. If he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of war in Afghanistan. Hmmm. ---------- Another Corney Joke Did you hear about the new pirate porn? It's rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! ---------- Top 40 Things Never Said By Southerners 40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen. 39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won't fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. 35. We don't keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can't feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 30. Wrasslin's fake. 29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 28. We're vegetarians. 27. Do you think my gut is too big? 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 25. Honey, we don't need another dog. 24. Who's Richard Petty? 23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 21. Spittin is such a nasty habit. 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today. 19. Trim the fat off that steak. 18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 17. The tires on that truck are too big. 16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 15. I've got it all on the C drive. 14. Unsweetened tea tastes better. 13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled? 12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 09. Checkmate. 08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? 06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 05. I don't have a favorite college team. 04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. 03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long. 02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla. 01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight. ---------- Two Canadian Guys Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder." "What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light." "What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there." ---------- Bill Gates' Baby For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something from Microsoft shipped on time: Jennifer Katharine Gates, weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces when she was downloaded, er, born on Friday, April 26 at 6:11pm. And what do Baby Gates and Daddy's products have in common? 1. Neither can stand on its own two feet without a LOT of third party support. 2. Both barf all over themselves regularly. 3. Regardless of the problem, calling Microsoft Tech Support won't help. 4. As they mature, we pray that they will be better than that which preceeded them. 5. At first release they're relatively compact, but they seem to grow and grow and grow with each passing year. 6. Although announced with great fanfare, pretty much anyone could have produced one. 7. They arrive in shaky condition with inadequate documentation. 8. No matter what, it takes several months between the announcement and the actual release. 9. Bill gets the credit but someone else did most of the work. 10. For at least the next year, they'll suck. ---------- How To Pay For Beer A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $4. "But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer. "Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did." The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then ruses in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose." "Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way." ---------- Before And After Marriage Before - You take my breath away. After - I feel like I'm suffocating. Before - Twice a night. After - Twice a month. Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation. After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac. Before - Ricky & Lucy. After - Fred & Ethel. Before - Saturday Night Live. After - Monday Night Football. Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars. After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done... Before - Don't Stop. After - Don't Start. Before - The Sound of Music. After - The Sound of Silence. Before - Is that all you are eating? After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey. Before - Wheel of Fortune. After - Jeopardy. Before - It's like living a dream. After - It's a nightmare. Before - $60/dozen. After - $1.50/stem. Before - Turbocharged. After - Needs a jump-start. Before - We agree on everything! After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own? Before - Victoria's Secret. After - Fruit of the Loom. Before - Feathers & handcuffs. After - Ball and chain. Before - Idol. After - Idle. Before - He's lost without me. After - Why can't he ask for directions? Before - When together, time stands still. After - This relationship is going nowhere. Before - Croissant and cappuccino. After - Bagels and instant coffee. Before - Oysters. After - Fishsticks. Before - I can hardly believe we found each other. After - How the heck did I end up with someone like you? Before - Romeo and Juliet. After - Bill and Hillary. ---------- God's Email One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a short time. When the angel returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% are bad and only 5% are good. Well, He thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a second angel; to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time too. When The angel returned she went to God and told Him that yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% were bad and only 5% were good. God said this was not good. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said? You didn't get one either, huh? ---------- The Haircut A blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut. When the beautician approached the chair where the blonde was waiting, she noticed that she was wearing a walkman. The beautician took the blonde to her styling booth. She asked the blonde, "Please take off the walkman so I can cut your hair." The blonde replied, "I can't do without it, just cut around it." The beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting. A few minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde, "I just can't cut your hair properly while you are wearing that walkman. Please take it off." The blonde replied, "I just can't live without it, cut around it please." The beautician started cutting again and finally had had enough. The beautician reached down and pulled the earphones from the walkman off the blonde. Just as she did so the blonde froze, then fell out off the chair and on to the floor. The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to discover she was stone dead. All were stunned! The beautician lifted the earphones to her ear to listen to what was so important to the blonde. In a soft but commanding voice she heard, "Breathe in.......... Breathe out............ Breathe in.......... Breathe out............ Breathe in.......... Breathe out............" ---------- Jesus Sees You A burglar was cruising through one of our posh suburbs looking for a target of opportunity. At one house he saw a truck unloading a big screen television, stereo, and video outfit. All the gear had to cost thousands of dollars. He made a mental note and went on his way. The next day he was back in the same neighborhood. When he drove past the house with all the goodies, he saw an elderly couple loading suitcases into the trunk of their car. He could hardly wait. That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, broke the lock on the kitchen door and went in. It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal. "I see you and Jesus sees you," a voice said. The burglar froze in his tracks. "I see you and Jesus sees you," the voice said again. When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shinned it in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch. "I see you and Jesus sees you." The burglar laughed. "Just a dumb bird," he said. The burglar closed the drapes before turning on a lamp and that's when he saw a big and mean looking Doberman Pinscher sitting beneath the parrot's perch. "Sic him, Jesus!" the parrot said. ---------- The Elevator of Youth A man, his wife, and his son from waaaay out in the mountains go to the "big city" to a major hotel. When they get into the lobby, they are directed to the front desk to check in. While the wife is takin' care of "the paper work," the man is looking all around at the amazing things they have. One that catches his eyes is a recess in the wall with a crack in it. Just then, an elderly woman walks up, pushes a button next to the recess, and the wall opens up to a small room! She walks in and the wall closes, while lights above the secret doors flash along the top. They begin flashing in the other direction, and moments later the wall opens up and a shapely young lady, vougly dressed, sachays out, walking by the man and his son whos eyes and dropped jaws follow her by. The man looks back at the doors in the wall. "Boooyyy", says the man to his son... "Go get 'cho mother!" ---------- Natural Highs and Natural Lows Natural High: falling in love Natural low: falling off a cliff Natural High: having your 2:00 class cancelled on a beautiful day Natural Low: having your 2:00 class cancelled because it's the Apocalypse. High: watching a child do something for the first time. Low: watching a child flick you off for the first time. High: A great idea. Low: a great idea that someone stole from you. H: a hot shower on a cold morning. L: a hot shower if you're a lobster. H: a hug. L: a sharp stick in the eye. H: tailgating on a warm Sun. afternoon. L: getting pulled over for tailgating. H: clean sheets. L: puking in your clean sheets. H: Hershey Kisses L: Hershey squirts H: walking your dog. L: walking your dead dog. H: finishing your laundery. L: finishing having your laundery for dinner. H: falling asleep in the sun on a cool spring day. L: falling asleep in the sun in Downtown Detroit. H: taking a drive down a pretty road. L: being dragged behind a car down a pretty road. H: hugging a big teddy bear. L: hugging a big, sweaty sumo wrestler. H: playing miniature golf. L: playing miniature pool. H: catching your favorite TV show. L: realizing you've wasted your time watching your favorite TV show. H: sleeping for more than 8 hours. L: sleeping for more than 10 years and growing a long beard and really long nails and having everyone call you "Rip". H: laughing so hard your face hurts. L: laughing so hard your face contorts and is never the same again. H: orange juice when you're really thirsty. L: orange juice when you just brushed your teeth. H: listening to classical music. L: listening to "Polka, Polka, Polka". H: walking out of your last final. L: being carried out of your last final, catatonic. H: finding out a sweater you like is half price. L: finding out a sweater you like is ugly. H: Birthday cakes. L: Cow pies. H: a walk in the rain. L: a walk in the acid rain. H: holding someone you love in front of a fireplace. L: throwing someone you love into a fireplace. H: catching snowflakes on your tongue. L: catching a frozen metal pole on your tongue. H: seeing a shooting star. L: seeing a shooting. H: Baked Alaska. L: Baked Nebraska. H: raw sienna, burnt umber and periwinkle. L: raw flesh, burnt toast, and Perry Como. ---------- Yet Another Blonde Joke Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunny sacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunny sacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes." ---------- Flashers Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, " Do ya see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Crap!" cursed the brunette. "Are his flashers on? The blonde turned around again. "Yup... nope... yup... nope... yup...." ---------- Success At age 4 success is . . . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 16 success is . . . having a driver's license. At age 20 success is . . . having sex. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 60 success is . . . having sex. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. I guess God likes things to be nice and symmetrical. ---------- Abort, Retry, Ignore? Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted. Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go. What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will be one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" |
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