My closest friend just pointed out I'm pulling a Simon and Garfunkle "I am a Rock" thing. He's right. I have been withdrawn. I never really concidered it before though.
I think I have to blame my wanting to keep my new friends. I blame my opinions on my alienation from Trinity. I don't trust people to be accepting or receptive to new ideas. In a way I've become dangerously cynical; dangerous, because it is subtile. Can people be trusted with my opinions? Can I be trusted to speak as I should?
It doesn't come from thinking I can not defend my view. It comes from a lack of desire to waste breath. Philosphy is an idle waste of time, even Plato understood this. People believe in politics for the dumbest of reasons. Politics is the one feild where the ego can have as much room to play as you want. People don't change their politics, no matter how much "evidence" is thrown in their face. This I know. They won't change because that is the one area where people feel they can let their egos grow and attacks on the ego are more than most people can stand. I have absolutly no control over a person's religion. One person said I am open minded about religion. I am not. I just know something, something hard to articulate, but it gives me comfort. It is nothing special, but it is important. I am not threatened, and that gives the appearance of open mindedness.
To return to my original point, I even concidered removing those last few sentinces, because I don't want to offend the person who said it. It's like being politically correct.
I've always been a loner. I love company, but I hardly need it. Yet, I find myself disheartened when I am not included. I suppose it is a double standard. I pray that people would still feel the same way about me that they do shortly after meeting me, yet as I become more open about myself, I find myself more and more alone. Everyone is different, and has their own issues, but mine seem to be so deep, perhaps not. I may just be going through a "poor pitiful me" phase. I hope not, I hate those people.
I think this is perhaps the most personal thing I have ever posted here. I think, for once, I don't want to hear comments on this. Just read it, think about it or ignore it. It is all about choice.
Teh author