You know, it's funny how the head works some times. The answer I needed was right infront of me the whole time. I just needed someone to tell me what it was.
To that person, you are my brother. I can never repay you.
I don't need to please anyone or make trials for myself. He will do that for me. I don't need to prove myself, He knows my capabilities better than I do. I don't need to challange or change others. They will learn at some point. I don't have all the answers, but noone expects me to. I just need to get up and live without pressure.
In a way I owe all those people who told me that, granted in insulting and demeaning terms, my thanks. So I will say it here, Thank you. You will never read this or even care, but maybe one of you will, and that will make all the difference.
I always thought my ego was what got me up in the morning, but it's not. I don't need an ego. All I need is Him. The purpose of my days is to fulfill Him and live my life. Not be some great dude out to change the world. I could do that, but I need to have a reason. And I can't create a reason. The world works, just live in it.
God bless you all, I actually know what that means now.
Who knows, maybe I won't die of a heart attack at the age of 35 now. Wouldn't that be novel.