As we look forward to the new season, we have to begin by saying goodbye to a long time friend, Doug Waring. Doug is enshrined in the Hall of Champions for his banner season of 2002. Since then, Doug has done a fine job of stocking the "kitty" with his contributions for two teams. Yes, Kyle is gone too and with him go the misspellings, Luddys, and general abandonment of his team around Memorial Day each season. In their places are two fresh faces, Joel Potter and Mike MacGregor. I plan to make them properly feel welcomed with my special Swish treatment.
After the excruciatingly brutal night that was the Draft, it was very hard to roll out of my waterbed this morning. More than 20 Luddys in one night was more than this diva could handle, so before I went off and bitch-slapped the Hokie again, I went to bed without my usual seabreeze nightcap. So lets get this thing over with before I start to puke up my egg-white omelette.
The team destined to finish in last place is the Yellowfin Tuna. As "Big Bro" correctly noted, this is the worst freeze group in league history. (To beat out some of the old Goofball freeze lists is quite an accomplishment!) This draft did very little to help the overall program. The picthers will require a lot of duct tape and baling wire to keep shoulders and elbows in place and a little bit of prayer wouldn't hurt, either. If they can all stay healthy, that's a good group of mediocre pitchers right there. On the offensive side, other than Berkman, Zimmerman, Braun, and Kemp, there are lots of limp bats. And you know what I always say, if its limpy, you must be wimpy. I think that pretty much sums up Richard Smith and his team. Predicted finish: 11th
Hanging out near the bottom of the pack will be the newly minted Quisenberries. Just like their name-sake, they aspire to be like someone else. Unfortunately, posers are usually seen for what they really are and this one is no different. We can't all be Kent Tekulves and this ain't no Kent Tekulve. Though Joel did a fine job putting together five quality players from the leftovers, he continually reached for players several rounds too early like that hairy guy kept reaching for me while I was doing my pole dance at the Blue Oyster Club last night (it was good to see you again, Tim). There are several diamonds in the rough that could be shined up and turned into real gems if given the proper care, like Cano, Inge, Sandoval, Delmon, Pie, and Nolasco. But unless they all shine together, this may be a very dim bulb. Predicted finish: 10th
Duking it out with the Quisenberries will be the Martial Monkeys. Mary Ballard never got comfortable with the idea of a fast draft and it seemed to affect each an every one of her picks. The freezes were filled with quality, but losing so many high picks really left her without much talent past those five. She did grab some late round finds for her outfield in Granderson, Werth, and Burrell, but the rest is little to no talent for the round they were picked. If Mary makes a trade this season (that's a big if, because her last deal was in June of 2007), she could help add a few pieces to her team that could move her up in the standings. Predicted finish: 9th
As we move to the middle of the pack, we find the Hollerin' Hokies. These same Hokies finished 2nd in the overall standings last year, thanks to a strong draft. Unfortunately for Steve Clarke, Tim Ludwig was too busy to draft two teams again this season and Clarke was left to fend for himself in 2009 and it didn't work out too well. The right side of the infield looks good with Howard and Uggla, the left side of the infield just looks ugly with Beltre and Peralta. The muscle of this team will be pitching (and you know how I like my men with strong arms). The pitching staff is very strong on the front end with Santana, Shields, Lilly and Jurrjens and there are a few solid arms at the back. The depth of this team is good, but the starters are weak. Packaging some of the players in a trade for better quality is a must if the Goofball Gobbler hopes to contend again this season. Predicted finish: 8th
The Arkansas Thunder Chickens did fairly well in the early rounds of the draft and then let it all unravel just like the waistband on my new G-string (and it's hard to look buff in a saggy G). The starters are very solid, yet unspectacular. Led by Phat Albert, the Chix will put up some points, but the second and third base situations are quite shaky and the pitching staff is filled by a lot of good pitchers on poor teams. Its going to take a few keen waiver wire pickups and a couple of trades to round this team into a contender. Predicted finish: 7th
The other new guy in the league is the first Canadian in LSFBL history and my first taste of the great white north. He claims to be Out of My League but, Mike obviously got some good information about which guys to pick in the draft as he came away with a very solid team. The offense is very good, led by Jimmy Rollins and Justin Morneau, but the pitching seems a little thin. The late round grab of Yu Darvish could be huge to the future of the club, if he is posted after the season as expected. With a few good trades, this guy may be in the right league to make some money. Predicted finish 6th
Tune in tomorrow to see how the top 5 shakes out. In the mean time, I'm going on over to watch DoctaPeppa shake his thing on the dance floor. You ain't seen nothing until you've seen 200 pounds shaking like that!