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 Welcome Too Loneliness & Devotion. This is a blog web site, and isnt my personal website. If you would wish to view either my personal or fan websites, please visit me at Disturbed VG
I know that I've been meaning to write up a journal entry. But i've been run down with so much junk!!! I was actually making huge updates on my personal website and the page builder kept screwing up on me!!! >_< Im sorry!!! Im going to be re-designing this blog site!!! I want a more professional look!!! So be sure to look out for that!!!!
I think i need to grow up a little bit. I mean, look at me? Im a nerd and a tad dont you think? It pains me to have no boyfriend in my life!! I feel half complete! But im really looking for something that is special!! I dont just want a boyfriend, i need one too help make my life that little more enjoyable. No doubt- i love my friends and family! And you all know i strive really hard to please you all, but this little disturbed vg needs to feel the love too!!! *sigh* Ok. In other news, i am hovering around my forum. It has a new look and everyone likes it so far!! I need more members! Please join!!!!!!!! Im sure there is something all of your likings!! *whimpers* God i suck!!!!!
VG
I've been poderning my existance- what i am meant for in this un-godly world and this is what puzzles me. I have tried too end my life several times but each time something stopped me and sometimes i wonder if they were meant to stop me for the utter reason that this world needs me in some weird and small manor. I sometimes think im alive for those around me, im what give them something too look for as they are to me. We are all each others glistening stars and i would like to take this chance to thank everyone in my life who are there for me as im there for them!
I have- how ever- felt very afraid and lonely. I am enjoying my single life and enjoy flirting with all these lushious guys around me...but i am missing being a couple with a special guy in my life. I've been watching a lot of movies lately, i recently bought cruel intentions 2 & dawn of the dead on dvd!! I luv those 2 movies!! And i've been busing myself with making wallpapers and graphics for my fan sites. Oh good news- I Got Into TAFE!!! *squeals* WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!! Im doing web design!!! So typical of me! Anywayz im going too disapear because i wanna go have some ice-cream and milo!! L8rz
VG
I feel like shit!!! Honestly! I have had the worst mental strain lately. First off- yes I am putting my self mostly through it- but if I didn't make myself work so god damned hard, I wouldn’t be here today! So I have my lucky stars to thank there. Secondly- I have been in high demand by everyone around me- although flattering, also tiring!! Thirdly- I said some nasty things too Jesse *frowns* and I feel really bad about it! I think I really either upset him or pissed him off. Please forgive me Jesse, I didn't mean too snap!! Gah!! I was just in a mood I guess *bites lip un-sure*
I've been very weird lately. Mostly because having this sudden freedom to be by myself is getting the better of me. I miss going out and all, but sometimes I just wish I never had to go out! I guess me going out once a week isn’t going to help? hehehe! But I am going too Tim’s birthday party this Friday night, so that will be nice. And im getting my charm bracelet back- *squeals* - I've missed it so much! I got 2 new charms on it (including the Jeanie bottle I got for xmas)…I also got a bat! & im putting in for a spider web, pentagram and dagger! Hahahaha!!!! Yes!!!! Other than that, I have been asked if I have my eyes on any guys lately… sad to say; No, I Don’t. But im keeping a keen eye out for them!!! I just feel an empty void without a guy by my side- but that's teen-hood for you. I know I'll meet him some day (I really really really hope!!!). I and I pray that these dreams I've been having about a guy comes true! He just makes me wake up with the largest smile!!! Wouldn’t imagine how happy I am when I wake up! Today I was a tad odd- I actually set my alarm to wake up at 12 so I could continue on with my potc and iwtv sites!!!!!! Pretty awesome!! Ok…im going now because its- well….you don’t wanna know what the hour is!! Hehehe….Ok thank you for reading this journal! Hope you have a wonder day/evening/what ever!!!
VG
Greetings everyone. How are we all today? It's 2:42am a.t.m...and i've been working very hard on my underowlrd fan website. It turned out really well i recon!! ^_^ Now all i have too do is finish my Van Helsing and Troy van sites. I was thinking of also re-vamping my qotd site- but i also have my personal site to do!! So i better calm down a bit first! Will work on my personal site l8r today, right now im just posting in here and then going to bed!
I feel veyr troubled lately. I cant sleep as night and i sleep all day (well duh thats pretty obvious). But my main troubles are that i dont really want to go to bed, but my body is tell me too. I dunno. I dont feel like myself lately!! I've been having really weird dreams all of a sudden and they are very emotional and vivid!! *sigh* Man i wish that were real!! But then, last night i had a weird dream ( and whats even scarier- mum had one almost identical, but she doesnt know what i dreamt of). I was going around to an old guy friends house and it was like a huge shed. The guy was really cute and we were like brother and sister. We're chatting and giggling and then all of a sudden he gets very jittery and shakey. He's looking into my eyes with a shy smile and he takes my right hand, pulls out a little jewellry case and opens it- It's this beautiful celtic ring...and he asks me; "Tracey, i've loved you ever since the first day we met! And i will continue loving you for eternity. Please, be my bride...my love for all ages!",p> Well as i would in life, and did in dream- I gasped. And i instantly thought of my mother. What would she say if i were to say yes! Woudl she approve? Probably not! She hates everything i choose! And i was considering...then i woke up! pretty weird? Wait until you read this. On that track of mind about my mum never liking my choices, mum had a dream where Jesse proposed to me and i said yes. So we were getting married and she didnt even know until the last minuet! She was (as per-bloody-usual) outraged!!! She didnt want me to get married.
Now correct me if im wrong- but- WTF!!! We're both dreaming that i am getting proposed too and marrying someone mum doesnt like!? That really pisses me off because; Im always feeling that i MUST get mum's approval or she'll make my life a living hell. Which in my case, she does very well! and that pisses me off to no end!!!!
VG
Hello my little darlings. How are you all tonight? Well should i say morning since its almost 4 am! Hahaha! I've been a busy little bee!!! I've made 2 new web layout (one taking 5 hours and the other 3) and i have also made another blend- this one has been entered into GFL's blend site; Galadriel- White Witch>
Well there isnt much i can really talk about a.t.m. I mean, im single now...i havent much too complain about LOL but oh well, I will find something. I've been asked to fill in some working hours at mum's work- so i happyily excepted. It is for my fave' uncle after all; 'Joy! Cleaning Tables' hehehe Ok...well....yes! I am trying also to write a few letters. But yet again im either busy, forget or cant be stuff. Right now i cant be stuffed because its late and i want to have a warm shower and hit the sack! Actually...that sounds like a good idea. Oh before i go- good news- my van helsing fan site is coming along really well. I have only got 3 pages done, but hey! it's a working sucess. Okie dokie! Catch'ya L8R
VG
Howdy everyone. How are you all? Im good. Really cold though, but the tip of my ears are burning up. But meh, i dont care a.t.m....its 2 am *eyes widen* WOAH!!! Wow, i didnt even realise. I slept most of the day and then Jesse insisted on comming around. So he staid and we watched the extended edition of lotr-rotk groanz Im pretty proud of my stuff these days. Im getting better every day , that also includes my vid. OHHH!!! I did make that morph of VH, QOTD and UW. It's AWSOME!!! So i cant wait for you to see it. I got to warn you though- a lot of it doesnt go with the music, but just remember i have set it too a beat that you mightnt notice! But i hope you like it when i get it up! sigh Well i got to go! I have a lot to do- and i really should get back to work on my van helsing website but i havent the time- Gah! Hehe. L8rz
VG
I felt the coldness, sweep over me
I cried for help, but no one aids me
I screamed your name, you just avoided me
I saw my angels, they smiled to me
I wished for love, it only decieved me
Mesmorised by beauty, the world has offered
You saw me, and i smiled
You called for me, and i replied
So what is now? But a lonely soul
What happens to her? No one knows Written By Disturbed VG
Happy New Year Everyone, I trust everyone had a good one? I did ^_^ I spent it with Tegan, PJ & Kyle. Tegan run me up after I thought I was spending the night alone, and she wanted me to hang out with her and I was liked- Awesome! So, she took me to her new house, and let me just 'Swish'. It's nothing fancy, but way better than their old house! Closer too! Only a 10 min walk Which is cool. I passed out about 5am I think. Well I didn’t pass out, that’s just a nicer way of putting that I fell onto my bed- never to sit up again! Hahaha!! *total loser*. Oh well. I had a little cry and told Tegan one of my most repressed secrets ever. And no, im not telling you! It was the first time I ever really told the entire story. I mean, I’ve murmured it too people- but I never went into it that deep. In fact, it really freaked me out! I was getting vivid memory flashes and I just started crying. Tegan just held me ^_^ Thank you Tegan, you're a wonderful friend
Well let’s see, what else have I been pondering about? Hmmm nah nothing much actually. Im pretty quiet these days. Just riding out my time by sleeping, eating, vidding and webbing. I am making a tonne of web sites lately! I just have to keep myself occupied! I mean, I have been really lazy lately- with my websites and all, so I think I owe it too all my friends who are devoted to my site. ^_^ I love you guyz! You're awesome!!! You give me a reason to do something with my life
Oh well. All is well that ends well. I know there is a purpose to my tears. I have grown into a strong warrior, who will eventually make her own ruling and live her life the way that she believes it should be. I hope I become really successful in everything I want to do. I know you can’t be perfect all the time- but you can strive for excellence!!! I always have and look where it’s gotten me? I wanted to become a talented web mistress and design wonderful things. But the only way I was to do that is if I sat down in my own time- give up any sort of social life I had- and read and read until I either knew what was going on or trial and error. You will not believe how long it took me just to understand simple html coding. And now I can do so much! Because I got the will power. Just wait another few years and I’ll be even better at it! And what you see now will be better improved too and mosaic of creative magnificence
The night grew longer, as i stared to my side. The moon stays up high, im burning inside. There's nothing to do, but wait till the day. I cry every night, and wake up to play
My lifeless body, lays mangled- near dead. I couldnt resist it, I took it instead. I tried lots of poison, but i just threw it up. I begged for forgivness, as i slit through the cut
Turn up the sterio, as i scream and i yell. I see no point in living, im an empty shell. I bleed for my mercy, i tried as i mite. This pain is just mortal, i give up my fight
"She still breathing, quick help her" i heard a voice say. "Doctor, Doctor", please just go away
This girl has been drugged, no life in her eyes. I saw lights from heaven, my biggest surprise
Dont cry at my funeral, im happy to stay. Live life to your fullest, thats what i would say. Although my life has ended, another just began. So dont cry for me, im smilling in heaven
Written By Disturbed VG
http://www.geocities.com/lonely_vg
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