For Perspectives Sakes...

My ex-boyfriend and I have known each other since the fourth grade, and we're going to enter senior year in college...There's a lot of history between us. He dumped me to explore his feelings for a girl he'd met online...after promising his life to me not three weeks before...But I'm hoping that someone out in the void can relate...

This is the poetry from the first few weeks afterward...
and here is the poetry from a month and a half later.
There is hope...there is so much more of life out there than I realized...

A Short Wick

It's a good analogy.
A small flame.
That tiny flare.
Trying so hard to grow...

Think of it as me.

Flickers, wavers, fights,
but I remember how it looked
New.
Untouched.
Unblemished.

Yet it burns.
Now it grows.
The flame snaps and crackles,
It struggles,
wanting the tall, true flame,
but knowing it means loss.

And tall it burns, finally.
Strong.
The stronger for burning off the rest.
Room to breathe, burn.

So it sits before me.
Reshaped.
New again.
A different new...

Reflections

So many thoughts clamboring to be heard,
to be expressed.
Words remain inadequate.
Actions rendered impossible.
Separate
Distant
You will not see or hear.

It's been a week...
Do you miss me yet?

Torture

Me or her?
Last thing you think of at night
First thing you think of in the morning?
Dominates your heart?
Captivates your mind?

Do you hurt?
Do you feel a loss?
Or is it all the same as always,
just a different cast?

Do you cry?
Do you miss me?
Am I still a part of you?
Or was I forgotten
long before I was gone?

Finality

I'm running out of reasons to see you.
Maybe that's good.
It feels strange,
this absence.
This lack.
But is it you I miss?
Or the we we used to be?

Keep the keepsakes,
you say.
So what am I to think?
Do they mean so little to you?
Did I mean so little to you?

"Let's be friends."
Ah.
So I give my heart again to your keeping?
Friends.
Impossible.
Why be friends with
someone
who doesn't care enough about you
to say that
those special nights
meant something to him too?

Life Goes On

When first you said
it's over
I didn't think I could survive
All I wanted was
another
chance.

It doesn't seem so long ago.
But it is.
I don't need another chance.
The first was enough.
Life goes on.
They always said it would.
They were right.

I go on.
I am stronger than I thought.
Though perhaps you knew.
You did leave me on my own.
I like to think
you knew.
The alternative
is that you just
didn't
care.

Life goes on either way.