~*~ Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all, but I want more
And I'm waiting for you ~*~
~*~
They agreed it couldn't be left in the room this time. He should have
clarified to her that he didn't want to leave it on the planet, either.
~*~
Travelling slowly they made their way back to camp. They didn't talk much,but it was comfortable silence. Jack thought his mind was too blown away toformulate words anyhow.
'Holy cow,' he thought. 'Sam. Me. Sam and I. We'd... Wow.'
He couldn't help but grin. He looked over at Sam who caught sight of his expression and exchanged it with a smile of her own. Jack's grin widened.
When he could see the campfire but they were still hidden outside of its ring of light Jack came to a stop with Sam pausing beside him.
"Hey," he said, demonstrating the mastery of language of which he was currently capable.
"Hey?"
Jack turned toward her, reaching out to lightly brush the back of her handwith his fingertips. He was hesitant to touch her again, as he wasn't surewhere they now stood with that kind of thing. He wasn't sure where they stood with *anything* after what had just happened between them.
Sam's hand curled around his. Okay, so handholding was all right. Good.
Thus emboldened, he gave an experimental little tug with his arm and was delighted when Sam stepped into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around him. Holding, apparently, was okay, too.
Cool.
Sam rested her head against his shoulder. Her hair was soft and silky under his cheek and he breathed in the appealing scent of whatever it was she used for shampoo. He found the fragrance vaguely familiar as he'd managed to brush that close to her a time or two before over the years, but those occasions had always been on the sly. Now he could do it permissively and take his time. Except...they really couldn't take any more time. Jonas and Teal'c would be worried about Sam. They had to get back.
Suddenly Jack felt a bit cold despite the warm body in his arms. What had gone on between them -- it shouldn't have happened like that. Okay, it shouldn't have happened at all, or not right then anyway, but he'd deal with those repercussions later.
"I'm sorry," he said, letting his mouth ramble before his brain caught up with it. Sam tensed in his arms.
"I'm not sorry it happened," he clarified hastily, pulling away from her
slightly so that he could meet her eyes. "Just that it happened here."
Her startled expression disappeared. "It's okay," she said, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. She tugged his head towards hers. "*Here* is where I needed you." Her words melted into a kiss.
They held on to each other for a few moments before Jack reluctantly dropped his hands to his sides and Sam stepped away. Before she could pull away completely he grabbed her hand and started playing with her fingers.
"Jack," Sam admonished, yanking her hand away. "We have to behave now."
"Yeah?" he asked, knowing they did but wishing otherwise.
"For the moment," she said, gifting him with a suggestive look.
His fingers twitched toward her again so he shoved both questing hands deep into his pockets to keep them under control. "I�m going to take you up on that," he promised.
"I hope you do." Her words made his stomach twist, but in a good kind of way.
Dawn was still hours away as they headed back to camp but already the day had brightened with new possibilities.
~*~
Sam took watch when they returned. After some murmured conversation between her and Jonas all was quiet except for the sounds of nature. Leaves rustled as the wind whipped through tree branches and some nocturnal insects kept up their chatter. Earlier in the night Jack had found the bug sounds soothing, calmed by the idea that some form of life continued on that cursed planet.
He lay with his eyes closed but he didn't sleep. Instead he wondered if the Canucks could possibly take Detroit in the series.
Yeah, right. Jack thought about a lithe body moving beneath his, fingertips raking down his bared back, soft moans sounding in his ear, long legs around--
O - kay. Maybe he should be thinking about the Stanley Cup. He rolled over.
What he really should be thinking about was what they would do now. He'd never expected that they'd suddenly end up together on an alien world while on duty. Fantasized about it, sure; thought it would happen, no. They were too professional. He knew nothing *would* have happened between them, except that they were -- and still might be -- a bit messed up after what they'd seen on the planet. They'd seen...something Jack wasn't going to think about and let ruin his greatest night in recent memory.
Then he had an unsettling thought. What if Sam was a lot more messed up than he thought? She hadn't been exactly rational; what if she regretted what they'd done? Damn. That notion shot Jack's good mood all to hell.
He started panicking, just a little. What if it had made Sam even more
upset?
Okay, it was time to take a deep breath. And again. Jack decided he needed to scope out the lay of the land before he started freaking out. He figured if Sam was upset she'd be showing it on her face, thinking she was unobserved with the rest of her team asleep.
Cracking open an eye he peered over at her. The fire had her face cast alternately in light and shadow. The brightness of the night on the planet, however, was enough to make her expression clear.
She sat with her chin in her hand, staring at the fire. She was obviously
contemplating something. Jack sucked in a sharp breath at the look on her face.
It bore the biggest, most beautiful, satisfied grin he'd ever seen.
In very auspicious, articulate words Jack thought, 'Yee Haa!' He rolled onto his back, feigning sleep but actually wanting to hide his face so Sam couldn't see his own huge, dopey smile if she happened to glance over. Jack went back to thinking about those long legs wrapped around--
No. What he really, really needed to be thinking about was getting his
people home the next day. For that he'd need rest. He allowed himself one last peek at Sam. Then he closed his eyes and closed off his mind to recent, delightful memories and invited sleep to come.
~*~
Morning brought a spring to Jack's step that hadn't been there the day
before. At first he'd woken with a slight feeling of trepidation. He knew he
was willing to throw caution to the wind to have Sam, in whatever way she
wanted him. But despite what had happened between them early that morning
and regardless of the expression he'd seen on her face before going off to
sleep, he was still unsure Sam would feel the same.
They passed by each other as they were busy breaking camp and Jack stopped
dead right in her path.
"Morning, Carter," he said, trying hard to keep the question out of his
voice.
She kept her eyes downcast as she mumbled a reply. "Morning..." Then she
raised her face to him with a radiant smile and in a hushed voice meant for
his ears only she added, "...Jack."
He flashed her a quick smile in return before moving along on his business.
A damn fine morning it was.
~*~
It didn't take long after they'd set out for Sam and him to fall back and
let Teal'c and Jonas take the lead. They didn't really talk, seeming content
to walk along in silence. Jack was happy to just have her in his radius. He
couldn't help himself from glancing over at her every so often and she
apparently was driven by the same compulsion. Their eyes would meet, they'd
grin at each other, they'd glance away and Jack would smile foolishly to
himself then censure his expression in case one of the guys glanced back and
wondered what he was so pleased about.
At one point he looked over at Sam and she held his gaze, then her eyes
darted behind him.
"Um, sir..." she began.
"Yeah?" The silly grin was taking over his face again.
"You've got a..." Her hand went to the back of her own neck and then she
suddenly reached out toward him. Her hand came away with a fair-sized twig
complete with two leaves.
"It was sticking out of your collar," she explained. Her mouth twitched.
"Stop laughing." Jack frowned at her.
"I'm not laughing," she protested as her smile broke free.
"Yes, you are," grumbled Jack. "You mock me, but I bet you're carrying some
foliage on you somewhere, too."
Sam arched her brows. "Care to look and find out?" she asked in a low tone.
Jack's eyes widened. He blinked, but his eyes were still popping out.
Did she just ask him.
To search.
Her.
Body?
His footsteps came to an abrupt halt as he stared at her.
Flinging him a wide grin Sam kept on walking.
Whoa. That was one offer he'd definitely be checking into further. When they
got back to Earth and the briefings and other post-mission minutia was taken
care of he'd find Sam and see exactly what she had in mind.
~*~
Jack slowed as he entered the infirmary, scanning the room for his
second-in-command. He'd learned through Jonas that Sam would apparently be
spending the night under Fraiser's care although the reason why remained
unknown; he knew for a fact the rest of his team had checked out clear of
any alien toxins or illness. Had Sam come into contact with something that
the rest of SG-1 hadn't? He felt a quick pulse of fear but tamped down the
emotion with the thought that she had seemed fine at the debrief.
There was no sign of Sam but he did spot Doctor Fraiser heading in his
direction. "Can I help you, Colonel?" she asked as she stopped in front of
him, tilting her head back in order to look up at him.
Jack debated whether to ask after Sam, wary of seeming overly concerned when
it came to her health. It was a line he found himself toeing all too often
the past few years: where did his concern as CO leave off and that
indefinable "something else" begin? Maybe more importantly, how would others
perceive his concern?
Jack shrugged off the familiar worry and answered Janet's question. "I was
looking for Carter. Jonas said she was here."
Janet nodded slightly. "She'll be back soon; she's just gone to shower."
So Sam *was* spending the night in the infirmary. "What's wrong with her?"
The doctor eyed him for a moment, looking indecisive, before apparently
making up her mind. "Maybe we should discuss this in my office, sir." She
waited for his agreement before preceding him into her private office at the
far end of the infirmary. Once inside she leaned a hip against her desk and
rested her ever-present clipboard against her thigh. He dropped into a
chair, mimicking her informal posture. "Major Carter's blood work showed
elevated CO2 and bicarbonate levels. It's nothing serious but something I'd
like to keep an eye on, just in case."
"If it's not serious then why are you keeping her in the infirmary?"
"That's just it, Colonel. I'm not keeping her here; she volunteered to stay.
I told Major Carter I needed to recheck her levels tomorrow morning and she
that she wouldn't be allowed off-world until they were stabilized, and she
offered to stay overnight." She lowered her voice. "Colonel, what happened
on that planet?"
Jack clenched his hands as his mind supplied a too-vivid recollection of the
villagers of P4R 284. "Everyone had been slaughtered. Everyone. It was a
gruesome sight and Carter took it pretty hard. She had a nightmare on the
way back to the 'gate and Doc," he lifted his head to meet her horrified but
compassionate gaze, "in six years I have never heard her scream like that.
Never."
They were both silent, the atmosphere sombre as Janet took in his
description of the atrocities SG-1 had witnessed and Sam's reaction to them.
With a sigh she broke the silence. "I'm concerned about her, Colonel. She's
taking this mission personally and that's unlike her. I thought that as her
CO you should be informed."
Her serious gaze met his and despite her insistence that she was talking to
him as Sam's doctor, Jack knew there was something more to it. Janet wasn't
stupid; even without knowing what had happened between Sam and him on the
planet in the early morning hours of the previous day she had some idea of
their feelings for each other. He nodded shortly. "Thanks Doc. You'll let me
know if there's anything else?"
"Of course, Colonel."
Jack stood to leave, pausing at the threshold of Janet's doorway. Should he
wait for Sam to return or let her have some space? A vulnerable corner of
his mind whispered that she was spending the night in the infirmary to avoid
him, but he dismissed the thought as ridiculous. She had been relaxed on
their way back to the Stargate, had even flirted with him; he had nothing
about which to worry. Sam was just a little shaken by the events they'd
witnessed which was bound to happen occasionally, even after everything
they'd seen. She'd be fine. They'd be fine.
Taking one last glance around the infirmary in the vain hope of seeing her
before he left, Jack made for the elevator, content with the fact that he'd
see her tomorrow.
~*~
Jack sat in front of his computer, ostensibly working but in reality not
accomplishing much of anything. He was trying to finish his report on P4R
284 before the end of the day but every few minutes his brain reminded him
of the feel of Sam's skin under his fingers, of the way she'd responded to
his kiss, and he ended up doing nothing but grinning stupidly at his
monitor.
A knock sounded at his door and he straightened away from the computer.
"Come in," he called, welcoming the distraction. To his surprise Sam stood
in his doorway.
"Do you have a minute, Colonel?" she asked.
"Of course, Major," he told her, emphasizing her rank the slightest bit and
fighting back a grin. There was something almost fun about putting on an
appearance for any potential witnesses that appealed to his sense of humour.
Sam entered, closing the door behind her but not moving any further into the
room. He wondered for a moment at the distance she kept between them but
didn't give it much more thought. "What's up?"
She didn't duck her head with that shy smile he'd come to anticipate
whenever he gave her a compliment, nor did she give him that dazzling smile
that he'd seen more often on their way back to the Stargate yesterday
morning than he'd seen in the previous six years. Instead she wrapped her
arms across her stomach and hunched her shoulders slightly, withdrawing into
herself right before his eyes. The first niggling feeling of unease made
itself known. "Sam?"
If he didn't know better he would have sworn that she actually flinched. As
it was her gaze skittered around the room before she squared her shoulders
and met his gaze head on. "We can't do this."
He raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
"This. Us. What happened on the planet. We can't do it."
Jack stared at her, sure that he'd either heard her wrong or misunderstood
what she was saying. But the longer he watched her, watched her expression,
the more he knew that all the hopes that had been kindled just yesterday
were being extinguished. He let out a slow breath but didn't take his eyes
off her. "What's changed since yesterday?"
"I've been thinking," she told him, a small, sad smile touching her lips;
and though he felt the urge to tease her about thinking too much he let her
finish speaking. "This job means everything to me. I love working for the
Air Force and I love being a part of the Stargate program -- it's who I am.
I'm not ready to risk it all for this."
"But you're not just your job," he broke in, unable to simply let her give
up on them without at least trying to persuade her to give them a chance.
"You can't tell me that when you go home to an empty house every night that
part of you doesn't wish there were someone there with you."
"What about our jobs?" she continued on without acknowledging what he'd
said, though he could tell that he'd struck a nerve. "We're the flagship
team fighting on the front lines in an effort to save the Earth from death
and slavery. What gives us the right to ignore the frat regs and put more
than six billion people at risk because of what we want?"
Jack didn't have an answer for her. He wanted to promise that their feelings
for each other wouldn't interfere with what had to be done -- but he
couldn't. He had been able to zat her when the computer entity had taken
over her body but he couldn't bring himself to leave her on Apophis' ship.
He wanted to believe that they could put their relationship aside for the
"greater good" but he couldn't be sure.
That wouldn't stop him from trying to convince her to pursue a relationship,
however. "Sam--"
"Please don't." She was actually pleading with him. "I've made up my mind,
sir."
Jack wouldn't have thought he could hate that salutation any more than he
had upon hearing it on P3R 118 but this was much, much worse.
Sam turned to go but paused with one hand on the doorknob. "I'll understand
if you want me off SG-1."
"No," he said immediately. Unable to stop himself Jack moved around his desk
and trailed his fingers down her arm in a gentle caress. "It's not going to
come to that, Sam."
She shuddered slightly under his touch and for just a moment he thought
maybe he'd get her to reconsider, but she merely nodded shortly before
leaving, closing the door behind her. Jack sank dejectedly into his chair.
The day had started off so promising and now....
Not bothering to shut down his computer properly, Jack jabbed the power
button and left his work to be completed the next day. He needed to *do*
something; he wasn't sure what, but he definitely wouldn't be able to
concentrate on reports now. He swung open his office door only to come to an
abrupt halt, stopped in his tracks by a wall in the form of Teal'c. He
groaned internally, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of the SGC
as soon as humanly possible. "Something I can do for you, T?"
The Jaffa inclined his head. "Indeed. General Hammond requests the presence
of SG-1 for a briefing at the behest of Jonas Quinn."
So much for getting off base, Jack thought with a sigh. Ensuring his door
was closed and locked he headed down the corridor beside Teal'c. "What's
up?" he asked.
"It appears that Jonas Quinn has found information that may prove valuable
in finding those who are responsible for the deaths of the inhabitants of
P4R 284."
Just what he needed right now, Jack mused; to sit in the same room as Sam
while they discussed the mission that had started his current anguished
state.
The other half of his team was already seated at the table by the time Jack
and Teal'c arrived. "Carter," he acknowledged, hoping she didn't hear the
faint note of longing in his voice; he'd been unprepared for the actual
sense of loss he felt upon laying his eyes on her. "Jonas." He sat across
from Sam since Jonas had already taken the seat next to her -- unless she
had deliberately sat next to the other man in order to keep him distant. The
thought hurt.
"Sir," she said quietly, and he felt his gaze drawn helplessly to her face.
She looked somehow smaller than usual and he knew that she hadn't come to
her decision lightly; this was hurting her too. Despite his small kernel of
anger, Jack found that he couldn't blame her for her choice.
General Hammond entered the room then and Jack and Sam both half-stood
before he waved at them to sit, taking his place at the head of the table.
"I've called this meeting after having talked to Mr. Quinn about something
he discovered today in one of our previous mission reports. I'll let him
tell you what he told me."
Jonas stood and distributed folders to the rest of SG-1, and Jack was a bit
surprised at how prepared he was for this 'emergency' briefing. "The more I
thought about it, the more the entrance wounds of the weapons used to kill
the people of P4R 284 seemed familiar. As you know I read through all of
Doctor Jackson's notes pertaining to SG-1's missions. I also read through
many of the post-mission reports of the other SG teams. Once we returned
yesterday I began going through the old reports again until I found this."
He flipped to the first page of the folder and everyone around the table
followed suit. Jack found himself staring at a close-up of a raw and bloody
wound that matched exactly those they had witnessed just two days earlier.
Remembering Sam's extreme reaction to the slaughtered villagers he glanced
across the table.
Her face was perfectly composed; to anyone else she would appear unaffected
by the photograph that lay before her. But Jack had been there when the
deaths had become too much for her, had been there for her uncharacteristic
outburst and its equally unexpected aftermath, and he could only imagine how
she was feeling now. Then she looked up, right into his eyes, and he knew
for certain.
Knowing that there was nothing he could do -- for so many reasons -- Jack
forced himself to focus on the briefing. "So what does this have to do with
our mission?" he asked Jonas.
"The wound at which you're looking is that of an individual who was found
nearly a year ago by SG-13. Upon further investigation they encountered
representatives from a people named the Taicligh who were hunting a rogue
group who use weapons that leave this mark." He tapped the photograph.
"Could these Taicligh help us track down those responsible?"
"It's possible. From all accounts the Taicligh are a fairly peaceful people;
we've maintained casual contact with them, traded a few things, but nothing
formal has been established as of yet. The only thing we really know about
the faction who uses these weapons is that they're called the Hyksos."
Jack leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "What do you think,
General? If these Taicligh know who's responsible for wiping out that
village then they just might be worth checking out."
Hammond nodded. "Agreed, Colonel. But I want you to use the utmost caution
-- for all we know the Taicligh may themselves be responsible for the acts
committed on P4R 284. You have a go for 0800 tomorrow. Dismissed."
~*~
A wall of floor-to-ceiling windows looked out over a small but sunny
courtyard. A stone walkway outlined a lush carpet of green grass. The area
was bounded on three sides by the great stone walls of a building and
benches of a similar material blended unobtrusively into the corners.
On one bench sat a man playing some sort of fluted instrument. The upper
windows of the room were open to admit the warmth of the spring-like day and
the lilting notes of music wafted inside on the currents of air.
Jack wondered if the sound also carried to the field beyond the courtyard,
where a combat unit drilled in a course of barbed wire and muddy trenches.
"He is a very accomplished musician."
Teal'c stood with his eyes closed and his hands clasped behind his back,
seemingly enjoying the flautist's performance.
"Yeah, sure," Jack agreed. Before he could return his gaze to the scene
beyond the window, the sound of an opening door caused him to turn in the
other direction.
First Commander Jocasta Kenzie breezed into the room, acknowledging Jack and Teal'c with a brief smile and joining them at the window.
"Enjoying High Commander Tavish's practice session?"
Jack's eyebrows rose. High Commander? From his understanding of the Taicligh
military that rank would be equivalent to a four star general in the United
States Armed Forces.
"Does he do that often?" Jack asked.
Jocasta grinned. "He does it daily. He says the acoustics outside my window
are better than those in the practice rooms. He also knows I like the music."
"It sounds great."
"He's one of Domhan's pre-eminent musicians."
"I'm impressed that he finds time to play," Jack said.
"He *makes* the time," Jocasta advised. "Colonel, the Taicligh do not want
to fight. It was only when the faction of our people calling themselves the
Hyksos aligned with the Goa'uld that we were forced to assemble a military
to defend ourselves. But for most, academic or creative pursuits have
remained as important as our training. We are dedicated to our fight but
encouraged to not lose our other talents to making war. To do so would
destroy who we are as effectively as the Hyksos attempt to do."
That would explain not only the practice rooms but also the art studios,
libraries, theatres and science labs they saw on their tour of the military
base. To Jack the facility seemed more like a great big university, if not
for the obvious presence of troops and weapons and training grounds for
battle. It also shed new light on why the annoying little soldier who had
conducted their tour kept talking about his flower gardens.
Something else Jocasta said reminded Jack of a question he had for her.
"If the Hyksos are acting as lackeys for the Goa'uld, why isn't some Goa'uld
claiming power over Domhan?"
Jocasta gave a slight shrug. "We wonder -- and worry -- about that
ourselves. The mineral resources the Goa'uld sought on Domhan were depleted
centuries ago. We know the Goa'uld who ruled here left at that time. We
wonder if maybe we have been forgotten by the Goa'uld and in order to
fulfill a personal vendetta against their own people, the Hyksos have not
reminded their lords about us."
A chill passed over Jack at the thought of humans -- in the case of the
Hyksos, a group of scientists who discovered the Goa'uld through the
Stargate and amassed a cult-like following -- seeking to serve the Goa'uld
of their own volition. He wondered if the same would happen on Earth if the
Stargate and the Goa'uld were common knowledge. Then he thought of Adrian
Conrad and had to suppress a shudder.
"It is admirable, Commander Kenzie, that the Taicligh have defended
themselves against the Hyksos while engaging in other pursuits. It is a
credit to your people as able warriors," Teal'c declared.
A corner of Jocasta's mouth turned up in a slight smile. "I'll admit we do
have a handful of career soldiers as well, including myself."
"Then your sole desire was always to become a warrior?" asked Teal'c.
Jocasta gave a harsh bark of laughter. "No, not exactly. I wasn't supposed
to be a soldier at all. As a young woman I was a classical dancer."
Jack nodded at this. Jocasta Kenzie possessed a certain grace that befitted
a dancer. The way she wore her dark hair with its shock of gray pulled back
from her face in a tight knot made her look like she might have just stepped
off a stage. Jack suspected, however, that it wasn't just age that had
marked her face with visible lines and creases.
"You don't dance anymore? Even for fun, I mean?" Jack was curious. The woman seemed rather indomitable.
A faraway look came into her eyes as Jocasta gave her head a slow shake. "I
was performing in another city when two ships of Hyksos attacked my home. No one survived. The next day I joined the military. I never danced again."
She turned her head to gaze out the window and Jack and Teal'c afforded her
a respectful silence. It was only seconds, however, before she turned back
to them with a smile and said, "So by Taicligh standards, I've only been half alive since."
"Hey now," Jack said. "Sometimes what's dead can come back to life. Believe
me, I know." A memory of Sam's smiling face flashed before his eyes and he
added silently, 'Sometimes, you even start looking forward to each new day.'
"I'd like to find out you're right," Jocasta said. "If your people can help us in our fight against the Hyksos we will be forever indebted to you."
"Just save me a victory dance, okay?"
Jocasta nodded sharply. "Now, let's rejoin the rest of your group, shall we?"
She led them out of her office and through a maze of corridors. Jack couldn't help but note the details of the base, with its marble floors and stone walls decorated throughout with murals and tapestries, statues and sculptures.
Jack walked along in silence but Teal'c had a constant stream of questions
for Jocasta. He became particularly interested in a painting that
encompassed a wall just inside the scientific wing.
They paused for Jocasta to explain the picture and Jack started to drift
away. A door stood ajar down the corridor and he heard a familiar laugh come
from within.
He crept slowly closer to the door until he could peer inside. It was
another room full of sunlight as the commander's office had been, only this
one was chock full of gadgets and gizmos. Three figures stood around a
laboratory table, their backs to the door: Sam, Jonas and...Balfour. That
was his name. Chieftan Caelan Balfour. He was the scientist who had greeted
Sam with a smile and an enthusiastic handshake and whisked her off to his
lab. Now he had her laughing.
Jack frowned. Sam had barely spoken to him since their talk in his office
the day before. Here was a stranger provoking laughter from her on the day
they met.
He didn't want to hear anymore but he was oddly rooted to the spot.
Thankfully, Jocasta and Teal'c came up behind him and swept him along into
the room.
"Afternoon, class. How are the studies going?"
The three gathered around the table all turned toward him. Jack couldn't
prevent his eyes from meeting Sam's and as she looked at him the smile she
wore faltered then faded. Still, he held her eyes and she didn't look away.
"Finding anything worth studying here, Carter?" he asked.
Sam nodded. "They're doing some interesting work, sir."
"Interesting?" Jonas's voice was incredulous, commandeering Jack's gaze.
"What they're doing here is absolutely fascinating. You used those words
yourself, Sam." Jonas appeared puzzled by Sam's sudden lack of enthusiasm.
Jack looked back at her, but her eyes had skittered away. "I'm sure you'll
find plenty of time to look over everything," Jack muttered. He had kept any
bitterness out of his tone but received an odd look from Jonas all the same.
"I'd like to invite you all to go over to the officers' dining hall for lunch," Jocasta announced. "I'll take you over, but Teal'c has expressed an interest in watching one of our training sessions beginning shortly, so I'll continue on there with him."
"Alright then," Jack said. "Let's go eat."
"Actually, Colonel," Jonas piped up, "I wouldn't mind taking the time to
check out the archives, if that's okay?"
"Sure, go ahead. So, Carter, that leaves you and me."
"I'd like to do a bit more work here, sir," she said. Of course.
"You're welcome to join us," Balfour said. "I can have some food brought
up."
The polite, even friendly invitation grated on Jack's nerves, which were
already strung tight by the unusual tension he felt emanating between him
and Sam.
"Thanks," he replied, "but I think I'll just go for a walk."
~*~
Rounding the corridor in the SGC, Jack was surprised to see Sam waiting for
the elevator. It was late Friday evening and SG-1 was on downtime for the
weekend.
Jack had gone out for dinner accompanied by Teal'c and they had stayed at
the restaurant to watch the game on the big screen. When dropping Teal'c
back at the mountain Jack had been forced to return to the SGC to retrieve a
DVD rental Teal'c had just informed him was due back. Damned if he was going to let Teal'c's movie obsession rack up late charges on his rental account!
Sam hadn't yet noticed him and Jack slowed his approach. She was slouched
against the wall, head tilted upwards to monitor the numbers indicating the
elevator's descent.
With a yawn, Sam scrubbed at her eyes. She was obviously tired and Jack
wasn't surprised. From what he surmised, she'd been constantly working into
the early morning hours in the week since they'd been to Domhan.
Her gaze flickered sideways and she saw him. "Sir!" She straightened up and
pushed herself away from the wall.
"A little late to still be here, don't you think?" he asked her.
"I'm on my way home."
"I should hope so. It's the weekend, Carter. You know, time for fun and some
R & R."
She offered him a wan smile. "I know. I was just finishing up some work."
The elevator arrived and they stepped inside, Sam pushing the button for the
upper level.
"I hope you're not planning on working *all* weekend."
"Not *all* weekend," she confirmed.
"Carter," Jack groaned. "Am I going to have to come and drag you out of
here?" His tone was the familiar one he'd used to tease her about working
too much many times before. Still, Sam's gaze left his to study the panel of
buttons in front of her.
Jack tried to ignore her seeming unease. "Hey, the guys are coming over for
movie night at my place tomorrow. Why don't you join us?"
"I've got plans," Sam said hastily. Then, as if regretting her abruptness
she looked back over at him and added in a softer voice, "But thanks for the
invitation, sir."
"Yeah, no problem," Jack said, striving to keep the bitterness from his
tone. He knew what her plans were: to make sure she kept the most distance
possible between the two of them.
It hurt.
The rest of the journey to the surface passed in an uncomfortable and
unfamiliar silence. Before parting ways at the parking lot Jack offered a
simple, "Have a good weekend."
"You too," she replied. The smile she gave him didn't reach her eyes.
~*~
"Greetings, O'Neill."
At the Jaffa's salutation, Jack looked up from his cereal. "Morning, Teal'c."
His friend's tray bore the customary Jaffa breakfast of choice: six slices
of wheat toast, orange juice, strawberry yogurt and what amounted to a whole
can of baked beans, kept on hand by the commissary just for Teal'c's morning
meal. Thankfully, the Jaffa's system handled the beans without...incident.
Problems had only...blown...the first couple of mornings Jonas had joined
Teal'c for breakfast.
Teal'c settled himself across the table from Jack but didn't immediately
begin to break his fast. Instead he steepled his fingers and eyed Jack
speculatively.
"Yeah, Teal'c?"
"Might I ask you a question about dreams, O'Neill?"
While he finished chewing his mouthful of cereal Jack tried, unsuccessfully,
to read his friend's expression. "Sure," he finally replied. "You having
nightmares, buddy?"
"Not I. Jaffa do not dream. A friend, however, came to me to inquire about
meditation as she thought it might help her sleep. She is experiencing
disturbing dreams at night."
"Oh?" Jack put down his spoon. Teal'c was well-liked on base but there were
only a select few to whom he'd bestow the title of friend. And only a couple
of "shes" among them.
"I thought perhaps my friend should be discussing her difficulties with
another Tau'ri. Does it not help humans to talk about these nightmares?"
The ghost of a memory chilled Jack as he recalled his own aftermath of Iraq.
"Yeah, it can."
Teal'c nodded once. "I do believe my friend has someone who would be able to
speak with her. Someone who cares deeply for her."
At Teal'c's forthright comment Jack's eyes widened ever so slightly. He hid
the expression by lowering his gaze to his cereal, picking up a spoonful to
finish his breakfast. Before he could do so, however, the spoon clattered
back against the bowl.
"I'll see you later." Jack rose from the table. "There's something I've got
to go do."
~*~
He found Sam in her lab. The door was open and Jack hesitated before going
in.
Her head was cradled in her hands as she sat at her worktable, staring at a
few objects before her. Jack thought she probably wasn't contemplating the
device on which she was working, as her gaze didn't waver in the moments he
stood observing.
Taking a deep breath, Jack entered her domain.
Sam's eyes lifted as his movements announced his presence and seeing him she
quickly straightened herself up on her stool.
"Hi, sir," she said, obviously attempting cheerfulness. It rang false; Jack
could hear the weariness in her voice.
"Carter," he replied. Then he paused to study her, really study her. He'd
been so busy the last weeks *not* taking too long of looks at her, not
wanting to torture himself yearning for something he couldn't have. As a
result he'd missed seeing how pale and exhausted she appeared.
"What can I do for you?"
Jack couldn't remember any of the delicate segues onto the topic that he'd
rehearsed on his way to her lab.
"Is everything okay? You look like hell."
Sam's eyebrows shot skyward. "What?"
"Sorry. It's just..." Jack picked up a doohickey from her table and passed
it back and forth between his hands. "You look worn out. P4R 284 was a
brutal mission. I just want to make sure you're getting over it okay."
His hands stilled and he stared at her. For a brief moment her face clouded
then she bent forward to claim back the part he held in his hands,
effectively hiding her expression. When she looked back at him she was
completely composed.
"I'm fine."
"Carter..." His tone was firm, brooking no falsities. "You're not *fine*."
"Okay, you're right. But I'm handling it." Her chin rose defiantly. "I'm
just having some trouble sleeping. Janet knows. She said she'd give me
something to help if I needed it."
"You've talked to the doc about it?" Did everyone know about her problems
but him? Jack wondered. His brow furrowed. He was the last to know, when he
should have been the first to whom she could come.
Sam was nodding. "Janet said she'd give me some pills, but I'd rather try to
do without them."
"Okay." Jack shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels.
"Just checking up on my second-in-command."
"Thanks, sir." Sam's wan smile didn't reach her eyes.
"Take it easy, Carter," Jack said before turning and retreating.
He stopped just a few paces down the hallway from her door. It shouldn't be
Doc Fraiser or Teal'c she was going to. It should be him. Regulations and
the current nature of their relationship be damned. He should be the one
getting her through the nightmares and the long, solitary nights.
Someone passed by him in the hallway, greeting him. Jack gave a halfhearted
wave in response, not bothering to look and see whom it was he addressed.
Abruptly, he wheeled around and strode back into Sam's lab, marching up to
her table and smacking his palms down on top of it. Sam jumped and gazed up
at him with wide eyes, startled by his sudden reappearance.
"I am here for you," he told her, his voice firm, his tone low. "Anytime.
Night or day. Whenever you need me, Sam. Got it?"
Her face melted into a soft, sad smile. "Got it," she whispered.
"Good." With that Jack spun around and walked briskly out of her lab again.
Leaving was one of the top ten hardest things he'd ever had to do, when all
he wanted was to grab her, hold her close and never let go.
~*~
Jack stood off to the side in one of the labs on Domhan, trying to keep out
of the way as he conversed with Teal'c and Jocasta. He kept half an eye on
Sam and Jonas as they worked with Balfour, the scientist showing them some
of the technology on which the Taicligh were currently working. Of
particular interest to SG-1 was a recovered Hyksos weapon like the one used
on the inhabitants of P4R 284.
"We're not precisely sure how it works," Jocasta admitted, likely seeing his
attention wander to the trio on the other side of the laboratory. "The
Hyksos adapted Goa'uld technology similar to that of the hand device in its
construction; we haven't been able to study it in action because it makes
use of naquadah in the bloodstream. Unlike the Goa'uld, it is not an element
found in our genetic makeup."
"If the Hyksos and the Taicligh were once of the same race, why are they
able to use the weapon when you are not?" Teal'c queried.
"The Hyksos' worship of the Goa'uld is so complete that they desire to be as
like them as possible. To achieve that end they began genetically altering
themselves by adding trace amounts of naquadah to their biological
composition. That was several hundred years ago. At this point, due to our
limited contact with their people, we are unsure whether they continue to
add the element artificially or if they are now born with it already present."
"Why have the Hyksos turned on the Taicligh if you share the same origins?"
Jocasta sighed. "As I told you earlier, we were never a warlike people. We
were certainly aware of the Goa'uld and the slavery and death they wrought
upon world after world but we did nothing, believing ourselves removed from
the situation. When a faction of our people broke away to form their own
cult and began emulating the Goa'uld, we felt responsible for their actions.
We have been trying to stop them ever since. Although the Taicligh vastly
outnumber the Hyksos in terms of population, we have found that we are
unable to effectively counter the effects of their weapons. While we are not
losing the war, neither are we winning it." She paused for a moment before
turning to Teal'c. "You told me on your last visit that you were once First
Prime to Apophis. I'd be very interested to hear how you made the decision
to turn against the Goa'uld."
Jack only half-listened as Teal'c began relating his story; it wasn't that
he wasn't proud of Teal'c for the choice he made to turn against his "god"
but he already knew the facts. He instead focused his attention on the two
scientists and the Kelownan deep in conversation over the Hyksos weapon;
Balfour pointed at a specific part of the weapon before drawing their
attention to what appeared to be a schematic, talking animatedly although
Jack couldn't make out his words. He watched as Sam shook her head in
apparent disagreement before picking up the weapon, no doubt to demonstrate
her point.
Jack wasn't quite sure what happened next. He heard a low hum of electricity
only seconds before the weapon discharged with a distinctive high-pitched
whine and a beam of light, which left behind a fist-sized hole in the wall
opposite the door. He was halfway to Sam before she'd even dropped the
weapon onto the table and stumbled backwards.
"Carter!" he snapped, worry making his voice rough as he grabbed her by the
shoulders and held her at arm's length, his eyes skimming quickly over her
body. She looked a little shaken but unharmed. "Are you okay?"
Her hands came up to latch onto his forearms, gripping tightly. "I'm fine,"
she assured him. "It just startled me, that's all." Her gaze softened
briefly as it met his before her features once more became composed. "I'm
fine, Colonel," she repeated more formally, stepping out of his hold and he
reluctantly let his arms drop back to his sides.
Sam moved to join the people gathered around the weapon and Jack followed,
still feeling a bit rattled. "So what happened?" he demanded as they reached
the table.
"I'm not sure," Balfour replied, glancing up from his study of the weapon.
"I can't tell you how long we've been trying to make this thing work without
any kind of result. I promise, Colonel, that I would have warned Sam had I
thought there was any possibility of danger."
Balfour was already on a first-name basis with his second-in-command? Jack
forced himself not to react. "I'm sure you would have," he placated the man.
"But I'm guessing you might have neglected to mention that the weapon
requires the presence of naquadah in order to work?"
Balfour's brow furrowed. "No, I don't think I'd gotten to that point yet.
What difference does it make?"
Sam answered his question. "Several years ago I was taken as a host. When
the symbiote died it left behind a protein marker that's detectable in my
blood."
"And that somehow allows you to use the weapon!" Balfour concluded
excitedly. "This is the biggest breakthrough we've had in years! You just
might be the solution to solving this problem, Sam."
"Caelan," Jocasta admonished lightly. She turned to Sam. "Despite his
enthusiasm, Chieftan Balfour has a point, Major. If you're amenable then it
would be a great advantage to have you here aiding our research. If we can
determine how this weapon works then it would give us a significant
advancement in our fight against the Hyksos."
"As interesting as that sounds, it's not my decision to make. I'd have to
speak to my superior back on Earth."
Jocasta nodded. "Of course, Major Carter. But you'll consider it?"
Jack saw Sam's eyes fix fleetingly on his face before she responded. "Yes,
Commander. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity. I'll discuss it with
General Hammond as soon as we get back."
Jack felt the bottom drop out of his world.
~*~
Part 2 -- PG version
Part 2 -- NC17 version