The London Times

News From the Front

by Lord Byron 

More Bloody Battles at Sea!

Curse of the Phoenix Strikes Phoebe!

Some Good News, For a Change:

A Month of Marines.

by Throgmorton Otter, Special Naval Reporter to the Times

This article will be carried in the Late Edition

The Party Scene
by His Excellency Prince Alphonse Von Schnell, Assistant Deputy Ambassador in London for His Most Christian Majesty Pietr III of Pomerania

Greetings esteemed and clever peoples of London! I, Prince Alphonse, certain to be confirmed as ambassador for the blessed Germanic state of Pomerania within a very few weeks, have graciously agreed to share with you my observations on London Society, prepared in expectation of my elevation to the first rank of diplomatic service and presented to you with the acquiescence of your Most Gracious Majesty, and my cousin thirteen times removed, His Highness King George.

In first week of June was started my adventure in the high levels and famed very funny wits of English gentlemen. I, and with modest ten only of my retainers, in full ceremonial regalia, arrived in carriage at the Regency Gentleman Club. Closed. And was Golden Lion Club. I thought maybe my cousin had made a very big joke with me. Two hours later, after visiting many other clubs closed, we arrived at the Rose and Crown. This is a very modest but goodly humoured place. There was made a remark by a serving man about fancy dress party being last month. This was a very funny joke. Major McGregor, a very famed commander of marines, was host of party of Mr. Maxwell Howes and very beautiful young lady Joselyn, Captain Edward Indeklawds (very famed equally with Major McGregor) and enthusiastic young gentleman Mr. Bartholomew Roberts de' Winter. All persons were very happy and friendly. No fighting or gambling famed of English gentlemen were seen. I left thinking this was a special night.

In second week of month June I made a further expedition, again with only ten retainers, to same clubs. Again, many were closed but the Rose and Crown. There I met a Schottlander, Mr. MacKinnon with again a beautiful lady Elizabeth. I was very surprised that Mr. MacKinnon was more interested in drinking Whisky drink than conversation with such a beauty. Question: why is many Schottlanders still in London drinking whisky drink and out-taking women while Englanders have to fight French? Englanders rule
British Isles, no? Why not Schottlanders fight and Englanders drink and take women? This is a question which any diplomat must understand to be a good diplomat who understands British people.

In week three again I took my train of retainers to the famous London clubs. Very quiet. Good news for Times readers is that I found another club, which is a modest club the Black Cross. There I met already a friend Mr. Bartholomew Roberts de' Winter. He also had a companion a very beautiful English lady Jane. He did not tell any very funny jokes but Lady Jane was very happy with new escort.

Week four was a last chance of June to improve my observations of London party scene. Many clubs again were closed but I met at the Rose and Crown Mr. MacKinnon with very beautiful Elizabeth. MacKinnon is a good man. Some small whisky only was drunk.

So, my English friends, my report of June month is complete. Again will I benefit you with my observations of funny English gentlemen next month.

Sycophanto Obsequiosi is indisposed (ed)

Journalist Arrested!
by Albert Peel

Notorious journalist Mr Sycophanto Obsequiosi was arrested last month on a charge of lewd and libidinous behaviour. Following a complaint from local residents, a party of sergeants-at-arms were called to investigate a disturbance on the Westminster embankment. Obsequiosi was seen arguing with a young man dressed in women's clothing. At the very moment the sergeants arrived, the second man was seen to remove his dress and money exchanged hands. Both were arrested and gaoled at Newgate Prison. Although the junior man is expected to be released, Obsequiosi will be examined by magistrates in the first week of July.

Columnists Needed!
by the Editors of the London Times

The editors of the London Times are looking for a few good columnists to supply this worthy paper with the much needed reading material that London requires. To apply, submit your name and references to the editor-in-chief.

Some few glad tidings, but still unremitting carnage, this month, dear reader.

The following general details of the military effort have been allowed for publication. As our stalwart land forces are making good progress into Spain, and are being supplied via Portugal, the actions of the Navy have this month centred around that crucial point of military logistics: supply.

To this end, the Channel Fleet has been recalled to its home waters, to defend supply ships bound south. These, in turn, are passed to the North Sea Fleet, to be escorted to the ports of Portugal. HM Frigate True Love was on detached duty, seeking out French and Spanish pirates and scouting out the whereabouts of their fleet elements. The events of the past month follow.

Commanding the Channel fleet was Admiral Reginald Gilbert. Under him were the Ship of the Line Indefatigable, and the Frigates Sophie and Reliant. Following last month's sea battles, the Phoenix was in dry dock undergoing extensive repairs.

The main action occurring for the Channel Fleet was an attempt to raid the supply auxiliaries by a fast attack flotilla of French vessels. Although the smaller ships posed no threat to Indefatigable, they were a considerable menace to the supply ships. The overall battle can best be described as inconclusive: no supply vessels sunk, though two damaged, but the enemy managed to retreat, except for one. Still, Senior Marine John Paul Surtees led a boarding party from Indefatigable to one enemy Frigate. For his initiative and numerous acts of bravery, he was mentioned in dispatches and promoted to Lieutenant-Colonel, though the party had to retreat eventually. Mr. Surtees' second act of heroism - cutting loose some rigging, to delay pursuit of his wounded men, while balls flew by his ear - likely resulted in the fact that not one Marine was killed or captured, though several were sorely wounded.

The Sophie traded shots with two of the enemy vessels at different times of the engagement. At one point, she was in danger of being broadsided by a vessel, while the quarterdeck concentrated on its own target, but a keen eye and timely warning from Midshipman James Sinclair may have prevented disaster. Although the Sophie's Captain did not officially mention the Midshipman in the reports, many a salty dog offered a salute to his health and future good fortunes, back in port.

Reliant certainly had the best results. Under the able hand of her Captain, Charles Taunton, she managed to engage and board an enemy vessel. Her Captain's shrewd tactics earned him mention in the Admiral's report. The Senior Marine, Ensign Charles Stuart, led the furious attack on the enemy and would have surely captured the ship, had not the French decided to fire her, rather than let her be taken. For his valiant efforts and his dispatching of the enemy Captain in single combat, he was promoted to Lieutenant. The French Frigate, afire, sank.

Admiral Llewellyn Welch had rather worse luck in his command of the North Sea Fleet. The Ship of the Line Absalom, the Frigate Phoebe and their support vessels managed to get themselves overmatched by a squadron of Spanish vessels, including the Galleon Conquistadore and three Frigates. Absalom gave as good as she got, inflicting a fair amount of damage upon Conquistadore, though one of our vessels' Lieutenants, N. Sikes, sadly perished when a ball exploded nearby.

Phoebe was involved in the bloodiest battle of the month. After being raked by two passing Frigates, her Captain chose to close with one that turned out to be crammed with Spanish Marines. As Phoebe sent a boarding party over, the Spaniards counter-boarded and the battle for Phoebe was on. No quarter was asked or given, and the gallant Frigate's
decks ran red. As Senior Marine Patrick Kennedy led his men in a vicious and dogged defence of Phoebe, he saw literally all of her senior officers, Captain and Lieutenants, go down fighting, in the terrible battle. With every one of his friends who fell, witnesses say that Kennedy grew grimmer and grimmer, uttering terrible oaths and frightening the Spaniards by his mere approach. At the last, as the Phoebe's battle-weary boarders retreated, the Spanish will broke and they fled back to their vessel and cast off. Even then, the Phoebe would have been lost but for the quick thinking of newly arrived midshipman Alexander Terence Portland, who swiftly took command of the remaining People and carried the ship from danger. For this he was made Lieutenant, leaving him acting commander of the Phoebe.

Not content with saving his ship, Marine Lieutenant-Colonel Kennedy organised the gun crews in seconds and unleashed a terrible salvo directly into the magazine of the retreating Spaniard. The ship burst asunder, broke at the beam, and went down with all hands. The gallant officer was promoted to Marine Colonel and was, of course, also mentioned in dispatches. It is rumoured that he was allocated a goodly share of plunder from that which was captured by the returning English boarders. Bravo, sir!

Regrettably, the threat of Spanish reinforcements forced our ships to pull back northward, leaving the supply lanes untenanted for much of the month, except by Spanish and French vessels. Supplies to the troops bound for Spain have dwindled to a trickle. It is imperative that this situation be rectified next month, if the push into Spain is to continue.

Of the coast of Portugal, Captain Tom Jones of the Frigate True Love had obtained much needed information about the disposition of several Spanish ships of the line, but the True Love found itself the object of a hunt by two Spanish frigates as they made back for the Fleet. The masterful command of Captain Jones allowed him to outstrip one vessel until True Love reached an early morning fog bank. When the rising sun cleared the mists, True love found herself with but one adversary left and elected to engage. After exchanging fire, the Spanish Frigate, possessing the wind, managed to come alongside and it fell to cutlass and pistol work to repel boarders. One of the True Love's lieutenants was slain in the exchange of fusillades, as were three of her Midshipmen. Seeing the fighting grow desperate, Captain Jones ordered the new Senior Marine Lieutenant Rupert St.John Bagshot, to clear the lines and free the vessels. This the Lieutenant did in rather unorthodox fashion, as he led his men over the gunwales into the enemy vessel, where they poured a withering fire against the quarterdeck, killing the enemy Captain and senior officers. The disarray caused by this allowed them to claim a sea chest, then rush back, killing the Spaniards nearest the True Love, hacking through the lines and then leaped back to their own vessel, under cover of fire by the Jack Tars. Both Captain Jones and Lieutenant St.John Bagshot, now Marine Captain, were well-pleased with their share of the plunder, after the True Love made its way north. The Marine Lieutenant was reported in dispatches to the Admiralty for his excellent showing and granted a brevet captaincy. And again, a bravo to one of our gallant marines!

A' Courting They Do Go
by N. V. Lovelace

The beautiful and influential Jane, who was so grievously insulted last month when her beau, Royal Marine Lieutenant Rupert St.John Bagshot swore undying love for her and then went whoring amongst London's prostitutes, has been rescued by one Bartholomew Roberts de'Winter. He visited the lovely Jane in the second week of June and she willingly transferred her affections to him.

London will have to wait and see what happens when Lieutenant Bagshot returns from his post on the True Love only to find that his "true love" is now in the arms of a man who knows how to treat a lady. Really, it should be obvious that a fellow who prefers whores to a fine lady like Jane doesn't deserve her.

But de'Winter wasn't the only successful suitor in the Courts of Love last month.

In the first week, newcomer Colin MacKinnon charmed Elizabeth and she could not resist his purple phrases. Elizabeth was therefore out on the town with MacKinnon the following week when Captain Edward Indeklawds of the Medusa turned up ready to pay court to the lady only to find her not at home.

It is said that the Captain then forswore the company of fine ladies and visited the red-light district where he perhaps found what he wanted. His companion on the Medusa, her Captain of Marines, Jock MacGregor, had better success in week two. He paid court to Gina, who found in the rough Scot just what she wanted. How Nancy, with whom he had thrown a party just the week before, took this news is not yet known.

So, all in all, a good month. Three ladies courted and three ladies won.

What will happen next month? You can only find out by reading the London Times.  

Naval vs Privateer

by Lord K. Monroe

The Medusa was in port this month.

About the Barracks

by Major Loon

This article will be carried in the Late Edition

Noble Tidings

by Sir Paul Trie

I say, is this quill working? Oh, yes. Editor...

It is always an honour to receive accolades from His Most Christian Majesty. Two such fortunate individuals are the personages of Captain Edward Indeklawds and Senior Marine Jock MacGregor, Major of the Campbell's Highlanders, both serving aboard the privateer Medusa. Both were invited to the Court to speak with His Majesty regarding their recent exploits aboard the Medusa on England's behalf.

So, as things went, both men attended His Majesty in the fourth week of June. Captain Indeklawds gave the King a fairly straightforward and unembellished report of their doings, which His Majesty found acceptable. Major MacGregor, meanwhile, earned some of the King's admiration when he stalwartly defended his crewmates against a few anti-privateer jests made at the Medusa's expense. The King respects loyalty in a man and was heard saying many good things about the Major.

At the end of the week, the King was pleased to make both men Knights of the Order of St. George. He waxed eloquent about the valued services provided by the men on the Medusa, to the discomfort of several noble Admirals in attendance. One retired Sea Lord,
who requested anonymity, said that disgrace had been visited upon the good Order of St. George through the addition of these two privateers, neither of whom had served in the military proper.

Nevertheless, despite these grumblings, Sir Indeklawds and Sir MacGregor basked in the limelight and the King's favour the entire week. Our warm congratulations to them!

Bawdyhouse Notes

by E. Z. Leigh

With the Summer campaign underway, it seems as if London is deserted. The only visitor of significance to London's ladies of the evening was Captain Edward Indeklawds of the Medusa.

Disappointed in his attempts to woo Elizabeth the week before, Indeklawds bulled his way into the Snug Harbour. While there, he sampled far too much rum and not as much Sophia as he would have liked. The poor Captain sustained a minor but rather debilitating injury while trying to show her how he boarded a prize. Too drunk to do so properly, he fell and rendered himself a most indelicate injury.

Will Edward be able to overcome his injury and rise to the occasion next month? Only time (and the London Times) will tell.

The Fields of the Blade
by Sir Oswald Cuttingley

Duelling action was quiet this month in London, with only one matter of regimental rivalry to be settled. That matter was between Sebastian Douglas-Pennant, seconded by Count William Albert Best, and Harvard Percival Winston.

To say this duel was odd would be an understatement. Rumour has it that Winston, a new initiate into Count Best's Coldstream Guards, wished to impress his new superior officer, who just happened to be his opponent's second. Winston couldn't have struck farther from the mark.

It seems that immediately after the duel started, Winston dropped his weapon with a smirk, so Douglas-Pennant walked up and gave his opponent a light scratch on the arm, at which Winston surrendered. To say Count Best was unimpressed would most definitely be an understatement, and word has it that such a performance again from Winston would not be looked upon kindly by the Count.

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