FICLET: "Having a Chat"
SERIES: Nr. 7 of the boring!Orli storyverse. Back to nr. 6.

Author: Lobelia; [email protected]
Pairing: Orlando Bloom / Dominic Monaghan
Category: Despite appearances, this is still gen.
A/N: Introducing boring!Dom.
This one's for JemJ who likes all her men boring.

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Ding dong.

"Just a mo." Shuffle, muffle. Rattle of bolt. "Oh, hi, Orli. What a nice suprise. This is unusual, for you just to drop by like this. How are you, anyway? But it's really good that you came at this time because guess what? Oh, wait till you hear this. I have just this morning bought this! See it? Vintage vinyl! 78 rpm! See the sleeve? The original 1963 recording. Bunny and the Echomen. Totally rare. And I got it for only fourteen pounds eighty-nine. Can you believe that? The guy wanted fifty to start out with. But you know what I said? I said, no way, I'm not paying fifty for this crap. It was just a trick, you know. A ruse. I don't really think this is crap. This is unbelievably rare. Anyway, the guy said, this is not crap, I'll go down to thirty. So I said, what do you mean thirty, this is rubbish. Trick again, you see? Wink, wink, and all that. So he said..."

"Music gladdens the heart. Guess what happened to me today?"

"What? Do you want to listen to this? I'll put it on. Let me just dust it first with my anti-static cloth. I'll also need to put that little thing in the centre because it's just got a hole, not the thing that you need to slot into the thing, you know. Now where is that thing?"

"How time flies. I got a wart on my penis today."

"Did you? That's a bummer. I had a wart once, not on my dick, I had one on my thumb. This thumb here. See? Gone now. I went to the doctor, well, actually, my mum took me, I was six at the time. And the doctor said, hey, I've never seen a wart this big before, and my mum said, yeah, he does everything in style, and the doctor said..."

"An apple a day. Then I got shot at by some men outside the supermarket."

"Shot at? That's a bummer. Is that what this blood is from? This blood on your jeans? All down your back? Looks as if you sat in blood. I had blood on my jeans once. Girl menstruated all over me. She was sitting on my knee, it was summer and she only had this dress on, a sort of a thin dress, you know, it was made of that thin material, what is that called? Not cotton, but that other material, it begins with 'f'. What is that called again? It'll come to me in a minute. Anyway, she was sitting..."

"Where's anything when you need it. And a woman gave me this parcel and told me to bring it to this address and not to go to the police."

"No shit, Orli? That's quite an adventure you've had there. No, it really is. I mean, getting shot at and getting parcels and the police and all that. What's the address?"

"16 Blue Moon Close."

"16 Blue Moon Close?"

"16 Blue Moon Close."

"That's next door."

"I know."

"That's..."

"Could I use your phone, Dom?"

"The phone? Oh, shit, that's too stupid. The phone's down. Well, not down but you know what, I've got mice. Well, one mouse. Well, I don't know exactly how many, I've only ever heard their footsteps, or pawsteps, whatever they are called. I've put traps out and that but I can't catch the buggers. They eat my cheese. And they ate my telephone line."

"The early bird catches the worm. How about your mobile?"

"Well, I've leant the mobile to a friend. It's funny you should ask, actually, because the friend also lives on this road, just across the road, in fact. She came round yesterday and asked if she could borrow my mobile. Well, she's not really a friend, she's more of a neighbour. She's more friends with the people next door, the ones in Number 16..."

"Win some, lose some. I should ring the police."

"Yeah, I guess. What are you going to do with that parcel?"

"Take it to the police."

"Good idea. Well, I guess I'll just dust this record and then I'll put it on, and I also want to check what the B-side has on it, because the label says 'Banana Boogie Woogie' but I'm sure that I read in NME or somewhere that the label for this run of Bunny and the Echomen was misprinted and that the song is actually 'Kalamazoo Kookaburra'. But I want to listen to the A-side first because I always listen to the A-side first. I think that's the right way to listen to any record, A-side first. Of course, with CDs it's a different kettle of fish. It's an entirely different... What was that noise?"

"I don't know. Is there someone at your door?"

TBC

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22 June 2003 (even more wee hours)

The story continues in nr. 8: Entertaining a Visitor.

Back to nr. 6: Thinking about Things.

All original parts of this story: © Lobelia

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