10/31 - have a fun HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
& safe time celebrating this wacky holiday
!!! as for me, i'll be dressed up as a witch, & joining the masses of weirdos
& freaks in Waikiki. i've got a Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF sorority function w/ the KEO fraternity. hopefully we'll be able to collect lots of $$ for UNICEF
.
10/27 - i'm feeling like a piece of $hit right now, & i'm re-thinking why i'm doing something that's putting myself in the position that purposely makes me feel worthless & uncompetent. it's like no matter how hard my pledge sisters & i work, we're always getting pecked @ w/ criticism, & then getting pats on the back behind the curtain for a job done well. the dr. jekyll & dr. hyde crap is beginning to tear me down mentally. just before i got on here to vent out my frustrations, i broke down & sobbed like crazy. that's the 2nd time i've done that over the pledging process. i can take criticism as long as it's done the right way. i can't take having someone snap @ me with attitude, & not having the chance to just snap back @ them. it's retarded for me to have to clench my teeth, & bear the pain of their nasty remarks while standing in front of them w/ a smile on my face. it's stupid that i must respond to the nasty person in a respectful manner & tone of voice when all i feel like doing is yelling @ them w/ foul words. that's what shocks me the most. i personally took on the belief of not using such vulgar words as the 4-letter f-word in my vocab. 'cause i felt the word was extremely offensive in every way that it's used. all my friends who've i've known for 12+ years know i don't use the f-word & try to obstain from using any other close vulgar words. my friends have even tried not using those words in front of me because they know how i feel about it. yet there i stood tonight wanting to shout out that nasty f-word to everyone in that room, except for the 2 girls who stood beside me. i'm stuck & extremely frustrated w/ pledging. i seriously think that i might soon have a nervous breakdown if the pledging process worsens. what should i do????
10/23 - i'm completely stressing
!!! i've got too much to study for & worry about. i think
i might go crazy
!!!!
10/19 - i went to a function for the sorority yesterday. considering all that happened yesterday..the ups & downs, the function wasn't all that bad
. the water balloon fight that broke out in the end was funny
. well, tomorrow i've got my Com 201 midterm. i studied for it a little on Thursday, but i gotta study some more for it later.
10/16 - i just came home from the memorial service held for Ryan. he's the 1st person i've known personally who's died, & it was the 1st memorial service i've ever attended. i followed my friends not knowing what to do. i wasn't even sure if i should attend the memorial service 'cause i didn't want people wondering why i was there since i was never too close to him. but my cousin reminded me that the service is to pay your respects to his family & for Ryan to know we had cared. that urged me to want to go, & so i did. i cried hearing the eulogy, & waited patiently to give my condolences to Ryan's family who i've never met before. they asked my friends & i (& all the young people who attended) not to drink & drive or speed on the road. click here to read the article of how Ryan died, & the tragic story of what not wearing a seatbelt, speeding, & drinking & driving can do to a young person. i beg of everyone out there, if you're going to drink, please do not drink & then drive. if you're friends drink, make sure they don't get behind the wheel. speeding can kill. wearing a seatbelt can save lives. here's a collage in memory of ryan:
10/14 - yesterday i went w/ my friends to the crash site where Ryan Kono & Andrew Ngan died. before i got out of the car, i kissed the bouquet of flowers i brought. i walked to the 2 light poles their family & friends have memorialize, & laid the flowers @ the bottom of 1 of it. all i hope is that Ryan is up above goofing around & making everyone laugh, & he's looking down smiling to see so many of his friends, family, & people in his past come out to say their farewell.
10/12 - i've just received horrible news. someone i know back in high school died very early this morning in a car crash. i was reading my friends' Xanga page when i came upon 1 that had Ryan Kono, rest in peace written on it. my eyes buldged when i read that. i was hoping they had a fight or something, & she got so mad she wrote that as a symbol that in her eyes he no longer exists. then as soon as i got off the comp, my older sis walked up the stairs & told me Ryan died. i was in complete shock to hear that. i didn't want the news to be true. i then went downstairs to ask my mom, & she said she heard it from my aunt who found out from my cousin. tears came to eyes. then i called up my friend Shan who's in Colorado. how do you tell someone that a person we know has died tragically? i wasn't sure if the info. was right, but that could've been me being in denial. i broke the news slowly to Shan. we talked for a long time 'bout him & all the fun times we had together. then i got off to let her talk to her boyfriend who confirmed the news 'cause he found out from a friend of ours. as soon as the 5 o'clock news began, i broke down in tears to see the images of the car accident & friend watching from afar as the police & fire fighters are cleaning the wreck. the car was completely totalled, & so was the car they had hit. then to hear his good friend talk about him was so heartbreaking. as soon as i saw the pics of him on the t.v. screen w/ the news reporter saying his name, his death became so real. i had never known Ryan Kono too intimately, but attended the same high school, hung out @ the same place for lunch, he was close to a couple of my friends & my cousin (especally in h.s.), he dated my younger sis for close to 2 yrs. in h.s., we went on the Vancouver, B.C. trip together for the science club my junior year, we hung out a couple of timessocially, & he always teasing me or trying to make me smile. i've got many pics of him in my prom pics. what do i do now? do i have the right to mourn for him? i wasn't that close to him like others, but we had talked several times & he always said "hi" to me whenever he saw me @ a club or wherever after h.s. was over. he was such a funny guy. he was always making people laugh & smile. he was never studious or serious about anything, but he knew how to light up a room & make a party fun. i don't know what to do. thoughts of his death continuously run through my mind, & i silently cry to ask why he had to go so young.
10/05 - what a beautiful Sunday. however, i gotta study for tomorrow's Com 201 quiz. i've been slacking on this journal, & just finished editing & updating it. so for everyone who actually reads this, you can check last month's page to find new entries. as for me, i'm outtie
10/01 - i finally got to watch
the Korean movie Joint Security Agrea (JSA). i've been wanting to watch
lee byung-hun. i borrowed the dvd from Sinclair library, & i'm so pleased w/ the movie. JSA was everything i thought
, & the symbolic meaning of scenes & lines
were amazing
.
Synopsis: @ the heavy militarized & extremely sensitive Joint security Area on the 38th Parallel (a.k.a the demilitarized zone) which divides North & South Korea, 16 shots are fired & 2 North Korean soldiers are killed--supposedly by 1 South Korean Soldier. Hoping to reduce the potentially explosive political fall out by solving the crime quickly, both countries agree to an have the investigation done by a neutral Swiss military team lead by Sophie Jean of Korean-Swiss descent. She methodically sifts through the evidence, & learns the testimony of South Korean Lee Soo-Hyuk & North Korean Oh Kyung-Pil (both injured from the shoot-out inside a North Korean guard house) are completely contradictory. Another witness, South Korean Nam Sung-Shik, tries to commit suicide rather than divulge information. The ironic & shocking truth slowly begins to unravel a much more tragic story. (found & altered from imdb.com & blockbuster.com)
