Where Rachel E answers all your burning questions about the Llama Crusaders, llamas, and everything else.
Q: What is the Llama Crusade?
A: The Llama Crusade was created for the protection and respect of llamas. Llama Crusaders think llamas are cool. We are baffled as to why anyone would wish to persecute them. However, there are sorry individuals who do, and they are the Anti-Llamas.
Q: What's a llama?
A: A llama is the largest member of the camelid (Camel) family that is native to North and South America. However, they do not have a hump. They are mostly used as pack or guard animals.
Q: How can I join this wonderful group?
A: Joining is incredibly easy. In fact, it's probably easier than wasting brain matter trying to figure out why the Anti-Llamas want to hurt llamas. You end up with a massive headache, hours of wasted time, and an incredible craving for coffee. Don't do this, we don't want you to hurt yourself. So, if you wish to join, all you have to do is email (Or talk to) Rachel D or Rachel E. Or, you can simply email the Llama Crusade itself. The addy is: [email protected] Please include your name and maybe something about yourself. Don't worry, we're pretty sure the government won't hunt you down because of this.
Q: This Llama Crusade deal sounds awfully suspicious. Do you guys worship llamas or something?
A: The Llama Crusade does not worship llamas. This behavior is wrong and not associated with the Llama Crusade. Also, the Llama Crusade should not be confused with Lamaism, a Tibetan religious movement. We strongly discourage the worship of llamas and various Tibetan religious movements. The use of this website is to educate and help respect llamas (The animal) and protect it from the vicious Anti-Llama.
Q: Are all your answers to the questions freakishly long?
A: Hang in there. I'm almost done.
Q: If I join the Llama Crusade, what's in it for me?
A: You get your name on the website! Free advertising! Instant fame! You can also hop on over to our Media section and use one of our icons or wallpapers!
Q: Is there something I have to do for the Llama Crusade? Like shave my head or swear off the eating of bologna?
A: If you want to shave your head or quit eating bologna cold turk...I mean cold bologna, that's your buisness. We don't make you do anything.
Q: If I was in a third-world country with only a chainsaw and a pup tent, and was starving, and killed a llama for food, would I get kicked off the Llama Crusade?
A: Yes.
Q: Isn't that a little harsh?
A: No.
Q: Is there any reason to join the Anti-Llamas? They'd probably let me loose with a chainsaw.
A: Being an Anti-Llama is like watching Barney. It's very painful.
FAQ Part II
Whaddya know? More questions people (AKA Aaron) want answered! *Rachel E pours extra big cup of coffee*
Q: If there was a choice between me and a llama dying which would I let happen?
A: The Llama Crusade would be deeply saddened if such an event was to happen. However, human life is always valued over the lives of other creatures. The Llama Crusade wishes to defend llamas, but there is room for sacrifice if a human being is at stake.
Q: Is there actually an organized anti-llama group like you seem to be implying there is?
A: Please refer to the "Links" page of this website, and then proceed to explore the forum topic, which will answer this question. As for the organization of the Anti-Llamas, they are confused, dillusional, and disorganized individuals. Unlike us cool Llama Crusaders, they do not have a formal website or any type of outlet for extreme randomness.
Q: If I killed a llama in a past life could I still join the Llama Crusade?
A: If your current life repents of this horrific behavior, then you can. **SIDE NOTE: The Llama Crusade is not responsible for the mental health of our members. Please consult your physician and/or muffin for help.
Q: Can I join you if I worship llamas?
A: The Llama Crusade strongly discourages the worshipping of llamas. You can join us, but we'll be sad. You don't want us to be sad.
Q: Why do you have a picture of a llama [Caps lock removed because of a celery vision] sufficating because of it's muzzle???
A: In that particular picture, the super cool llama Shazam is not wearing a "muzzle." Rather, he is wearing a "halter", which is a device used to help llamas in their directional proceedings. Halters do not hurt the animal, or restrain it from any type of activity (Unlike a muzzle). To prove this point, Rachel E has actually in real life no kidding put on a halter. We will not comment on her state of craziness, but in conclusion, it did not hurt and she was able to do normal activites with it on. Don't worry, Llama Crusaders would never do anything to hurt a llama.
FAQ Part III
...In which Rachel E answers more semi-constructive inquisitiveness from a member and drinks more coffee (With Skittles...WOO!).
Q: Is it okay if I eat a llama because I'm hungry and have nothing else to eat?
A: It's interesting that there would be so much concern over the eating and suggested death of llamas. First off, you're only "hungry" in this theoretical circumstance. Obviously, you do not have food at this time, but you will survive until later when you do obtain some type of edible substance. If I was training llamas at the farm, didn't have anything to eat and was hungry, I definately wouldn't go, "Hey cool, a llama, yum yum. I think that I'll just take this 2x4 here, apply a little hard core murderous llama action, rip out his guts and start chomping away. That sounds like a cool idea!!" Nuh-uh. Shazam spits upon this question.
Q: That halter still looks suspiciously like a muzzle. Are you sure that it isn't a muzzle pretending to be a halter?
A: We went back to Shazam's halter and showed it the above question. It started to cry because someone would believe that this honest, hard-working American halter was a poser. It even showed us its "Muzzles Stink Like Tires Dipped in Mayonnaise " bumper sticker. Bewildered, we apologized and left the poor halter alone to its compounded life problems.
Q: What if alpacas are cooler than llamas, what would you do to me if that's what I thought? [Extra question marks eaten by Shazam]
A: Well, if you think that the oversized poodles are cooler than llamas, we don't care. They're so closely related to llamas that it doesn't make much of a difference, and we won't *do* anything to you. However, we might have to point and laugh. Or something like that.
Q: What would happen if I committed mutiny by creating my own llama crusade site?
A: (Mutiny 1. pl. Open revolt against lawful authority, esp. against navel or military authority.) Let's see here, if you were committing mutiny, then it would mean that it was against the law in some way to create a second llama crusade site. The Navy and the Marines might come after you. We can't help you there, sorry. We're just two crazy geniuses who defend llamas and eat cake frosting until strange and incredibly insane things commence.
Q: Is "celery" the secret to world domination written in the napkin that you're trying to sell for $3?
A: Nice try. Buy the napkin and find out. $3. It's $3. Come on. You know you want it.
Want to ask another question about stuff? Email us!! llama_crusade@yahoo.com