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| Clever Girl... >> Friends >> The List >> How To Act A Good Boy... From: Rachel Subject: How to act a good boy... Yes, Andrew's girl imitation was funny, and yes, it will probably be better than my guy imitation. Perhaps not more ACCURATE, but funnier. ;) The following is a little scenario... A fictional 'day in the life' story of a girl (let's call her Emily) and three types of guys she might encounter in a typical day - let's call them Tom, Dick, and Harry (sorry Dick ;)). SCENE 1 Emily arrives at university one morning to see her friend Tom. Having ignored Tom for the past week (one can never be too nice to guys or they'll find the attention annoying), he is eager to see her. Tom: Emily! Emily! Hey Emily! Emily: Hi Tom... Tom: How've you been? Long time, no see. Where have you been? I haven't seen you in AGES! Are you avoiding me? Because I haven't been avoiding you for once! Emily: Oh, I just don't sit in Wentworth anymore. Too dismal. Tom: Oh, good, so it's not that you hate me? Thank god! How have you been? Not depressed, I hope. You seem less - hmmm... how shall I put this? Zany than usual... Emily: Really? Tom: I hope you're not depressed about your weight again, I know how you get like that. Emily: No, I - Tom: Because, really, you have no reason to worry. I mean, you're quite pretty, and if you just lost a bit of weight, well... I might want to fuck you. Emily: Oh my - Tom: I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have sexual potential. Emily: - god. Tom: So, you know, no need to worry. You could be pretty! Emily: Oh my god! You prick! Tom: what? what did I do? It was just a compliment coupled with some friendly advice. Emily: Don't worry, I probably just have PMS. Tom: Probably? Don't girls KNOW when they have PMS? Emily: Erm... well, no. Not necessarily. Tom: Isn't PMS, like, when you bleed onto your tampon? Emily: Well, not all girls wear tampons. And PMS is BEFORE the period comes. Tom: what? you mean girls don't wear tampons all the time??? Oh my god! Do you just bleed all over the place? Emily: Hmmm... well, I have to go to a lecture. SCENE 2 After Emily's lecture, she meets her friend Dick for lunch. Emily: Hey babe. Dick: Hey dude. How've you been? Emily: Good. Yourself? Dick: Oh, I was just checking out those ugly chicks over there. Why does everyone have to be ugly, Emily? I mean, most girls are just GROSS! I'd only give 15% of them above a 5 out of 10! Emily: But I suppose YOU'RE in that top 15%, right? Dick: well, yeah. Emily: Why are all the guys I know so CONCEITED??? Dick: They're not conceited, they just have lots of good points, and they're aware of them. Emily: Sure. ;) Dick: Oh don't get all superior on me! Girls are just as bad as guys! Every girl I've been out with has been a conceited selfish, bitch! Emily: wellll.... Dick: I just want a girl who's willing to give to me, like I give to her. A girl with some intelligence who actually has something to talk about. But can I find one? No! Emily: Well, it's not THAT hard. Dick: A girl who can play soccer, tennis, at least 3 musical instuments, got a UAI above 99.5... I'd like her to be blonde, about 5'3", and look a bit like Cameron Diaz, but with bigger tits. Emily: I guess you need to prioritise. At this point Emily's phone rings. Emily: Hello... Oh, hi Harry... how are you?... nope, I'm not doing anything tonight. Dick is feeling himself up on the chair. Emily: Oh yuck! Stop it Dick! Yeah, he's just feeling himself up. Strange boy, that one. Yeah, okay, I'll meet you at 8 then. Emily gets off the phone. Emily: Babe, I've gotta go now, lecture. SCENE 3 Emily and Harry have been talking (and perhaps consuming alcohol - we'll make this a non-uni-the-next-day night, a Friday, unless they're Arts or Engineering students, in which case this could just as easily be a Monday ;)) for several hours now. Harry is continually taking Emily's hand, and resting his head against hers, and stroking her back. Harry: See Emily, I don't get how anyone could hate you, because you're such a nice girl! Emily: No, I DO understand where she's coming from. I mean, I don't think it's fair, but... Harry: You did like him, in the past. Emily: Mmm... in the past. Harry: So, you're telling me, if Dick took you out to a nice place like this, and confessed his love for you, you wouldn't go for him? Emily: No. Harry: Are you sure? Even if he said he'd been thinking about it for ages and... Emily: I'd get his blood alcohol checked, hahaha. You've got to remember, Dick only likes PRETTY girls! Harry: But you're beautiful, you don't even need makeup. And you're so feminine, and creative, it's good. Emily: And that's why I can't be a labour left girl? Harry: No... it's just that... you know... you'll be a liberal voter by 30. Emily: I will NOT! My parents would disown me if I did that! Harry: No they wouldn't! Emily: Yes they would! Harry: So your parents would hate me if they knew I was a liberal voter? Emily: I probably wouldn't tell them. Harry: I don't think guys and girls can be just friends. Emily: But me and Dick... Harry: Mmm... do you think Dick would be mad if he knew you were out with me? Emily: I don't know... maybe... probably not. Harry: hahaha, I'm stealing Dick's girl! Emily: Harry... do you like me? Like, as more than a friend? Harry: No, whatever would make you think that? Emily: You were just sending mixed signals. Harry: Like what? Emily: I don't know... Harry: I just don't get it. Why would you EVER think that? Hmmm... so, looking at the adventures of Emily, Tom, Dick and Harry, clearly there are 5 things to be learnt if you want to behave like a proper boy. 1. Thou shalt be conceited at all times. 2. Thou shalt be contemptuous. 3. Thou shalt be superficial. 4. Thou shalt be stupid. 5. Thou shalt be COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS OF THE EFFECTS OF ONE'S ACTIONS UPON OTHERS, PARTICULARLY IF THOSE OTHERS ARE FEMALE. If you got through that, congratulations. :) Love, Rachel xxooxx back |
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