Sean's POV
I can't believe how hard O'Haire is taking this. He's acting like he's in love with Shawn or something. Then it hits me. That's why he was the one who came after Shawn. That's why he's the one who found Shawn with his wrists slit. He *is* in love with Shawn. From the looks of it though I don't think he's even admitted it to himself.
We all jump to our feet as the doctor comes in asking for Kevin. Kevin gestures for us to come over to where he is and we all do as he requests. "Well, he's lost a lot of blood but it looks like it's a good thing he was found when he was. Otherwise I wouldn't have such a good report to tell you. He's going to be fine. Physically at least. The emotional effects of this are something that time will only tell. He could wake up and try again or he could wake up and realize what a gift he's been given. For now though we're moving him to a private room in respect for who he is."
Kevin nods his head. "How soon will we be able to go in and see him?"
"I'll have a nurse come and get you guys. All of you will be able to see him just as soon as he's settled in a private room. For now if you'd like to come with me Mr. Nash?"
Kevin looks at the rest of us and we all nod our heads encouragingly. I don't think any of us would deny him seeing Shawn first. I'm just worried he's going to yell at him.
And what a change of heart that is for me. I never thought I'd be hearing myself think that. I watch silently as he walks away with the doctor and can't help but notice that the only person watching closer than me is O'Haire.
I get up and walk over to the other man and sit next to him. "I know that I should be saying this to Shawn and not you but I'm so sorry. I realize now what an ass I've been and I'd do anything to be able to take it back. Kevin was right you know. I have been jealous of him."
He turns to me with this blank look in his eyes. I can't tell if he's angry or sad or what but I think it's a good thing we're on about the same level as far as martial arts go because otherwise I'd be a dead man.
"You know what Sean? I don't care. I don't care how sorry you are now. I don�t care if Shawn does forgive you like we both know he will. In his note he talked about not being deserving of love? You're the one who doesn't deserve it. You don't deserve to have someone as kind and gentle and beautiful as Shawn in your life. You fucked up." His voice is filled with tears but if I've read him right he's too much like Kevin to cry. "I don't have a doubt in the world that Shawn will forgive you sooner rather than later but I want you to know something. If he lets me into his life and you ever hurt him in any way ever again? I will make you regret you were ever born." He gets to his feet and walks out of the room leaving me sitting there with my thoughts.
"He's right you know." I say as Scott sits next to me. "I don't deserve Shawn's forgiveness but he'll give it to me anyhow. Because he's that good of a person."
Scott wraps one arm around me and hugs me close. "He was right about something else too Sean."
"What's that?"
"If you ever hurt Shawn again? You won't just have to deal with O'Haire. You'll have to deal with me and probably Kevin." I nod my head as he lets me go and makes his way over to where O'Haire is sitting.
Hunter walks over and wraps his arms around me. I know I shouldn't lean on him so much right now but I can't help it. He's the only thing keeping me from losing it completely.
Hunter's POV
I should feel more sympathy for my lover than I do right now. But at the same time I can't help but feel that the other's are right. And I can't help but feel as protective as they are towards Shawn. I mean I know as well as anyone does that I'm to blame as much as Sean is. But at the same time� No I can't make excuses. We all know I'm nothing more than a whipped pussy especially when it comes to Sean.
I hold him tightly letting him borrow my strength. It's the least I can do for the man I love. It's not his fault or anyone else's that I can't think for myself when I'm around him.
I know he's watching O'Haire from across the room. I don't know when the blue eyed man came back but he's watching us. I'd love to find out what's going on in that head of his.
Kevin's POV
I'm sitting here watching Shawn sleep. Or watching him drift through unconsciousness. Not quite sure which. He really looks young when he sleeps. Innocent too. I guess in all honesty nearly everyone looks young and innocent when they sleep but it's different when it's someone you love as much as I love Shawn.
I still can't believe that he tried to kill himself. I've always thought that no matter what he was feeling he knew he could turn to me. I know it hurts Scott when I say that Shawn means the world to me but I can only hope right now that he understands that I love him but Shawn will always be a part of me.
I guess it all started back when I first came to the WWE back when I was Diesel. I have to admit I feel head over heels for Scott the first time I saw him but he was so� Uninterested in me that I didn't think I should bother. So I hooked up with Shawn. He was and probably still is such a passionate lover.
Not just the sex part but everything else while I was with him. He never hesitated to let me know what he wanted or how he wanted it but he was never ever a selfish lover. He was always a very giving lover. In fact I think that's probably always been his problem. While he never had any problems asking me to switch positions or trusts harder or whatever he was always more concerned about how it made me feel than how it made him feel. One of the things that always stood out most about him when we were together was that he would never ever cum first. He always made sure I came before he did.
Without thinking about it I reach out and take his hand in mine. "Dammit Shawn. I don�t give a fuck what the Kid thinks about you. I need you. We both know how much you mean to me. Scott needs you. I understand that you're the only thing that kept him from falling apart while I was in the hospital. Baby, you have to wake up. Scott and I aren't the only ones who need you. O'Haire needs you too. He really cares about you. More than I think he's even willing to admit to himself. Come on Shawn. Sean's sorry. He wants to talk to you. So does Hunt I think. Please baby. Wake up." I don't even notice the tears until I'm done talking. I reach up with my free hand and wipe them away. I sigh and settle back into my chair to wait. I'm not leaving his side until he wakes up. I don�t care how long it takes for him to wake up. I'm not leaving him.
Shawn's POV
I can hear someone talking to me, begging me to wake up. I don't want to. I want to stay in this peaceful place. I don�t know where I am but I know that I'm loved here.
I groan slightly as a light interrupts my peace. It feels like someone suddenly flashed a flashlight right into my eyes. I try to roll away but find that a nearly impossible task. A voice breaks through the haze that fills my head. "Come on Shawn. I need you to wake up baby. I don't want to do this without you. Please baby. Wake up." I know that voice. Where do I know that voice from?
I try to open my eyes to see who it is that's talking to me but my eyes don�t want to open at all. I groan and hear the voice once again. "Shawn? Baby come on. I'm here sweetie. Wake up already. Please Shawn."
He's pleading with me but suddenly I realize I know that voice. I'd know that voice almost anywhere. "Kevin?" My voice comes out as little more than a soft croak.
"Yeah babe. It's me." He sounds happy to hear me.
I wonder how long I've been out for. I finally am able to open my eyes and look around the room. "Where am I?"
"In a hospital baby." Kevin says his voice unnaturally soft. I wonder what he's not telling me.
A few seconds later it hits me. What I did. Or I guess apparently tried to do. Fuck. Who found me? Why didn't they just let me be? I turn away from Kevin and those questioning gray eyes. I don't want him to see me this weak. I don�t want him to see me at all. I don't want anyone to see me. That was the whole point.
I look down at my arms not that surprised to see them wrapped up tightly with gauze. I wince though at how much gauze they used. I must have been close. "Who found me?" I manage to say not really wanting to know.
"O'Haire." I have to fight back tears at the thought of the man I love seeing me that vulnerable.
"Leave."
"I'm not leaving you Shawn. I won't do it so don't ask me to."
"I don't want you here. Just leave me alone Kev."
"No." Dammit. He sounds hurt. I don�t want to hurt him. I've already hurt him enough haven't I? "I won't leave Shawn. I love you baby. So does Scott. And I think O'Haire really does too even though I don't know if he's admitted to himself yet. Sean and Hunter are here too. They're sorry for what they've been doing to you. You can't send us away Shawn. We love you. All of us. We all love you."
"I don�t want any of you here."
"I'm not leaving you." He's starting to sound angry which is better than him sounding hurt. "For fuck's sake Shawn I'm not leaving you along so you can try this shit again. I can't lose you."
"Why not? I'm worthless. All I am is a tagalong." I really hate the way my voice sounds right now. It's so whiny.
"No all you are is the only person other than Scott I trust my life too. All you are is the person who held Scotty together while I was being cut open. All you are is the man O'Haire is head over heels in love with. All you are is Sean and Hunter's friend. Why can't you see that we need you more than you will ever be able to understand?"
"I'm not worth it Kev. Just leave please?" I'm in tears by now but I don't expect what happens next. He grabs my arm and pulls me off of the bed and onto his lap.
"Don't cry baby. We read the letters. All of us. It's not out of a sense of loyalty that we keep you around baby. We love you. You are my best friend and the only person I've ever truly loved other than Scotty. I love you Shawn and I don't want to live without you in my life. It's not because I feel some sense of duty by you but because I love you. I want to be around you. I want to be near you. I love you and I know Scotty does too."
I couldn't stop myself from sobbing right now if I wanted to. I break down and let everything out. I don't know what I was expecting but I wasn't expecting him to say everything I've ever wanted� No needed to hear. I wrap my arms around him and just hold on while the tears subside. I don't let him go even after they stop. I hear a nurse come in and ask him to let me go but I feel rather than see or hear him shake his head. She argues for a while but no one can out-stubborn Kevin.
Eventually I feel him standing up and I try to wiggle out of his grasp. He just holds me tighter and begins walking down the hallway with me in his arms. I don't know where they're taking me but this is really embarrassing having him carrying me like this. He settles me onto my new bed and I just snuggle against him. He's trapped now but I don't really care.
I never realized how much he really does love me. It scares me to think that I nearly lost him because of my own stupidity. I sniffle softly against his chest and dimly hear the door opening up. I soon feel a pair of strong arms wrap around me and lift me from Kevin. I'd know that cologne anywhere as I turn in his arms and snuggle against Scott as well. He settles next to me on the bed and it occurs to me that having the three of us on this small bed is probably not a brilliant idea but at the same time I don't want either of them to get off the bed. I can tell from the soft squeaking sound of the chairs being moved around that Sean and Hunter and probably O'Haire are in the room too.
A few minutes later I feel Kevin's arms wrap around both Scott and I. I love feeling his arms around me. Hell I love feeling both of them against me. Not in a sexual way but just knowing that someone cares enough to hold me this lovingly.Scott's POV
I have to admit that part of me was jealous when I saw Kevin wrapped around Shawn so tightly. I know that Kevin loves me but at the same time seeing him wrapped around his ex-lover is a bit disconcerting. As soon as I take Shawn into my arms though I can tell it wasn't in any way a sexual thing. He's not in any way hard and from what I could see of Kevin neither was he. So we're lying here with Shawn snuggled between us snoring softly and staring into one another eyes.
According to Kev it sounds like we're going to get our Shawn back and soon. I can't wait. I don't know how to handle this broken shell of the man I love so much. Kevin can't see the others but Sean and Hunter are sound asleep holding tightly to one another. It's sweet the way they cling to one another. O'Haire on the other hand is wide-awake and pissed off. Presumably because Kevin and I are the ones holding Shawn and not him. I'm just not in any way ready to relinquish my hold on Shawn right now and I know Kevin isn't ready to let him go.
He gets to his feet and looks ready to leave when I call out to him. "Sean don't go. He'll want to see you when he wakes up."
"No he won't Scotty. Why would he when he's got you and Kevin?" How he went from sounding angry to sounding defeated in one word is beyond me. But as soon as he said Kevin's name it was like every ounce of fight just whooshed out of him. "Listen. I'm glad he's better. And I'm even more glad that he has you and Kev. I just� I can't hurt him and my being here is going to hurt him. I'll see you guys around."
"You fucking leave I'll hunt your ass down O'Haire."
I watch silently as Sean tenses with his hand on the doorknob. Most people would never defy that tone of voice of Kevin's. I wonder if O'Haire is any different.
"I can't do this Kevin."
"Yes you can." I continue watching as Kevin slides out from under Shawn and approaches his boy. "Dammit Sean. You love him. Admit that. To yourself if to no one else."
"I already have admitted it. I just� He's not going to want me here if what he said was true."
"Whether he knows it or not Shawn is going to need you here. You need him too Sean. You know you do. If you leave know you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what if."
Sean turns cobalt blue eyes up to his "coach" and frowns. "What if he tells me to leave?"
"Then you tell him to tell you he doesn't love you."
"And if he says that?"
"Tell him you know he's lying. Fuck. O'Haire quit trying to find a reason to leave. He's going to need you here especially when Sean apologizes."
I watch silently as Sean nods his head and sits back down in his chair. I look down a little shocked to see Caribbean blue eyes shining with tears watching me. I wonder what they'd say if I told them Shawn hear every word. Kevin freezes, as does Sean when Shawn rolls over.
"Kev? Can you and Scott leave and take Hunter and Sean with?"
"Are you sure babe?"
I smile when he nods his head. Good. The two of them need to work this out between them without us. O'Haire is staring at Shawn with this wild look in his eyes. He looks like he's going to bolt if any of us moves too quickly.
I get to my feet hugging Shawn one last time and grab Sean from Hunter effectively waking them both up. Kevin helps me pull them from the room as Shawn forces himself into a sitting position. I'd love to be a fly on the wall during that conversation but I am more than willing to give those two the privacy they need.
O'Haire's POV
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I don't want to be left alone with Shawn right now. Not when he's this vulnerable. Besides all that seeing him curled up with Kevin and Scott made me realize I can't compare to the men he's been with before. I cannot compare in any way to Kevin.
"Sean? Will you come sit over here with me?"
His voice makes me melt and I do as he asks. I can't imagine not doing anything he wanted me to. How much of a sap does that make me?
"Kevin seems to think that you're in love with me. Are you? Because he also said that you've read my notes and if you have you already know how I feel about you. That wasn't just me talking out of my ass. I am in love with you. But you've always seemed so happy with Chuck. I didn't want to tell you how I felt if you were in love with someone else but if you feel even half of what I do for you then I could be very happy with that." He takes a deep breath and it's all I can do not to stare at his beautiful mouth. I want to feel that mouth under mine. I want to feel that mouth against my skin. He continues and it's all I can do not to cum in my pants when I hear that deep Texas accent rolling off his tongue.
"If I'm being too forward please tell me. It's just� Having Kevin holding me like he was made me realize something. I nearly threw away everything I've ever wanted. Now please� tell me one way or the other how you feel about me?"
I don�t know if I can say the words. I can barely admit it to myself. But there's something about the way he's looking at me with those shining blue eyes of his that makes me start talking. "I love you Shawn. I think I have been in love with you for a long time now. I don't know when I started falling in love with you but I know now that I am in love with you. I didn't want to admit it even when I was still with Chuck even though I knew he was cheating on me because I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same way. I mean why would a man as gorgeous and sexy and smart and lovable as you want a guy like me?"
He's smiling so I guess that's a good thing. He reaches out grabbing my hand. I don't know when I got this close to him but he pulls me onto the bed to sit beside him. "Do you really think I'm gorgeous?"
"You know you are."
"No I don't. I look in the mirror and I see everything bad about myself. Did you mean the other stuff too?" Jesus. He really is that insecure. I never would have thought that of Shawn Michaels.
"Yes I meant it. Damn. Shawn you're a walking talking breathing wet dream." He blushes making me smile. He's even sexier when he blushes. I tell him so and the blush deepens. I lean forward intending to just take him into my arms and somehow our mouths end up against each others.
He moans softly as my tongue traces his lips. When he opens his mouth slightly in invitation I nearly take him up on the offer opting instead though to just continue pressing our mouths together lightly. He sighs and somehow we end up lying next to one another. His arms are wrapped around my waist and his hands are resting lightly on my butt.
I force myself to continue taking this slow as I revel in the way his skin feels under my hands. He's skin is soft like silk and I move my mouth from his to kiss a path along his jawline. He moans and slides one hand up to cup the back of my head. I feel his hands running through my hair and it's all I can do to keep myself from cumming. I've never in my life been this turned on by a kiss.
I dimly hear the door click open but I don't pull away from him. Instead I resume kissing his mouth softly, licking at his lips. I don't think he's even noticed the intrusion of the others as he moans and runs his fingertips lightly over my back. I pull back slowly not wanting to end the kiss and smile down at him.
I'm not entirely sure at what point it is that I ended up on top of him with one of my legs between his. His thigh is pressing into my erection but I don't think he's too bothered by that. I know I'm not. I rub myself against him delighting in the way he gasps.
His face is flushed and his lips are slightly swollen. He's looking up at me while nervously biting his lower lip. "Sean I�" I lean forward cutting off his words with my mouth. He yelps slightly as my teeth graze his bottom lip and then moans when I start sucking on it.
I pull back again and kiss him softly. "Don't tell me you regret that."
"I could never regret that. I was going to say that was the most beautiful kiss I've ever received." He smiles shyly and blushes. I lean forward unable to resist kissing him when he looks that tempting.
"Good. I love you Shawn."
"I love you too Sean." He blushes again and when he hears one of the guys clear their throats he jumps and buries himself against my shoulder. I have to smile at his modesty as I roll over and smile at the guys.
"Hey."
