Alec walks down the aisle, his eyes shielded by his dark sunglasses. Finally reavching his seat, he puts his luggage up top and sits down. He puts his headphones on and closes his eyes, feeling the plane begin to take off.
"Hey, get yourself a drink..." someone says taking off one of his headphones. Startled he turns and looks to his right. She looks at him and raises hers. Janis takes a swig from her bottle and sts up looking around.
"Look at all these squares. Businessmen off to the next big deal, that guy right there he's leaving his wife today. Leaving her and two kids behind," she leans in, "You can tell by his eyes."
"So why are you telling me all this?" he asks as he takes a glass from the drink cart. "What does all this have to do with me?"
Janis sighs and takes another swig, "Life is happening all around you, the good and the bad. You just haven't noticed lately. All you've been doing is druggin, screwin, and killin. And that ain't much of a life. You haven't been to your store in weeks." she shakes her head. Alec looks at her and takes his headphones off annoyed. He takes a drink and sets it down.
"Right, been a busy week innit? We took care of Sleethe, we have this bloody leech after our arses.." Janis nods and points around the plane, "And that means alot to these people, oh sure more than they know."
"The Ascension War, the Magick, the philosophy, it's all for them. Their minds and hearts are the real battle ground. We forget that sometimes. We get caught up in petty Tradition politics and bullshit and soon they no longer care about what makes them free."
"I know this Janis, so tell me why the visit?"
Janis settles down in the seat and looks him in the eye. "Because I know where your'e going and what your'e to do."
"Yeah?" Alec nods. Her eyes are wide now and teary. Alec looks at her and he begins to feel it. A look of utter shock crosses his face.
"Jesus...your'e afraid...aren't you?"
Janis look up at him and whisper shakingly, "Gilgul."

Alec woke from his slumber, his forehead covered in sweat. He takes off his sunglasses and looks about himself in the darkness. He rolls over in bed and clicks on the lamp. The hotel room alights, and standing he nearly tripped over his luggage.
"How did I get here?" he looked out the window. "I'm here..." he said his confusion begining to subside. Closing the shade he walked over to the bed and sat. Laying back, and taking out a joint from his cigarette case, he lit up and began to think of the days events.
Nettle, she was the only thing he could conjure up. She was the only thing he could think of as he stamped out the rest of the joint. Clothing himself, he left the room dark, and headed out.
"Taxi!" he shouted on the street his hand up. The taxi pulled over and the door opened. The driver smiled at him. Alec sat down and closed the door.
"Memorial Cemet-" he began and closed his mouth. The man looked back, and smiled again.
"What'sa matter, see something green?" he asked. Alec looked at the man again and shook his head no.
"First time meeting someone like me huh?" the driver said scratching his goatee. "Well that's ok I suppose eh? But I'd thought your kind would have run across one of me in their time."
"How did you?" Alec began. The driver chuckled and turned around.
"Same way you see who I am. We both have the eyes to see eh?"
"I heard legends, but I wasn't sure."
"Oh we are all over the place, but most can't see us as we are. But you being a Bachae can. Our kind have had a long history with yours."
"Bachae?"
"It's what we call you, it's what you called yourself a long time ago when you first met us in the groves."
Alec reached his hand over the seat, "Name's Alec."
"Cid," he said taking Alec's hand, "Cid the Satyr of the Freehold of James Firth. Welcome to Chicago."

"Here you are, by the way, your'e heading to Balador aren't you?" asked Cid as Alec paid him. Alec nodded as he got out. Cid got out and closed Alec's door.
"Well have a nice time, I hear that place is absolute magic eh?"
"It can be, old son."
"See you round," he said as he walked over, got in and roared off, leaving Alec alone in the cemetary. Turning to the gates, Alec lit another joint and opened them with a sigh. Searching the headstones, Alec finally stopped, and knelt brushing away the leaves that had gathered.
"Allo, baby," he said quietly as he put the flowers in the stone vase. "I've been gone awhile, I know. I-" he started feeling tears well up in his eyes. He brushed them away and continued.
"I met someone, her name is Nettle," he said feeling the tears come again, this time he let them.
"You'd would've liked her Sylv. She's fun, she's sexy and she's everything you were. She has this wonder about her eyes that..." he stopped himself. "Listen to me, on about like a prat, but I miss you Sylv. But sometimes, Nettle she..she takes all that away. She's washing you from my memory. I guess that's good in a way." He stood and his knees faltered, Alec fell upon her grave and began to sob...
Alec awoke sometime later, finding himself cold and wet upon the grass. The rain splattering from the grave to his face. He sat up and gave the headstone one final nod and walked out of the cemetary, not looking back.

"Trust me, I'm a member," Alec said to the man behind the door. Looking around the dirty back alley, he pulled his collar up and shivered in the cold. He knocked on the door once again.
"C'mon let me in, it's cold out here innit?" And with that the door opened and Alec walked through.
Sensations hit him like a heat wave, as Alec entered Balador's causeway and through to the meditation room. It was filled with people, lying, standing, swinging perfomring all sorts of sexual manuevers, positions and taboos. He wandered through them, feeling the strong urge to join them.
"Pardon, me scuse me, pardon me. Right nice technique, whoops pardon that.." he said passing an energetic couple. Finally making it past the room, Alec hung up his jacket and waited..
A tall strangely attired man walked to where Alec waited. His long purple robes flowing from behind him. Alec looked over and nodded. The man nodded in acknowledgement.
"I'm here to see them," Alec said his voice a touch shaky. The man nodded and motioned Alec to follow. Alec sighed and took one last look at the orgy still continueing in the other room. Walking through the tall gates, he looked about himself.
Three men and one women sat watching him upon soft pillows. Their legs crossed, eyes closed to the world. Alec sat as well. The tall man passed him the bhong and nodded for Alec to take some, Alec put it to his lips and inhaled. Letting the smoke fill his lungs he exhaled feeling the soft glow. Their eyes opened, a glazed look across their faces. Marianna nodded to Alec and smiled.
"Welcome, Alec Gideon, it has been a long time." One of the men said.
"I'm here to-" he began but the man held up his hand.
"We know why you are here, and what you wish to say. We have waited for you to come."
Alec nodded and stood, "Then you know my punishment, I willingly accept it."
"Follow, Karber," the man said motioning to the purple robed man, "He will show you to the Room of Self. There you will be punished."
"I..am sorry," he said then strode out following Karber. Marriana's face filled with sorrow and softly spoke.
"We know.."

"This is the Room of Self, here you will be locked within for a time and so it shall be," Karber said motioning to the open door. Alec looked past the door, to the soft purple glow eminating from the room. He swallowed hard and turned to Karber.
"What's in there?"
"Everything...nothing. It is what comes from without that room that is most important."
Alec nodded, not quite understanding but shrugged his shoulders. Karber motioned for him to enter. Alec sighed shakily and walked through the door.
"Let's get the party over with eh?"

"Smile!" Sylvannia said as she ran from the camera's mount and sat beside Alec flashing the peace symbol. Alec smiled and did the same as he put his arm around her. The flash went off, and Sylvannia smiled kissing him noisily on the cheek.
"Yeah! Perfect, this one is for Marianna. She'll love it!" She said, making her way to the camera on her knees. Alec smiled and through the joint away, grabbing her ankle. Sylvannia laughed and tried to get away, finding Alec stronger.
"C'mere you," he said laying next to her hip to hip. Sylvannia put and arm around his neck and kissed him.
"Is that all you think of?"
"Not really, I can think of alot more things..." he said. he kissed her again and suddenly stopped feeling a tap on his shoulder. Looking over, he smiled. "Hey Mr. Jones, been awhile."
Brian nodded gravely and out a hand on his shoulder, "What are you doing?" Alec smiled.
"Going to have a bit of the ol way with the girl I love."
Brian sighed and looked down, past Alec's shoulder. "Really?"
"You bet, me old china. Now be a good lad and-" Alec looked back down at Sylvannia, his eye growing wide as he looked upon her.
Her face was cracked and stretched across her bones, her teeth shined black though the lipless grin. Dirt filled her mouth, and her body was light, blackish purple skin withered her and there upon the ground.
"Shite!" he said as he scrambled away from her. A look of what appeared to be hurt crossed her face.
"What's the matter?" she said lifting herself upon her elbows. Alec felt the bile rise to his throat. Brian shook his head and motioned towards her.
"You have no business being here, Alec. None at all."
Alec stood quickly, the heat in his face, and the eagerness within his groin suddenly gone, replaced by repulsion. His face at first a mask of horror, then switching to anger, he turned on Brian and threw out a fist. It should have connected, should have, he knew that. Instead the fist went through Brian and the momentum sent him to the ground.
"What the fuck do you think your'e doing you bastard!" he yelled nearly at the top of his lungs. Brian looked down.
"Showing you the truth, showing you that it's time to move on."
"Maybe, I don't want to! Maybe I-" he looked at where Sylvannia was laying to see Nettle looking at him angrily.
"Oh yeah? You sure?" Brian said sitting next to her. Nettle stood her hands balled into fists. Alec shook his head and put his face into his hand.
"Come here Alec! I would have words with you!"
"Woah! look at that eh? Now she is pissed," a voice came from behind him. Alec turned quickly to see another Alec standing behind him. The new Alec sttod there, joint dangling from his lips and shaking his head. Walking over to Nettle he smiled and kissed her.
"This is who I love. Not some memory, not some long ghost from the past," he said.
Alec winced and rubbed his temples, "Too much too.."

The heat from the fireplace felt good on his face as Alec sat up. Looking around himself, he began to stand, but his legs couldn't seem to work. Sighing he sat back and swallowed, finding his throat parched.
"How about some wine?" a voice from behind him said. Alec nodded, as he heard a footsteps move from behind the chair and set a bottle and two glasses of wine next to him.
Looking up, Alec's jaw dropped as he looked into the eyes of the man standing there taking a glass of wine. Alec closed his eyes, then opened them. The face smiled down kindly.
"I won't disappear like that. Please, have some wine. Talk with me awhile...I get so few visitors."
"You...you can't be.." Alec stammered. He looked at the tall man who's hair was coloured like the finest red wine, his eyes a deep maroon, his white tunic was spotless. A smell of cloves and apples filled his nostrils as the man spoke.
"I have..many names..." he began as he sat down swirling the wine in it's glass. "I believe I have always preferred Bachus. Yes..." he said contemplating the wine as he held it up to the fire, looking through the illuminated wine. "Bachus has always rolled off the tongue very well, like a fine wine."
Alec shook his head and gulped the wine, taking it all down. Bachus frowned and motioned with his hand, Alec's glass filled once more.
"No, not like that. Enjoy the wine, don't gulp."
"I...I. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."
"It is alright, my boy. You did not expect to be here, and I believe those who put you in that room did not expect it as well."
"So why-"
"Are you here? Good question, yes. I brought you here, You see. I have plans for thee, my boy and you are not being helpful. No not at all."
Alec's chest tightened, as he felt a wave of disappointment eminate from the spirit. Nearly dropping his glass, Alec recovered.
"Sylvannia was one of my most favored children. Yet, her time had come. I needed her elsewhere and so she is within. Rest easy, boy, her loss was not your doing."
Alec felt tears well up in his eyes, and they came streaming down his face. "I can't...I can't.." he said his voice coming through the wracking sobs.
"I know, you cannot get past this event and so I will help you, my boy," Bachus said and then frowned. "yet that help shall weaken you a bit. The world has moved on, and so shall you. You will not miss what I take, but it upsets my plans." Bachus leaned forward and took Alec's hand, "Take my hand, and know peace..."
Alec nodded numbly and took his hand.

The wind blew through the trees, making them sway and sigh gently. Alec turned to look upon the bubbling ground. He felt weak, as weak as he had been a very long time ago. Falling to his knees, he moaned as the pain shot through his soul, as the ground in front of him writhed and took form.
The ground shifted from dirt, to bone muscle and sinew. From blood, to bile, to seamen, and now to a fully white robed Alec. Both stood and began to walk circles around each other considering.
Alec looked at his double and stopped his pacing. Reaching into his pocket he pulled a joint and lit it. The double cocked his head and shrugged, "Now what?"
Alec looked over his shoulder at the dark leaves of the trees as some began to fall, drifting on the breeze. He took another drag and looked back to the double.
"Well, now you stay here."
"What? Here? I'll be lonely, I have no one to talk to and-"
"You won't be lonely," Alec said motioning behind the double. The double looked behind him and smiled at Sylvannia.
"You have her to stay with. I want you to have her. I want you to have all the good times and bad times. She's yours now so enjoy this day." Alec said turning away on his heel. The double reached out a hand.
"Wait! What about...what about the pain?"
"That's yours too," Alec said, looking down as he walked away. He stopped and looked over his shoulder.
"Enjoy this day, Alec. It'll be your last with her."
"No wait!" the double shouted as Alec walked away slowly fading. "No I don't want-"

Alec walked out of the room of Self and took his blazer off the hook, putting it on. Looking over at the bench and seeing Marianna sitting there, he smiled.
She nodded back and stood. "Where were you?"
"I had something I had to do, something I had to leave back there."
"Wait...something is missing within you...you've lost.." Realization crossed her face and she nodded. "You left part of your soul behind."
Alec nodded, "I lost what I thought I needed."
"You left behind something that will never grow back you know."
"I know, and I know now that there is a door that will always be closed to me, but.." he considered, "That door is best left closed."
Marianna nodded and linked arms with him, "So what now?'
"I'm going home, where I belong. I have someone very special waiting. But before I go I need a favor. Know any Lifers?"