"The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever." -- Herb Caen
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -- Aristotle
"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine." -- Fran Lebowitz
"What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds." --Cindy Gardner
"Three things ruin a man: power, money, and women. I never wanted power. I never had any money, and the only woman in my life is up at the house right now." -- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972), 33rd President
"I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens." -Woody Allen
"The only reason some people get lost in thought because it is unfamiliar territory."
"It is morally wrong to let suckers keep their money." -Canada Bill Jones
"Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand"
"I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away."
"The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children."
"I hate people. People make me pro-nuclear."
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
"Early to rise, early to bed makes a man healthy wealthy and dead."
"Epitaph - An irritating reminder that someone else always has the last word." - Gordon Bowker
"Physics lesson: When a body is submerged in water, the phone rings"
"I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They have one marked brightness, but it doesn't work, does it?" --Gallagher
"Everything I want is either illegal, immoral or fattening." -Alexander Wollcott
"Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting." -- John Russell
"A chess genius is a human being who focuses vast, little-understood mental gifts and labors on an ultimately trivial human enterprise." -- George Steiner
"You're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there. But immediately. You can't afford to lose a minute." -- J. D. Salinger (b. 1919)
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible." -- Albert Einstein
"If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer." -- Alfred North Whitehead
"Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source." -- Ron Nesen