time: 9:15pm
listening to: will and grace season finale
man my life is fuct.....for no particular reason really.....it just kinda seems like my life is passing me by.....theres nothing for me to do...i dont have a job i dont have a boyfriend i dont have any money.... and since ive been up here in walkerton for the last 3 weex i dont really have any friends....i mean sure i hang out with jason and his friends but i dont really know them and they dont know me....and i really dont think they care....im just "spitzigs sister"....and that sux.....i want boys....pretty boys to like me....i want a bloody boyfriend....i have so much pent up sexual energy...argh...i need to... i dont even know.....i just know that theres something missing....and i want it....im not happy....im not sad....i just really dont feel anything....i feel kinda hollow....bored....listless...all that shite oh i wish i had a boy....sheesh...im so caught up in that whole u need a boyfriend to be happy thing.... but i mean i spose i could go out and have meaningless sex with random guys....i could....but that wont give me what i want anyway....i want the emotional aspect of it....even more than the sex stuff...i want a guy that go out places with me and watch movies with me and talk about boox with me and dance with me in the living room....ahhh.....oh ya and dont forget make out and have passionate sex...oh ya...how could i forget that silly me.....but alrite seriously i want a boy that i can share things with that i can call in the middle of the nite cuz im feelin lonely or hell even bored....ooooh boy...i want boy....it seems like all i do know is drink and waste my life away....bloody hell....oh well....its time for a change... next week im shaving of my mohawk...its getting boring and i need a change....time for the good ole chelsea again....im gonna bleach it....and then im gonna dye it silver...oh hells ya silver....
argh...i have an interview tomorrow....its fer some company selling knives i think....argh....i want a real job....one where i can go in looking how i look and one that i enjoy....i dont wanna have to take out my piercings or have my hair a certain colour or have a normal hair cut....i dont mind wearing business clothes thats not that bad.....
its weird....i feel like crying....not for any real reason....i just feel like im gonna cry....but i really dont want to cuz i really have no reason to...but i can feel them in my eyes....i dunno....i want a boy to cuddle with....i want to cuddle *pout pout*....itd be really nice to have someones chest to snuggle up into rite now.....goddammit I WANT A DAMN BOY!! man im one codependent motherfucker...its a sad sad situation i know but i just want to feel loved....awwwwwwww aint i just so sweet.....
so anyway i really dont think i have anything else to say considering that i havent done anything in the last 3 weex xcept sit on my ass watch tv hand out resumes play computer and get drunk...fuck what a pointless summer this has been so far....i hope it gets better....dont get me wrong its fun and all but come on theres so much more to life than just doing that shite....oh well...maybe that will help me get over this whole jason thing....i mean all he wants to do is party with his friends....he lives fer it but i dunno.....theres so much more than just drinking beer and whatever....i dunno....time to pick out the negatives....but hell hes a cute sonovabitch....oh well...
alrite....im done.....really.....i mean it this time....ttfn
wait no im not....i just thought of my question fer today....if u were me what would u do about jason... should i act on my hormonal drives or not? and if so how should i approach it? "umm ya yer really cute and i wanna do things to u that no other girl ever could??" :P ya rite....or how abouts "umm hey jason i think yer pretty *blush* wanna make out??" :P oh ya.....gets them everytime.....rite.....so what the hell do i do?? help a sistah out here.....lol.....oh so pathetic i know....well ttfn
time: 2:00am listening to: "its been awhile" (er somethin) by staind....its on tv
its taking me hrs to get this shit up.....stupid shitty ass internet keeps disconnecting......ARGH!! hope somebody fucking reads this after all this bloody trouble.....