time: 12:09am
listening to: "the passenger" siouxie and the banshees
well guess what....today i went with mir and jeremy to get their tongues pierced....and i got my nipple done.....my left one......and oh my god do i ever love it!!!! it hurt but even the pain was good....im so hyper now its ridiculous....i hope that i feel this good everyday from now on....
today wasnt really any more eventful than the piercing...oh wait...jeremy is a freak of nature......he couldnt get his tongue pierced cuz the piece of skin under his tongue doesnt let him stick his tongue out far enuff......and mir was only gonna get hers done if jeremy did but she went thru with it anyway....and now shes talking about getting more.....lol!! its so funny......i knew shed love it! she wants to get her belly button done next....prolly in like 3 weeks when she goes back to get a shorter post...oh ya....ive corrupted her :)
so i think im done fer tonite......well at least fer now.....maybe later ill post a pic of my new piercing.....cuz i took a pic and sent to renee cuz she wanted to see it and mirs gonna post it so why not eh? but not now cuz im lazy...ttfn
time: 3:25am
well kirk hates my guts...bullocks to my good day....he found out about me talking to marta......not that he wasnt sposed to know.....i was just trying to find out the truth and he was giving it to me so ya i got it from the other source....so anyway i guess marta told him she doesnt want to be his friend anymore cuz she doesnt know who to trust and she doesnt want to be stuck in the middle....but the thing is there was no middle for her to be stuck in....we had everything straightened out last nite....and now...well now i doubt that hell ever talk to me again....
but i mean really what can i do? if he had just told me that he had sex with her in the first place none of this would have happened....he said tonite that he lied to me cuz he was trying to make me hate him....
its weird....i cant hate him....hate is such a stupid thing....plus i mean im a very forgiving person....i figure everyone makes mistakes rite? i make mistakes all the time....im a big fuck up.....and i want ppl to forgive me so thats what i do...holding shit against ppl gets u nowhere....no ones perfect and ppl do stupid things by nature....specially when emotions r involved.....which is why i did what i did....
kirk was fucking with my head and my heart and he knew it...u cant do that to ppl and xpect nothing to happen....if he didnt want me in his life all he had to do was tell me that and i told him that many times.....but he said he wanted me in his life....and then he fuct with me.....i didnt do any of this with the intention of getting back at him for what hed done to me....i dont care....i just did it to find out what was going on.....im sorry that it caused this much shit....i didnt want his friend not to be friends with him anymore...god knows i didnt want him to be mad at me....i just wanted the truth....so i dont really feel bad....i did what i had to do...well i do feel bad cuz now ive lost a "friend".....
see my conception of friendship and kirks r totally different...kirk calls pretty much anyone he hangs out with a friend...i consider my friends to be the ppl that really know me...the ones that know im insecure and emotionally unstable....the ones who help me thru the times when my life is shite......the ones that know my secrets.....none of them no them all but they all know some....my friends r the ones whos opinions and advice i seek when i dont know what to do....the ppl that i would die for.....those r my friends....and they make mistakes sometimes....sometimes really big ones....but i love them and i forgive and forget....in this world its so hard to find ppl that understand....and i dont just let them walk out of my life.....and kirk was one of my friends....sure weve had a lot of problem......we went thru a lot of shit....but i let him in....he knows things that most ppl never will....and hes willing to just throw me away......thats what really hurts....it hurts more than the lying and the using and the guilt tripping and the blaming and all the other shit.....the fact that hes willing just to throw it away after all this....i mean i defended him and hell i just did it like 5 mins ago....i forgave him everything....but he really doesnt care....and he hates me....and he just wants me to leave him alone.....and cuz i care about him i will.....even tho i feel like shit and i dont think hell ever talk to me again....and i know i hurt him...and he has every rite to be mad.....but it wasnt about doing something to hurt him......it was about doing something to stop him hurting me...i really wish things didnt have to be this way but he doesnt want anything to do with me....and thats fine...its his choice....but if he ever needs a real friend i will be here for him cuz i really care
to my friends i love u all and u know who u r....i thank u so much for just being there for me....and i will be there for u when ever u need me....i will do anything i can for u guys...u make my life more bareable...thank u
listening to: "rejected and unwanted" the casualties