Fairy tales are some of the most basic stories that we have ever learned. They are taught to us from the very beginning. From our parents, our teachers, and our friends, these tales of wonder and morals are passed on from generation to generation. It's no wonder that such tales are often found in the classrooms of English learners. I had the privilege the other day of being invited to a drama and play session based on many fairy tales and other well-known stories.

My Freshmen Class IV prepared 6 different skits to present to myself and one of the local teachers. Each group consisted of 5 or 6 students. There was only one male in each group. That's how it goes in the Foreign Language Departments in China--lot's of women, very few men.

Cinderella

Everyone was there: the wicked stepmother (played by the one guy) and her two daughters, the prince (played by a gal), and Cinderella herself (and yes, thankfully, played by a gal). Cinderella was very upset that her stepsisters could go the prince's ball, but she could not. She really looked like she was crying up there. Then low and behold, a good witch appeared (played by the same guy who does the stepmother). The witch was wearing a Santa hat that has white braids stitched into it. Well, of course, this is where Cinderella gets her new clothing - a puffy, yellow winter jacket. It was the perfect apparel for any ball where you might be chosen as a princess. However, the stipulation was a little different that the Disney version. If Cinderella did not return home by midnight, she would become a stone statue.

Well, she gets to the ball, upstages her stepsister who hasn't the foggiest clue who this stunning new lady is. The prince is instantly enamoured with her and they dance away with "A Whole New World" in the background (at least, I think that was the song). The dance was really long. So long, in fact, that the clock struck twelve and she froze . . . forever. The prince, who is totally crushed at this point, vows to keep Cinderella in his palace forever because of her beauty even though she's become the next best thing in stoneware.

Little Red Cap

Then Little Red Hat took the stage. Um . . . I should actually say Little Red Riding Hood, but what in the world is a "riding hood" exactly? Red is at home pouting about how boring things are. Very cute pouting, in fact. Her mother asks if she would like to go to grandma's house and deliver some goodies. Well, Little Red Pouting Hood isn't really interested. So Mommy describes the wonders of nature and Red is hooked on the idea.

Meanwhile, at Granny's place, she's cleaning things up. She's got her Granny cap on and those awfully square and thick- rimmed plastic glasses. Outside, a tall young man (a substitute for the Big Bad Wolf and played by a gal) is starving and desperate for food and money. An idea strikes the man: I'll turn robber and feed myself using the money. Well, ol' Granny's house is right there, so what a great opportunity to do a classic Greater Vancouver house invasion. Well, unbeknownst to this young man, Granny is a retired police officer. He comes out of the house aching and bruising and with a big black eye. No sense in giving up if you just started, right? So he tries again. He's rewarded with another black eye. (You should've seen how they did the black eyes. They were little plastic rings or something.)

Flash back to Red. She's in the woods and runs across a hunter. She has some North American small talk with him and is soon on her way. Back at Granny's, though, the young robber has returned with a newly devised plan. He has cooked the most wonderful "Ma La Tang" (spicy soup) and drugged it with sleeping pills. (Hold it. I thought the whole point of becoming a robber was to get some food. But now the guys cooked some soup. Oh well, suspend your logic.) He places the pot at the door, knocks, and splits. Granny comes out wondering who in the world is bothering her again. Ah, but there's the "Ma La Tang." It's her favourite. She takes it inside and is soon singing the Zees. Cue the robber. He comes in and scopes out Granny's goods.

Red, after taking more than enough time to admire the birds, trees, and what not, finally makes it to Granny's home. By this time the robber has decided to disguise himself as Granny and is sleeping in bed. Red breaks through the door and finds "Granny" covered up in bed. Red and "Granny" go through the whole "your blank is so big ... the better to blank you with" spiel. Red also points out how black "Granny's" eyes are too. Soon, the robber reveals himself to Red.

So what does Red too? Being the post-modern feminism rejectionist she is, she falls in love with guy. Same with the guy. It's love at first sight. They take off hand-in-hand into the woods.

Granny groggily gets up as the hunter arrives on the scene. You see, the hunter is also a police officer and Granny and he knew each other from before. Granny asks for the hunter's help to find the young robber. They soon find the robber in the woods, but he's holding hands with Red! The hunter is ready to give the kid what for, but Red is vehemently protecting her new found love. The hunter doesn't know what to do, so he asks Granny what she wants. Granny testifies that the robber did knock her out and steal some things; however, he makes one darn good pot of "Ma La Tang." So she gives Red and the young man her blessing. They leave together to probably go get some Hot Pot and the hunter is left wondering about the events that just transpired.

Everyone's "favourite" love story

"Do you love me? Rose. Say you love me?"

Somewhere over the North Atlantic, a love that will last forever is being born. A love to end all loves. A love to break the boundaries. A love to renew the spirit. So why couldn't this love stop the iceberg then? Hmm?

Cue "My Heart Will Go On" and the scene where Jack (played by a gal) and Rose are on the bow of the Titanic. A long dialogue about love for each other ensues. Then it's all capped off with that "magical" scene where Jack embraces Rose and lifts her hands up to spread her wings.

Of course, Mister What's His Name is looking for his fiance and calls the police in on the unsuspecting lovers. Soon Jack is arrested and the love must go on in some other way. Pan to the dream scene where the two can be happily together forever.

Let me just say for the record that I am extremely happy I have only seen that movie once.

Move onto the next bulletin for more plays and dramas