14 January 2005
Reflection for 1st Semester
Students usually like to know how successful they are in a class. With a subject as vital as English, tracking a student�s progress can illustrate the dramatic improvements one can make in the course of a school year. With this in mind, the halfway point of the 2004-2005 Cyber English year is impending, and this would be a perfect time to evaluate student progress. My reflection opens eyes to the truth that I have been making substantial progress thus far in the areas of thinking, reading, writing, speaking, and group work with integrated listening.
Initially, assessing one�s thinking within a certain time period is difficult to judge. Hence, my mind used the tactic of briefly comparing my growth within this one semester to my growth within sixteen years as a person. Even an idea like that to compare a portion to a whole shows my thought�s progression. The beliefs and tendencies of my intellect fuel the advancement of the remaining four categories. Every great outcome in my life had its unstable beginnings. I am currently en route to that great outcome of becoming more like the ideal student described during the beginning of the year, but first, there existed the unsteady start from the first semester.
To ponder about thinking appraisal is a handful. I thought about the strategies that could tackle this segment, and that is a reflection of my thinking in itself. All I can really determine about my thinking is that as long as I have grown in the other areas, then I have grown in my thinking. My thoughts are what drive my interpretation of reading, my style of writing, my manner of speaking, and my behavior in groups. I can acknowledge that earlier this year, I would have willingly just taken this section and repeat what I have said about my thinking in the other categories and apply it to this one. Honestly, a younger me would have just rephrased it all to try to make it sound as if they were different ideas. From experiencing all that I have this past semester, I insist on taking a distinctive route to explain my thinking. The only evidence of my thinking that the reader needs to observe is already shown through the other links that I have provided and through what I have written for this assignment.
If I evaluate thinking collectively with its influence in each of the other four areas, thinking would most likely be a strength of mine. I have passed the starting point of how to analyze a text, so now I only need to control the degree of my analyzing capabilities which sounds simple enough, but it is easier said than done. My dissections have provided me with the general perceptive ideas that may blossom into extraordinary works. The blossoming half will be the part I will need to work on for next semester with an unattached relationship to the subject.
Reading and writing are essentially the two key terms a student may associate with the word English. I have tried different methods of reading, but each presented to me with its hazardous flaws. I have a deficient habit of reading at the extremes; either I skim too quickly and skip most of the important details, or I read too deeply into the literature and overanalyze it. An example would be our literature circle discussing The Great Gatsby with Mr. Strever where I realized that I had missed imperative symbols, allusions, and other minutiae during my read. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I came into the school year equipped with summer journals filled with profound entries, most of which respond to quotes. Readers of my journals may eventually arrive at the conclusion that I cannot let go of analyzing a quote once my ideas begin running. I have not found equilibrium between the two extreme states of reading yet, but I have been making progress heading towards the right direction with our most recent book: The Orchid Thief. I do more overanalyzing than not analyzing at all, and there are both pros and cons with the inclination to dig deeply. With our summer readings, mainly Death of a Salesman, I drew a few "ambitious ideas" (Strever) from the play to incorporate into my writing. Ruminating about that text actually gave me a leg up with my summer essay. Increasingly, my analyzing has become the basis of my essays, but the problem is that it forms only the basis and nothing more.
I consider reading one of my weaknesses, because I am quite incompetent in its regard. I label �inept reading� with characteristics such as reading at a sluggish pace and contemplating between examining sections that may hinder efficiency as well. I can surely pick up the pace with time and practice, but perhaps analyzing only the most pertinent pieces of the literature should become one of my main goals for this year.
The latter task of writing has left me bewildered as to how I should measure my growth as a writer. I have been inconsistent with development in this area if I were to go by grades, fluctuating from a B+ to an A back downhill to a B, which was later revised back up to an A. With this pattern, my writing quality is as unpredictable as a roller coaster ride. Nevertheless, I can observe the smaller adjustments I am making with each paper I write. For instance, the first two essays written on Death of a Salesman had many errors in the conventions category, mainly problems involving word choice and passive voice. The essay I wrote comparing the Death of a Salesman text with its film contained an excess amount of such errors. In the last essay I wrote for the first unit entitled �The Letter Burned Scarlet in a Crucible,� I only had one word choice problem in the midst of the four pages. For that essay, I received an almost perfect eleven out of twelve points before revision for conventions which implies that I have improved in this category even though I was not graded with the same rubric on the previous two essays.
Writing can be either a strength or a weakness for me depending on the assignment. For some reason, I have felt as if my input in each essay has been the same all along so the fickle grades baffle me. I would like to believe that I am sound in this department, but truthfully, I do have many skills that need to be refurbished such as focus and elaboration. These problems arise when I analyze too much of certain points but not enough of others. Like I have mentioned previously in the reading section, analyzing only becomes the basis of my paper which is found in the thesis, but when it comes down to supporting it with my analysis, I fail to do so in a logical manner. With creative writing, I have not yet been assessed in areas such as poem before in this class, so maybe in light of my blemishes with formal writing, I can find strengths with informal writing.
For the most part, I do well with presentations if I feel comfortable with the audience and the environment. Thinking confidently like I had been after students received their presentation grades back in the beginning of the year could have created a pathetic end to a potentially favorable course of improvement. So far, since we have not been formally evaluated a second time for speaking, the biggest growth in this field for me is to realize that I still have room for perfection even if I aced just one presentation grade. It does not say much as far as my overall presentation quality goes, because I, of all people, should know particularly well that this A could suddenly drop down to a B like my essay grades. After quickly going over the video recording of my presentation, I could noticeably see the repetitive hand gestures I make on fast forward speed. I also know from personally being up there in front of this class once or twice before that I get nervous, even though I tell myself every time that I have done this a million times before. Actually, I have had experience speaking even in front of a crowd as big as our graduating class with hundreds of people just staring at me, and yet, there were still butterflies in my stomach the first time I presented this year. I am in the process of teaching myself how to feel and talk more casually in front of larger groups of people, because I can see the nervous tension on video. The last time that I introduced the film we made for our individual versus community unit, I felt much more comfortable standing up there than I had been those first few weeks going into school. Ideally, I want my progress to continue on this path, but without a second formal assessment, it will be hard for me to determine if I can pull it off well when it essentially counts.
Public speaking and oral presentations can quite easily become a definite strength for me. With additional practice and larger audiences, I will be on my way to become a professional orator. I enjoy voicing my opinion, and I have discovered that developing superior speaking skills will one day pay off in many careers or even in regular, day-to-day conversations. For example, our class enforces students to discontinue using time-filler words such as �like� or �um,� and so far, it has been proven to be effective. I have cut down on those useless words and have found other ploys such as pauses to replace them. I am motivated to improve this skill by yearning to be persuasive, to be confident, but most of all, to be taken seriously so that a roaring crowd will be silenced into a hushed audience as I take the podium; speaking is the greatest form of communication.
As a group member now, the theory of individual versus community takes form on a more personal level. There is no room for excessive pride or an uncontrollable ego. Coming into this year as a junior, I have worked in groups many times before ever since elementary school. Hitting this critical age of my teenage years, I get the opportunity to have another shot to function as a unit within a group setting. Prior to this year�s group, I usually had to carry most of the weight in terms of the workload. Others find my work reliable, and I am obligated to teachers, peers, parents, and myself to do well so I cannot refuse to do the labor. Also, I automatically assume the leadership position when other members use me as their beacon of resources. Nevertheless, receiving a satisfying grade for the work also pays off, although the path in which most of the other members took to end with the same outcome was easier. I figure that if the system works effectively, then I should just continue operating groups the same way without having to allow the injustice affect me. I had almost bought into the cynical life motto that �life is unfair� until just recently this semester.
My views on teamwork have changed dramatically since then and this occurred mainly during the first semester of Cyber English. We are put in a unique situation that basically forces us to cooperate with the other members or else the school year will be hectic and will not run as smoothly for the members who try to be heroes. The same result can be applied to those who refuse to participate like sitting ducks. Luckily, we do not have to deal with the extreme cases of either conditions, but since the class basically functions in group units throughout the entire year, that does affect me to change for the benefit of the group. I have grown and matured tremendously in a group atmosphere by opening up to group decisions and investing more faith and trust in others to equally contribute to the final product rather than having to feel as if I need to work on it alone. Perhaps the specific members of this group have changed my attitude about group work, but even so, I will be able to finally take initiative to guide a group in a certain direction rather than to lead them straight to the destination. Each member�s involvement with the group is vital, and I have learned that with this group. However, traces of my need for verdicts to go my way still remain, but I am working on that. The main lesson that I have learned from growing with my group intellectually and emotionally is that we are placed in groups for a reason. Groups are formed to divide workload but also function as single entities. Nonetheless, we should still be able to step out of that community to once again become an individual like what Orlean mentions in The Orchid Thief with the obsessive orchid collectors.
If someone were to ask me if I think group work is a strength of mine�a year ago, I would have answered no. I do my fair share of the workload, but the cooperation would not have been at the level that it is at now. With that improvement in the other aspect of group work, mutual aid, group work has become a strength for me within a very short time period.
In group settings, listening holds the key to initial group understanding. Although group work has now become a strong suit for me, my listening skills are ironically intolerable. Usually, I pay attention, but for those few times that my mind focuses on an invisible, static screen, nothing seems to enter my brain correctly. I will appear to be concentrating on the speaker, but my mind does not process any of the words spoken. The main issue is that I do not even need a distraction to lose track of the topic being discussed; I would blank out for stretches of time that are longer than need be. This only occurs when I am in a relaxed, casual state, but when it is time for me to buckle down and learn, I do. Though, these laissez-faire environments surround me only with the presence of peers, because we are equal members of society when we compare age, experience, and common sense. This has not been a case of a lost cause in its entirety. As a listener, I have actually improved on giving back feedback when I do listen to group members� opinions. This listening problem that I have is a weakness, but it is not fatal to my learning. It hinders my participation in discussions, and it bothers me to have this rather amendable dilemma.
The second semester of my junior year is just around the corner, and I am anticipating on achieving growth and maturity in the aspects listed above for English by the end of the year. If I have come this far already, then who knows how much more I can improve within just another semester. My experience with this unique Cyber English class has not only taught me that this class is a prerequisite for either the UConn or A.P. English course next year but also that growing as a student is a prerequisite for growing as an individual.