Girl_In_The_forest8

Rocking back and forth she found comfort in her self. She heard herself humming. Felt as if she was watching her body from a distance, If that made any sence. Mentally she could tell what she looked like from the out side. Her head started to feel as if it was being pushed down as far to the floor as it could be all the while she keeped rocking. But soon her self peace was intruded by visions that she tried so hard to block, but was unable to. They came so quickly to her, as if some one was hitting directly at her. She didn't like it. Mentally she stared to cry and scream. Started to repeat over and over to her self that she wasn't bad, and asking for it to stop. Soon her asking tuned to begging, because these visions were to much for her to handel. She mouthed for it all to stop, for it to leave her alone. She still never heard her voice. Her voice was taken from her and she wasn't allowed to use it.She keeped opening her mouth as if she was screaming. She started to panick. Rocking harder, to try to get these things away from her. She felt a tingliling up her back, it felt as if some one was touching her, and it wasn't a nice feeling.

Shutting her eyes as tightly as possible but then realizing that it wasn't a good idea to do that, she tried to open them, but to late, they were closed. Now the memories came. He was there. He hurt her. He was on top of her. Pulling her hair. Her hands were either tied to the bed post, or behind her back. He used scarves to tie her, and socks shoved in her mouth to silence her. She didn't know that what was going on was bad! She didn't know! She didn't know! Please stop! She begged the memories to leave her alone. but they wouldn't!!!! DAMN YOU! Oh God please! Make these stop! She felt pain in her stomack. Now she was on the floor. Twitching, She wasn't in controlle of her bodys movments. She wanted to be, but she wasn't ! So scared! So scard! She saw her self going to her mother. Telling her that some one had been going in the backyard. That they were trying to hurt her and her friend! " Your reading to many Nancy Drew books. It's in your imagination." NO! NO! NO! It's not! It never was! She saw the white car! It keepd driving by her house. Wouldn't leave them alone. NO! IT's not fair! Not right! Make these things stop! He was on her again. On her back. He wouldn't get off. She didn't tell him to. She thought everthying that he was doing was ok. She didn't know! What happend was scaring her, but still, she didn't know that it was wrong. No one ever told her! Another guy, he was on her, she was on her stomack, her pants were down. His hands! They were there. She didn't like it. NOT AT ALL! How come no one ever told her? How come if it was so bad, she let it happen? How come she didn't know it was bad then, that it wasn't ok?!How come???!!!   She wanted to die! It keeped telling her to cut a vien. No, she couldn't. Wouldn't allow it.Holding out her hands as if some one was actually going to be there to hold her. To help her. No one was there. No one comforted her!
   She saw him again. He was pretending to rape her. He took her face and rubbed in inbetween his legs.Still she did nothing, but all the while just wanting him to stop. His hands were on her chest, when he sat on top of her.GODDESS! IT hurt! But no one heard her. No one heard her screams of fear. She went to bed ever night, scard that some one was going to come and kill her. She heard the noises, they scared her even more. Heard the steps creak. Heard someone. Always some one was there, but she never saw who it was. So like her mother said... she made her self believe it was her imagination. She was in the bed with him, she was his captive, and she was suppose to escapee from him, so that he could chase her around the room and capture her again. Once he got her , he would tie her to him. His arm around her. They would be out side. They would play that she had been deserted on an Island and he would find her, take her as his prisoner. Rape her. Was it pretend? Or was it really? The girl was still unsure.
    She started to shake now. It hurt her to remember these things. She didn't want to remember any more! She tried to get up, but was unable. Something held her. The cold floor was welcoming to her, it allowed her to be able to feel something that still made her feel alive. Remembering things like that still haunted her. Remembering what had happend did not make her feel better. In fact it made her feel worce. She could still feel his hands on her, and it made her start to shiver even more. She felt dirty. She rememberd a few years later, she was cleaning her room, the phone calls started. They threatend to kill her family in front of her and rape her. Oh, how clearly she rememberd the cops coming, and tracing the calls, her dad coming home, she saw her self sitting in the rocker, looking at her hands, scared out of her mind. Replaying over and over in head how explicitly they said they would rape her.How exactly they said they would kill her family, along with her animals. OH! How she just wanted these things to leave her alone!!

Years later, she had blocked out all the things that she was scared of. Even thought she had no realization of the things in her past, she constently felt something in the back of her brain every day, telling her various things, but she would just mentally picture putting it in a box, putting it behind metal doors, that were securly locked, and wrapped tightly around with heavy chains that were locked also, and the key.. well that was thrown away. She never walked down a street if there were guys staning around, even if it ment taking a longer way home. Refused to be touched. Keeped to her sealf. Scared of being hurt or betrayed like she had so many time with her other friends.