Lilac's Family - Uncle Tom
Name: Tom
Birthday: October 19
Died: March 5, 1991
Family: parents Emil & Eileen, one younger sister (Emily), three kids (TJ, Torri, Samie)
What He Looked Like: 5'4" brown hair, blue/green eyes, beard
Occupation: machine shop worker, mechanic
Hobbies: hunting & fishing, the outdoors, hiking & camping, building things, wildlife, spending time with his family, listening to music, playing the saxophone, reading, watching movies & tv, star gazing, travelling, parties, rooting for the Steelers
Pet Peeves: hypocrisy, rudeness, nosy people
Biggest Fears: heights
--- Some Faves ---
Color: Green & black
Animals: cats
Food: Steak & eggs, chicken wings, pizza, pasta, McDonald's french fries, apples
Drink: Pepsi, iced tea, coffee, JD, beer
Music: oldies & classic rock, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, CCR, Lynard Skynard, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Pink Floyd, ZZTop, Jimmy Hendrix, the Mamas and the Papas, Aerosmith, the Rolling Stones, Johnny Cash
TV Show: the Outer Limits
Movies: Jaws, Star Wars, Easy Rider, Rebel Without a Cause, The Shining, Hitchcock movies, James Bond movies, horror movies
Actor: Jack Nicholson, Peter Fonda, Harrison Ford, James Dean
Actress: Marilyn Monroe
Personality: Where do I begin? You can't imagine how hard this is for me... He lived a short life, but a full and pleasant one. He brightened the hearts and lives of everyone around him. When I was growing up, my dad wasn't around at all really, so my uncle Tom and grandfather sort of took over that father-figure role. I remember being a little kid & having sleep-overs at his house, watching "Jaws" for the first time, with kittens crawling all over me. He was an animal lover and a music lover. He bought me my first tape, which was The Beatles "Rubber Soul" and I listened to it until I wore it out. He really introduced me to music & maybe that's why I love it like I do. He taught me so much, not to fear anything, never to give up, that not all men leave their families. He stepped up to the plate & was there whenever I needed him. I could ring him up on the phone and he'd always make me feel better. He had a way with words, he always knew just what to say. Uncle Tom had a warm heart and a great sense of humor. He loved to make people laugh. He was a great dad. Of all the things in his life, he was the most proud of his family, his wife & kids. The night that he died, we were sitting at home watching tv when they called & let us know he was being taken to the hospital. My mom and grandparents went immeadiately & my neighbor came over to watch my brother and myself. I can remember my grandma fainting & screaming and her & my mother crying hysterically. I didn't understand what was going on, I kept telling myself that it wasn't true. I just refused to accept it. I didn't want to think about what I'd do if he was gone. But later on that night it hit me. I realized what had happened & even though no one had called us, I knew in my heart that he was gone. I remember crying myself to sleep. I was all by myself & so alone, I've never felt more alone in my whole life. I kept wondering why God would want him to die and wondered how we would go on without him. He meant so much to everyone. I think he's the only person in the world that truly understood my mother, the only person she felt totally comfortable with, and he was gone. And then there were his kids, they were really young. TJ was a toddler and Torri & Samie were babies, so young and they'd never get to know their father. The were going to have to face growing up without a dad, just like I did and I hated that. I hated that it had to be that way for those kids. I cried myself to sleep that night and never thought about him being dead again. I accepted it. The next morning my mom came in to tell me what I early knew, that he had passed away not long after they got him to the hospital. The doctors said at that time that even if he had come in two years prior, they doubt they could have saved him. I never cried again about his death because I refused to think of him as dead. I just put it in the back of my mind and locked it away because I didn't want to deal with the pain. I watched my family suffer. I saw them become totally lost as people. I was young but I just knew in my mind that if I let the grief take over me, our family would collapse. I had to be the one to comfort everybody and that night I made the decision to be the strong one. After that, my mother and I became very close. I was the one she would come to with her problems, I took on the role that my uncle had. It was enormous pressure and I always felt like I was letting her down when I didn't have an answer. How could I have answers for her when I didn't even have them for myself? It was so much pressure for such a young kid and I just felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. In time, we all moved on. We still remember him in our own ways. I'll always have the time we spent together in my heart. Some of my favorite memories are of him speaking to me about music. He used to talk to me for hours on end about the Beatles & how much their music meant to him, what the music meant for him personally & how much it hurt him when John Lennon died because he worshipped him so much. He said that growing up, Lennon was the person he wanted to be. He loved what John gave to the world & when he died, a little piece of him died too, but whenever he would hear the Beatles music, he wouldn't be sad because he knew that John came to the world and shed a light. The fact that he left that music & those memories insured that he'd live on forever in our hearts. For me, when uncle Tom died, my John Lennon died... When I was 14, I talked my mom into making a trip to New York City. The last thing I did before we left was visit the Dakota Building, where John Lennon was shot & killed. For some reason, seeing that building was one of the most emotional experiences of my life & it brought back all the tears that I had pent up inside myself & I confronted my uncle's death for the the first time since that fateful night. I was finally able to put the pain totally behind me & now every time I go to NYC, I stop at the Dakota Building to remember. And every time I hear the Beatles I think fondly of my uncle Tom, who shined his light on the world & remains alive in my heart & my memories. Rest in peace knowing that I will watch out for and guide your children, just as you did for me. When they need me, I'll be there. I love you and miss you more than you'll ever know. And I'll try my best to make you proud.
"And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be."
~The Beatles "Let It Be"~
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