"Wolf... One who makes the impossible possible but is an impossible person."
"Such is just the complex of a loner."

I thought about a lotta things the past couple days, but I finally drew a conclusion as to why my family is all broken and split apart from each other...

Its not anything harsh, but its just my pops reality and how he wants to go about it... It seems like Im startin to assimilate his lifestyle, but I think its being carried on whether or not mah pops wants it to... I say its hard on pops cuz he's the oldest of them all, but it just seems like he just said "fuck it" and threw everything off to the side...

I mean, it just seems like he gave up caring for everybody and started focusing on his financial hold... Its morbid to say, but Ive fallen into the same category and I rarely even get to see mah popz... I say its aight, cuz it just makes it one less person to worry about yah kno... "It seems like back in da day alla sudden, but the only difference is that Im old enough to know right from wrong and what path to stick on... but its sad that me and mah popz cant even take a minute to kick it cuz were so fuckin busy trying to make a living... or so it seems"... Moms and pops were never there back in the day, and it seems like the cycle is returning again... but hell, imma grown boy mang...

I had a dream about uncle Thamma da otha day... he said "give it all you've got cuz its all worth it"... Ironic that he died at an earlier age than I am, but was carrying on a double life as a gang boss and a father... I respect his lifestyle... Its hard on popz to have buried his lil bro and his pops, but I think thats the reason why he just threw it all away... Just so he could live without any burdens but his own... How morbid, but I guess thats the same things Ive inherited through him... "Its easier to die and be hated, rather than die and be remembered... or so I say... I dont really give a fuck anymore about who does what or what thinks of me... THATS whats not worth it"... Imma be like pops and focus more on ME for the time being, cuz I am becoming a ghost...

I seriously think that pops could make it on his own, but the reason why he sticks around is cuz of pride and status... He doesnt talk much, but mang, he changed ever since Thamma died back in da day... Its been a while, but Im starting to THINK of why pops is the way he is... "Simply just an older me"... Closed off from the world and being a No-Sho, just as I am right now... Shiet, I am mah father... If pops can live the way he is now, then its deng right foe sho that I can be a Lone Wolf and live like a king... Pops doesnt have time to see his friends n family, let alone any of his kids n all that jazz, but it doesnt LOOK like it phases him... He can deny it all he wants, but hes a Lone Wolf also...

Well imma note that Saturday wuz Pengz wedding, and I absolutely know how mah buddiez feel... "To lose something and know that it cant be brought back... It hurts, but its just a burden if you carry yer ass on it"... Imma end up like mah pops, "A faded shadow in the background, and simply just a memory to some"... Loners are what we are... Da fuck with everybody, I just lost it all again...

-wolf

"Check it out... Fast n da Furious."

"(FUCK I SHOULD BEAT YER ASS)... Yeah, good movie mang."

Fatboy is a lueboy... We believe we're rare n indestructable, but that doesnt stop any god or demon from trying everything they can to stop us... "Yeah, I remember when big sticks were 25 cents... I remember like it was yesterday"...

I ended last year on a good note, but most def, this year doesnt look too good... I WILL have a fair yet shitty year... Im falling apart again already, and I really do need a ghost this time around... "Im looking for a slight sea breeze, but I cant find an ocean"...

But... to be a stronger person, Im supposed to fight everything all by mahself in order to find da inevitable truth right?... Bullshit, cuz da truth changes depending on da current perspective I see the world in... How can it have a definite answer?... FUCK YOU BITCH!!!

-wolf

"Yeah, I heard he's up and walking now."

The toughest man in the world can lift cars and take cannonball shots to the stomach, but I betcha can still make him cry through emotions...

I couldn't sleep the last couple nights until I absolutely exhausted mah brain from thinking too much... I wasn't drunk, I wasn't wired, I wasn't anything... I jez kept telling death that imma fuck his ass up when I die, if he took this one... I prayed to a god before, but it never answered mah call... I wished for miracles, but they never happened... I believed that hope could keep me alive, but I got buried in... So fuck all the bullshiet, Ill do what I know best...

I couldnt shake the thought... "Fuck, are we gunna lose another one"... Tossing and turning every hour, but thats just how it is... It was chain reaction, like a bullet just went through alla us, but thats just how it is... "The only time its acceptable to see each other in da hospital bed, is when were all dying old men"... This was the wrong time and no one expected it...

None the less, this just shows how deep we roll... We've but a small group in our generation, but not a single one of us had a dry eye... Quest broke down when we went to see him, but I aint gunna laugh cuz thats how it is... Soopahmayn balled out in da hall way, but I aint gunna laugh cuz thats how it is... Even Alien couldnt hold it in, but I aint gunna laugh cuz thats how it is... This is how it went down, cuz this was some real shiet, but it was one of them times when it was alright to get emotional... It aint no joke when everyones feeling the same grief...

I just wanna beat his ass though... I know it aint his fault, but it was a fuckin horrible ass feeling to think that one of us could be truly gone... Monday and Wednesday aint that far apart, but it fuckin happened...

Its been a couple days since, and he's doing a whole lot better... but fuck mang, I still cant shake it... It was that intense... ... ... I shouldnt be this emotional... I really shouldnt...

Why do I have the feeling that imma continue to sink from here on... I uh... I dont think it's gunna be a good year for me this time... And honestly, I really dont feel good... ... ... ... ... it... didnt end did it?...

-wolf

"I brought the cabo wabo, but I think that's what got me fucked up."
"So you killed yourself with your own pistol."

5 weekz in a row... (for me at least)... 5 weekz in a row, and im still goin strong... But mang, did I jez dig mahself into a hole?... I think itz time for some rehab finally, cuz itz gettin to that point...

Anywayz, im fuckin done... I wanted to log n shiet, but fuck it... im tired... im outti... fotoz from hannaz buh-bye n dis weekz gathering R up...

NEW FOTOZ POSTED... BUNCHA DRUNKZ...

-wolf

"Wait, how do you know about her?..."
"You were drunk yesterday and friggin talked a buncha jibberish, and the truth comes out."

It doesnt make sense to have a ghost following a ghost, because they'd just end up haunting each other... But if one ghost decides to leave on its own free will, then each ghost can finally be free of any memories or burdens from one another... Thus leaving them with life and death... Life, to find new host... Death, to be forgotten...

Keypoints 05' just completed and the world is a better place... It took a lil outta me, but Im seeing everything as how its REALLY suppose to be... "She didnt want me to see it in a pessimistic eye"... Everyone has their own reasons for doing things, but the sacrifice is all worth it when your intentions are well... "For a better life", she says...

Well, we celebrated hannaz lil goin away thang at linz shop da otha day, and thingz got a lil carried away wiff banananana... BUT besides all da tumbling she did, I THINK we made it a momentous day (featuring da wolf n sake sake sake) before she leaves for Berkeley this week... (Actually, I gotta credit it to boogah for planning it out... I was just da conductor)... We all piled in da sushi bar and all mah lueboyz n boogahz peoplez, made it down for this wonderous event... SAHHH-KEHHH!!!... You know we luv yah!... Eventually with all the drinking we did, I ended up drinking more at joonyahz and knocking out for the day... Talk about happy days... (boogahz new big shotglass + bacardi ice tea + coke = nyquil)

I know I had a lot to say when I was KO'n on joonyahz couch, but I fuckin fergot... Just add a buncha sentimental mush mush here and call it a day... Fotoz wont be processed until 2morro, so check back then?...

-wolf