Ah yes. Along with cooking brownies and playing dungeons and dragons, this area is the field of my expertise. I am the meanest, nastiest weapon rater in this entire planet!!!
Get on with it.
Ah, okay. Cloud's sword is huge, and apparently, it can slice anything in two. That's cool. Just like my character in dungeons and dragons! Eugene the Ferocious!!!
Ahem.
Claude's sword is terribly flimsy. Also, it's not that sturdy. On top of that, it sort of sucks. Sacred Tear? What is that, the sword of pansy foo-foo sword? Give me Ultima Weapon any day! I'll kill myself easier with that thing. If I can ever lift it.
Cough.
LightSoul: Eugene and Roger deem Cloud the winner of the first round!
Of course, neither of these two could match Eugene the Ferocious' SUPER DICE THROW, I have to say, Cloud may have the better attacks.
I don't know. Having your head split may hurt more than having meteors rain on you.
Are you serious!? Nge. You're such a nerd. Come on. OMNISLASH versus MIRROR SLICE!? What is that anyway? Would you rather slash an omni or slice a mirror and get like twenty years bad luck!?
Sniff.
......What's an omni?
And what's a mirror?
LightSoul: Eugene and Roger deem Cloud the winner of the second round!
Here are two mildly interesting characters...of course neither of them has the potential to be an underwear model like Eugene the Ferocious. Anywho...Cloud is a mystery. What is going on in his tormented mind? Claude on the other hand, lives in the shadow of his father and is not at all mysterious.
But...what about his middle initial? That C could stand for anything...anything that starts with C, at least. And that's...that's sort of mysterious. It could stand for Cill. As in I want to Cill myself.
Nge! You spell Cill with a K, you fool! Claude is not at all mysterious! The C stands for Curtains!
Curtains? Really?
LightSoul: Eugene and Roger deem Cloud the winner of the third round!
It was ROGER's idea to make the fourth round about names. How dumb was that? Cloud's name is more exotic...and...sexy...Whereas Claude's is like, whoa, where's your crib!? Nge. I kill me.
It was SOOOO EUGENE's idea! Now I will talk surnames. Kenni versus Strife...Is there any competition? Kenni is so much weirder! What's up with the letter I on the end!? That's so...Kennirific!
You fool! Kennirific is not a word! And please, no more talk about names!
I'll kill Eugene first...and then myself...
LightSoul: Eugene and Roger deem Cloud the winner of the fourth round!
Well well, here we come to my main field of knowledge...The sexy mamas...hehe! Snort snort! Now, Cloud hangs with three hot honeys named Tifa, Aeris and Yuffie. Claude chills in his crib with five fly girls called Rena, Celine, Opera, Chisato and Precis. And they are hot. Hot honeys, if you excuse me street lingo. WORD! EUGENE ON DA CASE!
I like that Tifa. But I also like that Celine. And that Opera. And that Aeris. And that Rena. And that Chisato. And that Yuffie. And that Precis. Oh yes. I'd like some of that action before I kill myself.
Ah yes, they are all indeed fly honeys with sweet booties and big jubblies. He he! SNORT SNORT! But, Claude gets to hang out with more sexy mamas than Cloud. EUGENE THE FEROCIOUS WILL RULE YOU ALL!
Hee hee hee!!!
LightSoul: Eugene and Roger deem Claude the winner of the fifth round! Congratulations! How do you feel, Cloud, you won!!!
Cloud: Who are you people!? And why did you knock me out and drag me out into the middle of nowhere!?
LightSoul: Why, you ask?
FOR BATTLE!!!
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