Chapter 6: Love Will Find a Way
"I should have known," Rachel muttered. "I should have known!"
Her tearful reflection met her in the mirror. He promised… he promised… The phrase coursed through her veins, through her whole being. Rachel was so angry with him, but at the same time, she still loved Ethan and he had broken her heart. She did choose him over Jacob, after all…
"I need something to cheer me up," she resolved, putting on her Dream CD and placing it on random. The one song she wanted to hear right now, incidentally, came on.
Play the record
All you do is bring me pain, boy, you're crazy
Boy, I thought that we'd last forever
I could see it in your eyes
Took my hand and led me blindly
to believe in all your lies
Now the truth is in the open
and it's all on you
You leave me so heartbroken
Can't you see that you're killing me?
All you do is bring me pain, boy, you're crazy
You know, I wish that you wouldn't lie to me,
but some wishes don't come true
Time to put the past behind me,
say goodbye and start anew
Move on, be gone, it's over, ooh
Now you're all alone
and I know you wish that you were here with me
Rachel's mood suddenly lifted after hearing the second verse. She knew that's exactly what she had to do… put the past behind her and move on. This song gave her the strength that she needed to do that… but she and Ethan still hadn't broken up. But… a plan was forming in Rachel's mind. An evil grin spread across her face as her idea expanded on its own. She knew it would bring fireworks.
All you do is bring me pain, boy, you're crazy
Sup with you? You know it's not fair
You pay me no attention when I'm standing right there
But it's all good, it's all right
You're gonna regret this for the rest of your life
All you do is bring me pain, boy, you're crazy
I gave you my heart and you broke it, babe
Because of you I'm going crazy
I just can't take it no more
Turn around, walk out that door
"Ethan, you cause me pain, but I won't take it anymore. You've gotta go."
~*~
"Ladies and gentlemen, our last presentation. Here is the guest solo, the non-Academy person the sophomores voted to perform for us," Marina introduced. "And now, with no further ado, here is Rachel!"
Ethan cast a nervous glance at the stage. He hadn't talked to Rachel since that walk home, a little more than a week ago. She had said that the next time they talked, they would have been broken up. Besides, multiple people (Serena, Jade, Stacey) had told him that Rachel had a message for him as soon as she hit the stage.
Just then, Rachel stepped out, in a silver and pink midriff halter top that showed off her belly button and dark, tight dark denim flares, shoes with silver laces, her hair down, messily falling to just above her shoulders (she had gotten a haircut), with smoky eyes, a silver shoulder band, and pink, silver and baby blue bracelets adorning her wrists. A lot of the guys whistled at her. She just winked flirtatiously at them, which made them shout louder.
Ethan glared jealously at all of those guys. And at the same time, he stared at Rachel. He'd never seen Rachel look this… well, let's just say his hormones started acting up again. J Of course, this was all part of Rachel's plan. She knew exactly how to get to Ethan-and to look like a bombshell in the process.
As she stepped up to the edge of the stage, she said to them, "Thank you so much for letting me perform here. It's a great honor and I love it."
This was greeted by hollers from the guys, a cheer of "Go, Rachel!" from her buddies, and applause by the others. "Well, I just wanted to say that this song marks a new beginning for me. And, it's also a very important message for a certain someone." She looked directly at Ethan and he knew right away that this was the thing that Rachel was going to tell him. Now if only he knew what the song was…
"Okay, hit it!"
A few chords could be heard, and Ethan realized, in shock, what Rachel was about to do. "She couldn't… she wouldn't…" But all he saw was Rachel, grinning as she began her performance. (And yeah, she actually did sing, too!)
Hush, just stop-
The music stopped for a split second, and Rachel fixated her gaze on Ethan the whole time, never skipping a beat in her dance routine.
there's nothing you can do or say, baby
I've had enough
I'm not your property as from today, baby
You might think that I won't make it on my own,
but now
I'm stronger than yesterday
Now it's nothing but a mile away
My loneliness ain't killing me no more
I, I'm stronger
...than I ever thought that I could be, baby
I used to go with the flow
Didn't really care 'bout me
You might think that I can't take it, but you're wrong
As Rachel continued to impress everyone, even the teachers, Ethan had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. She was breaking up with him… telling him that she was moving on… and that she was stronger than ever before. He knew it. It didn't surprise him-he knew he deserved it. But it still brought a pang. He knew that he had lost Rachel, and he knew it was all his fault.
'Cause now I'm stronger than yesterday
Now it's nothing but a mile away
My loneliness ain't killing me no more
I, I'm stronger
Even though Rachel was having the time of her life, and even though she felt she was stronger, it still hurt to do this. She knew Ethan was getting her message, loud and clear. But he hurt her. He broke a promise and was now paying the price. She didn't really notice that half the guys were now practically drooling over her as she danced her heart out, dancing a routine that would make Britney herself proud.
Come on now, oh yeah
Here I go, on my own
I don't need nobody, better rock alone
Here I go, on my own now
I don't need nobody, not anybody
Here I go… all right
Here I go…
Stronger than yesterday
It's nothing but a mile away
My loneliness ain't killing me no more
I, I'm stronger…
'Cause now I'm stronger than yesterday
Now it's nothing but a mile away
My loneliness ain't killing me no more
I, I'm stronger
Rachel kept her final pose for a number of counts, then gave her audience a bow. "Thank you, so much." With that, she exited into the audience, where people actually mobbed her.
"That was so good, Rachel!" Stacey exclaimed, giving her a hug.
Serena nodded vehemently. "You actually made me enjoy Britney!"
Rachel gasped in mock horror, then laughed. "I didn't do that great, guys."
"Yes, you did." The male voice interrupted the group of girls. Rachel turned to find Ethan standing there, and said, "Hey, guys, I'll talk to you later, okay? I need to talk to Ethan."
"Okay… we'll be waiting outside," Jade reminded her.
"Cool. I mean, zesty. Catch you later." They left and Ethan said, "Wow. That was… that was…"
"That was my breaking up with you?" Rachel supplied.
"Well, yeah, but… I don't know… you were fantastic! God! I bet you could do better than Brit!"
"Nah. Whatever. We're not here to discuss my performance. It's the song that I want to talk about. Ethan… you heard what I sang."
"Yeah. I got the message."
"So you know I want to move on?"
Ethan nodded.
"Okay. Then with that… we're over." She exhaled. "God, it hurt so much to say that."
Ethan looked at her for a long time, then started to turn and walk, when Rachel said, "Wait, Ethan."
He turned to look at her. She said nothing, just silently walked up to him and threw her arms around him. "Just one last time," she whispered.
Ethan held her tightly, not wanting to let go, but knowing he had to. "I'm sorry, Rachel. Really."
She didn't say anything, but felt the hot tears coming to her eyes again. Quickly, she willed them away by thinking other thoughts. Jacob. Yeah. She was going to call him as soon as she got home. As she broke out of the embrace, she mouthed to Ethan, "I'll never forget you."
Ethan watched her go. He'd never forget Rachel, either.
~*~
Jacob was out of control. He couldn't take not being able to be with Rachel anymore… he became the epitome of a bulimic (sounds sick, I know)… going on binging sprees and then purging frequently. He had become stick-thin again; his headaches were coming back; the enamel on his teeth was wearing down… all because of Rachel. This seemed like the only solution left. Jacob didn't feel like living anymore. Not without Rachel in his life.
~*~
"Come on, pick up the phone," Rachel urged. Right after she willed someone to pick up the phone, someone did.
"Hello?" a voice asked.
"Leah? Is that you?" Rachel asked.
"Rachel? Yeah, it's me."
"Hey! How have you been?" Leah and Rachel had bonded through Jacob's recovery the first time, and Rachel considered her more like a little sister.
"Um, Rachel, I don't know if you've heard yet," Leah began.
"Heard what?"
"About Jake… oh, God, it was horrible."
Rachel started to panic. "Oh, my God. Leah. Tell me everything."
"Okay. Okay." She took a deep breath and then started, "Well, we were going to go to the mall, all four of us, right? And while we were all getting ready, I heard a thump, and it sounded like it was coming from Jake's room. So I knocked, but no one answered. I opened the door and… oh, Rachel, it was so scary…"
"What? What happened to Jacob?" Rachel had now become hysterical.
"He was sprawled out on the floor, unconscious. I yelled for my parents to come, and we didn't know what to do, so we called 911, and the paramedics said that he had gone into cardiac arrest."
Rachel sat down on her bed in shock. "What? Oh, my God."
She heard a small cry escape Leah's throat. "Yeah. They took him to the hospital and managed to stabilize him, but he's still in a coma. They don't know if he'll ever wake up again."
"Why did he go unconscious?"
Leah hesitated before answering, "His bulimia."
"No, not again," Rachel lamented. "Not again."
"It was worse this time, Rach. Really bad. I mean, he was getting so thin and everything…"
"I know. Look, Leah, I'm going to the hospital right now. Do you want me to pick you up?"
"Um… yeah. I haven't visited him yet."
"Okay. I'll be there in ten minutes."
~*~
Thirty minutes later, they were at Riverdale Community (a different hospital than the one Jacob was in the first time), and the two girls rushed to the receptionist and asked for Jacob's room number. As soon as they had it, they went straight for it.
When Leah approached the room, she had to choke back a sob. There was Jacob, her big brother, lying helplessly in his hospital bed, various tubes and wires connected to him, an IV dripping nourishing fluids into him. "Oh, Rachel, this is terrible."
"I know, Leah, I know." Rachel was battling against her own tears, knowing that she was the reason why he was in that bed, why his sister was so unhappy, why his parents were so devastated…
"Do you want to go in first?" Leah asked, interrupting Rachel's thoughts.
"No. You go first, okay? I'll be waiting here."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." As Leah went in to visit her brother, Rachel stood outside in the hall, alone with her thoughts. Did Jacob know that she had broken up with Ethan? Did he know how much she really cared for him? She did still love him… and she knew he still loved her… oh, God. This was all her fault. Was this her punishment for breaking his heart? To lose both of the guys she loved the most, on the same day? She slumped against the wall, trying her hardest not to cry. She didn't want Leah to see her cry. She needed to be strong for all of them.
What would happen if Jacob… No, she couldn't think that. Jacob had to pull through. He's a fighter. That boisterous energy that he had… it could bring him back. It had to.
What would it have been like if she had chosen Jacob, who truly cared about her, instead of stupid Ethan, who was just a distraction? She wouldn't be standing in the hall of a hospital; instead, she'd probably be out with Jacob somewhere… the mall, maybe, or a movie, or a walk around town. Who knows? They would have been so happy…
"Rachel?"
Leah's shaky voice jolted her back to reality. "You can go in now."
Rachel smiled. "Okay. Be careful out here."
"Whatever you say, Rachel." Leah was just joking, Rachel knew, but she was still worried. She didn't want their parents to lose both their children in one night.
Rachel shakily stepped into Jacob's hospital room and closed the door. There was a steady beep coming from his heart monitor, an oxygen tube attached to Jacob's nose, and an IV stuck into his right wrist… but amidst all this, Jacob still looked peaceful.
"Oh, Jake," Rachel began, sitting next to his bed and taking his hand, "I'm so sorry that I put you through this. I don't know if you can hear me, but if this helps you, I broke up with Ethan today. Yeah, it hurt. But that still doesn't mean I've totally forgiven him for what he did. You know what he did? He was cheating on me! It hurt so much, Jake… Anyway, I hope that bit of news will make you partially better."
All Rachel could hear was the steady beep from the heart monitor, the whispery breaths that Jacob was taking, and the voice in her heart, telling her exactly what to say.
"I hate seeing you like this, you know… so helpless. But at the same time, you look so peaceful. Did I really hurt you that much? I never meant to hurt you at all. I know it had to hurt to some degree, but… I really am sorry. If I could change things, I would. But I can't. All I can change is the future, and if-no, when-you wake up, I'll be here for you from the start, okay? I promise. And I always keep my promises." Then she added, under her breath, "Unlike some people I know…
"Anyway, Jacob, I'm sorry I can't stay here with you. I would, you know I would, but… the evil people back at school won't let me. Get better soon, okay?" She stroked back his hair, kissed her hand, and touched it to his forehead. "Take care. God, please watch over him."
With that, she took one last look at him, then quietly shut the door and headed home, dropping Leah off on the way.
~*~
"Rachel, what happened?"
People were grilling her over Jacob's absence: Evelyn, Julie Beth, Natalie, Gabi, Nick, Tiffany, TJ, Alyssa, and Jeni. "Okay, okay, guys. Come here." She led them all to a not-so-crowded area of the school and sat them down. Rachel leaned against the wall, for support, because she knew that she would give out recanting Jacob's demise.
It wasn't a demise! Rachel's inner confidence yelled at her.
"Jacob's in the hospital, guys. Again."
Sudden gasps, muffled whispers and shocked gazes went through the little gathering in front of Rachel. "Why?" Nick asked.
Taking a deep breath, Rachel braced for the bad news. "He went into cardiac arrest yesterday, and he's okay now, but he's in a coma, and they don't know when-or even if-he'll wake up. The doctors said there's not much hope left for him." She could feel the tears well up in her eyes.
"Oh, my God," Tiffany and Natalie said, in unison.
"Do you know why he went into cardiac arrest?" Alyssa asked.
Rachel nodded. "Do you guys remember December, when he was in the hospital before?"
"Yeah," TJ called out.
"Do you know why?"
None of them knew. "Wasn't it because he collapsed at the choir concert?"
"Well, yeah, but there was a reason behind that too."
"What was it?"
"Bulimia."
They fell silent. "Yeah. The last time, it wasn't so bad. But now… he became endangered. You all saw him yesterday, didn't you? He was so thin… didn't you all notice?"
"He's always been naturally thin," Natalie stated.
"Maybe, but he was underweight enough that he could go to cardiac arrest."
"What is that, anyway?" Evelyn asked.
"Cardiac arrest is when your heart stops," Rachel bluntly told her. "He could have died…" and in a whisper, she added, "and it's all my fault." She gripped the wall.
"Where is he staying, Rachel?" Julie Beth asked.
"Riverdale Community. He's still in a coma, so all you can really do is sit and talk to him," she informed them.
"Okay. Thanks. I think all of us want to go visit him," Jeni said. As everyone went their separate ways, she went up to Rachel and asked, "How are you doing? You don't look too good."
"Oh, Jeni, it's been really rough for me lately."
"Why? What's up?" Jeni asked, gently.
"Everything." The tears that Rachel had been trying to fight since last night finally came through. "Jacob's in the hospital because of me, I know it."
"Hey, you don't know that. What makes you say that?"
"You saw him after I broke up with him. He told me that he wanted me to be happy, but I saw the way he looked at me. I know he still loves me. I did this to him."
"Well, you are happy with Ethan, right?" she asked.
Rachel was quiet, but more tears rolled down her cheeks. "No. We broke up yesterday."
"What? Why?"
"He was cheating on me. With some chick named Laurel."
Jeni gasped. "No."
"Yeah. So we broke up."
"No wonder you're so stressed out. It'll be okay, Rachel."
Rachel nodded. "Yeah, I know. But if anything happens to my Jake… I will never forgive myself."
Jeni scrutinized her friend. "Rachel, you still love Jacob, don't you?"
Rachel nodded.
"I thought so. Only you can bring him back, okay?"
She nodded again. "Thanks, Jeni." She gave her friend a hug.
"No problem, Rachel. That's what friends are for."
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