Chapter 5: Quit Breaking My Heart
Ring… Ring… Ring…
"Hello?"
"Hi, is Ethan there?"
"No, I think he's out with his friends. Do you want me to have him call you?"
"Yes, please. Tell him Rachel called."
"Oh, okay. I'll tell him you called."
"Thank you." Rachel sighed as she hung up the phone. "Ethan, where are you?" Lately, he hadn't been around when she called, and he hadn't been there for her at school. She wasn't clingy or anything, but she was accustomed to see him at least once a day. Geez. Rachel saw him more when she was only his friend. She shook her head and went online to check her mail.
When she scanned her inbox, she found a whole bunch of mail. Some was junk, some chains, some was from friends, but there was a strange one from an unfamiliar e-mail address. Rachel clicked on that one first, and what she saw outraged her.
It was a petition against her. Someone had sent this out, claiming that Rachel was a "menace" to society and that she needed to be at least humiliated, if not destroyed. As she looked down the list, tears began to fall from her eyes. So many people that she trusted were on this list. Jadel… Rachel was getting so close with Jade, and now, she was against Rachel? The list was longer. She read some of the names off. "Nick… Ashley… Karina…" Her heart stopped.
She hadn't talked to her ever since that big fight the day she got with Ethan. Still, Rachel wanted to make amends and make up, but Kari wouldn't talk to her. There was a pang in her heart as she saw that name. They were so close. Rachel also saw Jane's name on it. She could bet all her life that Jane was the one behind it, though why she was, Rachel couldn't understand. She hadn't done anything to anyone. Except maybe Jacob, but he wouldn't do that. She knew that already.
"Why is this happening to me?" she wailed, collapsing to the floor in sobs. "What did I ever do to anyone?" Rachel cried herself to sleep that night.
~*~
"Hello?" she answered, sleepily, depressed.
"Rachel?" she heard someone whisper. It was Ethan.
"Hi, Ethan."
"Rachel, what's wrong?"
"Why are you talking so softly?" she whispered.
"Why are you talking so softly?" he asked back.
"Well, I got hate mail and I'm depressed, plus I tried calling you and you weren't there."
"I'm sorry, Rach," Ethan began, "but I was over at Mark's house and stuff, and the time just flew by, and also because I went out with him and Josh and we went down to McDonald's-"
"Save it, Ethan. I don't mind that you hang out with your friends, but you forgot our date on Wednesday."
"Oh, s***! Oh, my God, Rachel, I'm so sorry! I knew I forgot something… oh, Rach, I'll make it up to you, I promise."
"Promises never last forever," Rachel muttered. Where that came from, she didn't know. It was the middle of the night and she was pretty cranky.
"What are you saying?" Ethan asked, a bit upset.
"Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood. What are you doing calling at one in the morning?"
"I just wanted to talk to my girlfriend, is that too hard to understand?"
"No. No, that's okay. It's just a pretty bad time, y'know?"
Ethan nodded, though Rachel couldn't see him. "Yeah, sorry. So how was your - today?"
"What? Can you say that again?" Rachel asked, not being able to hear exactly what Ethan had said.
"Hold on, Rachel, I have another call."
"Okay." As Ethan clicked over, Rachel couldn't help but wonder who would be calling him at this time of night. As she waited, she turned on the radio, but nothing good came on, until…
"You still there?" Ethan asked, cutting into her thoughts.
"Yeah. Who was it?"
"Laurel." His voice was not the same, Rachel noted.
"Laurel? Your ex?"
"Yeah."
"Well, what did she want?"
"She wanted me to come over at this time just because she was home alone and stuff."
"Really." As if on cue, a good song came on the radio.
It's after midnight and she's on your phone,
saying come over 'cause she's all alone
I could tell it was your ex by your tone
Why is she calling now, after so long?
Now what is it that she wants?
Tell me, what is it that she needs?
Did she hear about the brand new Benz
that you just bought for me?
'Cause y'all didn't have no kids,
didn't share no mutual friends,
and you told me that she turned trick
when y'all broke up in '96
"Hey, what would happen if she wanted you back?" Rachel asked, out of the blue.
"She doesn't."
"But what if she did? What would you do?"
"I'd tell her I have a girlfriend. She'd back off. I know her," Ethan told her, confidently. Inside, though, he was having qualms about it. He knew Laurel to be pretty determined if she wanted something, and he didn't know if she wanted him or not.
"Are you sure?"
Whatcha gonna do when you can't say no
and your feelings start to show?
Boy, I really need to know
How you gonna act?
How you gonna handle that?
Whatcha gonna do when she wants you back?
"Yeah, I'm pretty positive. She used to like me even after we broke up, but she never went after me."
"You don't have to tell me about her."
"Sorry."
There's no need to reminisce 'bout the past
Obviously, 'cause that b**** did not last
I know how a woman will try to game you,
so don't get caught up, because baby, you'll lose
Now what is it that she wants?
Tell me, what is it that she needs?
Did she hear about the brand new Benz
that you just bought for me?
'Cause y'all didn't have no kids,
didn't share no mutual friends,
and you told me that she turned trick
when y'all broke up in '96
Was she on the phone in the middle of the night?
Tell me, was she in your life, trying to get what's mine?
She don't know me, she's about to know me
I make your life, as she's about to see
"So is she on the other line?" Rachel finally asked.
Ethan replied, "Nope. I hung up with her."
"Oh, okay." Rachel started to sing along with the radio.
I've seen a photo, she ain't even all that,
so if you want her back, then take her back
'Cause getting recognized is just about the same thing
Get it right, change, or take back this ring…
Just then, she yawned. "Ethan, it's been a long night, and I have a rough day ahead of me tomorrow. Can I just see you in the morning?"
"Sure," he complied. "I'll see you later then, okay?"
"Thanks."
"Hey, I'll do anything for the people I love. Including you."
This brought a smile to Rachel's face. "See you in the morning."
"Okay. Love you, Rachel," Ethan whispered.
"I love you too, Ethan, more than you will ever know." She quietly hung up the phone and crawled into her bed.
~*~
Jacob lay awake, silently, thinking of what had happened today. Rachel was going through such a hard time, and the only thing he wanted was to be the one she could lean on. He knew how distant her boyfriend was being and promised himself that if he ever got the chance to get her back, he would never do that to her.
(Late at night silence is everywhere
Visions of you in my head
I think of the times that we were meant to share
Lying alone in my bed
I never listened, baby, I never took the time
I'm left with memories of when you were mine
I don't wanna be alone anymore
I want love the way it was before
and I'll do anything to make you see
You're the love of my life
You're the only thing that matters to me
Even though he tried to rid his head of anything Rachel, it didn't help him. She was consuming his thoughts, his dreams. It had been almost a month for something that lasted two days, but he still could not get over her. Somehow, life wasn't worth living to Jacob anymore. People were expecting so much of him… his family, his friends, his teachers… it was so much to take. He gave up right then and there. The only thing that mattered to him was to get Rachel back.
Say it's a lie
Tell me that it is untrue
It's something that I just don't understand
All my life I've waited for someone like you
But I let you slip through my hands
What was I thinking, baby, I must have lost my way
Now I'm just longing for yesterday
I don't wanna be alone anymore
I want love the way it was before
And I'll do anything to make you see
You're the love of my life
You're the only thing that matters to me
Slowly, carefully, he made his way to the bathroom, where his reflection greeted him. "Why do I keep doing this to myself?" he asked, out loud.
Because you love Rachel, and you can't have her.
The thought pushed him to do something he never thought he'd do again. Jacob promised himself (when he met Rachel) that he would never do that to himself again. But now, in the silence, the dark night, there seemed to be no hope.
I don't wanna spend my whole life dreaming
When here in my arms is where you should be
I don't wanna be alone anymore
I want love the way it was before
And I'll do anything to make you see
You're the love of my life
You're the only thing that matters to me
You're the only thing that matters to me…
to me)
~*~
As he talked with his friends about whether or not to transfer into Honors English, Jacob saw, out of the corner of his eye, Rachel, walking with Ethan. They seemed very close-Ethan had his arm around Rachel's waist, and she was leaning her head on his shoulder as they walked to Mrs. Risinger's class (their old math teacher). A sudden pang of jealousy hit him as he noticed, for the first time, what bad taste Rachel had. "She broke up with me for him?"
"What, Jacob?" Gabrielle asked.
"Nothing."
Gabi and Nick followed his gaze. "Oh, this is about Rachel, isn't it?" Nick wondered.
Jacob said nothing, just stared at the couple.
I was hanging with the fellas,
saw you with your new boyfriend, it made me jealous
I was hoping that I'd never see you with him,
but it's all good, 'cause I'm glad that I met him
'Cause now I know the competition's very slim to none,
and I can tell by looking that he's not the one
He's not the type you said you liked;
his style is whack, clothes are bad
Come on girl, let him go, I want you back
Call me a hater if you want to,
but I only hate on him 'cause I want you
Say I'm tripping if you feel like,
but you without me ain't right
You can say I'm crazy if you want to
That's true; I'm crazy 'bout you
You could say I'm breaking down inside
'cause I can't see you with another guy
The way Rachel looked at Ethan made him sick. To think that she looked the same way at Jacob… no, she didn't look at him that exact same way. "She loved me more," he mumbled.
Just then, Rachel leaned up for a kiss and Jacob turned away, disgusted. He tried to talk to Nick, Alyssa, Gabi and Natalie, but his mind was still on Rachel.
It makes me ill to see you give
love and attention at his will
You can imagine how it makes me feel
to see you with him
Oh, it makes me ill to see you give
love and attention at his will
You can imagine how it makes me feel
to see you with him
Girl, I know that we broke up,
but that doesn't mean you should give the cold shoulder
'cause you know that I truly do adore you
and that other guy can't do nothing for you
See, I can tell that you don't really love that guy,
so there's no need for you to go and waste your time
I think you know I love you more,
girl, you gotta let him go
I want you, so just give him the move
"Hey, does Rachel talk about her boyfriend a lot?" Jacob asked.
Alyssa said, "I thought you were over her."
"I thought I was too," he replied, quietly.
"Ohhh." Natalie nodded. "Well, she doesn't talk about him a lot lot, you know, but she does bring him up sometimes. It seems that she's really into Ethan."
"Yeah," Gabi added. "I see them together, and they look so cute." Then she realized what she had said. "Sorry, Jake, but they do."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. It just bugs me, you know? To see Rachel so close to someone when I was supposed to be that person."
"What happened between you guys anyway?" Nick interjected. He hated seeing his best friend so sad.
"She liked two guys," he explained.
Alyssa nodded. "Yeah, you and Ethan. Believe me, she talked about it over and over and over again. It got kinda boring after a while."
Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Really. What exactly did she say?"
"Oh, typical girl stuff, you know, 'Oh, Jacob's so cute,' or 'Ethan has such pretty eyes,' but also, 'I know Ethan better, but Jacob's so much more my type…' stuff like that. She spent months trying to decide which one of you two to go after."
"And then, when both of us like her, she chooses in a night? I don't think that's plausible," Jacob replied.
"Obviously, she chose Ethan, right?" Gabi confirmed.
"Yeah. But she and I are really close still. She tells me everything about her relationship and right now it sounds like they're having a rocky time."
Call me a hater if you want to
but I only hate on him 'cause I want you
Say I'm trippin if you feel like,
but you without me ain't right
You can say I'm crazy if you want to
That's true; I'm crazy bout you
You can say I'm breaking down inside
'cause I can't see you with another guy, yeah
It makes me ill to see you give
love and attention at his will
You can imagine how it makes me feel
to see you with him
Oh, it makes me ill to see you give
love and attention at his will
You can imagine how it makes me feel
to see you with him
"So do you know if they're gonna break up?" Natalie asked.
"I honestly have no idea. I mean, if they did, it would probably devastate Rach, knowing how sensitive she is."
Natalie pitched in, "Yeah, and Ethan's supposed to be a player. I just hope he doesn't hurt Rachel. She's so nice, she doesn't deserve to be hurt like that."
Jacob only nodded. "Unfortunately, I have a feeling that it might just happen."
It makes me ill 'cause she used to be my girl, my girl
It makes me ill 'cause she used to be my girl, my girl
So baby, come back to me…
~*~
Rachel shook her head as she put the finishing touches on her makeup. She checked to see if her choir dress was still there (yes, even though she wasn't in choir, Mr. Kerner had let her still be in it), as she would have to change in between acts. The dress she was wearing was reminiscent of her Mid-Winter dress (actually, it was her Mid-Winter dress). Her hair was down this time, though, curled and falling to halfway down her back. Before she left for school, she called Ethan. "Hello?"
"Ethan? Hey, it's me."
"Hey, angel."
Rachel smiled. "Hey. Listen, are you coming to the choir concert tonight?"
"Um… when is it?"
"It starts at 7:30."
"Oh, yeah, that's right, you have a solo! Cool. I'll be there."
"Okay. I have to go now, so I'll see you later, kay?"
"Yup. 'Bye, Rachel. Good luck."
"'Bye, Ethan. Love you."
"Love you too, angel."
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