Ethan knew that a walk sounded like a good idea. But he didn't want to take one.
"Why not?" Stacey whined. She was really starting to get on his nerves. And his nerves were already bad enough.
"Look, Stacey," he said, pulling her over to a not so crowded area. "Just because I like Rachel doesn't mean you have to go feeling sorry for me because she's with someone else. I'm not interested in you, okay? So stop trying to play like I am."
Stacey just stared back, shocked and hurt. "What did I ever see in you anyway?"
Ethan immediately felt bad for what he had done. "Look, Stace, I'm sorry-"
"I'm not taking that from you! Don't try to 'Sorry, Stacey' me because it's not gonna work! You just leave me the hell alone, okay?"
"Stacey-"
"Leave me alone!" With that, she darted out of the auditorium. Maybe that walk would come in handy after all.
I couldn't lie, she couldn't wait
I love you came too late
I'd give my life for yesterday
I love you came too late
He thought a long while. He had not only lost one girl, Rachel, but he had lost a friend, too. So what if Stacey liked him? She was still a good friend. Ethan just hoped to God that Rachel and Stacey didn't hate each other.
"Now why would they? The only person there is to hate in this situation is me. And that Jacob guy�" He stopped and listened for a minute. Ethan could hear two people talking. He moved closer to the sound and found himself on the bridge directly above the fountain, and sitting on the fountain was a couple, obviously very close. He strained his eyes to see who it was. It was Rachel. And Jacob.
Ethan glared at the object of Rachel's affection like he had never glared at someone before. But it was too much for him to bear when they leaned in for a kiss. He turned away and heard the music drifting in from the dance.
I can't live without you, don't want nobody else
My heart is in my hands, I took a good look at myself
If I had another chance, I'd shout it out to the world:
(I swear I would) I love you
~*~
Stacey ran to the fountain. "Rachel!"
Rachel reluctantly pulled away from Jacob and turned. "Stace?" She noticed that her friend looked upset. "What's wrong?"
"Ethan."
Rachel looked questioningly at Stacey. "What did he do now?"
"He told me off. Rach, he is so upset. I'm scared of him because I have no idea what he'll do."
"Told you off? How? What did he say?" She moved closer to Stacey, who looked like she was about to cry.
"Ethan said that just because you're with Jacob doesn't mean that he'll get with me because he's not interested in me. I'm not upset about what he said," at that, Rachel raised an eyebrow, which Stacey chose to ignore, "but what bothered me was how he said it. Rachel, he loves you. That's what he told me."
Rachel's eyes widened, then she turned to make sure Jacob didn't hear that. "Are you sure?"
Stacey only nodded.
Rachel sat, frozen for a second, and then she started to cry. The only indications that this was happening were the tears running down her face. She had the uncanny ability to cry without making a sound. Jacob noticed the glittering reflection of the tears and sat next to her. "What's wrong?" he asked, ever so gently.
"Jake, I'm sorry to push you away like this, but this is something I have to deal with by myself."
"Are you sure?"
Rachel nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry. Take all the time you need. And if you need me, I'll be right here, okay?" Jacob kissed her head, and Rachel smiled.
"Thanks." Stacey and Rachel were now alone when Rachel looked up. "Oh, my God�"
"What?" Stacey asked, wondering why Rachel had started to cry harder. Then she followed her friend's tear-filled gaze and saw why. Ethan was looking down at them. Before anyone could say anything, Ethan disappeared from view, and Rachel continued to cry, not making a sound, but tears silently streaming down her face. "Rachel, what's wrong? What did I say?" Stacey pleaded with her friend to tell her what was wrong.
Rachel shook her head. She couldn't express what she was feeling; she was so torn between her Jacob and her Ethan that she couldn't articulate it. Suddenly she felt two arms wrap tightly around her. "Jacob, I said-"
"It's not Jacob. Please, Rachel, don't cry."
Rachel recognized that voice instantly, and turned to face him. "Ethan, please, you're not making this easy for me."
"But Rachel, there's something I have to tell you. Please don't turn me away."
Try as she might, Rachel couldn't resist him. She stayed in his arms, one of the places she could have stayed in forever� Jacob's arms was the other place.
"Tell me something," Ethan said, playing with Rachel's hair. "Do you really love�" he trailed off, making a face, "that Jacob guy?"
Rachel hesitated. What could she tell him? On one hand, she cared for Jacob greatly, maybe even loved him. But then again, she already loved Ethan. How could she decide? Two people who did truly care about her, and she loved them both. It was a matter of who took the first initiative.
"Yes, she began, slowly, and Ethan's face fell. "But� at the same time, please know that I love you, too."
Ethan did a double take. "You� you love me?"
"I think so."
He smiled brightly, and picked Rachel up and twirled her around. She wasn't smiling, though; she was crying again. Ethan set her down and wiped her tears away. "Why are you crying? Don't you see? We can finally be together and be happy." He leaned in for a kiss, but Rachel stopped him by putting her hand in front of her face. Then she spoke.
"Ethan, I have a boyfriend now. And I'm not going to be unfaithful to him."
"You mean� you and Jacob�?"
"Yes, Jacob and I are going out," Rachel replied.
Ethan sighed and sat down. "Well� then there's one thing I have to say." He patted the stone next to him and she sat. Then he turned to her and said, "Rachel, since the day I met you, all those months ago, I've always respected and admired you. Eventually, that grew into� I don't know, like I wanted to be with you� I would do anything for you. And I still would." Ethan stopped when he saw Rachel chuckle.
"What?"
"You look so cute when you're flustered. But go on. I'm listening."
Ethan continued. "You have shown me that trying to be cool by doing what everyone else is doing isn't being true to who I am, and because of you, I have been trying to figure out who I am and separating that from the 'normal' things. You are so special, Rach, because you have made me want to change. You are so strong� I mean, you do and say what you believe in and don't care about what everyone says. I wish I could do that."
"Ethan-"
"Rachel, please, let me finish. I know you've heard about my reputation about being a player�"
A wannabe player, actually, but still� Rachel couldn't help but think.
"�but I promise that if you give me a chance, I would never do that to you. Never."
This time, it was Rachel who sighed. "Ethan, please, don't make this harder than it already is." A few more tears fell.
"I'm sorry, but I can't help it." He grinned. "Now� one more thing before I go." He turned serious, leaned over and whispered something in her ear that made Rachel smile bittersweetly. Then Ethan took her hand, kissed it gently, and then let go. "Please, think about what I said." With that, Ethan left.
"Je t'aime aussi, Ethan," Rachel said, tearfully, to no one particular. "Je t'aime aussi�"*
*Translation: I love you, too, Ethan, I love you too.
~*~
"Night, Jacob. Thank you for everything." Rachel smiled at her (now) boyfriend, who had dropped her off at her home.
"My pleasure." Jacob turned off the ignition and got out of the car to walk her up to her front door. When they reached it�
"Thanks, Jake. I had a great time."
"I had a good time, too, Rachel. Especially since you were with me." He smiled and kissed her lightly. "Good night� sweet dreams."
"You, too," Rachel whispered, giving him a hug before he finally let go and walked back to his silver Mitsubishi Eclipse. She blew him a kiss before he left. As Jacob drove off, Rachel walked into her house, said hello to her parents (who were up waiting for her, naturally), and then entered her room.
As soon as she had done that, she turned down her bed, changed into her pajamas, hung up her dress and smiled fondly at it while she took down her hair. It fell, curled, to her shoulders. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, did all the necessary things everyone does before going to bed. But before she actually went to sleep, Rachel took a small mirror and two pictures and placed them under her pillows, the mirror in between those two pictures. One picture was of herself and Ethan, in front of their French class (Ethan has his arm around Rachel, and they're both smiling), and the other one had herself and Jacob in it (the day he was released from the hospital). This had to work. She'd be hurting two people, maybe more, if it didn't. Before she went to sleep, she prayed to God for help to decide between the two guys she cared about the most.
About thirty minutes after she had tried to sleep, Rachel decided to turn on the radio, to help her on her way. The song that she heard didn't help her mood.
My number one
There could never be no one like you
How come I feel this way about
my number two�
never tried to tell me what to say, or do
I'm so in love with two
I don't wanna push it
I don't wanna fight
but this feeling keeps me up all night
"Wait a second� why does this sound so familiar?"
If I only could decide,
but I can't make up my mind
I'm breaking all my rules because of you
You can tell me it's not right,
and it tears me up inside,
but the problem is I'm so in love with two
I don't know what to do�
I'll choose the both of you
"I know this story sounds like someone I know� but who?"
My number one�
he'll give me everything I need,
but some think still I'm better with
my number two
He's the one that really makes me feel so good
I'm so in love with two
I don't wanna push it
I don't wanna fight
but this feeling keeps me up all night
Don't wanna fight another night,
just wanna make it right, come on
"Hey� it's me!" Rachel was reminded yet again of her dilemma, and a few more tears spilled out of her eyes.
My number one, my number two
Somebody tell me what I'm supposed to do
My number one, my number two
Somebody help me, I'm so in love with two
I don't know what to do�
I'll choose the both of you
"Maybe I will choose the both of you," she mumbled, her voice soft, sad and tired. She wished she could. Oh, how that would solve everything.
~*~
She is walking to school on a Monday morning (typical of her). She meets her friend on the corner. "I have to talk to you at lunch, okay? Meet me at Mrs. Risinger's room."
He just nods in agreement. Once she gets into the school, she meets her friends and her boyfriend. She doesn't greet him with a kiss, or even a hug, only says, "I have to talk to you at lunch, okay? Meet me at Mrs. Risinger's room."
Confused, he can only nod. She leaves and goes through her day sullenly, trying to figure out what to say. Her decision was set. She just needed to state it right or else it would hurt more than it already would.
Everyone tries to talk to her, but she won't respond. She's too afraid of what's going to happen.
By the time lunch comes, she isn't hungry. She is pacing along in front of Mrs. Risinger's room as her boyfriend and her friend, from opposite directions, both start towards the room. Her friend gets there first and gives her a hug, which she gladly accepts. Her boyfriend, a bit angry at this, does her friend one better by wrapping his arms around her waist in a front-to-back-hug. She smiles, but it soon fades. "Hi, guys. I have something to tell you both. It's really important."
"What is he doing here?" they ask, together, about the other. Her friend glares at her boyfriend, while her boyfriend does the same.
"You'll see. Now come on." She walks up the ramp and the two follow, at a safe distance from each other. She sits them down and then begins, "Okay. I know this may come as a shock� brace yourselves. I'm in love with both of you."
"What?" her friend asks.
She nods. "And I have had to choose between the two of you. Believe me, it's been so hard, because I love you both. Please, whichever of you loses me, don't hate me."
"I could never hate you," her boyfriend says. Her friend can only nod in agreement because he knows that he could never hate her, either.
"Well, then� the one whom I have chosen is�"
Suddenly a strange bell rings, with a radio announcer saying, "Good morning, Los Angeles�"
~*~
"Geez." Rachel tried to find the snooze button, but she couldn't. While she was fumbling for it, the radio started to play a song that reminded her of her dream, and she didn't want to turn it off anymore.
We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby, it's killing me, it's killing you,
both of us trying to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be,
promises to keep
Someone else who loves me
and trusting me fast asleep
Rachel bolted up. "It had to work!" One by one, she threw her pillows off her bed, hesitating on the last one. "This is it." She lifted it up and looked. The handle of the mirror was pointing (clearly) to the picture of her and the one she truly loved. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
and she deserves better than that
(Just work with the lyrics here, you know Rachel's not like that.)
"But after what happened last night� how could this happen? Is this a sign?" She looked down again and sure enough, it was very clear. About then, she realized that was how things were supposed to be. Her fate was sealed, and she couldn't fight it.
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do,
to look you in the eye
and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie,
to show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
when my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do,
to turn around and walk away,
pretending I don't love you
back | next
story index