| Zac sat at the table and plucked an apple from the fruit bowl as I washed the vegetables from the crisper. Thankfully the cupboards were open to view so it was easy to find things, not so easy to reach. I grabbed a bowl from the low shelf and began to peel onions and chop peppers and such, as the meat thawed in the microwave. By the time I got them all cut up and whipped up a tempting sauce, the microwave alerted us that the meat had thawed. Having finnished his apple eons ago, Zac brought the package to me. I prepared the counter and searched the drawers for needed items as he watched on in curiosity. I still didn't tell him what I was making, I wanted it to be a surprize. I sharpened the knife on the wetstone and butterflied each steak to an amazed audience of one. "How did you do that?" "Practice." I shrugged, laying each cut on the waxed paper in a line. Folding over another piece of paper on top, I began to tenderize them. The kitchen lacking a proper mallet, I resorted to using the rolling pin. I could hear a soft chuckle behind me, turning around, rolling pin in hand, I met warm brown eyes with my own hazel green ones. "What the hell is so damned funny now?" I shot at him, laying a hand on my hip. "Somehow I can just see you doing that to take out your frustrations over some guy... you know, like you're pretending that you're hitting him over the head or something... " At that I broke up in laughter. "Never thought of it like that... let's see if it works..." I turned back around and dramaticly pounded the counter as i spouted. "Damn dumb blondie always laughing at me..." I whacked it again. "Thinks hes hot shit with a rapier wit..." Again I struck it, this time I could no longer hold back my laughter. "But when he's confronted with a zinger, he can't seem to function..." I swung it high above my head, ready to pounce again, when something held it and I lost control of it as it slipped from my hands. My laughter stopped as I turned around to face him holding the rolling pin. "Are you really frustrated with me?" He asked with startling earnestness. I don't know how, but I found my voice. "Not as bad as all that, I was just kidding you know. I find you rather funny and a lot of fun to be with too, even when you tease me." "Are you sure?" He asked in a tone that lead me to believe he thought me fragile. "Oh, don't you start!" "Huh?" "Don't you start in on the helpless little female crap... I can see it buzzing around up there in your noggin. I am not fragile you know. I won't break cause someone hurt my feelings." He backed away a bit. "I... I... that's not what I meant." He faltered. I stood waiting an explanation, I was willing to give him the benifit of the doubt. "I... I meant that... I just wanted to know if you were mad at me for teasing you. I don't know you very well yet and I didn't want to do anything to make you hate me." Yet? Does that mean he was willing to get to know me? Was he looking to start a friendship, or something more? Did he just lay a line on me to try to get me on my back? And why the hell is he so insecure sounding? Is he for real? "You don't hate me, do you?" "Oh Zac, how could I hate you? I don't know anything about you. No, i don't hate you. i'm sorry, i guess my teasing was a bit harsh, I didn't mean a word of it you know. I get dramatic sometimes and I don't realize that I may hurt others feelings, I'm sorry for being so inconsiderate." He closed the distance between us, and i was wrapped in a wall of muscular strength. "Zac, you're squeezing the stuffing outta me!" I breathed. He let go and backed up an arms length, holding my shoulders. "Sorry, I was just really happy to hear that." His smile gentle and genuine. "Maybe you're a little more fragile than you thought?" His barb gentle but his wit sharp as ever. I laughed and retrieved the rolling pin from the butchers block where he had lain it. I shook it at him menaceingly with a grin. He laughed and leaned his backside on the sink shelf watching me. I went back to the task at hand and rolled out the cuts of meat between layers of waxed paper. "You know, if we don't know each other well enough, perhaps it would be a good idea to find out?" I spoke as i set the rolling pin aside and removed the waxed paper. He was quiet. I turned and looked to him. "Oh come on, I told you a bunch of shit last nite about myself. And I'm sure if you have anymore questions I would answer them for you... so what's the big deal?" He looked to me and i had no clue what he was thinking about but he looked nervous. I sighed. "Zac, I told you before. I don't bite and I will always think highly of you, for God sakes you saved my life!" "It's not that." His voice low and unsure. "I just don't know how to tell you." "Tell me? Tell me what? You're married after all? You're really an olympic weight lifting womans champion from Russia? You are not of this world? What?" I joked. His body eased and he took a deep breath. "My last name." I barely heard him. He was looking down at the floor as he wiggled his toes in his socks. "Is that all? Well damn man, it aint like you're Charlie Manson or something is it?" I still tried to make light of it. "Depends on your point of view I suppose." He told the floor. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Now I was really confused. "Zac, you're scaring me, now come on, quit teasing and spit it out, you and I will both feel better." He raised his head to look me in the eye. He took my hand and lead me to the table and sat me gently in a chair facing him. He squatted down in front of me and we were nearly eye level. "I don't want to scare you Azure, i'm just gonna tell you and I hope your reaction will not be the extreme I have been fearing." What the hell did that mean? He looked away from me towards Maggie's bed in the corner. His voice low, raspy, he spoke softly, just one word. "Hanson." "What?" I had no clue what he was talking about. Then it dawned on me... I put it together. It all fell into place and it was like someone had pulled the clouds from the face of the sun and illuminated the entire world. "Oh..." How was I supposed to have known? I only remember a little snot overacting on rollerblades. That's the only Zac Hanson I know... when did he grow up? Has it been that long since grunge died away? This is... just so... so weird. I was lost in a hazy confusion. I slowly rose from the table and went back to making dinner. I really didn't know what to think about this. What was I supposed to think about this? How was I supposed to react? Lost in thought, I stood at the stove tending to the stirfry distractedly. Why didn't he say something? What was making him so nervous before? Was he mad that I didn't recognize him? Was he embarresed? What?! That seemed to be the only thing that went round and round in my head like a wheel. He sat at the table, I could feel his eyes on my back. I didn't care if he was watching me, what was I going to say though when I had to face him? Time seemed to be lost. It just didn't exist for me anymore as I went about fixing our plates, wondering... what am I supposed to be thinking? I steeled myself and turned around, both plates in hand. I set his before him, reached back for the bowl of the remainder of the stir fry and took my own plate down opposite him and put the large bowl between us. It was a wall, a barrior for me to hide behind. It was there to keep me safe from his eyes. They were still watching me in silence. I set to begin my dinner, though I was hardly hungry. I mean really, how could I be hungry when I didn't know ... well anything? I pushed my food around with my fork and contemplated all that had happened to me over the past hours. This was just too weird. I mean... I kissed him! And I didn't even know who he was! What's that all about?! I was so confused.... but I did know that I liked it. I liked it, maybe too much. I looked across the table quickly, stealing a glance at him. He was just a guy. He burps and farts just like any other guy. He's funny and kind like a lot of guys. He's caring and tender like so few guys... and one hell of a fantastic kisser... I shook my head, trying to stop myself from going down that path. That wasn't helping me. That way of thinking could be dangerous. I sat and pretended to eat my dinner as I relived each moment of our time together in my head. Analyzing it bit by bit, and inserting this new information into the equation. Some of it didn't add up still... but guys are like that. Now that I thought about it, most of it I understood. The reluctance, was the only thing I still didn't quite understand. What was he afraid of? I would go all giggley? Or that I would be mad? Or that I'd turn out to be nothing more then a money grubbing whore? Any way I looked at it, it only made my head hurt. I decided to leave it alone, just try to sort out my own feelings. And when it came right down to it.... I did like him. And... he was very attractive, that was a given, but more importantly, I was attracted to him. And I think he might be attracted to me. Heaven only know's why. There's nothing particularly special about me, but I wasn't going to knock it. After all... isn't he just a guy? And I've had plenty of guys be attracted to me haven't I? So why should he be any different? He wasn't... but there was something different between us and most of those other guys. We had a twisted turn of history, all be it short, it was still history none the less. I shoved my fork through the food on my plate, picking out a bit of meat and nibbling on it. I put it back on my plate, it tasted... off. Nothing tasted right. I picked up my glass and lingered over my icewater instead. The soft tinkle of ice on glass soothing like chimes in the wind as I looked out the window to the long growing shadows as they stretched over the ground. Night was fast approaching. I thought of last night... a shiver running through me... then I wondered what this night would bring. No matter the outcome, it would definately be better then last night. Anything would be better then last night. I gave a heavy sigh and once more pretended to eat.... My mind wandering back and forth over all the conflicting and confusing thoughts that were swirling around inside me. My emotions were playing tag and I was getting sick of it. I finally decided. When it came right down to it... I guess I could live with all the strangeness that has happened between us so far, just as long as we tried to get to know each other better before we did anyting either one of us would regret. But I knew it wouldn't be easy... he was very tempting... even though he was sitting across the table from me brooding. Yes, I could definately see us working through it and perhaps even comming away from it with something worthwhile to show for it in our lives... even if it's only a familiar friendship. That wouldn't be so terrible would it? Then again... could I ever live with myself if I never again tasted one of his kisses of divinity? That was a real question.... was I prepared to find out I supposed as I resolved to talk to him and offer a truce. |
| Snowbound |
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| *2* |
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