El Dorado, the most sought after treasure in the world. Fabled to be made entirely out gold. Guess what? It was found by the US explorer James Steinenburger. The US goverment sent a team of highly specialized scientists to investigate. The head scientist evaluated that the city was indeed the fabled city and had a team of helicopters airlift it back to Area 51.
The fable was wrong though, the El Dorado was merely gold plated. Underneath the gold plate was a highly toxic chemical compound known as ZV-758. Within days, the scientists were all deceased. The gold had rubbed off and exposed the poisonous metal underneath. The city was coated by the new team of scientists with a thick alloy to mask the poison, and El Dorado has lain in Area 51 ever since.
Contrary to popular belief, Stonehenge was not created by aliens. It was in fact created by huge, super-intelligent purple polka-dotted monkeys with big pointy sticks. The monkeys, though, were of course, created by aliens. The aliens would whip and yell at the monkeys until they picked up the rocks, and then whip and yell at the monkeys until they put the rock in the right place. They would then whip and yell at the monkeys until they picked up another one. The process begins anew.
The purpose of Stonehenge, as most believe, is a giant clock. While this is correct, it's not to measure the passing of day to night. It monitors the passing of millennia. The sun casts the EXACT same shadow once every thousand years. This helped them remember that the invasion of earth was close at hand. In 1950, three days before the invasion, some drunken teenagers crashed into earth. The aliens decided that it wouldn't be a good time to strike as the humans would be ready. They decided to lull the humans into a false sense of security. They figured that a good time to invade would be on New Years Day, 2001, while everybody was busy drinking themselves stupid. The plan backfired, however. The "millenium bug", while leaving earth untouched, completely decimated the alien planet. Riots, fires, plagues, murders, burglaries; the planet was in ruins. Beware, they will strike again! When you least expect it, the world will end! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha! Wait, where are you taking me?!?! No, not the straight jacket! It's true, I tells ya! The aliens, they're coming! The world is going to end! No, not the padded cell, I'm not insane! NOOOOOO! Hey, these padded walls are fun! Boingy boingy boingy, ow! The wall and the ow and the pain and the hurting me! Glavin! Munkenstein! Spudnik!
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