Posted by The Liberal Elder [TheLiberalElder] on April 09, 1999 at 09:59:58 {qzNMJDwJ.2ONOMIVMLL2w1IXqCKa5s}:
Here are some humorous stories/jokes from my files.
Enjoy!
LE
Posted by ELDER on May 12, 1998 at 19:03:19:
To night you just had to be there, during the service meeting, my dear bro commmited the
mortal laywers sin "TO ASK
A
QUESTION AND DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER WILL BE"
during the district convention part, after considering that some go sit in their car and walk
the hallways during the convention, he
asked:
why do they do that?
he got the
reg wt answers, they are not spiritural, they don't appreciate spirtURAL things,
on and on , then he ask a little bro
maybe 4 or 5yrs old and he said : "CAUSE THE MEETINGS ARE BORING"
Everyone feel out on the fall laughing, so the
bro tried to clean it up, by saying the
meetings are not boring, but fine stimulating
talks. RIGHT
i could not help but think of the
KING WITH NO CLOTHES
it took a child to say what probably most of the friends actually felt
and believed, HOW
SAD
well as jesus says, we got to be like children, call a spade a spade.
ELDER
LIKE I SAID YOU JUST HAD TO BE THERE
-------
Did you hear about the Witness couple who were killed on the way to the hall
to be
married? When they got to heaven they told St. Peter they were still in love and wanted to
know if they could still marry and spend eternity together. St. Peter said that he would
have to find an elder to marry them. After
looking for six months he returned with good
news. By then, however, the couple had re-thought matters and wanted to know whether
or not they would be able to obtain a divorce if things didn't work out. St. Peter replied:
"It took
me six months to find a Jehovah's Witness elder, how long do you think it will
take me to find a lawyer?"
The GB member asks: "God how long is a billion years to you?"
God replies: "Only a second."
GB member asks: "God will
you show us our way through this bloody mess we've
gotten ourselves into?"
God replies: "Give me a second."
___________
A JW owned a parrot and needed to go to the convention one summer. So, he asked his
non-JW neighbor if he
would keep the bird for a few days. The neighbor replied that he
would and picked up the bird and cage while the JW left for the out of
town convention.
Early the next morning, the parrot started mumbling "go in service", "go in
service". Since
the bird wouldn't stop, the neighbor simply left for work a little early.
That evening as the neighbor cracked a beer and started to relax, the parrot started
chanting "go to the meeting", "go to the meeting". The
poor neighbor tried covering the
cage but the bird kept saying "go to the meeting", "go to the meeting". The poor
neighbor hardly slept that night and the next morning the parrot started chanting "go in
service", "go in
service".
The neighbor left early for work once again to escape the bird's admonitions.
That evening the neighbor stopped at the local pub for a few relaxers then went home late
thinking the bird might be asleep. As soon as he
opened the door the parrot started saying
again,"go to the meeting", "go to the meeting".
Tired, wore out, and inebriated the neighbor grabbed the parrot by the neck and started
ripping out its feathers one by one. The parrot
started screaming "Armageddon"!,
"Armageddon"!
----------
This ones rated PG - stop here if easily offended!
A man who went to church with his wife, always fell asleep during the
sermon. The wife decided to do
something about this and one Sunday
took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off.
As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out
"....and who created all there is in 6 days and
rested on the 7th.."
she poked her husband who came flying out of the pew and screamed, "Good
God almighty!".
The minister said "That's right, that's right." and went on with his
sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under
his breath and later
began to doze off again. When the minister got to ".... and who died
to save us from our sins....." the wife hit him again and
he jumped up and shouted, "Jesus Christ". The minister said, "that's
right,
that's right" and went on with his sermon.
The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister
got to " .... and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their
second child?" the wife started to poke the
husband again, but he
jumped up and said, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll break it
off!"