UNITED VITSER

Q: If you see a Manchester United Fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?

A: It might be your bicycle.


Q. Why should you not allow United fans a coffee break at work ?

A. Because it takes too long to retrain them.


Joe Royal and Alex Ferguson are standing on a balcony. They are surrounded by City and United fans.
Fergi says to Royal "I bet I can make the United fans go wild". Royal tells him to go on, so he lifts his hands up and shouts
"We won the treble". As expected the United fans go wild and start chanting. Royal looks at him and says
"That's nothing. I bet I can make the City fans even more wild. Fergi laughs and tells him to have a go.
Royal turns round headbutts Fergi and then shouts "Stick your treble up your arsel". And the City fans go wild!


Two boys are playing football in a park in Liverpool when a huge, vicious rottweiler runs and starts savaging one of them.
The other child sees the opportunity and picks up a plank they where using to mark the goal.
He slides the plank under the beasts collar and with a quick twist breaks the dogs neck, killing it instantly. The other child is
shaken but otherwise unhurt.

A passing reporter saw the whole event and sees his chance to fill the front page. He rushes over and, whilst
congratulating the boy on such a brave act, he begins to scribble the headline of the story.....

"LIVERPOOL FAN SAVES BOYS LIFE!", he writes. "But I'm not a Liverpool fan", says the boy, somewhat
offended. "Oh sorry", says the reporter changing his headline to -

"EVERTON FAN IS HERO IN DOG ATTACK!" "But I'm not an Everton fan" says the boy. "Well which team
do you support?" asked the exasperated reporter. "Man United" says the boy proudly. "Oh", says the reporter changing his headline to:

"SCUM BASTARD KILLS FAMILY PET"


Two United fans walk into a sports bar giving each other high fives and screaming "51!". Another United fan joins
them and the scene repeats with high fives and very excited screams of "51 yea!" A bystander is so curious that
he has to ask the question, "What are you United fans so excited about and what does this '51' mean?" One of the
fans explains proudly "We just finished a puzzle in only 51 days and the box said '3 to 5 years!'"


A little boy from England had gone to Rome on holiday with his family hoping to see the Pope. Anyway, a couple of
days after they'd arrived the Pope was doing a tour of the city in his Popemobile. The little lad was a bit worried that
the Pope wouldn't be able to pick him out in the crowd so his Mum said "don't worry, the Pope is a footy fan so wear
your City shirt and he's bound to pick you out and talk to you."
So they're in the crowd but the Popemobile drives past them and stops a bit further down the street where John Paul
gets out and speaks to a little boy in a Man Utd shirt. The lad in the City shirt is distraught and starts crying. His Mum
says "don't worry, the Pope's driving around tomorrow as well so we'll get you a United shirt and then he's bound to
stop to see you."
The next day arrives and the boy's got his new Manchester United shirt on. The Popemobile stops right by him.
John Paul gets out, bends down and says to the lad "I thought I told you to f**k off yesterday?"....

Side 2