I sit in the darkness of where it all began, where my life came to be,
Only, it's different now...there�s nothing left, nothing left of me
Here I sit, a broken part of the earth, wondering where to begin,
I cannot get along, let alone begin again...But I know I must try, for my time is wearing thin.
My head I hang so low to the ground...
For I know I have broken the best thing I have found.
My senseless confusion, and deranged mind has left me in tears
My cold being, and awful ways have brought forth new fears.
Forever has never been so scary, never been so cold
All my dreams have washed away; I have nothing left to hold.
Are you happy God, are you pleased mom and dad? You have all won.
As I sit in the dark I wonder what have I done, what have I done...
(I wrote this when I was sitting in the dark in front of the computer...Me and Sheena had just broken up and it was really where it all began bec. what got us talking bout bein gay and liking one anoher was on the computer over ICQ...see poems are very metephoric...cool eh!...but sad eh...)
I feel weak and nervous around you,
I don't know why,
You are my best friend.
But my past is always there in the way,
These wounds won't heal.
People think I'm paranoid,
But they don't and won't understand,
Understand what I went through.
My past makes me sad,
But my present...
Now I look forward to everyday.
My place is a small one,
It is probably almost done,
But I am glad I met you along the way,
For you help me look forward to everyday.
(I just wrote this about my newfound friends in gr. 9)
Seeking love of one whose is pure and true.
I've found some, but very few.
I have been seeking someone special whose love is unconditional and giving,
I have been searching for as long as I have been living.
I let it continue for as long as it may,
On and on, until that one certain day.
But my search stops short,
It ends right here.... It ends right now.� It ends with you.
(I wrote this once for sum straight gurl...LoL nothing happened obviously...I just really had feelings for her...)
If I could only make you see.
See that I am not as bad as you think.
Then I would truly be happy.
You don't want to trust me,
touch me,
or even to know me.
I try so hard to make you happy
You don't know how hard I try!
I would give anything for you to love me as I love you.
I guess this is just not to be,
Nothing ever seems to go right for me.
But if you are happy now,
Then I will leave you at once with one final bow.
I will turn and walk away,
and only hope to see you again another day.
(Wrote tis about my first love...the one that was for a straight girl...and not mutual...I would have givin n e ting for her to love me as I did her)
Dying...Dying...Dying...
Never to see light of day again, or to feel your touch.
Everything is hopeless, without any solution.
Little things hurt, the biggest numb.
I don't care anymore, it will never mend.
But you try...
You looked out for me...But I did not see.
You cry out for me...But I don't hear.
You touch my cheek...But I don't feel.
And when it seemed you had done everything...
You loved me...
And that gave me life.
(This I made in gr9 I read a poem titled "Falling" I just made it dying and altered it a bit...It was for again...My first love)
Beware because the me you see,
is not quite me...
Also the voice you hear,
Is nowhere near.
Do you not notice that the hand you hold,
The body you hug,
And the face you touch...
Is always so cold?
The person who tries to make everyone feel loved,
Is the one who has been shoved.
The one who tries so hard to fit in,
Has done nothing but sin.
The one who wishes only for true love,
Is the one who has killed a thousand doves.
The one who understands what people think,
Possess the missing link.
The person you see now before your eyes...
Is only lies,
and now there is no place left to hide.
(I wrote this in gr. 9 about my friends not knowing I was gay...I felt I was living a big lie...and it hurt..to not full know who I am or what...and not be able to tell them the truth)
When the moon light britens the morning night,
It gives me strenght that I can not fight.
I feel my heart beat hold,
My blood flow cold.
I do not wish to harm anyone...
But before I know it,
It's already done.
(In gr. 9 I would lash out in anger sometimes not often but sometimes for no reason...because I was so frustrated with myself because I couldn't understand mu life...and it hurt...I was in a deep state of depression in gr 9 for a long time...much like now....but I am mending...)
Of all friends I�ve ever met,
You are one of the few that I will never forget.
And If I die before you do,
I�ll be in heaven, and I�ll be waiting there for you
(Written in grade nine for my twin sis...Yvonne..Love n miss u Yve!)