The way I feel when we are together,
Is something I haven't felt forever.
The total undying love you bestow,
I know is something hard to show.
Things you have shown to me,
Are things which are difficult to see.
You make me a better person with every look, every touch, and every word.
Every single look I have seen, every touch I have felt and every word I have heard.
Each day I pray to God and thank him for this *benevolence,
I cannot anymore be with the silence.
You have to know everything you have made me feel,
You have to know that with your love you can heal.
You soothe me with your voice and touch,
To the point where I can only love so much.
My love for you only grows with each passing day,
I'll love you forever and ever no matter what anybody might say.
For my gift from God was you,
And my gift from you was God.
(I wrote this in gr.10 for my friend Tonya... She really brought me into Christianity on a higher level than I ever believed possible... Even tho I am a lesbian...I still am connected in an amazing way with the Lord...I know many of you may think it is a big clash...but It's taken me years to deal with it...and I am still not full done dealing with it...but I know I am not going to hell for this because I believe for me liking women is not of my choice...bec if it was I WOULDN"T like em...but regardless this was written for her because I love her and I loved where she brought me with God... oh and as a side note *benevolence* Means gift in unpoetic terms haha)
Your overwhelming love has left my heart, body and soul numb.
Even through my strength and will, your love is still something I can still not overcome.
Your soft voice soothes my head,
And helps me off to bed.
Your warm touch eases my pain,
Although it almost drives me insane.
One look into your eyes,
And everything around me dies.
Nothing matters anymore,
Just as long as I have you to adore.
(I know for a fact I wrote this in gr. 9...much like most of my poems here...althought I am unsure as for whom it was intended...)
I see my future,
I see my past,
I feel what you feel,
and see what you see.
If you were to feel what I feel
Or see what I see
What would you do? What would you say?
Would you survive?
You would not like to be me!
You would ask why,
You would cry,
Then you would probably even die.
From all of the pain that I feel
All of the wounds that I suffer,
I can not bare it!
But it makes me happy,
Happy to know;
That every day it gets closer and closer...
Closer to the end.
(Again written in grade nine...I felt as if nobody could relate with my inner pain and constant torment....and their problems to me were so minor like boys or school...and I really had nobody to goto and I would have rather died...than been alone in my time of need....Like I said in grade nine I was very depressed....)
When I am awake all I feel is sadness,
When I am asleep all I see is darknes.
In my heart there is now a hole,
Worth only of one soul.
I now have lost the voice I took forgranted,
and now my whole world seems to be slanted.
When you are around,
You add joy to my saddness,
Lighten my darkness.
Why I care so much is a mystery to me,
But I cannot seem to let it be.
My only wish is for you to understand how I feel,
For you are the only one who can help me to heal.
(I wrote this in gr. 10 when me and my *First love...*for namesake Ava*...had a falling out....and I had no idea why I cared so much for her...it really sucked...I wished she could understand...although I couldn't even comprehend it myself...)
In the vast expanse of the universe,
I contemplate my place and how I fit.
I don't look for long,
But what I find is all wrong.
I fear not what is to come,
But what I have done.
I am not good or bad,
I am not happy or sad,
I am just here, only in the way.
And with that I will not help anyone,
That is probably already done.
Someone better comes in,
Then all of a sudden they win.
I will be pushed away,
Left a stray.
I am always just....
In the way.
(In gr. 10 I remember exactally why I wrote this...it was because me and all my friends including my first love had a falling out...and my old 'best friend' Kathryn had taken all my friends and told them all these terrible things about me which to this day I still am not sure of what she said but she made them love her and hate me...and it hurt...So I wrote this about me....and that...This one was also published)