|
Ok so now the fun stuff...right well fun for you guys to read...but I left this page pretty much last because it's still hard and tough for me to write about my love life because it as been so messy lately...so scary...so hurtful...Alrite....WELLL here goes nuttin...Hope you enjoy coz this is my heart on the line....Right ok...WELL....I'll start from the beginning I soupose...so I believe the first time I was in love (although it was not mutual) was with a straight girl (we'll call her *AVA for namesake)in gade nine...I adored this girl...let me tell you....I would give anything just to make her laugh, and keep her happy...I remember she was sick from school one day in grade nine and I went to bulk barn and bought all these candies and baked her brownies and brought them to her house....like really who needs that stuff at all let alone when you're sick! lol but ya I mean she was a very nice, pretty, and there for you kind of friend....and coming into a highschool where I knew nobody....I really appreciated that...and I must have loved her well all through grade nine, grade ten, grade eleven, and it ended in grade eleven because I was deep and serious with my first girlfriend Sheena that we got together in grade eleven well summer going into...I experienced my mutual first love and it was just so much well different...You see I can love and love and love without getting love in return...just because I have alot of love but it does wear on your heart and soul....So ya....So Sheena and me met in grade ten and she really didn't like me all that much because I was too insecure for her...I'd always ask her "are you mad at me", or "do you like me" etc etc and it pissed her off...but anyways we hung out ALOT in the summer going into grade eleven and it was like whoa...We hung out everyday I would ride my bike a fricken like 45 min bike ride everyday just to see her...(good thing we got our cars for the next summer)....so ya we would hang out gto the park with friends or our friends cottage or have sleepovers wth our other friends (we had a strong 4 thing going on is HS...like a trio plus one...right so a foursome...minus the sex)...we hung out alot...and we would always do these innocent 'friendly' things like play with hair....touch hands...look at eachother alot....and talk to eachother ALL the time...but of course like we came from a small town I hardly knew what gay was...I figured you had to be a guy to be with a girl...and that was it...I just thought I was severley fucked!...So anyways ya me and sheena would always report back to eachother every night on ICQ how we felt about what 'touches' or 'looks' we had that day and it went well....I remember telling her "I am so upset that girls can't marry girls..." and she said that she felt the same way...haha (The legalization of Gay marriage had not gone through yet)...then the same night I believe it was the same night...I asked her... "What would you say if I asked you out?" She said "I would say no" then I was like DAMN....ouch.... I guess she don't like me the way I like her so I distanced myself from her for a day or two...then I remember I wanted a hug...so we hugged in my garage...then either that night or the night after that...we slept at my friend Monica's house...and we were like normal...touching hands...looking...etc.etc....and we were laying there three or four of us in one bed...and of course me n sheen were beside eachother...you wouldn't believe the things we would do/say to always be togehter...lol....so it took me a couple of hours of thinking about it but I finally did it after she said "You look like a model...with your hair blowing from the fan" a lil after that I just kised her...and she kissed back....and I stopped and asked her if this was ok and if I could do it again....she said yes....So I did and we were kissing till daybreak and I felt so sick coz I was so hungry...and then we left and then we talked on ICQ and I guess from then on it was official....we had many trials...and many hardships...being in the closit from our peers...and parents...it was tough on us....but we were SOOOO happy you woudln't believe....but I'm sure if you've been there you would...it was especially rough for the first few months because this guy liked her and she kinda liked him to and she wanted I guess to be "normal" so she had to 'chose' between me n him...well not even that bec I would have won hands down but more like a life full of trials and descrimination with me versus a normal life with him....but she chose me n e ways... yay me...so after that we were pretty much solid...for the next two years...we went to prom together (The same year that whole Mark Hall stuff went on...) we danced together we had fun and we didn't really care...and suprisingly not alot of ppl did...of course the guys liked it and I'm sure the girls were like WHAT! Thats Mary Ann and Sheena!!! They're probably just drunk LoL...but we didn't drink then so n e ways ya....we outed ourselves it was hard and we kinda didn't have lots of friends anymore but we had eachother and we didn't have to hide anymore so it felt nice...so then I went away to college...she went back to HS for OAC.... and it went downhill from there...I mean to be honest I did want to see other girls I mean I got together with Sheen when I was 15...I wanted to experience other things...and She said that (TO MY UNDERSTADING...We've talked since about it and apparently I was mistaken) BUT I THOUGHT she said that when she goes away to university we should break up and see other ppl....so i was like fuck it i'm here now if I meet someone i'll do it....and that I did...I went to the Homo Hop at 5ive....and I met JOUELIZ and so me and sheen broke off and me n jo started it up....I kinda threw my life away for her dropped outta college...moved from my security and loving family to Jo's house with her parents...soon enough they caught on and we got kicked out...so we lived with our friend Rey for a bit then he hooked us up with his aunts house and we stayed there for like 6 months or so....but it was too much like a family for us I mean since we were out we wanted to be out...I mean they were the nicest people but if we were gonna be payin rent and stuff I didn't wanna have another family....I mean I love them off but I dunno maybe I'm just weird....so anyways we moved to where I am right now....I was working at playdium for awhile with Joueliz...and then I got a different job closer to where I live now and has to do with what I wanna be when I grow up (coz I'm not grown up yet!) and ya...but anyways we had rough times...I dun think Aquarious is a good match for me.... I mean I am too passive....and she was more argumentative...and things happened that I don't wish to get into but it hurt....and it didn't stop until I would break up with her...so in April of 03....I broke up with her and saw another girl for a bit a girl from brampton...we'll just call her Candace* for names sake but things ended for us I still had feelings for Jo...and Candace had feelings for her ex....so me n jo got back together and were together solid for awhile....but it went downhill again...so we broke up just this year....July...and haven't been together since...We still live together it was hard at first but it's ok now..and no we don't have broken up people sex...lol nothing of the sort....we're amazing friends...and I think we're better friends than we would have ever been lovers...so just earlier this month around my b-day...I met a girl that I had previously known through friends and stuff and I always found her to be very attractive....I talked to her on msn before I left for the club on sept. 11th and she said she would be there (and i never anticipated anything happening...) I wasn't/am not ready for anything but I really felt that I got on well with her and when I WAS ready for another relationship I wanted it to be with her...I hoped it could be with her...But that is kind of selfish now isn't it...but regardless...my hopes came crashing down when she admitted to me she couldn't see her pursuing a relationship with me...which caught me off guard bec I knew she liked me for awhile before we hooked up but I was with Joueliz the whole time... |
|
