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So basically I grew up in this small little ghetto ass city, no it's not even a city sorry...town called Whitby...aka...Shitby...and Whiteby...so anyways I moved there when I was 3 because I was born in Oshawa aka Shwa...(drrrrty place, so I'm told). Right so after I was born in 1984 the world was happy jk but anyways...ummm ya well I went to a school called St. Johns Catholic school it was a primary school I attended there and oddly enough only had boyfriends (FRIENDS) and liked to NOT play those dumb girly games with the girls...but I liked them more than I did the boys...which was odd and I would ask my mom about it she said it was normal and that I would soon grow out of it...evidently not...anywho I had to goto a counselling session like once a week with some lady named Mrs. Simpson and I went to her bec. I had a problem bec I used to always say "I wish I was a boy" so apparently that was a bad thing and so I had to pretend I was ok with being a girl to stop seeing her and they came to the conclusion that I had Sexual Identity Problems...RIGHT ME?! No way...well thats what my parents thought...she's just a tomboy they thought...which was and still is true...but now I am a full out LESBO....hehehe right so anyways yes, i do identify as a lesbian...and a lipstick lesbian at that...ummm ya so my first gf was gr 10 going ito gr 11 that summer...we were friends who just liked to spend alot alot alot of time together...it was innocent things such as brushing hands as we talked or playing with hair...but we both felt the same way and we used to discuss our innocent encounters every night on ICQ then one thing lead to another and we were happy for 2.5 years...then I went away to college she was still in highschool and I met someone else...(oops)...my bad....so me n dis other girl started chillin and me n the first gurl broke it off (which was a heart break for me also) and i remember even tho i was w the next girl i cried myself to sleep for months...but i guess i moved on...mostly on...and lead my life with her in a different direction...whether it be bad or good one...u tell me...so i dropped outta college moved out from my security and everything i knew to Mississauga with my gurl and her rents...that didn't work for long eventually they caught on that we were more than we let on...(it was only a matter of time) so anyways bla bla bla so we got kicked out had to stay with our other gay friend for a couple of weeks then he hooked us up living with his gay aunts...ya that was cool they were nice and sweet but we shared one bedroom that was small and we had alot of rules and stuff and it was 500 a month....so i duno i felt bad leaving but we had to we wanted to be on our OWN...so we did...so then we went and moved to a basement app. good deal...so n e ways 1.5 yrs into our relationship we broke up...my biggest problem in my relationships i have found is myself...I am a lesbian and to others i am proud of it iI don't try and hide it at all...I've been completley out since highschool (Me and my frist gf went to prom together awwww)...ya so whatever I don't give two shits bout what ppl think....but i do care what God thinks...and I have always been very religious...so it's not a wonder that I have the whole sexuality versus spirituality conflict going on within myself...My first gf was very supportive of my beliefs dispite her lack of spirituality although my second wasn't too gone on it...and i would say discouraged me more than anything in that prospective...so anyways...ya so well in april me and the 2nd gurl broke up and i was seein this one gurl i really liked but she seemed out of it to me like always high and i didnt really support that and anyways we broke it off and me n the other gurl got bak together and we were together till....this past ummmm july...04...then on sept 11th (freaky date i know) we went to the homo hop and I saw her...I knew her from before...through friends...and she always caught my eye...but I was involved at the time...but she never walked by without me noticing...anyway...yes I met her and she said hi to me because she knew we were going for my bday and she bought me a drink and we had a fun time together...and I would just look into this girls eyes and melt...I felt paralized...this girl left me in a state of dismay...I mean things didn't work out in my favour...and I am sure it was my fault but she left me feeling emotionally helpless because I was soooo crazy over some girl I didn't even hardly know...and that really scared me because I am a very sensible logical person...but I soupose love isn't to be sensible and logical now is it...but well I am still very upset about it....but everyday I just wish whatever choices she makes in life that they make her happy because she told me once...the question arose "What do you want?" i don't remember my reply but hers was "I just want to be happy" and I really wanted to be the one to give her that happy...but if I cannot...I just hope and pray someone will give it to her because she deserves no less than the world itself...so at this point in time I couldn't be more single, more friendless, more lonley, and more pathetic in my existannce....wow i guess my history page kinda turned into my love page sorry...but thats the history of my love life i soupose....well anyways i'll continue from highschool no from gr 6 bec i tranfered from the catholic grade school to the public one...ya so i was a big loser there also...i had hardley any friends and nobody liked me (in a gf/bf kinda way) I did bad in school coz of my MINOR learning disability...but I was always the teachers pet because I was a nice kid...but that didn't improve my marks any...so regardless...somehow i got through those lonley years...made a few friends here and there mostly girls..but i don't get along well with too many girls because i find them to play games and be to dramatic....and i try to limit the drama in my life...but ya so ok gr 8 rolls around and i knew i was gay since i was like 3...but still at 13 in gr8 didnt know how to go about being that way....so ya as i said gr 8 rolls around i lose my baby fat grow my hair and wear nicer clothes and all a sudden im chillin w the popular crowd..i was still weary about them coz i always heard their drama...but some of them were great people so then i graduate...goto gr back into the catholic school system so i leave all my newfound friends...and am all alone again...The thing I loved about catholic school though is I knew what I was gonna wear everyday without thinking about it and all the girls were wearing kilts....mmmm girls in uniform! LOL so....I was back to chillin with my own self and a few ppl here n der...and I absoloutley fell in love for my first time EVER in grade nine...a girl in my religion class (how ironic) and she was really nice and pretty and amazing...but i was dating some boy...from karate...then i dumped him and went out with another guy from karate but i get bored of guys so fast (at the time I wondered why....but I deep inside knew why) but i loved this girl right from all gr 9 all gr 10 n all gr 11...she was wicked! we'll just call her *Ava for namesake...then I met my twin in gr 9 also...and i chilled with everyone in gr 10 on...I wasn't cool I wasn't a geek I wasn't a druggie, or a smart person...but I chilled with all of them so life was a'rite for awhile...then like i said met my first gf etc etc etc....oh right and I was in karate for 3 years....i didnt want to get my black belt tho coz then u must register your hands...and thats a disadvantage to me..so like if sum guy is tryin to rape me and i hurt him i can get into trouble no way....right so ummm i know im jumpin back n forth but if u love me or wanna know more bout me u've gotten this far may as well finish lol... |
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