Eggs in My Sneakers

The computer’s holding power, according to Turkle, comes from internal forces within the user’s psyche, not external forces. (Staubhaar&LaRose, 45) As a teenager, I was obese, shy and introverted. I became victim to cruel behaviour in tenth grade gym class and secluded myself in the computer lab thereafter. It began with basketball practice.

My uniform and running shoes were stored in a locker that I shared with my friends. After falling asleep during lunch I was late for class, one day. I dressed quickly in the change room, ran out to the basketball court and lined up for rotation. Three of my friends, Andrea, Mary and Lori chose to be on team one. I played defense for the opposite team and blocked every shot Lori or Andrea made. They yelled comments like, “Ariela, your ‘rolls’ need washin’, you be stankin’ up the gym” and “Geezuz, quit eatin’ those damn egg sandwiches ‘ya fat- hog- farts are killin’ me”, to psyche me out so we would lose, but ignored them. When I sat down after the game and smelled the rotten eggs and onions seeping out from under my socks, I saw Lori Andrea and Mary laughing and ran into the change room teary-eyed. I decided to never go back to gym class and later and insisted on assignments for the remainder of the semester. My friends and I grew apart, I spent most of my time at home or in the lab on a real-time chat and hating every real life relationship I had.

My need to self-reflect and feel presence within a world, developed into an addiction. Turkle explains this behaviour as the user’s desire to feel control inside the computer, to achieve illusion of intimacy, to confirm their selfhood and to express themselves. (Staubhaar&LaRose, 45) As an obese and depressed teenager who never dated, Internet chatting augmented my self-pity and presented me with a portal to a fantasyland.