Chapter 176: Tangers XVII

Chapter 176: Tangers XVII—Mon Dieu!

 

            All I could think, over and over and over, was, Mon Dieu! I could actually see the words in my head, feel the capital letters. They were large words, red and sparkling over the horizon. Everywhere I looked all it was, Mon Dieu! If life were a musical then I would be walking over elaborate sets, kicking my heels as I sang a song that reverberated with Mon Dieu! And the exclamation point would be there as well!

            Maybe it would sound trivial to you, the reason for my altered state of mind, but think about it, for a hockey team, it could mean everything. I felt almost special and not blessed so much as, well chosen. I was harboring a secret now that no one on the team could know and if they did, then a poor soul would again find himself lost and abandoned. I mean I knew how the team was before, just because the person in question was now considered a friend of theirs I don’t think they’d act any differently.

            True, I didn’t feel as frightened as I had been initially during the affair of the gift baskets. I realized that I was being silly then and no different than people who used to discriminate against people who had different skin colors and religions. It was enough to embarrass me and make me blush for how we all had overreacted.

            I suppose I can tell you, dear reader, because all of these events in question happened so long ago and so many of us are so different. I don’t think it would hurt anyone now. You see, Mike Modano was gay. He wasn’t faking it to just get out of Dallas, he had no reason to leave their. His teammates had found out about it and fazed him out of their locker room and he had been traded here.

            Of course now, he had been faking that he was faking gay so that he wouldn’t fall under the same discrimination as he had in Dallas. The poor man understood that he had to hide himself, and hide his identity. And I knew it too.

            How did I know it you might ask? Well, it was in the locker room. When Joe and Debbie were having their fight and they made a reference to Joe kissing Peter Forsberg while under a concussion. I had at first found that amusing until I saw the look of horror on Mike Modano’s face and the intensity of his scream. I knew it at that moment that Mike was truly in love with Joe.

            At first I had felt a rush of anger and disgust and I wanted to point him out for the lecherous fraud he was and then Mike looked at me with such painful, sad eyes that I felt a pain in my heart. I saw that he wasn’t crazy or evil, he was sad and heartbroken for something, a love he could never have. He was a human and a sad one at that. My heart melted for Mikey Mo at that point.

            Someone brought attention to Mike’s scream and Mike looked at me desperately with his large brown eyes and I knew I couldn’t hang him out to dry so I blamed the scream on Steven Reinprecht stomping on his foot. Hell, I doubt Reino ever forgave me for that because to this day Patrick Roy still is suspicious of Reino having a propensity for harming goal scorers. Still, to cover Mike’s tooshie, I knew it had to be done.

            “Thank You,” Mike had whispered to me, and you know what? I felt good.

            Mike avoided me completely after that, however. He didn’t make eye contact with me and he didn’t speak to me and he even shied away from me when I tried to approach him. I’m sure he was afraid that I would maybe try blackmailing him or accusing him. Poor Mikey.

            So that left the dilemma of me being the only one entrusted, so to speak with this secret. I am the first one to admit that I am terrible at keeping secrets! Whenever I learn a hot piece of information I just can’t wait to run to Patty, or Joey or Footer. I just can’t seem to hold gossip inside me or else I feel like my head will just explode. I swear it’s a chronic condition.

            Still, I understood the magnitude of this situation. A man’s reputation, sense of well being, last chance at living happily was on the line and I was the one who had the power to maintain or destroy him. There was no way I could just recklessly go talking about this.

            I mean I had gotten to know Mike Modano in those days after the trade and I realized that he was a really nice guy. He didn’t pick on other players or talk mean to anyone or about anyone. He told funny jokes, he smiled and he just seemed like such a great, easy going person. I liked him a lot and I felt a little protective of him.

            So what if he was in love with Joe? I mean besides the fact that Joe was a happily married man with three children, what’s wrong with love? He didn’t seem to be intruding on Joe anymore, he just chastely loved from afar, and I think Mike knew that he could never have Joe so he was simply pining. Mon Dieu how terrible would it be of me to just rip him away from security and what little happiness he had by just outing him.

            I resolved not to do that.

            I wanted to assure him that I wasn’t a threat either. I wanted him to know that he didn’t have to be afraid of me. How could I tell him that? I didn’t want him to be staying up sleepless nights worrying if I was gonna tell on him.

            We were in the airport, waiting for our flight when I took the opportunity. Modo was sitting by himself, and I knew he was pretending to be asleep. So I sat next to him and poked him.

            Modano looked at me and there it was that hopeless, helpless look. Aw poor guy!

            “Hey,” I said.

            “Hey,” he answered. “Um… look I…”

            I shook my head and smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring way. “Listen Mikey it’s OK,” I said. “I know and I won’t tell anyone, not a soul.”

            Mike looked nervously around us and swallowed. “Really?” he asked.

            I nodded. “Really. Look I mean I don’t have a problem with it, I used to I admit it but I know you now and I realize how stupid I was.”

            Mikey just looked at me, his mouth slightly open almost as if he were trying not to believe what he had just heard. Perhaps he just didn’t know what to say.

            “If you get lonely or something, like if you need someone to talk to,” I added feeling extremely good about what a good human being I was, “Just call me up you know, to like hang out or something.”

            Mike’s eyes lit up and I saw a real smile, a really truly happy smile.

            “Hey thanks!” he said, “It has been kind of lonely.”

            I patted him on the back and I looked up and saw that Joe was looking at us. He was seeing that I was being a great guy and taking care of the new teammate. I cannot begin to tell you how good that felt.

            We got on the plane to Detroit late that afternoon. It was kind of late because of weather delays and everyone was pretty sleepy by that point. Just about everyone went straight to sleep as soon as we got on the plane. Modo was curled up on his seat with a fluffy pillow napping and Patty was snoring next to me. I had a lot more time to think at that point.

            Modano was in love with Joe. He could never have Joe; I knew that much was true. If he could never have Joe then there was the danger of him being perpetually sad and unhappy. On top of the fact was the possibility that he could slip up again and Mon Dieu! He could possibly pull another stunt equal or more extreme to the one with the gift baskets. That would be a disaster for Joe and for his family.

            What could the solution be to prevent a future assault to the team’s chemistry and emotional well being?

            I yawned and thought about it.

            Modo was alone.

            Hmmm… I yawned again.

            He said he was lonely sometimes.

            I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was dreaming about a banquet of food before me and Modo was sniffling and crying because it wasn’t the food he wanted and finally I gave up and handed him a piece of cheesecake and he was delighted with it.

            Thank you! He declared, it’s what I’ve been waiting for.

            “Mon Dieu!” I cried as I woke up.

            “Eh?” Patty snipped and he glared at me. “I’m trying to sleep!”

            “Sorry Patty,” I said feeling shame and then I went back to my excited thoughts.

            Modano needed something to fill his life and something more than a friend or a secure spot on a team. He needed love and happiness. If disaster with Joe was to be completely averted I had to provide a different sort of happiness for Mike. The solution was clear.

            “I have to get Mike someone else to fall in love with!” I whispered to myself. “I have to find him a soulmate!”