Title: BAD PARROT
There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears
like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without
repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet,
polite, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving
him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot
by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT
IT!" This just makes the bird mad and he swears more
than ever. Then the guy gets mad, says "OK, for you"
and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates
the bird and he claws and scratches.
When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with
a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into
the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible
din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses words
Lenny Bruce and George Carlin NEVER thought about trying to
use in their acts. Then suddenly, it gets VERY quiet. At first
the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird
may be hurt or deeply chilled.
After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that
he opens the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the
man's outstretched arm and says, "I'm awfully sorry about
the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary
from now on." The man is astonished. He can't understand
the transformation that has taken place. Then the parrot says,
"By the way, what did the chicken do?"