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| Tour Report |
�What goes on tour, stays on tour� was Duncan�s mantra. Nice try. The Leopards tour did not start well. Perhaps it was due to the fact that several Leopards were still cleaning their underpants following Barney�s �exuberant� drive to catch the ferry at Newhaven; perhaps it was because we were simply too raw. In an initial group of 4 teams, the first half against ISGA showed a defenceless naked Leopards squad of 9 starved of any teeth. In the seven on seven matches (lasting 15 minutes each way), the 3-2-1 formation relied on strong finishing by the front man. Wills had a nightmare. Luckily the strict rotation policy at both half and full time, pre-ordained, saved Wills from the embarrassment of being substituted on performance basis, and it was left to skipper Barney to power in two second half goals to first equalise and then put the Leopards into a lead against the tournament�s minnows. Ending 3-1, a job done was general feeling, but certainly not well done. Desperate for the �anglais� to stay in, the Leopards next found themselves up against further European no-hopers Viellenes. Sporting the only kit to rival the Leopards for shear flair, Viellenes more than played their part in the �match of the tournament.� Chastised Wills managed to bag a hat-trick, and further goals were added from David W-L and Andy S, whose effort brought added emphasis to that most treasured footy nugget �you won�t score if you don�t hit the target�. A rout you ask? Not with Barney in goal and lawless Tim Holmes at the back. As the ball was passed back to keeper Barney there appeared no danger, but Barney, fearful that the golden boot was sliding away from him, had other ideas. An audacious run was curtailed by a heavy touch and a delighted Viellenes centre-forward, and was finished with a crimson faced Barney, starring into the abyss of a previously impenetrable football laden net. Tim, seeing the anguish his skipper was feeling, set about trying to �make his Captain look again�, and immediately conceded a penalty in the ridiculously large penalty area. However Barney could do nothing about the Viellenes effort, but this would simply not appease our Tim, whose confidence is his Captain�s cat-like abilities ensured the concession of yet another penalty only a minute later. This time Barney made himself big, and the Viellenes striker, on the verge of a bizarre hat-trick choked and hit the crossbar. 6-3 Leopards. Epic. The third and last match of the Saturday saw the Leopards up against the fiery might of the �Pompiers�. Assured of qualification from our group, goals from David W-L, and Barney ensured the Leopards went through in a 3-0 victory in what was probably our best performance of the weekend. The second half especially saw the defence hose out all that the Pompiers fired at them, and the day ended with the Leopards second seeds for the knockout stages on the Sunday. Following a quiet Saturday night �out� notable for Duncan�s introduction of Jordan to our French hosts as �page trios; grand titties,� and Chazzy�s continued insistence that he had �grown as a goalkeeper�, the Leopards squad woke up fresh and fit for the quarter final on Sunday. It was gruesome. One nil down to Zodiac FC at half time, the French teenagers then got so pissed off generally at David W-L that they firstly tried to break his leg, and then �set themselves� on ally Wills at a corner. The ensuing penalty for �pushing� did merit Skipper Barney, concerned that this was the third penalty Wills had �won� in the tournoi, to remind the team not to lose sight of our principle ambition for the weekend, the fairplay award. Another goal from David from long-distance saw the Leopards on the cusp of a semi-final, but Paddy had different ideas. There appeared to be no danger when in the last minute the Zodiac winger crossed an innocuous ball into the box, but Paddy, in a desperate bid to get mentioned in the tournament report, threw himself at the ball and struck a right foot volley into the bottom corner of our own net, ensuring that the match went to penalties. Penalties took the form of a one-on-one with the keeper starting from the half-way line, and the extra practice done by the Leopards on the Friday night clearly helped as goals from Wills, Barney, Andy and Duncan saw the team through after an horrific miss from David. The Semi-final was against our hosts, and the Leopards quickly went into a 2-0 nil lead through David and Wills, but by full-time this had been clawed back to 2-2, and it was down to penalties again. Tense? You just wait for it. David scores. They miss. Wills scores. They miss. Barney misses. They score. Andy misses. They score. Duncan misses. They miss. Chazzy misses (quell f-ing surprise). They miss (but hit the post). So with it all tied up and with Tim and Rob S wetting themselves on the touchline at the thought taking a penalty, the Captain calls up his most experienced, belittled player for one final hurrah, enter Paddy Inglis, who coolly slots the ball home from 5 yards. With David saving their final penalty the Leopards were through to their first final on European soil. We lost it 4-0. But enough of that, we got what we came for as the Fairplay award, complimenting the ostentatious trophy already gleaned for 2nd place, was awarded to the Leopards, undoubtedly because of the fortunate language barrier existing between us and the french referees who were far less offended by �you absolute dickhead,� than the more frequently heard and understood �putain.� Who were we to point it out? Mission accomplished. |