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Script

The Rhubarb farm scene:
Music: "The Sweetest Thing" - U2, OR "Santa Lucia" - Luciano Pavarotti, Placido Domingo, Jose Carreras
The Cool person and Paranoid guy & Gothic girl are working, pulling weeds at a Rhubarb farm. Paranoid guy is wearing a big sombrero to keep off the sun, a long-sleeved shirt, sun-screen, etc. Cool guy is wearing trendy clothes, but he is not overly vain (I wonder if he should be wearing a suit, but with sneakers on?). Gothic girl is wearing a black dress underneath an apron, with a sunhat.

Cool guy sits down under a tree and closes his eyes.
Cool guy: I guess we should pray for rain before the frost kicks in.
Paranoid guy: Just keep weeding before the boss catches you sleeping on the job.
Cool guy: If we had a shovel I'd be digging my way to Africa.
Paranoid guy: Zimbabwe or Sierra Leone?
Cool guy hands Paranoid guy a pick.
Cool guy: You pick.
Paranoid guy: You shovel, I'll get the Atlas and play pin the tail on the country.
Cool guy: Try not to hit the middle of the ocean this time. (I don't want a repeat of last year's Easter Island long weekend washout.)
Rhubarb farm owner: So, [Paranoid guy], how's it going? Not too hot?
Paranoid guy: No, I'm fine.
Rhubarb farm owner: [Cool guy], how's your morning been?
Cool guy: Yeah, good, Mr. [Rhubarb farm owner]. We've weeded the rhubarb patch and now we're going for extra credit.
Paranoid guy: Who's getting the credit? You're not even dressed for the job, (to Mr. [Rhubarb farm owner]) he won't even wear a sunhat in this heat.
Rhubarb farm owner walks off. Paranoid guy and Cool guy continue working.
Paranoid guy: Why don't you put on a sombrero? There are plenty in the supply shed.
Cool guy: Stop fussing over me. One day you're gonna wish you had gotten a tan like me.
Paranoid guy: You have a tan? I've never even seen your skin..... The only time you let that belly get some sun is when you've busted your front shirt button on a 12 inch Subway sandwich roll.
Cool guy: You can't bust your gut on a Subway. Its against the conventions of natural law. They're so low in fat, you lose weight when you eat it.
Paranoid guy: You really believe that,. don't you?
Gothic girl: Don't discourage him from eating at Subway,.. it's the only decent food he eats.
Paranoid guy: Oh sorry, [Gothic girl].
Some of the 'trendy' girls who work at the farm (besides Gothic girl) show romantic-al interest in Cool guy.
Girl #1: (to Cool guy) Yeah, he's got to keep his body in shape.
Cool guy: Hello [Girl #1].
Girl #1: Hello [Cool guy].
Girl #2: Digging going well?
Cool guy: We're thinking of digging a tunnel to a tropical island. You in?
The girls look mildly amused.
Paranoid guy: A tropical island? How are we going to navigate to an island without being inundated with saltwater on the way.
Cool guy: Stop worrying. (You're so paranoid,) probably the only reason you'd ever want to go underground would be to escape the sky falling on your head.
Paranoid guy suddenly looks up at the sky with a worried expression on his face.
[Paranoid guy says (in a conversation) the thing he is always worried about which will come true at the end (eg. "You know, "Cool guy", you're going to end up in prison one day." OR Cool guy: "Sometimes I think you're so paranoid you'd think the sky was gonna fall on your head.") ]

Lab scene:
[Music: "A Night On Bald Mountain" - Modest Mussorgsky
Schizo girl is doing lab stuff: some kind of 'mad scientist' discovery type thing. Don't make it a cliche by scanning a huge array of lab instruments, just show what equipment she actually needs to isolate the chemical.]
Schizo girl is working on her latest research, the Jeckyll and Hyde trigger.  Hai enters.
Music: "Yummy Yummy Yummy (I've Got Love In My Tummy)" -   Ohio Express
Hai:    So what are you working on now?
Sciency:    This is the Jeckyll and Hyde trigger chemical research. This is the third batch. I'm isolating the organic layer now.
Hai:    What does the Jeckyll and Hyde thingy do?
Sciency:    It's a trigger chemical. It affects humans and all the rodents we've tested. I think it increases the breeding rate, but only some of the time. I've found that it's affected by certain foods.
Hai:    Breeding rate? What does it do in humans? laughs
Sciency:    Why don't you try it yourself and find out. looks up and smiles
Hai:    Ha, I've already got two kids.
Sciency:    Actually, I think it might be a kind of 'love drug',... but we haven't tested it for all the side-effects yet.
Hai:    You know, you should probably try some yourself.
Sciency:    Hey, I don't want to grow another limb, or something. Anyway, I've got to finish this.
Hai:    You work too hard. Relax. Why don't you get out of here? Find a boy!
Sciency-bum girl smiles and rolls her eyes at the same time.
Sciency:    I've got too many other important things to do before I find a guy.
Chris:    What important things are these? [examining a conical flask of a chemical Sciency is working on].
Sciency:    Well, I want my work to actually help people in the rest of the world. [Chris, breaks a flask of smoking liquid.] If I just think about myself, I'll never get started. [Should there be photos of refugees on the walls?]
Chris:    If you don't experience life for yourself, you'll never know how to help others. [Chris cleans up the broken flask and liquid.]
Hai:    Yeah, [Sciency]. You should find a boy and settle down.
Sciency:    But then I'll be too busy to finish my experiments. I'll never be able to stay back late in the lab again.
Mel girl:    You'll find time.
Chris:    It's the busy people who always get the tasks done.
Mel girl:    What would you know about that?
Chris:    That's why I give all my work to you to finish up. [smiling]
[Schizo girl should be nicer than this!!! and more happy]
Paul:    Alright everyone, you should keep a closer eye on the clock. You could all talk the legs off a submarine, it's time for lunch.

[Other stuff that should happen here should be lots of "Chem-Supply"-type stuff, ie. meet her colleagues who will feature in later scenes. Example: Her boss says weird things like twisted cliches, "We've wasted enough time to sink a battleship!" [c/o Mother], but better (eg. "He sweats like a train." [c/o Julian]). And they play pool every lunch on a crooked pool table :). ETC, ETC. Mel girl encourages Sciency to do her hair/make-up/dress better, etc at lunch.]

Mel: Wait, (Sciency), what are you wearing to the promotion dinner tonight?
Sciency: I've got a dress picked out.
Mel: Not one you already own, I hope. We need this evening to be really successful. You are going to make an effort, aren't you?
(Another girl, Julie, enters)
Sciency: What would you suggest?
Mel: I hope you're going to wear make-up this time, and you must wear perfume. This is close-contact (promotional stuff).
Julie: Are we talking about the big 'do' tonight?
Sciency: I'm just not comfortable with showing myself off.
Julie: Just think of it as part of a sales gimmick. You're not trying to sell yourself, just the teleporter.
Sciency: The teleporter can sell itself.
Mel: Please, (Sciency), do you really mean that? You're the one who's put the most work into this invention, do you really want to fall at the last hurdle?
Sciency: Fine, I'll ask my mum for advice.
Mel: Actually, why don't I come over and help you tonight?
Sciency: OK.

  [....And lead up to the function scene. The Chem-Supply characters discuss how the last big invention that the science team worked on was Sciency-bum girl's teleporter invention, which will be demonstrated at the function.]

Rhubarb farm scene:
Music: "More to life" - Stacie Orrico.???  
Paranoid guy:    [Kneeling, slowly rises to his feet. Sound of creaks. Grimacing with pain.
Cool guy:   You alright there?
Paranoid guy:   It's not really the best job in the world.
Cool guy:   You finally ready to quit?
Paranoid guy:   If I could find another job I would resign tomorrow, but I'm always so exhausted by the time I get home I can never be bothered applying.

(Musical number about hating ones' job?) 

Cool guy:   I'll apply for you, I'm never that tired by the time I finish work.
Paranoid guy:   That's because you don't do any.
Gothic girl:    So what field are you interested in?
Cool guy:   Besides the rhubarb variety?
Paranoid guy:  Just somewhere where the work ethic is less strenuous, where I'll get better pay and better hours and where it's less hot.
Cool guy:    Like in the freezer section of a supermarket?
Paranoid guy:    Yeah. [laughs]
Gothic girl:    Actually there are some jobs going at my other part-time workplace.
Cool guy:    I would rather break my back weeding, than get fitted up in the uniforms we'd have to wear there.
Paranoid guy:    But you might be a cripple for life! Just think of the hours of excruciating pain whilst lying flat without being able to move and of how you'd have to practise walking again, it might take years! [Looks around and then looks at Gothic girl and says] OK, I'm in.
[Gothic girl smiles.]

Rhubarb farm lunch time scene:
[Cool guy, Paranoid guy and Gothic girl are playing pool on the pool table, whilst eating lunch and Paranoid guy is expressing his desire to do something good in the world.]
Paranoid guy:    So the supermarket job will open up a whole new world to us and finally I might be able to make a difference to all the lonely people out there.
Cool guy:    Stealing a love potion is not going to change the world.
Paranoid guy:    If used appropriately it could have a global influence, and anyway, it's not a love potion, it's a machine for determining who your 'perfect match' is. It can't fail.
Gothic girl:    How is this plan supposed to work?
Paranoid guy:    Do you mean the plan for it's use, or the plan for stealing it tonight?
Gothic girl:    Tell me about the plan for tonight, it's only a half hour lunch break.
Paranoid guy:    Actually, Cool guy's the one who saw the article about the girl, he's the one to ask.
Gothic girl:    What article?
Cool guy:    I saw this article in a magazine about how Sciency-bum girl is going to be announcing her latest invention at this big 'do' at the Palace Ramada(?) tonight. She's the scientist who invented the 'Perfect Match' machine. I thought we could show up and do a bit of investigating into the whereabouts of the gadget or the blueprints or whatever and maybe learn a bit about how to use it from the lady herself.
Paranoid guy:    But it's a formal occasion and I don't think I've got anything to wear.
[Gothic girl looks at Paranoid guy and Cool guy rolls his eyes in acknowledgement of Paranoid guy's lack of trendiness.]
Gothic girl:    How are you guys gonna get into this place? It sounds a little too upperclass for security to overlook you.
Cool guy:    Just let me worry about that, I've gotten into more closely guarded schmozzles than this one.
Gothic girl:    And just why are you so interested in doing the world a favour? I thought you only cared about yourself? Is this scientist girl getting to you?
Paranoid guy:    Cool guy cares about others, he's helping me change jobs isn't he?
Cool guy:    I'm not in it for the girl, I have so many after me I'm beginning to feel a desire to spread a little love around. The rest of the male population needs a chance to get into the dating thing.
...
Paranoid guy & Gothic girl: Schmozzle?
Paranoid guy:    [Talks about the time they want to arrive and what Sciency-bum girl looks like and Gothic girl decides to come along.]

[Paranoid guy talks about how he wants to 'save-the-world'-kind-of-thing, actually he wants to find everyones' 'perfect match' for them. Cool guy suggests they get some info. out of Sciency-bum girl about an invention she made in the past (that he read about in a magazine) for finding what kind of person someone really likes....(this is the lead up to 'Perfect Match'). Cool guy wants to spread a little love in the world, considering the number of girls he gets??? (Fonzie-type generosity).]
[But they haven't settled on a plan of action (to "save-the-world")...wait for Dropping Centre.]

[Lead up to the function in this scene......]
The boys want to go to a Science function where Schizo girl will be demonstrating her new invention, the teleporter. Cool guy wants to go there to seduce Sciency-bum girl so she will spill her secrets about the 'perfect match' invention she made previously. (So he can use it for the greater good. :) (or for himself!!))

Lab/bus/car/street scene:
Music - "A Thousand miles" - Vanessa Carlton (most relevant), and "Leave a light on for me" ??- Belinda Carlisle (I just like this song)
[Sciency-bum girl is just walking out the door of the lab.]
Julie:    Please try to look your best tonight, and put on make-up and perfume, because the cream of the city will be at the function this evening.
Schizo girl:    I'm covered, Mel's coming over tonight to doll me up, remember?
[Schizo girl walks out of the lab, catches the bus (camera shows bus passengers, curious, weird, bizarre, but lovable-ish creatures), walks through the city, stops in a chemist & turns into "Vain" girl (but doesn't change her clothes just yet as this is her first schizophrenic change) by smelling the scent of roses in a perfume that she tries on at the chemist. She buys the perfume and catches a bus home.]

Gothic girl gets-ready-for-the-ball scene:  Music: "When You're Looking Like That" - Westlife
[Gothic girl dresses in a long slinky black dress, gothic makeup, single red rose pinned to her breast. She's looking in the mirror and thinking about Paranoid guy and hoping this is the night he'll see her in a different light. (Dream bubbles showing (a) a smiling Paranoid guy and (b) Gothic girl smiling while dancing with Paranoid guy (also smiling) at the function.)]

Schizo girl gets-ready-for-the-ball scene:
[Transition to next scene: "Vain" girl (having styling hair and make-up) catches a glimpse of herself in a mirror and looks down at her clothes with a horrified expression. (Show shot of Vain girl in mirror in plain/daggy clothes--> We see Mel doing her hair and makeup and "Vain" girl choosing her dress for the evening occasion. "Vain" girl puts her new perfume in her handbag. --> Shot of Vain girl in mirror of the teleporter (a telephone booth-looking machine comprised of mirrors on the inside), now wearing formal clothes.]

Function scene:
Music: Nat King Cole - "Stardust", Lot's of other music, eg. Alan Silvestri" - Why Don't You Do Right" (for use later on in the movie (about Cool guy?)), Glen Miller - "My Blue Heaven", Ella Fitzgerald - "Someone To Watch Over Me", Frank Sinatra - "Be Careful It's My Heart", "Blue Moon" - Mel Torme.

NEW MATERIAL:
*The function is held to demonstrate Sciency-bum girl's latest invention, the teleporter.
Her colleagues are all there in tuxedos and formal attire, as is everyone there.
The attendees are well-to-do/sciency people who want to witness the latest revolutionary technology that came out of Schizo girl's lab.
The boys got invited because they were members of a club. They became members of this club for some other benefit, like (?) free rocket fuel vouchers. (Mick Molloy correlation)

*Paranoid guy and Cool guy do some stuff here, ie. talk to Schizo girl's colleagues and to other guests (?) Do crazy stuff (?))

***{Should someone evil (THE VILLAIN??? Eccentric guy?????) steal the teleporter or do something to the president?) (Hang on, Eccentric guy's not even there yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
*Should Eccentric guy be friends with Cool guy and Paranoid guy from the beginning????????, this is an important scene for him to be in....
*I know,... Gothic girl should invite him, since she works with him at the supermarket (but isn't this an exclusive function???, oh well).....
*OR, he could show up as a date of one of the journalists covering the event.!!!!}
*OR, as a member of the Press himself!!! Then he gets to interview Sciency-bum girl right at the start!! Yay, connection so early, with so little romantic connection needed!}***

*One of Schizo's colleagues makes a speech about the teleporter and who invented it, who made it, how it will be demonstrated tonight, etc.
During this (Music: "Moonlight Serenade" - Glenn Miller)
We see Schizo girl is now "Vain" girl as Cool guy approaches her standing amongst the crowd. He is really charming to her, but she ignores him/is horrible to him because she is "Vain" girl.
Cool guy falls in love with "Vain" girl (?), but he can't get any information out of her.

How should this "Cool guy falls in love with "Vain" girl

Then when she eats a cracker with a pickled onion on it, she rubs her head and turns into Sciency-bum girl and falls prey to Cool guy's charms. She spills her information (immediately?) about her 'perfect match' invention, saying she thought it was too dangerous to make public, because there were some irregularities in her results.
However, now that Schizo girl is now Sciency-bum girl, Cool guy no longer finds her enticing and he tears up the phone number she gave to him (when she's gone, of course)..........(to be continued)

*Following the speech given by Schizo girl's colleague. The demonstration begins.

(MEANWHILE a (cabaret) act begins:
Patrick Lim (preferred guest artist) singing "New York, New York"
while dancing with many other (tap) dancers.) 
Sung very 'Simpsons-like'.)

The demonstration consists of an important member of society (The Mayor?) going to New York using the teleporter and the President of the United States (who was in New York) coming back to the gathering. Satellite televisions show what is going on in New York (The Statue of Liberty in the background.) The guests applaud. [Then the important people go back and everyone applauds again] - and the song and act ends (simultaneously).

The function continues....

(continued from previously).........Then Schizo-"Sciency-bum" girl putzes on some more of the new perfume she bought and turns back into "Vain" girl, making Cool guy's hormones go crazy and his brain confused as to what is going on with her. [music: "Uptown Girl" - Westlife]