(John falls over after being tripped by Justine.)
Leader: They�re both human, right?
Sarah: Yeah.
Leader: Lackey! Swap the prisoners on the count of 3! Detach the child first.
Sarah (whispering only to Justine): Don�t worry. Ya won�t be a prisoner forever.
Leader: 1...2�3�
(Sarah waits until the prisoners are both halfway.)
Sarah: RUN, BITCH, RUN!
(Outside the gates, Darrell, Brian, Paul & George see Sarah & the others including Ringo & Siobhan running.)
Darrell: What�s going on?
Brian: Oh, yes, run like flipping hell!
Lauren: Go! Go!
(The Beatles & Co. are chased by the demented middle school preps into the forest �A Hard Day�s Night� style.)
John: Same trick as last time, but no talking if they come back!
(The Beatles & Co. run ahead, dodge behind some trees, wait for the kids to pass, then congregate in a large bush.)
Ringo: I can�t believe they fell for that again. Hey Paul & George, you guys are awfully quiet.
Brian: I did that. My wish. This dumb hand ripped me off!
John: & flipped you off.
Siobhan: Make your wish Ringo. It�s your turn.
Ringo: Wow, what should I-oh yes, now I remember. I wish-oh no, wait, er�Siobhan, can we have a talk really quickly. Privately.
John: You two keep your clothes on got it?
(Everyone makes joking faces except Paul, who looks the other way, & Siobhan & Ringo, who sort of grimace & sort of consider it. Five minutes later�)
Sarah: You didn�t kiss her! It�s a miracle! Fuck, you�re both so damned stupid�
Lauren: So what did you do out there?
Siobhan: We made a decision. Does anyone object to me undergoing a growth spurt?
Justine: Yes! If I can�t, you can�t!
Siobhan: I don�t care about you! I meant anyone important here? Like Sarah? Duh!
Darrell: How much older would �older� be?
Ringo: Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, college age. Five foot�eight? Right?
Siobhan: Mmm-hmm. <sigh>
Brian: Okay, I�ll be going that way now�Way too much information�
Ringo: So can I have my wish now? John, give it to me!
Siobhan: I�ll give you some money if you leave me alone Justine.
Justine: How much?
Siobhan: You know for an 11 year old-
Justine: & what money? You�re broke!
Siobhan: DAMMIT! Hey, wait! How do you know anyway?
Justine: Partially your diary, partially Zoraa, & partially you bank statements. Oh yeah, Zoraa got hooked up with Losit.
(Everyone snickers except Siobhan, who turns red, & Justine, who smirks.)
John: Why was she reading your diary anyhow?
Sarah: �Coz younger siblings always need a way to blackmail their older siblings. Which reminds me about my little brother�
(George taps Sarah on the shoulder, gestures to Ringo, then at his hand, & then at his wrist.)
Brian: I agree with George. We should stop all this messing about & find that hand so we can end this stupid parody!
Ringo: Hey, I read this in a book once. Monkey Wish-Hand, I command you to show yourself!
(Nothing happens. Instead, a skunk appears, nosing around for food.)
Cat: Eew! He called Paul�s mom here!
(In a crazed manner [because Paul is crazy], Paul attempts to hug his mom. He is sprayed instead, especially in the eyes, & because of his blindness he falls back & knocks Ringo outside of the bush.)
Ringo: Oh, good hiding place ya bloody bastards. I found the hand everyone!
(Ringo reenters the bush, where everyone is rolling their eyes at him except Siobhan.)
Ringo: Hey Paul, you stink like your mother!
John: When we get out of this forest, it�s a bath in tomato juice for you.
(Paul bangs his head on a tree in a demented manner.)
Ringo: Okay, about my wish�I wish-
Siobhan: Are you sure you want to do this?
Sarah: Are you people ever gonna wish?
Lauren: Why don�t I get to wish?
Justine: WISH ALREADY!
Siobhan: Remember�in this place, there are no real consequences for any person�s actions.
Sarah: That�s why they call it a parody. Unless the writers don�t like you, then they�ll just kill you off for good.
(Paul gestures to imply the return of the preps.)
Leader: We�ll kill those dumb British assholes!
Lackey: Heh-heh, & their friends too!
Leader: We�ll save that girl for last!
Lackey (gradually fading out): Which one? The freak or the one with the cat eyes? Or the little kid, or the skinny one who�
Siobhan: What did they say?
Sarah (whispering): Shh! Go make out with Ringo or something.
George (thought): I�m bored. I think I�ll crunch on Sarah.
John: Okay, they�re gone. Make your goddamn-
(Paul gestures the return of the preps once again.)
Leader: I�m sure I smelled something funny over here.
Lackey: Yeah, maybe it�s those stinky Brits!
Leader: No, I think it�s just some skunk. Better not bother it or we�ll smell like that one Brit�s mom!
Lackey (gradually fading out): Ha ha! A British guy�s mom!..
John: Now they�re gone, so wish. I don�t intend to be operated on. You wouldn�t want that, eh little creep?
Justine: No no no no no no no no no no no�
Ringo: Okay�I wish� <mutters inaudibly>
(The pointer-finger goes down. POOF! In an exploding, swirling cloud of smoke & mist, Siobhan grows into a woman, which disturbs the hell out of me as this writer has to imagine it.)
Siobhan: Whoa, growing pains!
(Sarah must soon be restrained by John, Brian, George, & Lauren.)
Sarah: What in the holy fucking depths of hell did you do to her you sick fuck?! I�ll kick your ass, you short son of a bitch!