John: What?! What�s okay?
George: I wonder how fast Ringo can run in his condition.
Ringo: Oh GOD! Not them�gotta run, & hope those kids don�t have any sharp objects to throw.
Paul: Ah! So he can run pretty damned fast for his oversized feet & undersized person. & with a wounded foot, too.
John: Shut up &-hold up. Demented kids coming through.
Leader of Demented Kids: Get that stupid British jerk! We gotta find out just how many rotations it takes to twist off a human head!
John: Ugh! Yer all a bunch of FUCKING NAZIS!
Leader: Hey, cool! He cussed us out! Maybe you wanna join us?
John: Later. Now go chase our friend around. But he needs to remain alive. No autopsy on Ringo, got it?
Leader: Yeah, okay. Maybe we could trade him for one of our prisoners? A girl?
Paul: Hmm�yeh!
George: Yeh, okay, sounds good.
John: Go away now. I�ll think about it.
Leader: Okay then. CHARGE!
John: Shit-RUN!
Brian (screaming like a girl): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
John (thought): I�d insult him, but I have to get the hell away from these demented middle schoolers!
(The Beatles outrun the kids by running ahead & diving behind the trees, waiting for them to pass, then running the opposite way. They dive behind a large bush, panting & talking quietly, etc.)
Paul: Looks like we lost �em.
Ringo: Another triumph for Captain Obvious.
John: Who�s got the hand?
Brian: Let�s wish already! Who goes first?
George: Ooh-ME!
Ringo: Shut up! Last time you guys were loud I was nearly severed into infinitesimal shreds of flesh!
Paul: Those words are too big for me. Could you rephrase that maybe?
Ringo: Translation from English to Dumbshit; I said, shut up so I don�t end up looking like Hannibal Lecter ate me & barfed me up again, got it?
Paul: Ah!
George: Hush! I wanna make my wish.
John: So do it already! Jeez, you�d think�
George: I wish for a bottomless bag of purple jellybeans!
(POOF! In an exploding, swirling cloud of smoke & mist, a paper bag with �purple jellybeans� scrawled on one side appears in George�s hands.)
George: Yay! I got my-hey! All the jellybeans fell out of the bottom! But no, there has to be! My jellybeans!
(They all laugh at George.)
John: There is no bottom.
Ringo: It�s bottomless.
George: They�re all dusty now�
Paul: What�s happening to the hand?
(The thumb-finger curls down so only four fingers & four wishes remain.)
John: Guess we used up the wish. I�m next! I called it!
Brian: Aw, darn.
George: Jellybeans! <sob>�no <sob> jellybeans�
John: Hmm�what should I wish for�?
Paul: What about a pony?
(Everyone stares at Paul in an awkward silence.)
John: No, I think that�s something Brian would wish for�
(The Beatles chuckle at Brian like a bunch of naughty schoolboys.)
Ringo: Why don�t you wish that those kids woul-
Paul: Shush! (whispering): Those kids are coming!
(The five men are totally silent & can hear snatches of the kid�s conversation as they pass by.)
Leader: Even though we didn�t catch those Brits, they ran like girly-girls! Ha!
Lackey: Did you see that first one? He was shorter than me!
Ringo(whispering): Why those little�
Leader: Did you hear something? It sounded like a voice.
Lackey: Nah, probably the wind or something.
John (whispering): Looks like they�ve gone now�About my wish�Hmm�almost anything�Oh, duh!
Paul: Hurry up!
John: I wish for a flying talking cat, like that Irene cat Zoraa has!
Ringo: Why don�t you wish for-
Paul: Too late, he can�t take it back. Look-the hand!
(The pinky-finger curls down so only three fingers & three wishes remain. POOF! In an exploding, swirling cloud of smoke & mist, a cat with feathered wings on its back appears, meowing loudly of hunger.)
John: Brian?
Brian: Yes, John?
John: Could you feed & water & clean up after my-
Ringo: Now hold on John, it�s your wish, your responsibility.
George: I should�ve wished for safety pins & duct tape�
John: Kitty wanna food? Here�s a can of cat food I keep in my back pocket all the time for some reason.
Cat: NO! I want human food! This stuff sucks rats! Yuck!
Paul: I get the third wish!
Ringo: Wish for-Aw, fuck, what�s the use? I�ll just make a selfish wish like all of you.
Paul: Speaking of selfish wishes�I wish that wherever Siobhan is, I wish her to be transported here at this instant!
(The ring-finger curls down. POOF! In an exploding, swirling cloud of smoke & mist, Siobhan & Sarah appear.)
Sarah: What in the fuck? Where are we? What happened to Rockafeller center? Why are you guys here?
Paul: I wished for Siobhan, not her bitchy friend!
Cat: Meow!
Sarah: Shut up, ya bastar-
Siobhan: Hi, Ringo!
Ringo: Hello Siobhan!
Cat: MEOW!
John: You must�ve been in close proximity with Siobhan in order to transport with her. Shut up you dumb cat! STOP BITCHING!
Cat: B-bitching? I like the sound of that word.
Sarah: Oh, a cat! Is it yours John?
John: Yes, & it�s fucking annoying.
Cat: Fuck?