Situation: Sometime in the morning, a weary Ringo stumbles down the road towards the other three moping Beatles. They sit talking depressedly about something until he approaches, then manage to haul their hung-over asses up & start walking with him back towards their flat.
Ringo: Fill me in on what happened while I was out.
George: Why?
Ringo: Well by the way you�re all moping about I figure something got more fucked up than it already was.
Paul: Well nothing much at that. We made a couple dollars off you, got drunk, um�sort of a blank spot in my memory there�but then we woke up & the money was gone, then you came along.
John: Fucking blistered feet�
George: Well what happened to you?
Ringo: Well the guy you sold me to happened to be a mad scientist &-
John: Repeat that please?
Ringo: Mad scientist. Got it? Good.
Paul: & a rich mad scientist at that! We need to go back to him.
Ringo: Noooooo, you don�t understand, I just escaped from him. Do you know why they call them MAD scientists?!
John (Sarcasm): Not because they�re insane or anything. Don�t worry, whatever kind of experiments it was he was doing to you it doesn�t matter. We�re just going to ask him to invest in us.
Ringo: Well you can go & I�ll stay.
(John pulls Ringo�s arm behind his back in a painful manner, making him easily manipulated.)
Paul: So where is this place?
Ringo: That way. Ow! John, did you need to ki-OW!
George: Shut up & walk.
(As they begin to walk, Brian pulls up in the mini.)
Brian: Hello there! Have a rough night or what?
George: Go to hell dickwad, we got robbed.
Brian: We what?!
Paul: Some bastard took the check & ran. God knows where it is now.
(Brian slams his head against the steering wheel & leaves it there, letting the car horn blare as he fires off a string of curses. He stops & recollects himself.)
Brian: Get in. We�re going home.
John: Actually Shorty here had a little run-in with a mad scientist.
Paul: A rich mad scientist!
(They all get in & Brian begins to drive towards home.)
Brian: So? What could we do for him that would make him give us any of his money?
George: Ask very nicely?
John: No you twangy twit. Um�
Paul: We could volunteer ourselves as lab-rats.
Ringo: No we-
Brian: Which way?
John: Thattaway.
Ringo: Hey this isn�t a jo-
(Brian swerves around in a screeching u-turn, throwing the Beatles against the windows & starts to speed in the other direction. Somewhere quite a bit away...)
Paul: That it?
Ringo: No.
John: How �bout that one?
Ringo: Uh, no, not that one. Look, it�s the one with the Captain Obvious sign that says �Mad Scientist Lives Here�!
George: I knew that.
John: Sure thing, George.
(The Mad Scientist�s pad is normal looking on the outside. They go up to the door & hesitate.)
Paul: Open the door, George.
George: You open it!
Brian: Don�t ask me. How about you open it John?
John: How about I stab you in the face with a soldering iron?
Ringo: I might as well. I mean hey, it was horrible & wrong, but if all of you suffer too, I guess it won�t be half bad.
(Ringo rings the doorbell & the mad scientist opens it.)
M. S: Hello? Oh it�s you. Well what is it? Did the check bounce? & you�re back again? I thought you escaped, but I suppose that was a silly notion, wasn�t it?
Ringo: Well I just thought I�d bring in some of my friends since they�re willing to become lab-rats for you.
M. S (Winking conspiratorially at Ringo): What? I�m just some obscure art buyer who appreciated a frozen sculpture & it happened to melt, not a crazy old mad scientist who has a secret underground lab where I did horrible experiments on you.
John: We know you�re a mad scientist, don�t give us that.
Paul: Yeah, we just wanna be lab rats.
M .S: & I suppose you expect some kind of payment, right? Well I just spent �11 million on you last night, so good day!
(The mad scientist tries to close the door on them but John sticks his foot in it, getting it slammed in the process.)
John: FUCK-I mean, um <grunt> We lost your check.
M. S: Yes! I need some lab rats! Now I can just report it missing & it�ll bounce on whoever tries to use it. Come on in! Sorry about your foot�
(They all enter except for Ringo who hesitates at the door.)
George: C�mon Ringo, it�s not like you�ll die or anything. Come on, come on, come on�
(George starts to poke Ringo harshly in the arm.)
George: C�mon, c�mon, c�mon�
Ringo: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow-FOR THE LOVE OF KLORH STOP POKING ME & I�LL GO!
(Ringo & George catch up with the others in the Mad Scientist�s lab. Ringo looks at all the instruments that had tortured him before.)
Ringo: I gotta go guys.
John: Potty? Heh heh�