Simple
August 14, 2002

*This isn't written for any one person. This is for everyone. Please read carefully.

I'm tired of a lot of things. Maybe it's my mood or something that's got me down, but I'm tired. I'm tired of complicated things and things that people make complicated. Why can't things be simple? (Most- there are some exceptions) things are simple. To me. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I think strange. I don't really know. When I see someone I think she is she and he is he. That is how they are. Why complicate things with ooh look at that figure? Why complicate things with look at her face.. the blemishes! Why complicate things with those clothes.. they're (not) in fasion. Lauren is Lauren, Molly is Molly, Carrie is Carrie, Sara is Sara, I am me, Sarah is Sarah, Rachael is Rachael, Mo is Mo, Ellison is Ellison.. Just like black is black, white is white, yellow is yellow, red is red... Why can't that be seen? People are people. They are like that because God made them that way. It doesn't matter about others because each is his own. If Carrie were Sara then would she not be Carrie anymore? So if Carrie adopted Sara's ways, she can't be Carrie. So why do people look at others and try to be like them? They lose what they have. What they were given to make them each other. And it no longer becomes special. They begin to blend and their edges become blurred. And when I see them it becomes hard for me to say he is he or she is she. And I don't like that. It doesnt need to be that way. When you find what you have and realize what you have and are happy with it then your name is in caps. ELLISON, RACHAEL, LAURA, CARRIE, MO, SARA, SARAH, LAUREN, MOLLY. Does each name not stand out from the rest of my text? And you don't like/judge one name out of those 8 from the rest. They are names. That is what they are. It is simple, and so the way is with us. Each and every one of us. What more can i say?!

I can be complicated (lol if you haven't noticed b/c even what i said about being simple can be percieved as somewhat complicated)...but only if i seriously sit down and think about certain matters, which sometimes i do and which is sometimes needed. I love deep conversations with friends. I love messing with my mom's head. The other day she said simply, "I think our new neighbors are weird too." And I said, "Well, since our old neighbors were weird too, maybe we're weird, and they're normal because who said that we were normal to begin with? What if the way we act is the minority in the world, and the way our neighbors act is the majority of the people? Wouldn't that then make us different/weird and them normal?" She kinda looked and me and sighed. Then dad laughed and went off with a twilight zone story lol. Another time my dad and i were getting some sugar for some sweet tea and we so had ourselves confused, it was hilarious. He had told me to get a half of a cup of sugar, but I couldn't find the half cup measuring cup so I asked him if he wanted me to get a half of a full cup? And he was like what? And I said would you mind a half of a full cup as apposed to a full half of a cup. And it was so funny. Mom came in and was like what? And we died out laughing. I also had a deep convo with Carrie in Europe when our beds were pushed together. It was really awesome because we opened up to each other lol until Lauren told us to be quiet, but that's ok because I would have been mad probably if they were talking. In fact I know I would have been.

But you see I like complicated things. I like figuring out how things work and why. Why I ask.. Why? How? I see the world and everything in it as a giant puzzle to put together. A big problem to be solved so I like complicated thigns. But another thing I think is that there are 2 extremes to everything, and once you have both you are happy. So if I am simple sometimes and complicated others then I shall be happy. If I can see the puzzle in both lights then it fits- i think. And that's what I try to do.. and I think if people figured out the other extreme it would help- me included. If you think too much, you stop and go with the flow. If you're too laid back, you become more involved. lol I guess I'm in a complicated mood now trying to explain simplicity. Rather funny if you think about it.

And even by saying this and believing this sometimes I do not follow it. I know what it is, and I try to follow my own guidlines, but it is difficult. It is so easy to pick up and follow a path someone has chopped down for you rather than hacking through that forest yourself. I really really don't like hypocrites and so I try not to be one (lol but I'll save that whole topic for another entry). So if I am a hypocrite, please tell me.. that's the worst thing someone can be in my opinion. Well, I think I'm gonna go. I don't know if I'm gonna write another entry tonight or not, but I will eventually haha. Goodnight and sweet dreams all.

Love,
Lemme