City of Angels
January 26, 2003

I just got done watching a movie- one of the most interesting movies I've ever watched. It's called City of Angels. If you ever feel that there's nothing left in this life for you, nothing left to live for; if your life is a void, then watch this movie. If you truly seek these things then this movie will change you. You will notice the world around and what it is you see. You will feel the things you touch (or at least immediately after watching this movie, but let's at least hope that it will last).

It is so easy to go through the motions of life without stopping; it is so easy to take little things (like vision or food or touch) for granted. Have you ever stopped to look your best friend in the eye? Have you actually looked at the body of a person- the way the shoulders are angled, the square jaw, or the high cheek bones? Have you ever watched the way people do things at certain times- someone tapping his hands or tugging on an earring when he/she's nervous, the wrinkles in the forehead that appear during frustation, the hair that falls in someone's face during moments of concentration.

If a person you love died tomorrow could you say that they knew how much you cared for them? Would you be ready to die tomorrow? Could you say to yourself, "Yes, I lived my life to the fullest (not in the normal sense of fullest but keep reading for what I mean). I am ready to go". Even as a teenager (which most of you are) you need to realize this. Everyone always says, "This is the best time of your life", "Have fun", "Everyone experimented in high school and college", "Worry about that later". No! I say no. Look at the world around you and decide what is right. Screw everyone else. Look at yourself. Why don't you go and do something by yourself for a change? Go and look at something, touch it, and if possible taste it. Look at yourself and your body and your soul. Is it what you want it to be? If not, fix it. Oh we're in adolesence. It is the time where young people follow the crowd; we want to be accepted. Yes, I am still changing and growing up. I've made so many mistakes... but I would not give up the ability to choose for myself and to see the world around me for anything! For being accepted or dressing well or "having fun". I have a challenge for you:

Leave the others behind; step out of their rules. Look at the world around you; make your own rules and then follow them. Hold your head up and say, "Yes, this is what I have chosen- Life."

Love,
Lemme

*I wish I could make this entry longer, but duty calls. If I have time later I will add on to this so check back in a week or so if you're interested. Please talk to me. I would love to talk about this. I wish I could put my heart onto this diary.

*If you're a book person, I would suggest reading The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. However, these are a little different than what I said above. They aren't Christian books, and I don't agree with all of the philosophy, but they do give off a confidence and love for life. They do make you want to observe the world around you. In that way, I suggest that you read them.