News

October 30th 2001
I am currently at home in Leeds for a week, as I have been sent on a weeks enforced leave by the Self Injury unit. I think from what I can gather I have been sent on leave due to having alcohol in my room, (we are not allowed alcohol on the unit) one of the other patients found it in my room on Friday night and decided to help herself! I have also been strugeling to work within the boundaries which are mentioned in my care plans and I have been finding it increasingly difficult to communicate with the staff as to how I am feeling and what is going on for me. I had to come back to Leeds yesterday and I am here until next monday. I am not allowed ot have any contact with the unit over the next week, I think I am going to find this hard but I hope I will be able to use my inner strength to get me through. I have to think about my behaviour whilst on leave. Although I am going to spend a fair bit of time updating this site and bringing the majority of the information up to date as I think the site is becoming outdated which is leaving me frustrated! I had a knee operation last Wednesday on my left knee and it is still very sore. Mum and dad informed me that we are moving house on the 14th of December and I am having mixed thoughts and feelings around this. Parts of me want to move because it wil be a new start and fresh beggining but I am also terrafied of the prospect. Oh well going to scoot to update more of the site. Will write soon.xxx

October 31st 2001
Okay, why I am I unable to sleep? I have been awake since around 5am and it is now 8.30am! I got to bed around 1am! What is wrong with me? I don't really know, I think I am still thinking about Juliet (a friend from online who lived near the unit in London who died last thursday) I just can't believe I will never get any hugs from her again. I am also as I type thinking that I have found myself falling in love! Well a guy who is currently living in the US, who is from the Uk, has been talking to me on messenger for the last 2 days, and I think he is kewl. Erm I am still thinking of things to add to the site and my mind keeps going blank! I guess I will find some photographs of me and add them as the one of me on here is around 18 months - 2years old! Cya all later. xxx

November 1st 2001
Why am I so tierd? I am getting anoyed now its driving me mad! I am feeling wrecked before I even start to move from my bed! I am using all my efforts and energy to prevent myself from self injurying when I know that I really want to do something but know I have lasted since Aug 27th so cant givee in now! Mum wants to go to IKEA when she gets back from work to look at stuff for my new room when we move. I just want to cry but can't so I guess somehow I will just have to plod on. Its is wierd my depression aint that bad yet me is feeling bad?! Life is becoming well a challenge, but at least Im not in the black holes at the moment. Why cant I be normal? or whatever normal is ment to be? grr. 2 much to do today! - cya. xxx

November 2nd 2001
We went to IKEA yesterday and nearly ended up in Manchester, mum missed the turning on the moterway! - typical. I finally found some sort of colour scheme for my rom its goign to be bright ocean colours! I am actually awake this morning, probable because I know my social worker and ot, who I love them both sooooo much are coming round to have a go at me laster on! I could always try and ry in front of them as I am so near to it anyways! My sleep patteren is completly up the wall. I have had roughly 2 hours sleep last night. Oh well, I have lasted another day resisitng my self injury, I wish I could cut but have no energy to hold a blade! Cya soon xxx
Ok it is now lunchtime, they have been and G-d I feel worse, I told them bits of what is going on ie how I just want to cry and how Im freezing but they aint care. TOld em about a few things on teh unit, woould have had a better responce from a brick wall. I want to cry. Oh well my fingers wont type so I better go.xxx

November 5th 2001
Ok, I have to go back to the unit in a few minutes but thought I would leave afew moans here 1st! - I am dreading going back, I don't know what to expect from them and how they are going to be with me. I hope that things can well be resolved a bit as I knjow I have only got 11 weeks left and really do have to start to talk about issues with them or I will sill think I have waisted my time there! I am also dreading my out patients apointment in Bromley tomorrow and really am not looking forward to it. Plus I have got my ward round on wednesday. Oh fun the prospect of this week is so good! At least I am getting away On friday and going to see Andy & Chris! That is if Chris' animals dont eat me! Or I dont get swomped with computers! I better scoot or I will not make it into town and then I will miss a train. Or maybe I should? Rant again soon. Luv me.xx

November 10th 2001
I am currently on weekend leave from the unit. The last week since being back from enforced leave has been very tough. I have felt fairly low all week, my sleep patterns are still a joke and body temperature regulation uis well uncomprehendable. THe unit have also decided that they want me to try adn go without my Ritalin for 2 weeks or so so they are weaning me off it. I am not and I mean not going back on ANY anti depressants or mood stabilisers. I am ibn Newark, at Andy's and we went for a chinease earlier I got very freaked out by the amounts of food and found it very hard having ot eat in front of so many people but I hey I did eat so I guess that is good. The unit also have sused aboout my ed, so in my ward round I ended up asking Jane for help. Just pleaes let her help adn not humiliate me. I have just dyed my hair pink! It loks well I dont really know what colour as it is still very wet. Oh well. Better run things to get done! Luv always mexxx. Oh yeah I still aint self injured.

November 11th 2001
Hey! I am saying the 11th but its only just as its about 2 mins passt midnight! Yesterday was kewl, I bought a talking Kenny (from South Park) and Andy n Chris got me this blue doggy type thing. WE went for a Chinease again tonight, it was good. Went to see Pippa earlier well in effect yesterday that was good too/ Im freaking for some reason when people are behind me and getting very short fused! Oh well, I think I wil live somehow! Better run too much to do.xxxxx

November 12th 2001
Oh well I am stil at Andy's, the gner trains are messed up because of the weather. Why is it ok for the sky to cry but not for me? Or rather a baby can cry and I can't.. I have had enough of my head as well. I feel a tiny but more positive. I know the unit are going to be mad at me as tommorow is Tuesday and we are ment top go back on a sunday! Oh well. I still havent self injured Its been 76 days! Never mind. Got to get my head clearer. xxx